confused-wanderer

[confused-wanderer]

Bruce and Alfred both being pleasantly surprised when their children’s friends put on old music in the Batmobile or at the mansion. Bruce is secretly happy and impressed that they even know these songs, not to mention that they have good taste - it earns them a few points in his book. Alfred gives his approval at how musically diverse and educated they are, happy that his taste in classics rubbed off on the batkids and their friends.

Meanwhile the real reason any of the young heroes know them is because of all the times said songs have been used in the most crack memes that they all have quoted daily. Everyone knows it. No one says a word. Every last one of them has a few songs they genuinely can’t listen to without losing their shit. Tim almost deletes the internet when someone plays that one Rick Astley song. They’ve placed bets on who’ll crack first in front of Batman or Alfred.

Alfred *hearing the music pause in the batcave*: Perhaps I should look into asking Master Bruce to pay for the commercial removals for the children’s friends..

Bart *singing alone to the ad he SPECIFICALLY put on*: Nothing beats a Jet2holiday-

Jason *hands squeezing the armrest so hard the metal’s starting to crack*: Is it murder if I punt his ass in the Lazarus Pit right after? Is it? Is it really?

[confused-wanderer]

Batman mentally bracing himself for how bad he’s going to be hurting after the battle based on how the justice league is taking hits from the villains.

Green lantern barely holding his own? = Not a scratch, frankly Batman’s insulted green lanterns even on the scale. If Green Lantern’s taking hits, that’s his problem not Bruce’s.

Flash pausing for a fraction of a second?= okay that’s going to hurt for weeks after the battle.

Clark stumbling back? = Call Alfred.

Diana approving of their enemy?= Call funeral home.

[confused-wanderer]

Nightwing: I wish I was an only child again..

Red Hood: and I wish I was dead again..

Nightwing *looks at him*

Red Hood *preparing to be scolded*

Nightwing:

Red hood:

Nightwing:

Nightwing *quietly*: damn never mind forgot I had more siblings *walks away*

Red Hood:

Red Hood: Was he- were you actually considering killing me-

[confused-wanderer]

Bruce Wayne’s dad lore but it’s Dick Grayson actually.

Nobody actually does look into Dick’s past too hard because they’ve heard way too many stories and after a point just stopped asking around because each one was more impressive and unbelievable than the last. However, because of this seemingly impenetrable aura of just being Robin or Nightwing, nobody really realises the stories from his normal mundane “human” activities as Dick Grayson are equally as incredulous, if not more.

*Jason and Dick at a stakeout alone in the car*

Jason: Ha! I’ve been to prison before!

Dick: Same.

Jason: .. Dickie you got arrested? Did you finally lose your shit??

Dick: I was nine.

Jason:

[confused-wanderer]

Hear me out: Bruce immediately thinks Damian is Dick’s when Talia drops him off.

All of Bruce’s son’s, adopted though they may be, bear a strong resemblance to Bruce. Something that Dick also exhibits. Bruce’s playboy charm, his flirtatious flings: Also something Dick embodies. Dick who turns up the charm and really leans into the persona when he wants to piss Bruce off. Even if it includes disregard for the protocols and rules Bruce has in place to ward off anything that could be traced to their vigilante identities.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t take one look at Damian and realise that perhaps this was the product of his last major argument with Dick a a while ago. His physical features might have differed a bit from Dick himself, however Dick’s family was Roma, so Bruce doesn’t think much of it . Damian held the same murderous instincts, the same acrobatic ease, and tiny figure reminiscent of Dick’s childhood days. When Talia tells Bruce Damian’s his son, Bruce takes one look at this murder hungry gremlin and connects the dots : .. he’s my son’s son?

- over text -

Bruce: Dick. We have talked about this. Safety always comes first. Please come to the Manor by tonight. Alfred and I will be waiting.

Dick: ?

*many many hours after not receiving a reply and one deduction later*

Dick: So he’s yours.

Bruce: ?

Dick: We’ve talked about this B. Safety always comes first. Please come to the Manor by tonight. Alfred and I will be waiting.

[confused-wanderer]

Hii, this is my first request to you 😟

But I wanted to ask if you have any Damian Wayne angst ao3 recs…?

I stumbled upon a few of ur posts. And I fell in LOVE with the chronically ill Damian Wayne idea and the one where he’s jealous of the fond nicknames Dick gives the other siblings. (You probably don’t remember them-)

I hold them dear to my heart and might write something based off those ideas… 😔✋

Anyway, you can ignore this if you wanna. Have a good one 💗

Hey! Oh my gosh I’m glad you enjoyed my posts! Unfortunately, I don’t really remember any fics like that off the top of my head, but if anyone else knows please mention them down below. I’d love to read if you ever decide to write, and I hope you have a good day!

