cxxtra

[cxxtra]

Sunshine Uncaged

Staring, open eyed

Into the light,

Even when they told you it could blind you

Reaching your palm out to flame

Even when they told you it would burn,

Grabbing handfuls for your pocket

Even though you know better,

She's bigger than that.

Brighter than that.

You tried to put a lock and key on her,

Tried to put her in a glass cage.

So pretty,

But never created to stay.

She defies all containment,

Escapes all rooms

Seeps under doors,

Leaks through a closed window...

She's everywhere.

You could never hold her,

Because sunshine is always,

Uncaged.

[cxxtra]

Translations

Doesn’t it get exhausting,

Translating your soul?

You speak so many languages,

And yet he only speaks one.

And rigid in his ways,

Refuses to learn yours.

Why is that?

Don’t bother asking.

He doesn’t.

He won’t.

You’ve tried to teach.

You’ve tried to translate.

But you can’t a expect foundation to shift…

Just because you pushed.

[cxxtra]

Upper Hand

You say you’ll never

Give a girl the upper hand again,

I understand.

But babe…

I am the hand,

Your right hand.

You never had to give it to me.

First round draft,

That’s not ego

That’s fact.

You do the driving

But I hold the map

Way too much confidence dripping,

To fight for the wheel

We’d crash.

Careful babe,

Don’t slip.

But you know I’d catch you.

Why?

That’s what the right hand does.

[cxxtra]

acting ingredient

i see why you

Snatched me up

Like a life vest

In turbulent waters

I see why your touch

Ignited fireflies on my bare skin

And I see why your rare compliments

Meant so much.

I see why

You were all i saw,

And i see why i chose

To fall.

You convinced me

That your arms were open

For the catch.

I see what…

I induced in you

And what you released for me…

Dopamine.

So if our acting ingredient was dopamine

Then can we really say we loved?

[cxxtra]

“Indulgence”

The way the sun hits your eyes

Ahhh

It’s gorgeous

Let me capture you in this light

The way your limbs move when you stretch

Mmm

It’s glorious

Let me swoon at the sight

The way your hands capture mine

Its security

Like secret service level tight

The way your lips move on mine

It’s exquisite

It’s something I can’t fight

[cxxtra]

1am Shadows

Believe me,

When I say...

They haunt me

Its 1 am and

I cant sleep

Fuck, I cant...

I cant sleep.

They're crawling in the corners

They're calling for me

My demons...

I mean,

These shadows.

What did I ever do to them?!

Do you believe me?

They haunt me.

Oh god,

What's that on the wall,

On the floor,

Why is it so dark?

And ...

Has it always been there?

I've never been scared of my own shadow

Until they overlapped it with theirs.

My shadow is pure,

Why won't they let it,

Just be me.

I never asked for this.

But maybe I need the insanity

So that I can learn

To be sane.

Now its...

2 am and I still cant...

Sleep.

Now i have these,

Expensive bags

Under my eyes.

I tried to get rid of them

But like a tight rubber band

They just

Snapped back.

The invisible ropes

Have never been so

tight.

Why won't you believe me?

They haunt me.

On and on

Our story goes

Now its 3am...

And I'm just waiting,

To see what happens next.

Place your bets,

Look at the angles,

Is the lighting, in my favor?

[cxxtra]

[cxxtra]

“You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

[cxxtra]

Emergence

The stars

Cry tears

Called rain

They fall

From the Sky

And drown the earth

With the Vengeance

Of a thousand dry nights.

Lightening strikes,

From the emotion

Of a bottled

oppression

And lights up today,

With the hope

Of a brighter tommorow.

[cxxtra]

I Keep an item of yours, because it was never a lie that I loved you. It just wasn't my greatest truth.

[cxxtra]

The Claim

Men, in their inherent ways, Are so quick to claim, But not quick enough to be claimed.

I am yours, but... You are not mine. You belong to, The world. A trophy, To be polished. a masculinity, To be put on a pedastol, For all your admirers, That you collect.

