cerealoates

[cerealoates]

Things I Like (at the moment, in eights, and order)

TV Shows

The Midnight Gospel   

Ozark

Black Mirror

Steven Universe

Gravity Falls

Adventure Time

Unorthodox

Hunter x Hunter

Movies

V for Vendetta

Fight Club

Shutter Island

Inglourious Basterds

Ex Machina

Parasite

Secret Window

Black Swan

Singers/Bands

LADY GAGAAAAA

Hozier ♡

Panic! At the Disco

Fall Out Boy

Halsey

Marina and the Diamonds

Lorde

Taylor Swift

Foods

Cereal (Honey Bunches of Oats)

Thanksgiving dinner (stuffing!)

Pitas from Pita Pit

ice creaaaam!

chow mein noodles (yas Wok Box)

sandwiches (w turkey and honey mustard!)

ravioli  yumm

stir fry :)

Books

Hamlet by William Shakespeare

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (AWESOME)

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

As You Like It by William Shakespeare

The Shining by Stephen King

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo 

The Sonnets by William Shakespeare

Places to Visit

Japan

Vancouver

New Orleans

(back to) New York

Denmark

Sweden

South Korea

Switzerland

Some random info I decided to share

I am obsessed with coffee and it always brings a smile to my face. The best brand is Bones Coffee, which can be found online.

I love Shakespeare and I read and re-read it for fun because the stories are so brilliant

I’m not a huge fan of steak or beef, and could live on just poultry and fish

I think candles are beautiful and like to collect them

Fall is the best season

The new salted chocolate Cif bars are my current means of sustenance.

Lamborghinis, Ferraris and the like are overrated.

 I am very behind in life

I am not afraid of anything except

being alone      never finding anyone for me    being abandoned   getting really sick again    not amounting to anything

if you have more prompts you want answered, send away in the ask box.

[cerealoates]

Are you currently in a relationship? If no, would you want to be?

No, I regret to say that I am not currently in a relationship. I would love to be in one, but I’ve always seemed to have struggled in this area. I don’t know if it’s me, or what, but it can be a little frustrating. Like I said in my previous post, I would just love to have someone to share my passions and to relax and read books and go for coffee with. I could never be with someone who isn’t nerdy like me, as I would love to have someone that would be as excited as I am when I discuss my interests. It doesn’t matter to me quite what they look like at all, only that they have a good heart and are willing to be faithful as I am to them. Someone I can laugh and have fun with. Oh man...I know I’m sounding a bit over the top, but I guess I’m just a little lonely. I just hope someone like this is out there for me.

[cerealoates]

What are three personal goals you’d like to accomplish?

One: This is hard for me, but I want to become more secure and confident about myself and the way my body looks. I’ve been spending much too long beating myself up for my physical appearance, and it has worn away and worn away at my self esteem to leave me with virtually none. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and hating what I see, and having this voice constantly nagging me about how bad I look and how everyone will dislike me due to that. I want to learn to sit with these feelings, to be able to remind myself of my strength as a person. I know that there is more to others than their appearance, so its time to turn that back on myself.

Two: I’d like to really excel at my courses in the coming year. It’s not that I haven’t already, but I want to be able to maintain that level of focus and keep sparking my passion for learning. I frequently say that my goal in life is to learn as much as I can, so I want to continue to leap into academics and keep learning as much as I can about everything that piques my interest. 

Three: I would love to find myself a partner, so I can learn more about give and take and have someone to show my love to. I suppose this isn’t as much of a goal as its more about chance than what I can control, but to find someone that will love me for who I am, and to give them the same. I want someone to share how amazing the world is with. 

[cerealoates]

What talent would you most like to have?

If I were to have any talent at all, I would easily select the ability to speak a bunch of different languages. I feel it would be so much fun to be able to interact with people no matter where I am, and I feel like alongside travel, I would learn a ton of new stuff and become familiar with different cultures. It would land me a great career... (a little part of me has always wanted to teach English in Japan) and I feel it would be neat to translate for others and to surprise them by speaking their language.

Where would you most like to live?

