corpsephage

[corpsephage]

I agree with what people have been saying about Amy's character. She just ain't what she used to be.

The linework on this one is awful because it's an old piece I decided to dredge up in honor of Amy's hazing on Twitter. It was originally for a review I did on Sonic Frontiers.

[corpsephage]

Grown Adult Yells at Kids Show (Kamp Koral)

About a year ago, I watched a couple of episodes of Kamp Koral: SpongeBob’s Under Years. (That’s how long it took for me to get my thoughts in order.)

I wasn’t purposefully seeking it out – I just flicked on Nickelodeon because it had been a long time since I’d watched some TV cartoons and I was feeling nostalgic. I’d never thought SpongeBob was the kind of thing that could work as a spinoff, so I just watched the first two episodes of it that came on and… did I just so happen to get the worst ones?

Now look, the whole zeitgeist of grown adults ranting about cartoons for children is long dead by this point, and I don’t want to get all "security system takes control of Squidward's house" over this. I’m only talking about this because my experience of it was just… bizarre.

The TV show is about SpongeBob and his friends as children going to summer camp. The theme song isn’t really as catchy as the main show’s theme, but it’s unfair to compare it to something so iconic. There’s a lot of SpongeBob screaming in it, because the lyrics say he’ll have us screaming till “milk is streaming right out of your nose”. Which is true, I was, but it’s only because I misheard the lyrics. Turns out it’s “through nature I will tramp”, not “for nature I’m a…” you know.

The first episode was about this octopus who gets fired from his job as a butler. He lives in this fancy cabin and spends the first minute or so preparing all this fancy food, only for the rich family he works for to tell him they'd rather have some pancakes, leaving him to toss all his cooking in the trash. He comes back in with some pancakes, but the tea’s two degrees too cold, so he’s out on his cephalopod ass.

And my first thought is... who is this guy? And where's Squidward? I can only assume this butler character was introduced in an earlier episode and has been a recurring character since then. But we've already got a snooty octopus character with refined taste who's always getting beat up by life, and he's got more of a personality than just "butler".

Anyway, the butler comes across this weird hillbilly girl with seaweed in her hair, and she invites him over to stay at her place. This girl is absolutely slovenly, so the butler keeps trying to clear up her house even though she’d rather it was dirty. So she decides to teach him to be happy being dirty - something about letting nature take care of it or something. And all the while I’m thinking “who is she and where’s Patrick?” Because we've already got a slovenly pink layabout character who already spends his time bugging a snooty neat octopus.

Doesn't this plot sound like you could just do it with Squidward and Patrick? Say Squidward's house gets knocked down, so he has to stay with Patrick, and he starts trying to clean Patrick's untidy house against his wishes. Or, if the point is living with nature, it could be about Squidward and Sandy. Maybe Sandy tries to help Squidward de-stress by taking him on a nature walk where he ends up going feral or something.

By the way, I haven’t mentioned SpongeBob yet. He’s in this – he volunteers to be the new butler for the rich family. Honestly, I can’t remember very much of his sequences – he’s doing weird things like serving cups of tea on his eyeballs and cleaning a washing machine with another washing machine. I think the reason I didn’t really get into it was because it was missing something – it was missing someone to react to what SpongeBob was doing. Most of SpongeBob’s weird butler-ing is done in isolation, and the rich family only react to it by giving him confused stares until they catch him licking the tea (don’t ask). If this was Squidward or Mr. Krabs he was butler-ing for, you can bet they’d be hitting the roof. The rich lady and her kids don’t make as funny a “straight man”, because things don’t go disastrously wrong for them and they don’t have such over-the-top reactions to SpongeBob’s antics.

When the rich lady tracks down the butler to get him hired again, they find he’s turned into a slack-jawed yokel. The hillbilly girl challenges her to a foot-wrestling contest for him, which she gladly accepts as she takes off her dainty little shoe to reveal this massive foot… I think. I didn’t quite catch it at first. It was a big foot, but it looked pretty ordinary – not this muscular monstrosity or something. It didn't look very much different to the hillbilly girl's, who goes barefoot anyway. I suppose this is an inherent limitation of doing things in 3D. If you wanted to show a properly nasty foot, you’d have to make a whole new model with a new texture and new rigging… meanwhile, if it’s 2D, you just have to draw it.