You See it, Then Conquer it. You Touch it, Then Claim it. You are not... Mine. In the same way that you made me... Yours. Equality, Is not the way of the ego, I guess.

[cxxtra]

When?

When will it stop?

And by "it"

I mean,

The hunting,

That disguises itself ,

As the law,

And perches,

In the distance ,

In wait...

Of black skin

To kill,

And take home as prize.

When...

will they stop beating us down?

Biuld on a black man's back,

And shoot in a black man's face.

Because this is America.

Pow! goes the blue man's gun.

Ow! says the black man's soul.

Again and again.

We're Crying out for help,

Again.

When will it stop?

[cxxtra]

Motions

I'm walking.

Up a path. It's long.

It's lonely.

And the end,

I envision it clearly

It's a mountain top.

With endless views of beauty,

And gratitude.

But why is this mountain so high?

Why is every step

Weighted

With uncertainty?

The wind here is cold

Unforgiving

nipping at every inch of skin

It has access to.

I'm... Fighting for every

Breath

As oxygen evades me.

Sometimes I feel like,

Im choking on my own negativity.

I need the heimlich.

Broken

Again and again.

Beaten,

Beyond recognition.

It hurts, yes.

I'm fighting all the elements.

Fuck. why am I even fighting?

The pain numbs itself.

Only So that I can function.

I Put on my smile

When it's necessary

Laugh on command

Keep walking

Keep breathing

Go through

The motions

Even when...

My emotions are tearing me up.

Are you okay?

I'm not.

But I'll make you feel okay,

Even if it kills me.

I put on my cape.

It's time to go save the world from

My tears again.

[cxxtra]

When the builders of the bridge

have all gone home

and you must cross

in the dark, alone

.

When the valley is too arid

and all you know is thirst,

when every well has run dry

and the sun can only scorch

.

When circumstance squashes chance

and hope is neither noun or verb,

and your only experience distress

and forward movement is repressed

.

You've reached the end of yourself,

the place God loves to stand

with open arms to draw you in

and then carry you across.

.

D W Eldred

[cxxtra]

Waters

I'm here for a reason

Aren't i?

Thrown,

With an arm,

That knows no bounds...

Sinking is easier,

Than fighting

To keep my head above the

Relentless currents,

But swimming,

Is my only option.

When will I learn

How?

The deep end,

Is so deep,

That i can't find my tears anymore

Can't see the sky,

Anymore.

This isn't a place for mercy

Because mercy isn't given

To the survivors.

I can't breathe.

Help.

I don't understand.

Help.

I need a lifejacket,

I need a

Lifegaurd,

I can't...

Breathe

Tears of silent oppression

That I can't....

See.

Help.

I think,

I'm drowning.

God save me.

[cxxtra]

Shaking off our youth

we don a cape of wisdom

slowly gained with age.

D W Eldred

[cxxtra]

Remember

In the days before 

They cared about us, We were ants On the ground to them. Look at you now. A giant amongst Commoners. Remember, when they kept Us on a tight rope... Because their lack of faith In us Meant we couldn't leave their side So we remained By our master For food, For comfort. We swam in their mud, Ignorant to the fresh waters Just beyond our reach. Until the day came, When freedom whispered For us And the message was delivered On the soft lips Of a powerful wind. And up we rose Together, Like foam to the surface. And now we call The world, Our own. Remeber, When it lived our hearts? As a dream too big to build? Remeber when the crumbs they fed us Barely kept us alive? Now we eat, What we reap, And not what we were begrudgingly given. Now we build, Stone by golden stone Until it touches the sky Because we've earned that power. It sits in the palm of our hands, Like the sunset sits In the palm of the earth. Remember when they said the sky Was the limit? I forgot. Because we surpassed that. Now we gaze At our creations From up here. And we laugh At how long it took. Remember, When all we had was each other? Remember, When we had nothing? I remember. I'll always remember. And I'm ever grateful, For what we sculpted From the mud.