cheldog

[cheldog]

I Exist

Grief is an aggressive process. I meant for that to say 'emotion', but predictive text suggested process and... maybe that's a better word.

Because it seems like grief is not just something that I'm feeling at any given moment, but something I'm always feeling to a greater or lesser degree and there's no trying to stuff it down. I've found that to be like trying to pack a wound with whatever's handy. It might do the trick in the moment, but ultimately, it's making things worse. And that's when I find myself kneeling in the shower, trying not to scream into the void or ram my hands against the glass door.

I scream in the car. I drink to sleep. I drink to excess on Fridays. I've started going to the gym and back to church and volunteering. I cry everywhere, all the time, out of nowhere. I throw myself into video games. I spread her ashes in random places and spend every cent on stupid bullshit I don't need, but... retail therapy, right? And I'll drink a little bit more and laugh and reminisce and have a great time... until a music note or phrase or smell or something as simple as a sneeze sets it off again. And so then I'll cry some more and drink some more. Then I'll wrap myself up in my heated tortilla blanket to start it all again the next day.

I did Trunk or Treat tonight. I should've invited her son.

*DEEP BREATH* ...anyway. This is all just to say that... yeah, I've been dealing with some stuff. But I'm around. I think about this community and I miss it and I love you guys.

[cheldog]

You've probably seen polls about "Would you sing for X minutes / in front of X many people / etc. for $" before. Well. Here's another one!

If you sing a song in front of 50,000 people, you get a million dollars... but this time, you don't get to pick the song.

Spin this wheel of song options, and that's what you have to sing in front of a stadium full of people. You will have 30 minutes to prepare.

[cheldog]

Once again, the amazing @hermitollien has absolutely outdone themself! Commissioned image of two City of Heroes characters - my Necromancer, Zraelya Graves, aka DJ Creepy Z and the love of her life, a Frankenstein's Monsteresque Revenant Eldritch Monstrosity named Connor Cairn, aka "The Bastard". This captures the scene where Connor popped the question during one of Z's DJ shows. And it's SO FRIGGIN AMAZING. Ahhhhh. I'm surprising Connor's player with it and I can't wait to see his reaction.

[cheldog]

It's Twinkie.

I'm fine with this.

You are trapped in an elevator with the person on your lockscreen. Who is it?

Reblog with who you get stuck with~

[cheldog]

Well now this image is in my head.

Forever.

usb-c is like a cloaca for computers

[cheldog]

I've missed hanging out with you guys!

Did it give me a migraine? Yes. Did I have to borrow against the next few day's worth of spoons? Also yes.

But standing in line at Gong Cha with @cheldog and @lowtideandhightea was totally worth it. It was fun to chat with the other people in line about FFXIV even if it did take like an hour!

[cheldog]

GO. PREORDER.

His pins are ALWAYS AMAZING. Dean's an amazing artist and incredibly pleasant human and deserves more preorders.

You want this. Yes you do.

>>> Orders close tomorrow!! <<<

Pins are 2.5 inch, hard enamel with a smooth finish. Glitter and screen printed details vary by design. Two spurs on back for extra hold. :) Reblogs are so appreciated!! Please spread the word if the designs make you smile! <3

[cheldog]

Some proof that there ARE elected officials out there, like Vice Mayor Sean Cummings in Oklahoma, who are standing up for LGBTQ+ youth like Nex Benedict and calling out the fact that our words and rhetoric DO matter.

[Context: In this video, Sean Cummings is seen speaking to Oklahoma Superintendent of Public Instruction Ryan Walters referring to the death of student Nex Benedict].

[cheldog]

Thank you again for the amazing art!

Aes Moineau - the original concept and predecessor of everyone's favorite Malkavian Prince, Michelle Moineau!

This is Aes's City of Heroes version - my AR/Traps Corruptor.

Commission for @cheldog

Thank you again for your support! :>

[cheldog]

Glorious character art of Chelsea Miller, my Fire/Dark Controller in City of Heroes. I love her so muuuuuch.

Commission for @cheldog

[cheldog]

THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. EVERYTHING THIS.

Did you know?

Democrats have won the popular vote in seven out of the last eight presidential elections going back to 1992? The only time the GOP has won the popular vote in the last 36 years in a presidential election was in 2004, and it was a pretty narrow margin. This was a wartime election and the first election post-9/11. The Democratic candidate was the unfortunately uninspiring John Kerry, who had been lied about. You know how in politics we say someone has been "swiftboated" when a successful lie is told about them? That term originates with the 2004 election because a bunch of people concocted an elaborate lie about John Kerry's military service. He wasn't super inspiring as a candidate, but that was the worst thing he did. He wasn't a bad guy. He was just running in a very gross, jingoistic time after the worst terror attack in American history, and had a bunch of successful lies told about him to the point where a whole word about a specific kind of lie was invented about it. THIS is the only time since 1988 that the Republican party has won the popular vote. George W. Bush did not win the popular vote in 2000. The Supreme Court ordered that votes stop being counted in Florida and handed the victory to Bush.

Donald Trump has never ever won the popular vote. The electoral college handed him the victory in 2016, less than 15,000 votes across three states decided the election. Hillary Clinton in total won about 3.7 million more votes than Donald Trump. Trump HATES hearing this number. He hates even more that Joe Biden got about 7 million more votes. He hates even more that you bring up the fact that he lost his midterm elections for his party in 2018, badly. And that the "Red Wave" in 2022 did not happen because of backlash at his Supreme Court. Or that in 2023 voters continued to reject his Supreme Court at the polls.

He knows, the Republicans know, that if more people vote, they lose. They don't want small d democracy. They want authoritarianism. They want to suppress it.

So when you get cute about not wanting to vote, you're not doing activism. You're surrendering.

[cheldog]

Popping in on my real life human dash just to demonstrate signs of life. ❤️

And reading through vamblr and literally almost dying because I can't breeeeathe. Lmao. I need to start coming back around.

I guess I haven't been around on my characters in way too long because at some point, I feel like I forgot what their voices sound like. I sometimes hear new voices and think I can bring someone new around, but they're fleeting and never just concrete avatars of some part of me like Prince Moineau or Pagan have been.

Some of it is legitimately life being life, but even on the quiet days where I used to be able to just become someone else in those moments between.... I can't find that voice.

But I'm beginning to remember what my own sounds like, so I'm halfway there.

[cheldog]

Had breakfast in Stockyard City, at Cattlemans. By far one of the most Oklahoman places in OKC. This place opened in 1910 and it's still one of the most popular spots in the city. You get transported a little bit back in time when you go in there.

[cheldog]

....these are questions I never knew to ask.

Why are bras so boring looking can’t they have sonic the hedgehog on them

[cheldog]

Tumblr needed to see this

[cheldog]

take a knife to bring to the roman senate

reblog for more stabbing

[cheldog]

I am a fancy flapjack.