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new propaganda campaign just dropped (now an actual print!)

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Last night I had a dream that jerma died in a car crash live on stream and for some reason the video still got posted on YouTube and everyone in the comments was saying "RIP jerma you would have been 31 💔"

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Prisonner of your own mind ⛓️

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NO I WANTES ERNEST TO WIN YOU MEANIES

POTENTIAL MUSE ADDITION POLL.

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Silly horse

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wait why are these horses so cool

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UNBREAKABLE STRIDE, Jovial Merryment (I hate you so much)

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Me, explaining my reasoning around bringing a side character into an rp: I wanted something ancient, you know?

Alex: other than yourself?

Me:

Alex: :)

Me:

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Once upon a time…

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custom rainbow aardvark i made for a friend

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I am now offering CHARACTER DESIGN COMMISSIONS!

You can send me 3-5 images as the theme and any further specifications, and I will design a character for you!

Send in this form to order!

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i'm so glad flashpoint exists. i love flash games

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encounter with an angel

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"ALL I KNOW, IS THAT IM GOING TO START LIVING EVERY DAY"

Soul, a movie released in 2020, a time where I feel my own personal uncertainty was not the most major thing happening at the moment, is a movie that has continued to persist as one of my top 5 movies of all time. For a movie that was released only as a Disney plus exclusive, and had racial discourse upon release, why has it hit so hard for me?

I'll tell you why.

When it was first released, I watched it at a horse camp I was teaching at. I was 17 at the time and was very uncertain about my place in the world. I wanted to be a teacher, an agriculture teacher to be exact, and originally I thought the movie stood out to me for that simple reason. But the more I've thought about it, the more I'm certain it means more than that.

Horses were, and are still- though to a lesser degree, a massive part of my life. I was very fixated on everything equestrian related, from welfare to riding and everything in between. If it had to do with anything equine, I was obsessed. When I had the opportunity to teach at this camp, I was thrilled. I got to teach kids the joys that horses had brought me, teach them to not just ride but to respect the animal they're bonding with and how to care for them both physically and mentally.

I think I felt like Joe Gardner, the main character in that movie, exposing these curious minds to the hard labor but the ecstatic payoff of feeling that connection with such an otherworldly animal. We had taken a lunch break at noon, we're based in Florida so we had to stop in the heat of the afternoon for everyone's sake, and the kids all crowded around the tv while I made them grilled cheese and tomato soup, with plenty of water on the side. We took an extended lunch break to watch this movie, they were enthralled with it, and I was too. I felt like I was teaching these kids my version of jazz, an interpretive mix of music and physical sensation. To get into that zone, to feel like you're flying, to feel like you're one with an animal, it's like nothing else. But I think that's a surface level comparison, a very 17 year old take to be honest.

I've watched it every year, at least one time, in the five years since its release, and I think it gains a new meaning for me every year. To keep this post actually readable, for the two people that will read it, I'll skip to the feelings I manifested from it on my viewing tonight.

I don't have as much empathy for Joe as I used to, I understand the feeling of grinding your life away and finally feeling like you're reaching an end goal, just to have it snatched from under you, and doing anything to get it back. But I truly believe he becomes no better than the lost souls in the zone, the closer that the big show gets. He actively ignores and manipulates the child who's the only reason he's even back on earth to begin with, I think 22 is absolutely in the right to bolt away from him.

This is besides the total point of my feelings here though. About how the spark isn't a spark, but is just a realization about being ready to live. It makes me think about my life, which I guess is partially the point of the film.

I lived most of my life just doing what my life forced on me, school and a barn job, as well as babysitting and farmsitting as the opportunity gave itself to me. But around a year and a half ago, it felt like I had my "spark" moment when I finally gained real consciousness and started living.

When I went on my first date with my boyfriend, I was very socially awkward and aware of everything I did. He is not like that which, at the time, was terrifying. We'd walk the mall and he'd be super loud and excited, he'd be truly himself. It's the first time I think I really fell in love with someone's everything. Over the course of a day, he never slowed down. We found reasons to keep the date going, spent the night together even though it was our first time meeting in person, and spent the next day together too until it was too late to go on any longer.

I felt like 22, finally seeing the sun coming through the leaves, enjoying the noise of everything and the way the world exists. Enjoying the little things and the big, enjoying regular old living. I think I feel my feelings now, the grass on my feet and the sweat on my back, the wind in my hair and the beat in my chest. I laugh in public now, I dance and hug, kiss and hold. I actually live now. Which I can't say I've done in the twenty years id lived up to that point. I think if sparks are real, or rather if you have to feel ready to live to actually do it, I've successfully done it. And it's thanks to him.

// @fledermaus-art