cosmic-canines

[cosmic-canines]

i know i love you (im just not sure how)

a poem attempting to define hazy, indescribable feelings (which is definitely NOT about fictional characters, not at all, not me i could never)

i suppose it all began because you were there. you always were there, and i guess i finally realized that. it was dark. so very dark. and i knew you were afraid of the dark, but i asked you to rescue me anyways. i knew it was selfish, but then again, you were always the light, weren't you?

i struggle with feelings, you know that. they're big and complex, and i am just a boy in a world that makes me feel small. when i first felt these things i thought i could shake it. but the more i try to escape, the more i draw closer. and the more i try to figure us out, the less i really understand. i know i love you, im just not sure how. is it love like a birthday card, is it more like close friends? or closer to a love letter, will i see that in the end? maybe i am wrong, and this is not love at all. do i just need you because i have no one else to catch me when i fall? i keep failing to find words, to explain my reeling mind, i keep failing to discern, if our stars align. and if i know you well, then i know that you are too, i guess its still a world where we all just live confused. i know i love you, im just not sure how. ive searched this place for answers in all the ways the earth allows, and now i'm lost again, but with this feeling, ill make do; i guess i'm okay to be lost, so long as i'm lost with you. i still don't know what this is, or why it falls on me but i know when i'm with you i am truly feeling free. so now we're lost in these vast cosmos, i'm sure we'll be just fine i may not know the answers, but i'm happy you're still mine.

[cosmic-canines]

gays when they become widowers without even being in a relationship in the first place

[cosmic-canines]

i know i love you (im just not sure how)

a poem attempting to define hazy, indescribable feelings (which is definitely NOT about fictional characters, not at all, not me i could never)

i suppose it all began because you were there. you always were there, and i guess i finally realized that. it was dark. so very dark. and i knew you were afraid of the dark, but i asked you to rescue me anyways. i knew it was selfish, but then again, you were always the light, weren't you?

i struggle with feelings, you know that. they're big and complex, and i am just a boy in a world that makes me feel small. when i first felt these things i thought i could shake it. but the more i try to escape, the more i draw closer. and the more i try to figure us out, the less i really understand. i know i love you, im just not sure how. is it love like a birthday card, is it more like close friends? or closer to a love letter, will i see that in the end? maybe i am wrong, and this is not love at all. do i just need you because i have no one else to catch me when i fall? i keep failing to find words, to explain my reeling mind, i keep failing to discern, if our stars align. and if i know you well, then i know that you are too, i guess its still a world where we all just live confused. i know i love you, im just not sure how. ive searched this place for answers in all the ways the earth allows, and now i'm lost again, but with this feeling, ill make do; i guess i'm okay to be lost, so long as i'm lost with you. i still don't know what this is, or why it falls on me but i know when i'm with you i am truly feeling free. so now we're lost in these vast cosmos, i'm sure we'll be just fine i may not know the answers, but i'm happy you're still mine.

[cosmic-canines]

love and change (a fine line between fear and longing, and a healthy dose of suffering)

i think i am afraid of love in the same way that i am afraid of change.

i do not like the cold, unfamiliar dark. i much prefer the warm, well-lit spaces that i am used to, even if i know that through that cold darkness is a world a little bit better than the one i am in right now.

love is not like change, in the sense that love is not cold and dark. love is like change in the same way two words invoke the same feeling, despite only being loosely related. yet to my fragile mind and fragile heart, i fear both things in the same way.

change is like a dagger pressed against my throat. i don’t particularly fear daggers, i’m just afraid of what’s to come. i don’t want to die, or at least not tonight. i cannot move, i cannot run. what’s coming is inevitable. i must embrace it, but i am afraid.

love is not like the cold blade of a dagger against my throat. instead, it is like a fire that is roaring before me, ripping through the world and burning everything in its path. i do not particularly fear fire, i am just afraid of burning to ash alongside everybody else. yet still, maybe i deserve to burn for my desire to step closer to the flames. yearning and fear wage wars in my chest.

love is as powerful and warm and life-sustaining as the blazing inferno. i stare into the flames, enamored by the light and shadows it casts, engulfed in the way that it burns. it could kill me if i step too close, yet i long to step into the heat.

desire pounds in my heart, desire to indulge in the white-hot warmth. but i know better, i learned my lesson. i won’t fly so close to the sun this time.

i suppose what i am trying to convey is that despite my fear of danger, i am so consumed by a desire for the adrenaline.

change is a cold and unforgiving blade, love is a blazing flame. both are deadly and inevitable. and also both beautiful and desired. it confuses me, but i guess it’s not for me to understand.

i guess i’ll continue to be so afraid of the things i desire the most.

[cosmic-canines]

paper flowers

(a poem about love, because it is so widely desired despite a lack of capacity to truly express it.)

paper flowers

like delicate roses

so neatly folded

stained red

a sleepless night

hands ache

from each

and every bend

once white

now bright

dyed with blood

spilled under moonlight

aching hands give

these beautiful gifts

for lesser pain

that is what they wished

not every person understands

the undying ache of loving hands

because to love is to surrender

but they’d rather be a paper flower.