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Me after I eat literally anything

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Put this on your blog if it’s 100% alright for someone thinking about suicide to message you for a chat, even if you don’t know each other.

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I was eating okay for a week and today I binged. And I feel so bad, I hate myself for that, but I have no one to talk to... I live with my fiance, but when I try to talk about this, we start arguing, because he is so afraid of my ed and what I am doing to myself...

I can’t talk to him anymore... I don’t want him to be sad and angry because of me... I guess I will shut my mouth again, and keep my problems to myself...

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I had a dream where I was skinny, I was checking myself out in the mirror and my stomach was FLAT and I thought “finally...”

I want this in reality 😭

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meirl

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[an account of a conversation with my older sister about how eating disorders affect those around you]

My sister comes up stairs and looks at me sat on the floor of my room. I can tell she wants to talk.

She stands in the door way and leans her head against the wooden frame and sighs, and then she says;

“I just want you to get better. I want you to get better so bad.”

I nod.

She stands very still and waits.

I don’t say anything.

Eventually she takes a deep breath, looks me in the eyes and tells me that she’s deep down she’s not mad at me, she knows I’m not taking so long to recover on purpose, really she’s just angry. She’s so so fucking angry with my eating disorder. She says it’s NOT FAIR that she lost her sister for so long. It’s not fair that I went away.

She says she can’t help it. She feels guilty.

Because she didn’t notice me leave.

It was gradual, the dimming of life in my eyes.

It took a while for a waking shell to sit silently next to her on the sofa.

For life to hollow out.

She says she began to think it was just how I was.

I’m a teenager. Lots of things change when you are a teenager, she says it wasn’t understandable, but perhaps explainable, when I became isolated and plain instead of the colourful sister she had grown up with. When I no longer danced with her in the living room, when I stopped devising drama scenes with her on holiday, stopped sitting at family meals, stopped watching TV after dinner, stopped talking, stopped sleeping, stopped laughing.

Then she back tracks a little,

“actually,” she says,

“I remember when you stopped laughing.”

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So yeah I’m broke again, let’s hope I won’t spend money on snacks now

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More Sweater Thinspo

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When I finally reach my goal weight

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You guys asked for it, so now here it is:

HOW I TURNED FROM THIS, TO THAT

(from november 2018 to april 2019)

First of all and most importantly:

I do not, under any circumstances promote eating disorders. I want to show people that the unhealthy tips they read on here are wrong and really dangerous. Here are some healthy tips that are working and don‘t make you die. If you‘re underweight please don‘t read this. This is not for you, it won‘t even work for you. Please seek help and text me if you need someone to talk.

Now let‘s start

📝 Set an average for your calorie intake. We‘ll take 1500 calories for this example. Now change your calorie intake between +250/-250 from your average. Your calorie intake would be between 1250 and 1750. That makes things way easier. To make your metabolism work faster, change your calorie intake up everyday. For example 1250-1700-1400-and so on.

📝 Drink about 3 litres a day. Never go over 4 litres. Your brain might tell you something like „But the more water I drink, the more weight I‘ll lose.“, and that‘s complete bullshit. You‘ll die because of water poisoning and that‘s it. Water is good for you but please never drink more than 4 litres. (There might be exceptions I don‘t know about, I‘m talking about healthy people)

📝 Now this tip is the secret tip you‘re craving for and it‘s completly healthy. Train your muscles for one hour straight. Don‘t over exercise. When your muscles are burning just right, go ahead and do some cardio. And here‘s where things get a turn. DO NOT do that cardio unit aS fAsT aS yOu CaN bEcAuSe It BuRnS mOrE cAloRiEs, because it doesn‘t. Don‘t let your heart rate go over 130bpm during that cardio unit. Your body will go straight to burning fat, because you just burned all the carbs by training your muscles.

📝 Do cheatmeals. They speed up your metabolism like crazy. I remember eating „clean“ for 4 weeks straight because I didn’t any better and after those four weeks I had pizza and some cake. I freaked out, because, as I said, I didn‘t know any better. The next morning I stepped on the scale and lost 6lbs overnight. I‘m not kidding.

📝 Don‘t expect to much of yourself. You‘re not a machine, you‘re a human being. The human body doesn‘t want to give away it‘s fat. Your body will always work against you BUT don‘t hate your body for doing that. It only wants the best for you because it loves you and so should you love your body.

So these are my tips. They‘re not many but they‘re effective and healthy. Please don‘t drink too much green tea, please don‘t starve yourself or bath in ice water. That stuff doesn‘t work. It‘ll only make you sick.

Stay safe. You can always text me if you want to. Our conversation doesn‘t have to be about weight loss, we can also talk about anything you like. I love you guys

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When you do 18 months of therapy and you still have your self destructive tendencies and still dont know how to stop feeding them. 😬

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Me, sipping a lemonade and watching my life go to shit: hoo boy I’m gonna have to deal with that some day

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Yesterday I put on my jeans, and they were... a bit loose. They’ve been already baggy when I bought them, but perfect fit on my waist. And now they are too loose on my waist too... Idk I guess I’m on a right way