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you know that trope that's like "the quiet character snaps and everybody stops fighting and goes all serious and is really nice to them and they all finally listen to eachother"? fucking bullshit. In real life people let the always-angry person say whatever the hell they want all the time because they're tired of trying and then when the quiet one snaps they finally have someone to release all their rage onto and the whole day is ruined and the quiet one remembers why they're quiet and it goes on like that forever and ever the end.
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Does anybody know what it's like to be treated like you're stupid no matter fucking what just because you're nice and a bit timid. Take me seriously. I'm hanging on by a thread. I am smart.
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hmm
I hate that I'm more likable when I'm drunk. A friend of mine was like "holy shit Cas is the funniest person ever - when you get a drink down him". Haven't rly been able to stop thinking about it. Basically having a drink or two kinda slows down my brain and i can get my thoughts out faster and come up with jokes quicker. It quiets the noise. I text all the people I've been putting off texting for lack of focus or my brain being too full to think of a response. I go from being too Brain Loud to have emotions to feeling every ounce of love and joy in the universe. I um. think I might need to get my adhd looked into properly because wow. I'm not an alcoholic by any means, I only drink once or twice every few months and it's usually just a social thing. Zero issues with alcohol whatsoever. But all of that does make me feel some kinda way.
#haven't used my sideblog in a long time#still has my deadname in the handle lmao#but yknow sometimes I gotta say some shit
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I'm not superstitious but things do tend to go wrong every Friday 13th
#i cycled to and from my lectures basically in a monsoon#got back indoors both times like id just been in the sea in all my clothes#and also i didn't get my laptop back from the repair center like i hoped :(
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I've fucked up my writing so bad. I haven't checked my comic Google doc in so long and I've learned far too much about writing in the meantime and I literally can't look at this. Every character is so annoying. It's like as soon as I start writing I forget who these people are and random modern-disney-adorkable-girl just spews forth. I write like a runaway train. anything and everything Get It On The Page before I lose motivation QUICK. I panic-joke and they're all terrible. I wouldn't read this. There's no plot by the way. I don't know what's gonna happen plot-wise.
This is one for the side blog, I am so sorry if you enjoy Demon's Advocate. I do too at its core, I've just fucked it big time.
I am... kinda excited about the prospect of a full overhaul though? Starting right from the beginning and working my way up the right way. Genre. Target audience. Mood. Art direction. Character arcs. Full story beats mapped out from beginning to end. Fully thought out world building. Foreshadowing. Twists. We are going to get this scaffolding Rock Solid and THEN we can have fun filler anywhere in between. The plot can take its TIME I just need to Have One.
#university may have taught me something after all#the production pipeline babeyy!!! developmental material!! planning is FUN.#man i need to wrangle my characters with a lasso. who are you people?? stop doing random shit! behave!
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Sittin here watching my deliveroo driver get hopelessly lost on the mini map 😶
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I've had enough of being surrounded by bigotry now, where are my libfuck SJWs. Hold me.
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Manifesting.........
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I hate how academia makes me feel about myself
#it's like chasing an ever-moving goal#I used to never get anything above a C. usually less.#and now in uni I'm fretting about being 3 marks off of an A#I don't NEED an A. Why do I care so much#I just.#that was the best I could've done. I put in everything I've got#they give you so fucking many assignments all at once so you gotta half-ass everything to get it all done#and it's garbage#it's all garbage#this is NOT the best work I can produce#I'm just forced to make shit and more shit and more shit and it's shit#I can do better. I can do so much better. I NEED. TIME. stop giving me useless busy work!! stop forcing quantity over quality!!#cut the amount of tasks in half and they will be GOOD.#I'm SO SAD that I have to make ugly unfinished shite!#I'm NOT bad at what I do. but you need to give me TIME to do what I do! but now I just think that I suck at art and animation!#because everything I make DOES suck!#I'm tired. I got a B. that's not bad.#I just know that all my other assignments will be graded worse because I put in so much less work so I could get this one done.#I thought if I got an A for this one that maybe the others that are objectively worse might scrape a B or a C#but now idek if I'll pass.
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Jesus christ, I never heard Andrew Tate speak until recently (because I value my sanity)- How did anybody listen to this guy, he has one of the most grating voices I’ve ever heard
#now I realize this is due to his upbringing but he sounds like a british person mocking an amrerican or vice versa#*clumsy american twang* bo'oh'o'wa'er#sounds like he's got a boiled egg in the back of his throat
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ohohoh I LOVE it when everybody’s making the most loud annoying sounds in the world right outside my room for hours and I can’t go anywhere to escape it :))
#whose idea was it to build a bedroom that's practically in the kitchen#you all have massive bedrooms GO. away#manifesting my own private home manifesting my own private home m-#I need to live alone I need to live alone I need to live alone I need to live alone I need-
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#my bedroom is right next to the kitchen#i turn off my music when there's people in there#but they be playing tiktoks in the kitchen at 3am
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I’ve done fuckall today. Drunk-cried until 5am, woke up at 4pm, then stared at my laptop for the next 8 hours. I have an entire film, 3 portfolios and an essay due in next month.
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Wooghf goddamn, bitch. I swear I used to be able to sing better than this lmao
#use it or loose it I guess?#got made fun of for always singing the same songs while learning the guitar so I vowed to only sing when I had the house to myself#turns out that doesn't happen often#this week is the first time I've played the guitar and sang in. years#not so good!#I can still keep time and do both at the same time yk but my goodness I sound like a 6 year old#I wanna get back into this and learn how to do it better but I need privacy which is in ridiculously short supply#also fun fact the only songs I remember how to play are the ones I'd do over and over and over back then#which is what you HAVE to do to make it STAY in your brain#case and point yknow
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Tells a story, don’t it.
#I just deleted 3000 emails#full. of. WHAT!!!!!#I will never ever ever buy more storage this is an actual scam
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I’m trying very hard not to think about the amount of money I’ve spent this week. Taxi, pizza, binder, bowling. Never buying anything ever again
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hohough I’m still out here tryna pretend I’m not transmasc. Cringe.
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