dearly-anonymous

[dearly-anonymous]

**TRIGGER WARNING** (abuse, substance abuse, trauma)

Dear mom,

It’s hard for me to not hate you. You stole my childhood away from me and my siblings. You subjected us to abuse then used us as a shoulder to cry on. You made me hold the weight of your trauma along with mine and expected me to carry it all without breaking. You made me hate myself, my body, my dreams, my brain. All of it. You made me hate you so much… but I still can’t hate you enough to let you go. I see your pain, I see your anger, and your desperateness to start all over again. I watched you break. I watched the shadow of all your trauma swallow the mom I knew whole, and left us with a shell of what once was. I watched as your light slowly faded as the bottles buried you in a deep, dark hole from which you never escaped.

I hate you mom.

I love you mom.

I miss you mom.

Love, anonymous.

[dearly-anonymous]

Dear reader,

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my age and how pathetic it is that I’ve never been in a real relationship. Like I’m almost 30 and the longest relationship I had was like two weeks maybe. It seems like everyone either gives me the ick OR I feel like I’m too weird and boring to make anyone happy. I hate it sooo much because I imagine myself being in a relationship and It makes me so happy… I want to go do corny things with someone and laugh about our weird inside jokes. I want to wake up next to someone I love and smile when I get a whiff of their cologne. It just seems impossible. My parents' relationship was really nasty and ended when I was 10. I was raised by my dad after that and I sometimes feel like I'm not feminine enough now because I missed out on having a mom and somehow that is another contributing factor of my loneliness. I am also a very independent/introverted person and need my alone time and all the men I’ve dated have been so clingy to the point where they'd get mad if I didn't want to spend time with them every single day. Is that normal? Like am I just that messed up? Vjqeiuehegjo!!!!! UGH. I fear I’ll be alone forever.

At least I have my cats.

Love, anonymous.

Dear reader,

It sounds like you’re feeling really down about your current situation and the challenges you’re facing in finding a relationship. It’s completely normal to feel frustrated and even disheartened when things aren’t going the way you’d hoped, especially when it comes to something as meaningful as finding a partner.

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to recognize that everyone's journey in love and relationships is unique. Feeling like you’re falling short or that you’re "weird" or "boring" is a common struggle, but it doesn’t reflect your true worth or potential. The idea that you’re “messed up” because of your past or personality isn’t a fair assessment.

Being introverted or needing alone time is perfectly normal and doesn’t make you less deserving of love. Everyone has their own unique traits and needs in a relationship, and it’s about finding someone whose needs align with yours. You’ve identified that you’re independent and need your alone time, and you’ve encountered partners who were too clingy. This is an important insight. It might help to reflect on what kind of balance you need in a relationship and seek partners who respect and understand that. Consider what has and hasn’t worked in your past relationships. This reflection can provide insights into patterns and help you identify what you truly want and need. It can also help you understand what might be preventing you from forming longer-term connections.

It might be helpful to focus on areas of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of relationships. Building confidence and self-esteem through hobbies, interests, and personal achievements can make you feel more content and attractive to potential partners. Talking to a therapist might also provide additional support in processing these feelings and experiences. They can help you work through any underlying issues related to your past, self-worth, and relationship patterns.

Sometimes meeting new people and potential partners can happen in unexpected places. Engaging in activities you enjoy or joining groups and communities that interest you can increase your chances of meeting people who share similar interests and values. Finding the right relationship often takes time. It’s important to remain open-minded and patient with yourself. Sometimes, love comes when you’re least expecting it, and when you’re in a good place emotionally and mentally. Remind yourself of your strengths and the things you bring to a relationship. You have qualities and experiences that are valuable, and it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate them.

Lastly, your cats and the joy they bring you are important. Enjoying your own company and being content with yourself is crucial and can make you even more appealing to potential partners, as it shows you’re self-assured and happy. It’s understandable to feel frustrated and lonely, but remember that being single doesn’t diminish your value or potential for a loving relationship. Reflect on what you want, be patient, and focus on self-compassion and growth. There’s no right timeline for finding love, and taking care of yourself and your emotional needs is a crucial step in attracting a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Love, anonymous.

[dearly-anonymous]