The foot-wrestling contest is probably the most memorable part. The hillbilly girl’s little yellow buddy, who until now has been speaking gibberish like that kid off The Wild Thornberrys, suddenly starts talking like a wrestling announcer, and I actually scoffed when one of the feet pulled out a steel chair. The hillbilly girl wins, but the butler is touched that his old employer would go to all that effort over him, so he goes back with the rich family, but he keeps some of his learned hillbilly ways with him. He should’ve kept all of them I reckon – the rich lady should’ve come back to see he’s turned her house into a total pigsty. That’d show her, wouldn’t it?

The second episode is about this Olympic-style sports competition being played at the camp, and everyone’s split into teams. One of the teams is the rich family with the butler, one is Larry the Lobster and some of his meathead friends, who can only communicate by saying “bro” – he even snores by going “brobrobro…” – and it’s tragic, because that joke would’ve been really funny… if I didn’t already know who Larry was.

But the heroes of this story, the team we’re rooting for to win, is, of course… a coven of witches?

They’re a bunch of creepy goth kids with supernatural abilities, and I ain’t never seen them before (except the young Nosferatu, which is a joke they keep coming back to even though it only worked the first time). SpongeBob and Patrick and Squidward and other familiar characters are in this, but none of them get more than a couple of lines.

I'm sure these witch characters have been showcased in earlier episodes, but here they seem kind of generic - I couldn't tell you what their deal was personality-wise from this episode. I think they should've leaned in more to their creepiness: the spider girl has to do knitting for one of her challenges, and she ends up accidentally wrapping Mr. Krabs up in a scarf. I think it would've been more befitting of her to knit some kind of horrifying effigy that gives Mr. Krabs a heart attack - or have her deliberately wrap up Mr. Krabs in some crazy attempt to mummify him.

Anyway, the witches lose in every event, so they go back to their cabin and cast a spell that summons some kind of earth elemental to win the last event for them. The big guy kind of has the powers of Clayface, so he assumes the forms of all the other contestants and uses their powers to win the triathlon.

By the way, there’s a bit in the race where they have to use hang gliders, and Squidward’s glider immediately goes off-course and drops down to the ground where, true to form, it explodes. Then it shows Squidward standing languidly at the top of the cliff saying he’s not going to bother anymore. And I can’t help but feel like… they aborted the joke at the very last second? Falling great heights and exploding is usually Squidward’s thing, and I was about to give them props until they showed he never took the jump at all. Then again, Squidward’s a child in this setting – and here I am talking about how funnier it would be if we watched a kid get blown up. I'm not sure I'm the target audience here...

So the golem wins the race, then immediately decides to backstab his team and keep the trophy for himself. But no one’s worried, because the spell binding him is about to expire and he turns back into brown gloop. And the witches knew this was going to happen, so there was no real tension or conflict there.

So the witches pick up the winning trophy and carry it off into the sunset, and I just yelled “Wait a minute – they cheated, didn’t they?!” They didn’t earn that trophy by their own skill, they used magic to conjure a steroid elemental. And it’s not like I watch cartoons to see justice done, it’s just that they didn’t really have a meaningful conflict or a satisfying conclusion. They suck at the games, so they cheat, then they win, and the evidence of their cheating very conveniently dies. I mean… I was meant to think they were cheating, right?

I hate to be a backseat driver and go “oh, I can do this better”, but… let me just rewrite this to show you what I mean. So they summon the golem expecting him to dominate the other players, right? And all the contestants line up at the start and take their marks. They go ready-set-go, the starting pistol’s fired… and the golem immediately grabs the other contestants and starts beating the ever-loving snot out of them. You know, like in that episode with the live-action gorilla who stuffs Sandy and Patrick in a bag and starts throwing them around.

So the witches have to step in and stop him, so they throw a rock at him or something – he turns around – the witches go “oh crap” – the golem starts barrelling towards them – and they run like hell. And while running like hell, they incidentally end up completing the obstacle course, since the golem was chasing them all through it. The golem corners them at the finish line, roars at them – then he melts into dust because the witches forgot the spell was temporary. And since they were the first ones to navigate the obstacle course, they get the trophy. See? They had it in ‘em all along, it just took a crazy golem attack to get it out.

You know, describing all this feels like describing a dream – you’re dreaming about being in a SpongeBob episode, but the characters are different and the tone is different – but you still know it’s a SpongeBob episode because that’s what the dream’s telling you. That’s kind of why I wanted to write these thoughts down. Not to rag on a TV show I’m too old for being not as gut-bustingly funny as I would like, but because it’s quite fascinating being an outsider looking into all this. When I talk about what the writers “should” or “shouldn’t” have done, know that I’m not seriously complaining about their hard work. For all I know, they might have had similar ideas already, but not all of them made it. Maybe it’s time constraints, or maybe it’s like I said about how you can’t really spend all day making a whole new model just for a one-second joke.

