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The “We are the 99%” Tumblr blog became the slogan for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
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it’s incredible how well meds can work. i was just looking at my last text post from 5/30 and i’m in a completely different (and BETTER) place. i feel fucking incredible! i’ve been hella busy, hence no updates…but things are going great. my only worry is when will the other shoe drop, but that’s an anx for another time (or never)!
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may 30th 31st
slept until almost 11am. woke up stupid anxious and feeling awful. had lunch and left to run errands. i had three goals, and failed each of them. called my doctor to see if i could push my appointment to get my meds raised. i’m constantly spiraling and insanely depressed and anxious.
managed to get my appointment moved to june 3rd. i was so proud of myself, but didn’t say the right things in the right way to mandy…so began a gnarly panic attack. had to leave the house and drive around. it didn’t help, it never does. came home and took a full xan around 4 pm and knocked myself out. slept for 15 hours. this also didn’t help, but i guess it beats suicide?
woke up around 7 and had coffee and a banana and went skating. got lots of manuals and a few two trick lines. busted my knee open and bled. skated until i could barely stand up, mainly just to feel something. fatigue beats suicidal ideation as well? came home beat to shit and took a shower. i still feel defeated. i’m laying in bed with no clue what to do next. now that i think about it, i haven’t been able move in about an hour…which means im most likely having another panic attack. hooray!
goddamn life can be so fucking mean and unfair.
:-(
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may 23 - may 29.
the last day was Friday the 23rd. I managed to be in the car by 1, home by 1:30. it's a blur. we went to bachman with Eric Saturday morn and skated for two hours. had burger king and chilled at home. went to see MINECRAFT at strike + reel Sunday at 10 am and were met with a clusterfuck. they didn't open the doors until exactly 10 am despite showing two movies at 10 am. once we finally got inside and attempted to buy tickets it wasn't listing the 10 am showtime anymore. so we just walked in and sat down. it was okay! I had seen it already, but it was more fun the second time. we chilled at home and enjoyed the kitties and each other.
monday I woke up feelin' extremely grateful (and anxious) that summer was starting and my nightmare work year had ended. Mandy and I ended up on a D8/D9/DXM combo that was...transcendent. old came over around 2 and chilled for a few hours. played Tetris and skate 3 and listened to records. 10/10 day. we did some drugged up yoga that was greatly needed!
tuesday I woke up around 7 and started to figure out my options. I went to see mission impossible at legacy at 9 am and was planning to head to Anna from there. RON was trying to assemble in the afternoon, so I scrapped Anna and went to bachman instead. skated for two hours and headed home to get supplies before heading to old's, but I started feeling like shit. got home and in bed and fell asleep on and off for 15 hours.
woke up Wednesday and made pasta. went to the store for supplies and two CBD pro locations to get red kratom. came home and watched the pee wee documentary. its part one of two at least? had impossible stir fry that was fuuuuuuhkin' AMAZING. did some solid yoga and went to bed around 10. we were going to get labs done together and it was exciting!
thursday. slept well. Lenny got me up around 6:20 am. fasting sucked, but I showered! anxiety was cutting me too deep so I took 1/2 a xan. it was the first time in over a week! we got to quest by 8:15, and as soon as we walked in they called me back. then I heard them call Mandy. blood work acomplished! we had coffee and breakfast and watched some "tv" or videos or whatever the heck. old showed up around 10:30 and we left to see FRIENDSHIP at 11:35. it was just as insane the second time, and old had evan on him which made me really fucking happy. good times! we got back to the house around 2 and he took off. Mandy and I fucked off and went to the store to get stuff for dinner. we are gonna have carrots and potatoes, broccoli, and gardien veggie chicken Sammies. and blueberry donut holes for dessert-t-t. i'm not doing great on sugar due to the end of the year, but I will reign it in on Monday, June 2nd. until then i'm just gonna fucking go. I weighed myself today and was 184, so thats less than I was at this point last summer. gonna watch the second part of that pee wee doc during dinner and enjoi our incredible life together!
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FELT. had to write of my sister and her racist husband recently.
its also so annoying to be triggered by the same things that've been triggering me since I was a teenager. im trying to heal and be stronger but im building up strength to only be met with the same level of anger, narcissism, and resistance to change. everyone can go fuck themselves at this point. I dont need any of it in my life and my life is fine without them in it. it just sucks to have to accept that as the best reality.
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“i’m not a narcissist, you asshat” (2025)
“i’m not a narcissist, you asshat” (2025)
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switch laser / switch bigspin-back smith-frontside shove out. (5/18/25)
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