[confused-wanderer]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Robin (DCU), Damian Wayne, Damian Wayne's Pets, Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Harvey Dent, Harley Quinn, Superman, Clark Kent, Nightwing, Red Hood, Tim Drake, Red Robin - Character, Wonder Woman - Character Additional Tags: Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), OC in Gotham, Gotham Vlog AU Summary: Life took a turn for the stranger when she found herself moving into Gotham. Done with life and embracing the chaotic mess that it's left her, taking to vlogging seemed like a fun hobby to pass the time. Until it became a full-blown documentary starring rock bottom and uninvited guests who absolutely refuse to use the front door.

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So, I've been working on a little AU series thing of my own for a while now. It's set in Gotham and follows my OC as she explores Gotham and it's..eccentricities. More chapters will be coming out soon! 

VLOG PROLOGUE

*static crackling*

Okay..I got this..almost-NO DON’T FUCKING FALL YOU PIECE OF SHI- ah okay, its finally working. Uhh…hello there. Man I hope this thing’s actually recording or else I’m gonna look like I belong in a psych ward. Heh.. not that I don’t, but after all the shit I’ve pulled? I’d be damned if I get caught for this of all things.  Anyways, it’s like 9 pm here. I was just about done with loading all my boxes into the new place when I saw this old thing. It was still wrapped up, and frankly I don’t even remember ever getting this, but you know what might as well..not like I’m saving it for any special occasion. I guess I was hoping to use it for vlogs and stuff, kinda those cute behind the scenes you see online for on and off the job. Well, good news! You will be getting some exclusive behind the scenes footage, in the form of my life at rock bottom as I scramble to maintain the appearance of a functioning member of society, while literally everything about me screams otherwise! So..to start things off..I should really give you a name.. Because of course I need to call you something because now we’re buddies and it feels relatively human and fun if I pretend that I’m actually talking to a living being so I can convince myself I’m not that insane.. yet. Let’s see.. vlogging..video recorder..hmm..how does V sound?

Life is life-ing. It’s nothing personal, never is, it’s just the way the world works. And you know what? This time, I’m going to let it do its own thing. I’m tired of always trying to fight the current, let’s see where it takes us. I’m not optimistic about the future. To be honest, I don’t really see a future. Nothing is okay. Nothing is okay.. And that’s okay. What is it they say? This too shall pass. Heh..

…But what if it takes everything with it?

*silence*

*clearing of throat*

ANYWAYS- WOW that became melancholic. But we do not do that. No sir, in this household we REPRESS and GASLIGHT. Moving on, what was I talking about? Oh right! Moving in! I didn’t really have that much stuff anyways, so thankfully it didn’t take me too long.This one lady, aunty as she insists I call her, did start talking to me though. Her name’s Sakshi, apparently she lives right above me and I’m now having dinner at her place tomorrow. [After I showed proof that I was not stealing anything and all those boxes were mine. She’s a lot less intimidating when she isn’t taking aim at your head with a bat-shaped.. I want to say.. boomerang(?)].

I’ve also heard rumours about… what is it the locals call ‘em? The ‘bats?’ They say it’s only a matter of time before I finally see them. Most don't really believe me when I say I haven’t. I’m guessing it’s like a local tradition or folklore. They’re definitely fucking with the newbie right?

*lights flicker*

Whoa what the heck was all th- yeesh that’s bright. I thought I was seeing the staircase to heaven for a second, before I realised there was no way I’d be seeing that. A firepole down to Hell? Now that seems more like it. What’s this blinding light doing on that roof across town? And why’s it pointed at the sky? Is this some nightly thing that happens? Huh..wait.. that kinda looks like a *pause* I-is that a fucking bat? WHY is this town so obsessed with bats? Is bats the Gotham equivalent of furries? Honestly, with this town’s history, I wouldn’t be too surprised. But then again..that raises so many questions.

*sounds of smacking, cardboard rustling*

Man.. there’s still barely any room in here..I should probably start going to bed before it’s dawn again. There’s nothing to do. It..it feels kinda weird, but I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing. Nothing to achieve, which means nothing to disappoint. I mean *laugh* me? But you know V.. it never really bothered me. Rock bottom feels like a checkpoint. It’s the only place I can fucking decorate because I know I’m going to end up back there sooner or later - it’s always just a matter of time. It’s comforting.. being somewhere familiar. And yes, I know that’s not a good mentality to have, that I should keep moving and getting back up on my feet and not accept defeat, blah blah blah. You know what V?  Why is being there, or even just being okay with being there such a bad thing anyway?

