cbrowns1-blog

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I almost forgot to post this, so here’s a belated happy 10 year anniversary to Critical Role!

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It's been a long, long time

since I've seen my face in your eyes

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What's stronger than death?

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And that's a wrap on my official VM art!

I am still so so amazed by all of this.

We have truly come full circle: It was art of Vax that first made me watch CR and now here we are years later, me drawing official Vax?!Thanks for all the intense critter support over the years, folks < 3

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Thoughts on Vax in C3 114

“Do not mistake me. I long for our life.”

Now this is from someone who’s still new to CR and getting into the gameplay vs. the show. I loved this though because for all that Keyleth feels he’s choosing the Matron over her, here he makes it clear that yes, he’s making a choice to continue serving the Matron but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love Keyleth any less and if there was a space where they could have a life, he would have it with her. It’s heartbreaking but needed to be said and part of why we love Vax so much, his commitment, self-sacrifice and honor. He’s not giving up on the promise he made to the Matron but also not giving up on the love he has for Keyleth. You can make a choice that separates you from someone you love and Vax did that several times so that the ones he loves could thrive, it’s what makes him so honorable, why we like his character so much and want him to have a happy ending but ironically it may be why he’s deprived of that very thing because he gave up his happiness for that of others. It doesn’t mean though that he doesn’t see that future and wish for it with Keyleth.

I’m still holding out that CR might come through and give these two a happier end but it’s up to their players. With so many fans who love them and have watched them suffer, along with CR, I feel it would be justified to let Vax come back in some way and he and Keyleth go on to live the rest of their immortality together, even off-game so the players can retire their characters. Bring them back for cameos like the others, let us see glimpses of their happiness but I think letting them finally have a break from the grief would be more than earned after all the time spent going back and forth on their ending.

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The “what if keyleth got pregnant from this last night she and vax have together” thing I’ve seen a few people float is so viscerally uncomfortable to me for several reasons—it’s a horror story from keyleth’s perspective and it’s DEEPLY awful to perceive a whole-ass child as “something to remember him by.” Like, caring for your child with a love you lost and seeing the child as a reminder of them is how we get Syldor Vessar. Not that Keyleth would be as bad as him, but so many of the posts I see about it are acting like a child is a memento/object instead of a whole person.

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“The children would love to meet you. And finally find out how much I’m embellishing the memory of you.”-Percy

Campaign 3 Episode 114: Fight for the Bloody Bridge

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“The children would love to meet you. And finally find out how much I’m embellishing the memory of you.”-Percy

Campaign 3 Episode 114: Fight for the Bloody Bridge

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“far, but not gone”

campaign 3 era. keyleth can't let vax go.

WORDS: 525

-------

Vax can’t be gone. 

Because they have convened with the gods, and are favored by them. Because Vex glows with the Dawnfather’s light and Pike communes with Sarenrae regularly and they’ve been to the domain of the gods too. How can that be true, but the Matron cannot be reasoned with?

Vax cannot be gone, because Keyleth herself has died, turned to gore and blood and broken bone, and risen seconds later, and this is true of Vex and Percy and Pike and Grog and Scanlan and so many others close to them too. They have returned from death so many times, across decades and countless perils, and Vax, no less strong or resilient than the rest of them, surely cannot be the exemption.

They’re too powerful. They can kill with a single blow or manipulate the world around them with a wave of their hands. They’ve slain dragons, the seven of them, and stopped a would-be god. How many people on Exandria owe their lives to Vox Machina? How many times did they beat impossible odds and overcome forces a group of chucklefucks had no business defeating? They wear the tools of the gods on their bodies. They are chosen by the gods, too. They have done too much and come too far to lose someone so important to them

Vax isn’t gone; there are still ravens. She can’t walk through Zephrah without seeing half a dozen black birds. She wakes each morning to ravens cawing; more often than not, there are feathers on her windowsill. And there are snowdrops everywhere, whether she grows it or not. He’s everywhere, not gone. 

And he wouldn’t be the first to return when all others dismissed their life. Her mother- for decades, everyone else insisted she was dead- came back to Keyleth, like she knew she would. Like Vilya had promised. And that wound healed.

He can’t be gone, because he has family who cannot never know their uncle and namesake. Vax would never leave his family behind; he would never not know the faces of his five nieces and nephews. 

He would never leave his sister. He would never tear apart Vox Machina, leave a gaping hole in their group. He would know how awful it was when one of them was downed for longer than a few seconds, when Scanlan left. He would never do that to them.

Or her. He’d never do that to her, because he loves her. Because he knows how much it took for her to let him in, for that first leap of faith in admitting she loved him. He, Vax’ildan, the love of her life, could never ever betray the trust she put in him when she gave him her heart. The man she loves, who turned her world upside down, who believed in her before she believed in herself, who loved her so deeply in return, will never truly be gone. He promised; she holds him to it.

She holds him to it. She is still Vax’s lover, his beloved. Vax would love her for it; for holding him accountable, for holding onto hope. She cannot let go.

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cannot believe we're living in the timeline where the fleeting hope of Vax being able to stay is real

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One thing I think we need to remember is that Matt as the matron said, "The night is yours." NOT you have one night.

He said it this way bc MN and BH are doing their missions at the same time as this mission and he doesn't know how it'll go. There multiple ways for it to go.