For this, I am really torn. I guess I feel that the place I live, or rather, want to live will be different depending on which stage of life I am in. I adore big cities, and the thought of having an apartment in one, or a walkup in Montreal, would be a dream come true. I’d decorate it with plants and books and hopefully have a sunny window to sit under. However, pets are really important to me, and that sort of arrangement wouldn’t really work with having a dog. So, I hope that if I finally meet someone and settle down, I could have a nice house backing a forest or other nature, and have two dogs and a cat. A place that is home and cozy, that’s what I’d want in the future, even if it isn’t in a big city.

[cerealoates]

What is your current state of mind?

I’m very happy to be writing this from home where I can spend time with my Mum and Dad and talk and visit with my sister Grace and brother Oliver. Even though I wasn’t outwardly homesick over the last few months, living away in Edmonton, I still did miss my family and its different and wonderful to get to be around them once more. While navigating the meals has proven harder than I expected, I think I’m managing so far. So, yeah. Content is the word I’d use.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Easy, my stomach. That’s unfortunately where my eating disorder loves to be most critical about. It isn’t flat, it’s bloated and looks large to me, and I feel bad about myself every time I look in the mirror. I wish I wasn’t so preoccupied with it.

Which living person do you most despise?

This has become somewhat cliché, but Donald Trump. I’m sick and tired of seeing his fucking pinchy little face on TV, and hearing his voice alone is enough to set my off. He’s racist, he’s manipulative, he’s rude, and in general he’s just an idiot. He’s absolutely ruining the United States with his presidency, and its clear all he cares about is himself and what he believes. It’s unbelievable to see his response to the latest crises, he just shows more and more that he simply doesn’t care. What a despicable person, some o the things that come out of his mouth….

What is the quality that you like most in a man/woman?

I admire loyalty. I could never stay with someone that I learned has cheated on me. I want a partner that sees the good in me and feels that that good is worth staying for. While physical attractiveness is something, personality goes way beyond that, and I know that’s what everyone says, but I really, truly mean it. I admire someone who is hardworking, but also will sit and relax with a movie. I appreciate people who have things in common with me, so that we can share in those interests.

[cerealoates]

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

This one’s easy; that trait would be my eating disorder, as well as my mental health in general. To have this critical voice following you around wherever you go, slinging insults and promoting fear or dread is just brutal. It feels sometimes like there’s no escape. Eating is hard, and its frightening to anticipate a meal knowing that I have no idea how to properly feed myself. That, or the terror that comes with my mind convincing me that particular foods are guaranteed to make me blow up in size, to whale-like proportions, and having to eat them anyways. I’ve appreciated the treatment I’ve been fortunate enough to receive, of course, but since the virus took over, I’ve had to seek refuge back home in Ontario. I feel lost. There wasn’t enough time on weight-maintenance meal plan for me to have a good understanding of what and how much I’m supposed to eat, so I’m winging it and that’s dangerous for someone struggling with an eating disorder. I’m hungry all the time too, which only makes things worse. Not many people can sympathize with the pain that comes with having to deal with this every day. I hate it more than anything. The thought of a life without this is heaven to me. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

 What is your current extravagance?

I guess that I have money in the bank and have parents willing to let me fly home if the situation calls. I also can go and buy three coffees from McDonalds (which makes superb coffee, by the way) without thinking twice about it. I get to go out to eat a lot, as well. There are lots of things I take for granted, and I do try to think about and appreciate all the extra little things that I am fortunate enough to take advantage of.

[cerealoates]

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A lack of anxiety. Having a stable job that I enjoy working, owning a place with a loving partner, and dogs and cats. The lack of constant worry, or dread. Knowing that I am safe where I am, and that I can count on things to remain stable; that’s all I could possibly wish for. I don’t believe that happiness lies in earthly possessions, but more so in a sense of freedom, of safety. A state wherein a person can live out their days knowing that things will be taken care of. The feeling that comes with that, to me, is the greatest joy one might fathom.

 What is your greatest fear?

I fear isolation. All I want is to know that I will be able to find someone to share this life with me, who will love me for who I am, no matter what I look like. Any potential partner’s appearance or “physical attractiveness” doesn’t really matter to me, so I hope that someone out there may be able to reciprocate that feeling. The concept of “unconditional love” intrigues me, as I haven’t ever felt that from anyone in my life. I find myself frozen, terrified at the thought of people leaving, and that worry never leaves my mind. To have a break would be bliss. If I could get that through my thick skull, believe when people say they will stay, perhaps I might finally be happy.

[cerealoates]

Happy shibe