crystalmethsuicide

[crystalmethsuicide]

I’m starting to think that whole relationship was just a fever dream

[crystalmethsuicide]

Christa Wolf, from her novel titled "Cassandra," originally published in 1983

[crystalmethsuicide]

Tangled

I sit and stare

Suffocating

Struggling to push through the layers

I organize everything all neat and tidy

Just for it to be destroyed by your presence

And by your absence

We are separated by these layers

Thick and coarse

I can’t break through

I’ll never be able to break through

-for what it’s worth, I will always love you.

[crystalmethsuicide]

May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

[crystalmethsuicide]

I feel like what makes me sick is that I finally feel a sense of comfort and familiarity in starving myself again.

[crystalmethsuicide]

Tired, Langston Hughes

[crystalmethsuicide]

— Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted

[crystalmethsuicide]

sometimes i wish everything would go quiet, and everyone would disappear, and it would just Be Me; all alone and at peace

[crystalmethsuicide]

Always lost between what I

know and what I feel

[crystalmethsuicide]

My Shadow

I thought healing would feel like sunlight

But like rain it came out of nowhere

Pelting me

Bruising me with ice and stones

Like rain it was cold and left me drenched in grief

No warmth

Only darkened clouds cover the sky above me

Flooding me with sickness

Memories that strangle

Cracked ribs that don’t heal

A smile that is never real

I thought healing would come and go

Passing me in the night

Instead, it stays with me always

Ripping up the soil I packed down

I will never be alone again

My heart will never be whole again

[crystalmethsuicide]

I still feel like I’m in limbo.

[crystalmethsuicide]

[crystalmethsuicide]

[crystalmethsuicide]

———

C. A. Singh • Subterranean

7-25-21

[crystalmethsuicide]

Tired

i'm a tired woman

they say hold on just a little longer

something good will come

but i'm tired of waiting

waiting for something

anything to happen

so i'm done

i will not wait any longer

i will go find my wax wings

even if they melt and i fall

at least i flew while i could

[crystalmethsuicide]

“Some days are just bad days, that’s all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness, and I remind myself that not every day is going to be a good day, that’s just the way it is.”

— Dita Van Teese

[crystalmethsuicide]

“My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”

— Anaïs Nin