cadaverthesneaky

[cadaverthesneaky]

I know it's implied that Alfred cleans all the sheets/makes the beds in the Manor (or shares that task with the Batfamily) but imagine being the Manor maid/housekeeper who's legally bound by some insane NDA to never reveal how batshit (heh) crazy the laundry service is in Bruce Wayne's house. there is dried blood and mud and random shit everywhere. there are stains she cannot get out even with industrial strength bleach and nonstop scrubbing. she thought taking a job with a billionaire with kids meant she'd be cleaning kids' beds and maybe the occasional post-fling gross bedsheets in Mr. Wayne's room, but nope. she's down in the basement with his butler staring at a mystery acid stain trying to decide how to cut it out to save Mrs. Wayne's old embroidered sheets from certain death. they have ten minutes, maybe twelve. the acid hole is getting larger. it's bright green. Pennyworth doesn't even look surprised. he just tells her to get the shears out and save what she can.

[cadaverthesneaky]

redrew one of my favorite panels :3

[cadaverthesneaky]

crack fic idea where Dick has to take over for Bruce on patrol last minute in the suit and nobody thinks to give Selina a heads up so she corners Dick-as-Batman on a rooftop and gets .5 seconds through her ridiculously sexual opening line before her eyes widen, she physically backtracks, and they both stare at each other in horror as they realize, simultaneously, exactly what was about to happen.

(Selina has a minor crisis and has to be consoled [“I knew you when you were eleven”] and Dick tries to make it better by saying he isn’t that much younger than Bruce. which makes it much, much worse)

[cadaverthesneaky]

Martha Wayne's ghost: Thomas for the love of god put the wrench down-

Thomas Wayne's ghost: he's butchering my *baby*

Martha, desperately holding onto her husband's arm: it's a car!

Thomas: IT'S A 1974 CHEVY-

*ghost fight ensues, Bruce is blissfully unaware as he headbangs to emo rock and welds bat wing fins to the car*

[cadaverthesneaky]

Tim, listening to Nirvana while working, maybe probably definitly singing along:

Bruce: Oh... I think I saw them live one time.

Tim: Nirvana?

Bruce: Yeah. Some friends from college dragged me along.

Tim: ...

Tim: You realize I have to kill you now, right?

Bruce "passivly suicidal" Wayne: Okay.

[cadaverthesneaky]

Morning warmup 🐈‍⬛

[cadaverthesneaky]

ha?

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot” in their ask box

[cadaverthesneaky]

I love your fics, they make my day! "Did you hear? Stephen Strange - of all people - has gotten an apprentice! That poor guy! As if a hole in his chest wasn't enough!" or: Tony has to learn magic from Stephen (who has a reputation of being difficult to learn from).

“It’s an injustice, is what it is!”

Wong looked up, glaring at the master—Master Nestor—loudly talking in the corner. In the library. Where was the respect?

“The Ancient One has her reasons,” Master Lent. “She always does.”

“She sent the poor guy to Strange,” Nestor said. “Don’t get me wrong, the man is talented, no one can deny that. But he’s… he’s an asshole. And he doesn’t know how to teach. He just expects people to know exactly what he means as though it’s that easy.”

Wong narrowed his eyes. They were talking about Stephen and the novice that the Ancient One had personally assigned to him. Wong was one of the few people that had been told that it was Tony Stark, here on a last-ditch effort to learn how to purge heavy metal from his body, and currently calling himself ‘Anthony’. He wasn’t sure how everyone else didn’t recognize him—it was Tony Stark—but suspected the Ancient One was behind it. Wong never quite understood the Ancient One’s plans. He trusted her regardless.

As it was, he’d heard plenty about the situation. Stephen had ranted for days about how he wasn’t a teacher and why couldn’t Wong or another Master take Stark on.

“To be fair,” Lent said. “For Master Strange it always has appeared to be that easy, once he turned the corner. Sometimes it’s hard to explain each step of the process when you just… see the end result, everything flowing together.”

“Of course you’d defend him,” Nestor said. “He’s utterly unaware of your attraction to him, you know.”

“Shut up Nestor,” Lent said, unbothered. “I respect him, that’s all.”

Nestor snorted. “I’m just saying, the poor guy has enough to deal with, what with the giant, gaping hole in his chest. The Ancient One could have at least have given him someone reasonable to learn from.”

Wong might have agreed, if it weren’t for the fact that Stephen’s irritation hadn’t lasted a week. No one else ever quite followed Stephen’s train of thought—not even Wong, who probably understood Stephen best—but Stephen had been brimming with energy because Stark understood how Stephen thought.

Still stubborn beyond all belief, according to Stephen, but Stephen just considered that a challenge to get Stark to ‘see the light’.

No. Whatever the Ancient One had seen in Stark, Stephen really had been the perfect match. 

[cadaverthesneaky]

Sentient Gotham, who has always loved Bruce as her special-est boy, also loved Robin, but was kinda neutral with Tim.

"Is that why?! Because I wasn't born here?!!" Red Robin screams off the side of a building. "Dick wasn't either!!!"

Nothing explicitly happens, but Tim can feel the city shrugging. He kicks an air conditioning unit. (It fucking hurts.)

[cadaverthesneaky]

Carry

[cadaverthesneaky]

I feel like when Tim is annoyed at any of the others, he'll make it his personal mission to hunt them down during patrols to take sneaky photos of them, like when he was younger with Batman & Robin, and take really dumb photos of them:

His twitter being his personal release:

@ RealRedRobin: Nightwing eating shit:

@ RealRedRobin: Batman talking to his only friends:

@ RealRedRobin: Nightwing and co. eating shit pt. 2:

@ RealRedRobin: Robin!Damian eating shit:

@ RealRedRobin: Redhood being a fucking dumbass:

@ RealRedRobin: RedHood swan-diving to his second death:

And then his Tim D. Wayne twitter/Tumblr reblogs his.

[cadaverthesneaky]

guess who's back

(I hope)

[cadaverthesneaky]

may i do a small request which is... moon knight..... let the vengeances have revenge or something.........

#41: Batman kissing Moon Knight

[cadaverthesneaky]

HELP SUPERMAN'S DOING THE DEAD PETER GRFFIN POSE

(It was stated in the comments, I just wanted to share <3)

[cadaverthesneaky]

[cadaverthesneaky]

yupperz i stealz

later...

[cadaverthesneaky]

Batman moves freakishly fast. it’s not that he moves faster than you can see, or faster than a speeding bullet like Superman — it’s that he’s 6’2, 220 lbs full of muscle and he can move so quickly, so soundlessly, that it sets every human’s instincts on edge. Batman is terrifying because any reminder that the man underneath the mask is human somehow doesn’t make it better, it makes it worse, because what the fuck—