I am, above all, a woman. I love being a woman and exploring many aspects of life. Perhaps we鈥檒l meet in person and show my nairobiraha I am instead of words on a webpage. But I will do my best to express to you who I am.
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happy new moon 馃寫
I鈥檓 doing 3 free tarot reading this weekend (may/4-5/2019), follow and message me on Instagram/comment on my recent saying you want one if youd like one, they鈥檙e 30 min calls 馃構 (my instagram is @ esotericherry)
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About my ass... self analysis (pun intended)
I don't do Greek.
I don't do Greek either professionally, or personally. No penises, no fingers, no tongues in my bottom, thank you very much.
I've always been quite firm on this.
I tell people, laughingly, "Well, I tried it once, and I didn't like it. So then I tried it again, just to be sure. And then I tried it again, with someone different, just to make sure the problem wasn't the first guy. I still didn't like it, so I don't do it."
But as I've been exploring sacred sexuality, I've been re-examining a lot about myself and how I look at sexuality.
I've always prided myself on how open I am, to so many aspects of sexuality. I'm not only willing to do weird things with clients and lovers, I also enjoy it immensely. I embrace fetish and vanilla alike.
In my inner explorations, I've come to have a new appreciation for things that seemed mundane (fingers, hands, missionary position, etc.), really examining every aspect of my sexuality and reveling in even small details.
Yet it's finally come to my attention that while I'm very open and willing to explore almost anything, and I'm willing to change the way I look at things, I really have closed the door on anal sex.
It's like I tried it, and that was it, game over, no second chances, not interested.
I've given sushi more chances. (I hate sushi, but I keep trying it at the behest of well-meaning friends.)
I have friends who really truly enjoy it. For a long time I thought that providers who offer Greek had just figured out a way to make it bearable, because it was profitable.
And now, looking back on my meager experimentation in this arena, I realize that I was 24 years old, that the two men who "helped" me learn about anal sex were both exceedingly huge in the penis department, and neither one was what you would call sensistive, kind, gentle, or understanding.
In a way, I was rather traumatized. It was damned painful.
But now, knowing how many friends genuinely do enjoy it, I'm questioning why I so firmly closed this door, when I've been so willing to re-examine other things, or to try to appreciate things I hadn't truly enjoyed much in the past.
Part of my concern is emotional, not just physical. Guys in prison use it as a threat: "I'm gonna fuck you up the ass!"
Worse, with many men, there's an element of domination involved. Control. Not just that, but degredation as well. Humiliation.
And I am NOT into being submissive, certainly not with my clients. I'm willing to experiment in my private life, but not professionally.
If I am going to explore this closed door, it needs to be in my personal life, with a caring, loving, understanding, gentle friend.
I wouldn't feel secure about doing it with a stranger, no matter how much he promises to be careful.
So, after taking stock, I'm hesitantly considering re-opening this door. But I'm skittish about it, and need careful handling. And a normal-size penis, or smaller. LOL
I do strongly dislike closed-mindedness in others, and especially in myself. And you never know where a door might lead.
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I Believe
A good friend sent this to me today....she and I haven't spoken in several years but keep in touch through email occasionally...I may have to call her soon... A Birth Certificate shows that we were born. A Death Certificate shows that we died. Pictures show that we lived! Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly. I Believe... That just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do love each other. I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I Believe.. That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I Believe.. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I Believe.. That you can keep going long after you think you can't. I Believe.. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you. I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I Believe.. That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.. I Believe.. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them.....and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I Believe.. That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I Believe.. That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,but we are responsible for who we become. I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever. I Believe.. Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you........you will find the strength to help. I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything - They just make the most of everything.
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Twiching and other bad habits
Firstly let me raise my head up for it is hung low in shame at not having blogged for over 6 weeks :( What can I say? I refer you to Beverley's blog lower down entitled 'Procrastination'. It's a habit of mine too. Another habit is twitching. No I haven't developed an embarassing facial tic. I'm talking bird twitching. I'm officially now a bird twitcher, which is a step down from a bird watcher cos they wear anoraks and take notes etc. But I did get the 'Big Book of British Wildlife' and a pair of binoculars out yesterday to try and identify a strange bird in the garden. A windchat perhaps or maybe a linnet? What do you mean you dont care? Let me think, has anything majorly exciting happened in the last month or so? I had a birthday from which celebrations it took me three days to recover. I took my Mum to the theatre to see Frank Sinatra projected onto screens with dancers and a big band. That was fantastic!
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