Dear reader,

Over the weekend, my sister and I got into an argument. She accused me of something I did not do and didn’t let me get a word in to defend myself. She kept yelling at me that I was wrong and she wasn’t surprised that I would hurt her. She caught me completely off guard and was relentless. She is younger than I am and she knows that I have autism which makes it hard for me to communicate in general, let alone when someone is screaming at me. I blew up and told her she was wrong to accuse me and how upset I was she automatically assumed I would do anything to hurt her. I told her I hoped karma would get back at her for doing that and cussed her out a bunch. I called her a bitch and a snake and soon after I began to cry and she was mocking me the whole time saying that my crocodile tears wouldn't do anything for me and that I was just manipulating her to make her feel bad about accusing me. Later that night it was proven that I was innocent yet she still refused to talk to me. Yesterday she texted me saying she will not forgive me and won't for a long time. I told her I was sorry for cussing her out but told her she also had to take accountability for her side and that she holds everyone in her life to ridiculous standards but is always quick to excuse her own behavior. She fired back by telling me I was just deflecting my own issues onto her and that she is almost a decade younger and therefore is not guilty. She said the only reason she did what she did is because our other sister has a history of stealing sp therefore it made sense that I was also doing the same thing. She said I was manipulative and clearly showed no remorse for anyone. I said I was sorry again for the words I said and that blowing up on her was my fault. I told her that I get extremely overwhelmed and emotionally stimulated when someone is yelling or accusing and it can sometimes set me off but that is not manipulation. She has not responded to that and hasn’t talked to me in five days. She ignores every word I say and acts as if I do not exist. She never takes accountability, she's the youngest and was babied way more than the rest of my siblings and I were. Am I in the wrong here, or am I correct in thinking this argument was two sided and that she has no right blaming it all on me? I'm just so burned out from all of this.

Love, anonymous.

Dear reader,

It sounds like you’ve been through a really tough situation with your sister, and I understand how emotionally draining this must be for you. Arguments like this can be incredibly complicated, especially when communication styles and emotional responses are at play. You’ve already done a good job of recognizing your own mistakes in the argument, such as the hurtful language you used. Admitting that you were wrong to cuss her out and acknowledging that you get overwhelmed and it can set you off is an important step.

Your sister was clearly upset and acted out based on past experiences and her own emotional state. Her accusations and reaction might have been influenced by her own insecurities or the dynamics within the family. While her reaction was hurtful and not justified, understanding where she might be coming from could be helpful in resolving the conflict.

Given your autism and the way you react under stress, it’s important to recognize how these factors contribute to the situation. Your sister’s behavior of yelling and mocking you, especially knowing your communication difficulties, seems particularly insensitive. Sometimes, the best course of action is to give the other person space. If she is not ready to talk, respecting her need for time might help de-escalate the situation and give both of you time to reflect.

From what you’ve described, the argument seems to be two-sided. While you made mistakes, your sister’s actions and accusations were also hurtful and problematic. It’s important to continue acknowledging your own role and feelings while also addressing the impact of her behavior. Maintaining a focus on understanding and calm communication, while also respecting each other’s need for space, might help in moving towards resolution.

Remember, it’s okay to seek support for yourself during this time. Navigating family conflicts can be challenging, and taking care of your emotional well-being is important.

[dearly-anonymous]

Dear reader,

I've been working towards a goal that I cannot reach because I'm too afraid of failure. Instead of just trying something new, I tell myself that I’ll automatically fail at anything I attempt. I've always been like this and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of my childhood and the things that happened. I missed many important milestones and had so much taken from me as a kid, I wonder if somehow, that instilled a feeling in me that I was unable to achieve anything that i set my eye on. Or maybe I still subconsciously feel like I’m not good enough. I watched my mom completely give up and watched my dad become a different person overtime so I suppose I learned everything I shouldn't have from them. I’ve been unable to get out of this hole for most of my life and I’m not sure I ever will. For this I hate myself, I hate my parents and I hate those around me who are constantly pointing out my failures. I am stuck and fear I always will be. 

Love, anonymous. 

Dear reader,

It sounds like you’re grappling with a lot of complex feelings and challenges, and I want to acknowledge how difficult that must be. It’s clear that you’re reflecting deeply on your experiences and trying to understand their impact on your current mindset and behavior. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated. These emotions are valid and part of your journey. Recognizing and accepting them is the first step towards addressing them.

Understanding the impact of your childhood and your parents’ actions on your current mindset is insightful. It can help you identify patterns that might be influencing your fears and self-doubt. However, it’s also important to remember that your past doesn’t define your future. It also sounds like you have a strong belief that you will fail before even trying. This kind of thinking can be very limiting. Try to gently challenge these beliefs by asking yourself if there’s evidence to support them or if they’re based on past experiences that may not reflect your current abilities. Instead of focusing on a large, intimidating goal, break it down into smaller, manageable steps. This can help reduce the fear of failure and build confidence as you achieve these smaller milestones.

Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to be your own harshest critic, but practicing self-compassion can help you approach your goals with more patience and understanding. Emphasize the effort you put in rather than just the outcome. Progress often comes from persistence and learning from experiences, rather than from achieving perfection. Try to see failure as a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of your worth. Everyone encounters setbacks, and they can be valuable experiences that contribute to growth. Try to surround yourself with individuals who uplift and encourage you rather than those who focus on your shortcomings. Positive reinforcement and constructive feedback can also make a big difference.

Talking to a mental health professional might be incredibly beneficial. They can help you work through these feelings of inadequacy and provide strategies to build self-esteem and resilience.

Remember, change takes time, and it’s okay to take small steps towards improving your mindset and achieving your goals. You’ve already shown a lot of self-awareness and willingness to address these challenges, which is a significant and positive step forward.

Love, anonymous.