But one thing I certainly can’t accuse them of is not having passion: the very fact that they’re focusing on OCs in these episodes – the butler and the witches – demonstrates they do have passion for the world they’re creating and the characters living in it. Why else would you take the risk focusing on non-original SpongeBob characters? Even if it didn't work for me - even if it came across as a sanded-down version of the original show - I can still respect the vision.

So, yeah – if you’re going to watch this show, watch it from the very start. Otherwise you’re going to be wondering who anyone even is.

[corpsephage]

Worldbuilding Guide

I made a worldbuilding guide on my blog here: corpsephageblog.blogspot.com/2025/05/help... It's a lot of text for things you probably shouldn't do as a worldbuilder.

[corpsephage]

There's been a recent spate of AI-produced Studio Ghibli mock-ups, so I figured I'd make one of my own. According to my sources (hearsay on Twitter) the studio's head honcho himself thinks of AI as "an insult to life itself". Well, take this, life! How'd you like that? Not so high and mighty now! I've already gotten AI to draw you as the Soyjak and me as the Chad! Now why don't you pick up a pencil and sit on it?!

Alright, I'm gonna get serious here - happy April Fools' Day, by the way - I can't pretend to be fond of this whole AI craze. Now look; I'm not completely innocent when it comes to AI. A few years ago, I was actually working on an AI-based video for YouTube, but I pulled the plug on it when I started hearing how voice actors were worried that AI would put them out of work - and this was back in the early days, when you could easily tell something was AI.

I think it's a real shame websites like DeviantArt seem to be prioritizing this AI stuff over the integrity of artists. It's like "artists" are no longer needed around here, which is definitely the way I've seen a lot of people take this. It's like your creative work is just a "product" to be "consumed", not an "entertainment" to be "enjoyed".

With this in mind, I've built my own AI chatbot (in my head) to try and explain what my problems are with AI drawing. If you have any pro-AI arguments of your own in mind, let me hear them. I sure would like to be wrong about this:

“What have you got against AI art?”

It’s taking people’s jobs. That’s really it. If it wasn’t taking people’s jobs, I’d have no problem with it.

“It isn’t going to take artists’ jobs! There’s always going to be a demand for them.”

Alas, I wish that were so. But given the choice between paying thirty dollars minimum for an artist to take weeks drawing one picture, and a robot that will cook up hundreds of images in the hour, all for free, it’s really a no-brainer. The big corporations are going to be gung-ho for AI because, while it’s bad for the creative’s business, it’s good for their business.

“Well, then, you should probably just get a real job and just do art as a free hobby.”

People are going to try and get jobs doing what they love - and more importantly, what they're good at. If someone spends all their time creating, what other job are they going to have? If it's a job their heart's just not into, they're going to half-ass it and likely be fired anyway.

“Now wait just a dadgum second. I’ve seen your YouTube account. You’ve got all that computer-made music on there. None of those are real instruments! Couldn’t you hire actual musicians?”

All those virtual instruments are made by real musicians who willingly put up those samples on the market. Look, if an artist or voice actor willingly submits their art or voice to an AI generator for others to remix, I wouldn’t have so much of a problem. But the big websites don't wait to ask permission.

“You used a computer to make this art right here! You used things like smoothing tools and the undo button instead of an eraser! Why’s it OK for you to use tools to make your drawing easier, but others can’t?!”

I would’ve hoped AI tools would be there to help make the drawing process easier, but I didn’t want it to replace the drawing process itself. It’s like, if you’re struggling with walking, you might get yourself a wheelchair to make moving around easier – AI is like building a robot to go out there and do all the moving around for you. Sure, it’s convenient, but… wouldn’t you rather have some fresh air?

"But AI democratizes creativity! It's no longer just for the chosen, talented few. With AI, everyone can be an artist!"

I think with imagination, everyone can already be an artist. Take it from someone who knows - if there is a "chosen, talented few", I am certainly not part of them. It's not like I'm following some kind of special calling. In fact, I think I'm below-average when compared to most people doing this... so I don't know what anyone else's excuse is.

"Look... you want the truth? I can't draw, alright? And I'm... jealous of all the artists. They're all so cool being able to bring their imagination to life. I wish I was that creative."

