breadonastick69

[breadonastick69]

Das Leben ist ein bißchen härter als sonst, aber immerhin schön. Ich hab es gut.

[breadonastick69]

I brushed my teeth again after 3 days and it feels orgasm worthy. Omg I feel so clean

[breadonastick69]

How do I stop having emotions at work? How do I do that?!??!

Genuinely wtf!!???

Like hearing feedback hurts. It is uncomfortable. It is hard to accept. I am a kind of person who can't keep themselves from arguing.

How am I supposed to completely turn that off when I work? I don't even know what I was just told, the feedback I just got. What was it supposed to mean?

[breadonastick69]

How do you show competence? How do you show people that you can do more than they think you can?

They clearly have a warped perception of you. The way you present yourself makes them think you're unable to live up to your full potential. So how do you show them what you can do?

[breadonastick69]

I recently started downloading the sims 4 again. Even though I really want to play infinity nikki (game keeps on crashing eueueu) it at least is some way to relax and spend time on myself.

I am also really looking forward to Wednesday as I will have a very calm afternoon. And in the morning I get to complain about my workplace to my boss. Which is exciting.

Also, I have been getting back into Klance? How? No idea. But that shit is jucy. And now I wanna rewatch voltron teheh

[breadonastick69]

Recently I received my first bit of actual praise from my teacher. Giving people the sense that they are strong and worthy seems to be a foreign concept for her. I also had to kind of press that compliment out of her. I had to go "uhm if I'm honest, I did put in a lot of effort recently" (more than I already do, mind you) and she _finally_ said "Oh yeah, I noticed you were improving."

Thank you.

Jesus.

Could you have not said that the last 5 times I broke down crying? Wtf.

I swear, these people are not meant to work with adults. They work in kids education and damn- understanding personal growth and praise while working with struggling adults? No, they do not.

[breadonastick69]

Work has been a bit better recently. I have come to term with how its a shitty situation and that I can push through. Also I finished a big task yesterday so now I feel a lot more relaxed.

So relaxed, in fact, I forgot to put on my watch today. I also slept in (totally did not jerk off for too long or smth) and got to work late.

Sucks, since I now have to stay for 30 minutes longer than I usually do. But overall I'm actually pretty proud of myself. This is the second time in 2 Months in which I was late. Meaning I've been quite punctual, which is very difficult for me. I'm proud of myself.

[breadonastick69]

Calling in sick to work for having a cold instead of being mentally ill

[breadonastick69]

In Germany we have this word "Dösen". I always forget how comforting and relaxing it is to just close your eyes, tale in your surroundings and let your thoughts wander. A simple 10 minute nap like that can clear your mind and help you process the events of the day/week. I love it.

[breadonastick69]

I just want the comfort and safety of my own private space, thank you very much.

[breadonastick69]

I used to not be sure how I feel about children. I used to dispise thinking about them simply because the mere thought of a pregnancy, or the loss of autonomy scared me to death.

Now I have to work with children. And I'm realizing that even though I don't hate them, I kinda don't get them. Like- they can be cute from time to time. But it's such a struggle to communicate with them. To figure out what they want. To talk in an adequate voice and not use difficult words. To give direct answers and seem confident while not seeming harsh.

It's so odd. So weird. So unnatural to me to interact with children.

Maybe... writing that Haikaveh fic where they build a family with ratio, anaxa and moze might be a good idea after all. No promises that it will be a very positive story. But I think for processing... for figuring out how i want things to feel- to work out. That would be great.

[breadonastick69]

I hate being sick. Or rather, wanting some time out without being physically sick. Like- I would still feel bad if I was down with the flu. But now? Where I don't even feel horrible?

No, that's not right... I feel horrible. I feel like absolute shit.

But it's a mental ailment so it seems insignificant.

I should know better though. I am a therapist after all.... or at least trying to be.