damagedlittledolly

[damagedlittledolly]

I’m at a very low. I’ve been having a Menty B for days. This overwhelming sadness has a strong fucking chokehold on me. I have kept in feelings for M O N T H S. I have felt numb and had not cried in what feels like forever. Last night I broke down and it’s like the water gates have taken over and have had me drowning in this despair. I feel like I’m suffocating, drowning, I feel like I want to vomit. I forgot what overwhelming sadness has felt like. I forgot what all these feelings feel like. I forgot how to process these emotions and to get through them so I can overcome them. I don’t know how to be strong when all I’ve ever been is strong strong strong. I feel weak for feeling anything. I feel weak for not being okay. I feel fucking weak. I’m pathetic and weak for having these feelings that aren’t happiness. I just want to know how does one overcome this? Will it ever be okay? I want to scream. Break something. I’m breaking, so why can’t something else break? I feel empty, would vomiting help me know that I’m not empty? I feel alone, so why not push everyone away already? In a river no one would know the tears you have. No one knows how strong you’ve been tryin to be and how hard you’ve tried to hold on and overcome your demons. One minute I feel like I’m healing and I’m thriving and I’m growing, the next I feel like I took 20 steps back and I’m back into this routine of not being okay, not feeling safe, not feeling like I’m enough or worthy. I feel completely broken.

I just want to feel nothing else but this.

[damagedlittledolly]

i just want what's best for you

[damagedlittledolly]

“i’ll take care of you” will be one of the most gentlest things someone can say to you

[damagedlittledolly]

Giving a woman the world has nothing to do with money

[damagedlittledolly]

The kitten is back ✨

[damagedlittledolly]

There’s a time in every girl's life where she has been hurt too many times. She has been with so many horrible, awful guys. Guys that didn't care about her, didn't love her. Guys that used her. So now she doesn't even know how to be loved anymore. This is me. I've been with cheaters. I've been with liars. I've been with boys who didn't care about me. I've cried myself to sleep so often, that it almost feels like a normal thing to me. I'm broken. "Boys will hurt you," they always say. "But someday, you'll find the right one." I want you to know that by me opening up to you and letting you in is a huge accomplishment, because right now, I feel unlovable. I can't open myself up to anyone because all I can think about is the inevitable: the heartbreak.

I have poured my heart and soul into every relationship I've been in, only for it to come crashing down all around me. I could do nothing to stop it. No amount of crying, begging, kissing and pleading could do any good. They left me, or they made it impossible for me to stay. I may be stronger now for it, but the scars they left on me I don't think will ever heal. I may not totally admit it now, but I am so broken I physically cannot open myself up to anyone else. I'm too afraid. I won't be able to love you fully until I can really let go and I'm not sure how long that will take. It could be weeks, months, or even years. I'm just so scared to commit because I'm afraid of making all those same mistakes again. Because you see, if I am to date again, it has to be absolutely perfect. He has to be THE ONE. I want him to sweep me off my feet and do everything I have ever wanted. But, I have to remind myself, that this person may not exist. But, Future lover, I am giving you a chance. I am entrusting you with this broken, shattered, battered heart in hopes that you will be the one with the stitches and I really hope that you are.

The truth is, right now, I'm scared. I'm terrified. I don't know if my heart and my mind can handle another break up. Another guy that was just face value, who wasn't who I thought he was. Who was just there to use and abuse me. He knew all the right things to say and the second I fell for him, he didn't catch me, he let me skin my knees on the pavement. I need someone to sew my heart back together, but the truth is, I don't know if he's out there and until he arrives, I fear I am doomed to be alone. However, even though I may be damaged, I do want you to know that I'm worth it. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but if you truly are my person, I want you to know that once you break down these industrial walls and get the sewing needles out, I promise you that I will be phenomenal. I will love you unconditionally. I will remember what you say. I will bring you your favorite foods and make you sandwiches. I will sing to you and I will do anything to make you smile. I will call you up and tell you that we're going on an adventure and I promise you, you will never be bored with me. Every day is an adventure. It just might take a little longer to peel back my layers, but when you do, it will all be worth it.

My broken heart will not win.

[damagedlittledolly]

I’ve never been great at relationships. This is mostly because I blindly expect everyone to have good intentions and always see the best in people. Every relationship that I have ever been in was a toxic, one-sided situation of give but never receive, used and abused, taken advantage of. But I always saw their potential. I always thought “one day, he’s going to be a great guy.” “one day, he will make such a good husband, a good dad, etc.” The problem with this thinking is that I never got to that “one day”. I would pour everything I had into the guy, thinking of it as an investment for my future. I thought that if I gave him all I could and really showed him that I cared, then when that “one day” came, he would give me the same. This is extremely delulu, dumb thinking for a relationship. Giving and giving and GIVING everything you have to someone, and receiving nothing in return is draining, especially when you barely have anything to give in the first place but you’re giving it your all. Relationships are about give and take, they are about compromise, support, and communication. My problem is, I am always on the giving end of these things, and never the receiving. Time and time again, I have been used, lied to, manipulated, and put on the back burner. But not anymore. I look at those around me, and sometimes I do wish that I could find someone who would love me unconditionally, but I have decided not to actively seek out attention from anyone. So this time, I will let someone else put in a little bit of effort. And until that someone comes along, I think I will just focus on bettering myself.

I am very independent. I make my own money, I pay my own bills. I take care of myself and my child. I was fine before someone came into my life. I am dependent on no one.

I don’t think the same as others. I have been hurt so many times that I do have trust issues, telling the truth isn’t hard and shouldn’t be. We are all grown adults. I am very open minded and will be okay with most things, just don’t lie and manipulate. Take some accountability. Lying will hurt a million times worse.

Don’t expect too much from me. I’m a very giving and loving person, but I refuse to lose myself completely again and be taken for granted.

I have reservations on some things. I’ve been hurt emotionally and mentally. When I hold back, I will need patience and understanding. So please bear with me.

I will always appreciate the small things. Small acts showing you think of me or care for me.

I do not show affection like other people do. I didn’t grow up in a loving household. I will probably not be all over you in public. Hugs sometimes make me uncomfortable as well. I’m learning how to accept affection and physical touch better.

I do realize the next will probably not be like the other relationships, but I have no way of knowing said person who they will be. There are a lot of walls to tear down. I am worth it, I do believe.

Please do not jeopardize if you do get me to the point of tearing down my walls. I’m not sure another hurt can be managed.

I just want it to be meant. Like. Really mean it.

[damagedlittledolly]

[damagedlittledolly]

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? ✨🫣

[damagedlittledolly]

[damagedlittledolly]

What if i moaned "kill me" during sex by accident?

[damagedlittledolly]

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

[damagedlittledolly]

[damagedlittledolly]

I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you're unwanted.

[damagedlittledolly]

“Loving me isn’t easy, I have sharp edges, I have missing parts.”

— Donte Collins

[damagedlittledolly]

[damagedlittledolly]

i got a thing for pushing people away when im at my lowest