Can I let you in on something? Pseudo-artist to pseudo-artist. If I'm anything like the other guys on here... none of us can draw. Let me show you how I made this picture you see here:

Tell me, does that first sketch look like good art to you? And yet this whole picture is nothing more than me tracing over that crappy picture several times, straightening out the lines as I go. The whole thing couldn't have taken any more than three hours. My point is, the "art" that I make doesn't take any talent, and it barely takes skill. It's really nothing more than just knowing how the magic trick is done. The biggest lie I was ever told was that drawing isn't fun.

So, no, I don't need any AI to make my art, thanks. I'm quite capable of being a talentless hack without it.

(By the way, the weird Photoshopped face comes from that all-AI ad Coca-Cola did last year. See, I credit my sources, unlike the AI scrapers.)

[corpsephage]

I just got back from watching the Sonic the Hedgehog 3 movie, which gives me a good excuse to upload something I should've done for Sonic X Shadow Generations.

As to the movie, I thought it was quite good. Definitely the best of the three. Gutted they didn't go to Halloween land like they did in the game, though.

[corpsephage]

Santa Claus is Your Dad

Santa Claus is just your dad I'm sorry to burst your bubble It's better that you know right now And save yourself the trouble

Santa Claus is just your dad And every Christmas Eve He wraps up all the toys he's bought And puts them under the tree

Santa Claus is just your dad In hindsight, this is clear It's not hard to see the resemblance With his weight and stubby beard

Santa Claus is just your dad I'm telling you it's true I'm sure you've noticed how he's given To wearing bright red suits

Santa Claus is just your dad It's all just as you feared Notice how he only works One night of every year

Santa Claus is just your dad I don't mean to be hurtful He couldn't take you to the game He was in the Arctic circle

Santa Claus is just your dad The truth's as plain as day The reindeer droppings on the lawn Are a dead giveaway

Santa Claus is just your dad You must feel quite dismayed He swears a lot when his car stalls Because he's used to sleighs

Santa Claus is just your dad Come on, open your eyes How come all his work colleagues Are only three feet high?

Santa Claus is just your dad He's big and getting bigger It's all the milk and cookies Giving him that snowball figure

Santa Claus is just your dad And do you know what's funny? Your mother's not just Mrs. Claus But she's also the Easter Bunny

Santa Claus is just your dad And all your folks are quirky Your brother's name is Cupid And your grandfather's a turkey

Santa Claus is just your dad And he'll want, I'm sorry to say You to join the family business And you'll get Arbor Day

[corpsephage]

Surge: "Word has grabbed my tenrec ear... have a chilli dog... that you think bad guys oughta come around to bein' good guys."

Sonic: "Yeah, well, y'know... it beats being a jerk."

Surge: "Right... and your old buddy Surge - remember me? - can fix it for you. Have two chilli dogs! You wanna make a deal?"

Sonic: "Lemme guess - you 'fixing' it for me is gonna involve - "

Surge: "Rubbing you out? Ha! I'm past that! In fact, I'll lay it on the line for ya..."

Now, I'm the queen of the villains, oh

The bad guy VIP

I reached the top and had to stop

And that's what's botherin' me

I wanna be a good guy, hedgehog

And stroll right into town

And be just like the other guys

Rollin' around at the speed of sound

Oobie-doo; I wanna be like you

I wanna walk like you, talk like you too

You'll see it's true, a tenrec like me

Can learn to be a hero too

Sonic: "Well, great way of starting your hero thing off... tying me up like this."

Surge: "Now here's your part of the deal, cuz... lay the secret on me of these magic gems..."

Sonic: "The Chaos Emeralds? …I dunno if you should be using - ?"

Now, don't try to kid me, rodent

I made a deal with you

What I desire is Chaos fire

To make my dream come true

Now gimmie the secret, hedgehog

C'mon, clue me what to do

Teach me to gather the Emeralds' power

So I can be like you

*Knuckles comes in and creates a distraction; scatting ad nauseam*

----------------------

I have not been kind to the IDW Sonic comics in the past - if you ask me, I think Sonic is a concept that kind of only works as a video game. But at least they seem to finally be doing something interesting with Surge. I like the idea of her wanting to replace Sonic as a hero, trying to ape Sonic's heroism but drastically missing the point... maybe she'll start painting herself blue. It reminded me of a Disney song, and I imagined her singing it to him.

Realistically, neither Surge nor any Sonic villain would be singing anything to him, but my brain is so rotted I can't imagine a villain capturing the hero and monologuing without them breaking into song.