But, Liam i think would like to give his 1st character a happy ending. Vax and keyleth aren't the same and probably won't be. But, they would be alive and figuring out. Whatever that entails.

Dont lose hope. The cast just misheard/misunderstood the comments made by the matron.

Vax and Keyleth will get their happy ending with a hint of sadness for the time taken from them even if the world ends the following day. At least they got this one night.

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Listen I'm just gonna say it...

LET MY BIRD STAY FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY

I can't take anymore heartbreak. Let him staaaaaayyyyyyy.

I have cried enough over this character. Let him get his happy ending. For fucks sake. Hahaha

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fuck the holy mission. Vax wants to be told he can stay with his family. let him fucking stay.

It's been years. (30 in game, 8 above table.) None of them are the same (neither VM nor the cast themselves). Vax is still alive. To be alive means to change.

he can want to live again. who are you to say the desire for life is out of character? give him permission to stay, can't you see he's waiting, hovering, guilty for dying and in pain at never being a part of their lives again, this lonely thief who couldn't bear the thought of his loved ones dying and stole time for them however he could

he's too afraid to hope, just like keyleth is. they have been in pain for decades. they're not the same and they never will be, but if he gets to stay, then they'll be able to start heal.

Keyleth and Vax would have a completely different dynamic if they were lovers now. That's fine. Honestly they don't even have to be together. They're both alive. Change is life.

Vax is not Molly. He is not dead. If he chooses to stay, don't condemn him for asking to breathe.

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Hot take? But, I am okay with Vax coming back. It's been 10 years i. Real life and 31 in game. Maybe not without consequences and he is back willy nilly. But, give my keyleth her man for at least a little while. I have had to live with all of C1 for a longing time now I hope that there is hope for the Champion.

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He's Still Gone, I'm Still Here

So a Twitter friend of mine asked for a vignette of Keyleth dealing with the PTSD of her time in Vox Machina, and my mind kept going back to something that Matt had said and that Marisha had loved. And from that came this.

---

Twelve hours later…

She lies in her bed, the massive furred form of Trinket curled up around her, protecting her as though she were one of his cubs. She can still hear the songs of the people of Vasselheim outside her window, singing of victory and gratitude. But she still feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

Two weeks later…

She lies in her bed, too exhausted to wash away the dust and blood from her foray into Pandemonium. She can still the voice of an elven woman in the back of her mind, talking of loss and comfort and pain. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

Eight months later…

She lies in her bed, her eyes fixed upon the massive cherry blossom tree that stands in the distance. She remembers the slight weight of a raven on her shoulder, its cool feathers beneath her fingers, its beak against her cheek. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

Six months later…

She lies in her bed, the covers pulled tightly over her head, though she can still smell the warm, salt-kissed sea breeze of Shamal Bay outside, still hear the soft susurring of the waves against the shore. She can still hear that voice, that beloved, beautiful voice, so warm against her ear as her own words failed her. So many things she wanted to say, and so few moments to say them. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

Days and months and years later…

She lies in her bed, guilt tearing her in two, the warring emotions of joy and love and grief and anger and regret and frustration burning the tears from her eyes. She can still hear her mother's voice, not just a memory anymore but real, but deep, deep down, she wishes it had been someone else coming through that tree, running to her, arms outstretched, pulling her close. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

Another year later…

She lies in her bed, eyes and nose red from crying, the taste of too much ale in her mouth from celebrating the completion of the Crisis Orbs and the Widow's Garden and the Snowdrop Memorial Trail. She can still hear Percy and Vex's speeches, and then afterward, in private, their shared grief and mourning. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

And another year later…

She lies in her bed, wounded and exhausted beyond all imagining after the attack, the smell of blood and death and rage still simmering in the air like heat above the desert. She can still hear the cries and wails and chants and prayers from outside as soul after Ashari soul are sung to the afterlife, but she also can still hear, whether real or just her imagination, the sound of feathered wings rushing just behind her, out of sight. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

Six years later…

She lies in her bed, battered, poisoned, clinging to life, though whether out of a desire to live or a refusal to die or sheer spite against Ludinus Da'leth and Otohan Thull and Liliana Temult, she cannot say. She can hear the anxious whispers of her retainers, of the herbalists, of the Master of Defense marshalling the Tempest Blades, but even louder in her ears, drowning out all else, she hears an agonized scream that echoes unrelentingly in her memory. And still she feels the cold, still feels the emptiness.

He's still gone. I'm still here.

A few months later…

She lies in her bed, the massive furred form of Trinket curled up around her, protecting her as though she were one of his cubs. She can still hear the songs of the people of Vasselheim outside her window, singing of hope and of faith. But now she feels the cold turn to fire, feels the emptiness filled by a singular, all-consuming, all-encompassing purpose, and a familiar rage that burns hotter than the sun.

He's... he's... I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here I'm still here I'mstillhereI'mstillhereI'mstillhere...

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...soooo when are we getting the Vox Machina saves Vax one shot??

Just saying Matt's alluded to Keyleth going to save a friend a few times now...

Gimme old, retired Vox Machina with a rage filled Keyleth, divorced Scanlon/Pike, Grog (probably the same?), and old man Percival + his beloved Vex'ahlia taking up arms to save their boy.

Let my bird boy be free of his orb! 🐦‍⬛⚫

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⚫ Vax has been an Orb for 425 days ⚫

⚫ Un-orb my boy ⚫