What do I have to lose? Fuck it, I say we ball.

[confused-wanderer]

Alfred runs a front.

You know those posts where people accidentally stumble upon fronts for money laundering operations? And how the people just roll with it and go “fuck yeah this is a pizza store, what can we get you?” and then proceed to deliver the best pizza you’ve ever had?

That, but with the batcave. Logically, it’s impossible to get near it. There’s no way anyone strategic or analytic can trace back the batfam to find an entrance to it. But somehow this group of college kids stumble upon it on accident after getting horribly lost on their way for a 3 am snack run. They’re all sleep-deprived and so used to Gotham’s eccentricities that they honestly don’t even get alarmed when Google maps tells them to drive through a wall, even less so when it fucking WORKS.

The butler had been bored for the last couple of days, and since everyone was off on missions, the silence was adding to Alfred’s anxiety about his children. So when he sees these group of confused kids yelling into the darkness if this was bar, he says “screw it”. In the blink of an eye, there’s a decoy close to but not quite near the batcave, where Alfred turns the room into a cosy little hangout spot.

It becomes a phenomenon only for the true Gotham locals. And Gotham is protective of its own. Alfred doesn’t have to worry about telling anyone to keep it a secret, it’s now become a sort of initiation/tradition for new Gothamites when the locals think they’ve earned it. Some days Alfred keeps it well hidden when he doesn’t want to entertain, others he allows it to be found, fills up his bartending stall and waits for the chaos. People pour in, and it’s a nice cozy place just to be. Alfred’s a mean bartender, he whips up drinks like never before. Also gives advice like never before.

Some days it’s a bar, and you go there with your closest friends and as long as you clean up after yourselves and aren’t being disruptive, nobody cares. Others the menu includes tea, and it’s the time for bringing games to play with loved ones. Everyone is friendly and plays nice, because Alfred will not hesitate to pull out a shotgun for anyone who things otherwise.

People sometimes spot the bats or the justice league hovering around the location and figure it’s an exclusive occasion, and honestly a billionaire having a private bar for superheroes is not that weird at all so people roll with it.

Alfred exchanges information with others, builds his channel of gossip. He hears about the newer, local threats that emerge. The political and economic issues grieving Gotham’s citizens, and makes a mental note to tell the others. He hears Tim and Stephanie were munching on burgers last night, he guesses all their praise about his waffles were merely lies. But he also knows how Cheryl from the retirement home plays a mean BINGO, and can’t lose even if she tried. Speaking of which, he needs to hold another tournament soon not because Alfred was petty or competitive.. he was merely.. competent.

Nobody from the batfam knows about this. It’s Alfred’s favorite past time, and no one from the batfam is allowed within TWENTY feet of it.

The man’s a proper Englishman. Let him have his tea.

[confused-wanderer]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

WHO IS USING THIS

AN APP??? THEY HAVE A FUNCTIONING WEBSITE

THE LAST FUNCTIONING WEBSITE

[confused-wanderer]

Radom

Every person who reblogs this

will get

a

Random question in their

ask box

[confused-wanderer]

The more I think and speak about today, the worse I realise the situation is. I hope you’re all safe, and I implore you to keep taking one step after another. Today, we are still alive. We may be losing the country, but we cannot lose its people. US’s skeleton might be rattled, perhaps broken in the upcoming times, but we cannot afford to lose its heart. Never again.

I am sorry. I am so sorry, and I hope you stay safe. Cry, scream, celebrate, cope with this however you feel right. But please. Keep learning, keep listening and keep voicing. Stay safe everyone.

I love you everyone in red states right now.

I love you everyone who has family that is/will celebrate a Trump victory.

I love you everyone surrounded by loved ones actively voting against your rights.

If you voted for Kamala, you did everything you could and you should be proud.

All of your frustration and anger is justified, understandable, and fair.

I’m sending you all love and peace.

[confused-wanderer]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[confused-wanderer]

Plot twist: Superman having the most insane workout routine for the wrong reasons. A workout so intense the justice league struggles to even comprehend, let alone do it.

It all started with Green Lantern boasting about his workout routine when he was in the military. Which led to Martian Manhunter complaining that it was nothing to brag about, which led to green arrow talking about his workout, and after having enough of Batman’s sarcastic glare (trust the league, you can tell the glares’ sassy) they all start doing each others routines to prove which one is the hardest.

