cellulo1dscenes

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when i type out a 300 word vent and c.ai gives me THIS for the 4th time in a day 🙄

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various causes of death (shitpost)

missing fuzzy socks and slippers combo

late night brain syndrome

strawberries were left in the fridge too long

he/him girlfriend does not actually exist in real life

not enough silk pillows

i knew who i was this morning but i've changed a few times since then

perfectly ripe figs are hard to come by

too many novels

cant journal without trying to convince my journal im a cool person

havent seen the sea in a while

they had killed themselves over our dying forests, over manatees maimed by propellers as they surfaced to drink from garden hoses; they had killed themselves at the sight of used tires stacked higher than the pyramids; they had killed themselves over the failure to find a love none of us could ever be. in the end, the tortures tearing the lisbon girls pointed to a simple reasoned refusal to accept the world as it was handed down to them, so full of flaws

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butterflies would be such a cool special interest to have. hes a king for real

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hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god

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my dumb little review of The Fourth State of Matter

this essay is apparently controversial. i understand why, we like to try to find answers to questions about writing about trauma and loss, attributing feelings to killers, whether to number the shooter in the death count. i say ethics is a figment of our society and its paradigms. and side note: im guessing beard's personal mental health and life experiences and just her job as a writer leads her to contextualize gang lu's actions. for example, some people's ocd likes to convince them that theyre bigots, fetishists, sexual offenders, serial killers, etc. i dont think contextualizing his actions was wrong. it makes us upset and it makes us think. in fact, if this shooting were a fictional event (unfortunately, it is not) i think it would be acceptable to fully empathize with him.

anyway, i love this essay man. its just beautiful. i loved how she used free association to evoke certain images and ideas. plus, it was such a great idea for beard to weave in the story about her dog, her husband, and the squirrels, allowing us to contrast her experience with the shooting with these three other encounters with death or loss. i also loved her use of rich layered motifs. some of my favorites from the fourth state of matter are: scale. distance. space and earth. nature. words, letters, numbers, and voice. consciousness. true love. humanity. eyes and the gaze. projection.

my favorite thing about beard's wonderfully intentional use of motifs is that they come together in this very intricate way, which beard uses as the basis of an interrogation about the extent to which we can understand the minds of other people and the way our subconscious and the limitations of language interferes with our ability to articulate the internal landscape and humanity, or a lack thereof.

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Fernando Pessoa, from The Book of Disquiet

Text ID: By thinking so much, I became echo and abyss. By delving within, I made myself into many.

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betrothed to someone i cant have

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busy listening to lana del rey and thinking about

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aging backward in a feminine psycho nicole dollanganger way

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hate when i try to make today better than yesterday and fail. every single time. i need like a week to daydream and write silly spooky stories and watch artsy movies