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how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

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The way I use the dating/hookup apps is once or twice a month I get desperate enough to open them and I say “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DOES ANYONE WANT TO FUCK ME” and between 20 and 40 people say “YES!!!!” and then I close the apps for another month and nothing happens. Not sure what I’m doing wrong here

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Went to an art museum the other day and had this thought: pixel art is the pointillism of the digital age

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Based on a true story

I only knew one way to tie things up.

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Listening to a podcast

"Let's take a word from our sponsor."

*Skip ahead a minute* "You can-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "Use code-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "300,000-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "300,000-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "T-shirts-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "Motherfuck-"

*Go back 15 seconds*

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I'm going to *remembers suicide jokes are detrimental to my mental health* quit my job and start making shoes for American Girl Dolls

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listen peace and love to all space enthusiasts, but the idea of space has freaked me out since i was a little girl, and it has NOT gotten better with age

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You should never forget literally the best line in all of video games

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Obsessed

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where some of yall got your degrees from TBH

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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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banging my head on the wall is self care

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Be careful. Any of us could be screenshotted and posted to r/curatedtumblr at any moment

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probably my favorite bathroom graffiti yet. took a lot of self control censoring the number