But when they get to Superman, barely any of them last ten minutes. Because you see, while the rest of the league has a strength building workout, Superman’s consists of strength reducing routines. And it’s hard enough to make them call it quits.

Growing up as a farmboy, Kent always had more leniency in how he used his strength, but had been strictly forbidden from ever assissting the livestock until he was properly trained. Why? Because no matter how gentle he was being, he always underestimated his strength. If he wasn’t being 100% focused on all his movements at all time, his sudden movements would create strong gusts of wind, and a single tap to the wood would make the house crack. He refused to go near anything that looked fragile because he was so so scared of hurting it.

So naturally, when he became superman, and had to deal with carrying people, holding up towers and just overall being surrounded by people with the aim to protect, he had to learn to be extremely gentle in caring for them. So naturally, he took several courses for expecting mothers and learnt to handle them as carefully as a newborn. No jostling too much, not too tight, always being aware of how much pressure he’s putting, handling distress and being firm without being overbearing.

One of his routines involved trying to figure out a safe way to catch two heavily cracked eggs while being launched into the sky, while the other included a booby trapped room trigged by sound so he would learn to keep his volume at a certain level without deafening the entire vicinity. And for context: the trigger level is the sound of a feather hitting the ground.

The only person who can relate is Wonder Woman, who also remains the one person Suoerman doesn’t have to worry about hurting.

Green lantern has yet to throw in the towel but he’s been crying for the past ten minutes and everyone else is exhausted. Batman however, is working very hard on trying to implement some of these in his routine. Clark doesn’t know if he should feel happy or worried about that.

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey Bart! How’s it hanging?

Kid Flash: We accidentally travelled back in time like ten years or so

Dick: what else is new

Kid flash: .. Tim ran into his younger self

Dick:

Tim *walking past them and muttering under his breath*

Tim *mimicking*: Look at me! I’m so young and dumb! Such an annoying kid my god no wonder our parents were always trying to get away

Dick:

Tim *mimicking*: I’m so happy I’m smiling!

Kid flash: He-

Tim: Just suffer like the rest of us you coward

Tim *mimicking*: That’s not fair!

Tim: oh! Look at that! LIFE’S not fair dumbass

Dick:

Tim: Waah I’ve been hurt! I want love! Please don’t leave me!

Tim: Fool. Shut up and carry on with that pain in silence like the rest of us. Pathetic I was never like that . People are overrated and crying is underrated.

Tim *mimicking*: Oh! Batman’s awesome! And so is Robin!

Tim: Batman’s a goddamn idiot. Robin.. well okay true for the first one. But the second? The second one is a BITC-

[confused-wanderer]

Superboy: Ugh. Why does everyone think I’m queer?? They keep saying that I’ll go through the “canon event” soon enough whatever the fuck that means

Tim *already out*: Uh..

Superboy: So you know what I did?? I took an “are you gay” quiz. Not just once. A LOT. And it says I’m not gay so JOKES ON YOU MFS

Tim:

[confused-wanderer]

Do you think Dick Grayson can’t go to parks? Do you think that each time he hears the creaking of metal bars, he gets whiplash to the split-second he met his parents eyes when they all realised they wouldn’t make it?

Do you think Jason Todd can’t ever keep a timer on? Do you think he hears the bomb ticking down everytime he closes his eyes?

Do you think Tim Drake can’t decide whether to start talking or stop? Do you think he’s afraid they’ll forget him if he doesn’t, afraid they’ll think he’s gone mad if he does?

Do you think Duke can never go to concerts? Do you think that the moment the first smoke starts slithering into the crowd, their cheers sound like screams reminding him of his mother?

Do you think Damian never allows himself to try new things? Do you think that the moment he isn’t perfect, he hears everyone’s voice in his head telling him he will never be enough?

Do you think Stephanie refuses to do any treasure hunts? Do you think the moment she sees scrawled handwritten riddles she sees her father’s first descent into madness?

Do you think Barbara had to suppress a shiver when everyone hosts a surprise birthday party? Do you think waiting in the dark and listening to the victim’s footsteps reminds her of the moments before Joker shot her?

Do you think Alfred can’t let a single room collect dust? Do you think that the last time he put off cleaning a room he never saw their occupants again?

Do you think Bruce knows all of this? Do you think Bruce can only sleep at night knowing his kids didn’t turn out like him? Do you think he still blames himself for every wrong done to those he loves?

Do you think he can stop?

Do you think any of them can stop?

[confused-wanderer]

Well who needs serotonin anyways

a little comic for jasons birthday. on being robin & batman and being brave & scared