What I'm saying is, whatever you think of the quality of IDW Sonic's writing... just be thankful I'm not writing it.

God, their eyes are huge.

[corpsephage]

The blowback everyone's having towards Joker: Folie à Deux feels to me like a Pyrrhic victory. It's like I've won, yet I'm not happy...

You know, for arguably the world's number one villain, and certainly the world's number one evil clown... I really don't dig the modern Joker. Nowadays he's either written as an overly-edgy mass murderer or a nihilistic sad clown, but he's rarely ever... you know... funny.

Look, the Joker's quite a simple character - an eccentric supervillain with a circus theme - it practically writes itself. I think the earlier portrayals of him did that concept very well - your Jack Nicholsons, your Mark Hamills. But nowadays I feel like they're taking him too seriously. Joaquin Phoenix and Jared Leto aren't gonna be using gadgets like electric joy buzzers or poison laughing gas while someone walks behind them with a boombox playing their theme... and I feel like we've lost something as a result. Now he's less like a creative supervillain clown and more like Charles Manson in greasepaint.

What brings this on is that the Joker's become such a meme as of late, which is doubly-funny for me because the whole "tragic innocent turned to irredeemable monster" schtick is what puts me off the Joker. I'm sure Joaquin Phoenix does a great portrayal of a mentally-ill loner going down the path of violence calling himself "Joker", but I just can't see that as the comic-book Joker. And apparently the director agrees with me, because the new sequel goes out of its way to show that this guy isn't the comic-book Joker!

I don't know... I don't think my problem really is with the Joker himself. I think superhero stories in general have gotten a bit more "realistic" than they need to be. Then again, the genre's changing all the time. That's why they call it the modern mythology; different people can write it in different ways and it can all technically be "right". So Joaquin Phoenix and Jared Leto's Jokers are both no less "right" than my own interpretation of the Joker (basically a cross between the Postal Dude and Beetlejuice).

Anyway, never let me draw semi-realistically proportioned people again.

[corpsephage]

“I… I was nice today… nice to all those insipid little monkeys and their stupid restoration…

Restoration… what a joke… restoration of what? Of his world. Like the world was designed to be his playground… He’s a fool! A poor, silly little fool…

He could end it all if he wanted… with his hands… those DIRTY hands…!

They think he’s a god… but he’s as mortal as we, I know… Just one… quick… WISP…!”

A recreation of this image based on this semi-official fan comic. Though I'm not sure I'm supposed to interpret Lanolin as homicidal...

[corpsephage]

Alright, fellow weirdoes, it's September 1st. Ten-month vacation's over. Back to the grind.

[corpsephage]

(TW: drugs)

In honor of Angel Dust's hilariously-timed birthday, here's my own Hazbin OC: Angel's cousin Sherm Stick, who died attempting to shove a watermelon up his nose.

[corpsephage]

Is this you? Then here's a tutorial I made about narrative structure that'll leave you even more confused:

[corpsephage]

Now the cat's out of the bag, I'm pleased to announce my first "professional" gig as an "official" character designer for Grand Theft Auto VI (except not really, it was a scam request)!

Don't believe me? Well, here's the (obviously fake) DM I got to prove it!

Alright, seriously, I am not working on GTA 6 and haven't been approached by Rockstar to do so. I needed an excuse to draw something, and when GTA 6 got prematurely announced I thought it would be funny to dredge up this old message.

That said, I am willing to do some character commissions for anyone who wants them. My prices and further information can be found here:

[corpsephage]

You know, that Sonic Dream Team looks like just the kind of direction I was hoping they'd take in the wake of Sonic Frontiers… how come it's only an Apple exclusive?

[corpsephage]

Happy Halloween! Here's something I did for the Monster Mash competition they were having on DeviantArt.

I made my first almost-speedpaint out of this one - I say it's almost a speedpaint because the picture took 3 hours and 45 minutes to do start-to-finish (1 hour and 15 for the coloring). Have you tried fitting all that into a 3-minute song?

Music: Creature Feature - Every Day is Halloween

Made in Paint Tool SAI, last-minute oh-crap-I-gotta-fix-this alterations in Photoshop.

[corpsephage]

Anyone else catch that Nightmare Before Christmas reference in Sonic Frontiers? You know, where Sage asks Sonic what he's going to do, and Sonic says he's going to do the best he can? Then he tries shoving her in a cooking pot and Amy cuts off her leg...?

[corpsephage]

Here's me bluffing my way through making a pixelart tileset in Photoshop to use in Godot.