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maybe if i go to sleep tonight i will never wake up again

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The people who i tought really cared about me havent spoken to me in nearly 2 months.

I know i fucked up, but damn. At least tell me you hate me instead of faking it or ghosting me.

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When will I learn my lesson? Stop reaching out to people. They don't give a fuck.

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bpd thing #272992: latching onto something then replaying it OVER and OVER til you literally wanna stab yourself in the temple

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You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it. 

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I guess we’ll never know 🤷🏼‍♀️

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warning signs of a BPD episode

you start to feel atypically upset

you start to feel irrational anger or hatred

you start to feel as if your emotions are taking over your rational thinking but can't do much or anything to help it

you start to zone out of reality, can be both physically and mentally

you start to see your favourite person as malicious

you start to hyperfocus on your emotions or can't focus at all

you start to think nobody does and will ever understand you

you start to feel extremely restless and fidgety

you start to feel hopelessly pessimistic

you start to feel intense paranoia over abandonment

you start to feel urges to do impulsive, atypical things

you start to crave chaos in the moment

note that this may not be the same for everyone! this is just my own experience and a few others'.

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:( :/

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Cluster b culture is someone actually being supportive and caring for once and telling you you can tell them anything..... but still hiding the worst parts of yourself because you know they'd leave if you did

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Me, rotting in bed for 48 hours: wow this is nice <3