dearsaray-blog

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Babes in Boyland

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The Lakes | Field Day Studio

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she was afraid to love I think it scared her. She liked things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to on a map know what it was. I think that’s why she always hid She couldn’t touch it. hold it make sure it never changed.

lil-sea-salt  (via wnq-writers)

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© SHANNON

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© Lou

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© Lou

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© Lou

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I’m not sure what I’ll do, but — well, I want to go places and see people.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Ice Palace and Other Stories (via wnq-writers)

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Stupid boy.

I don’t think you understand, I don’t think you realize just what I’ve done. Just what I’ve given, because to you they’ve been things that you expected. That you thought were a given. That this is what you deserve, or are entitled too…but I don’t think you realize how far from the truth you are. They say you don’t know what tomorrow brings, nothing is certain and I’m not sure you understand those words. Life is an uncontrollable force, it does as it pleases, today it’s still, tomorrow it’s a whirling storm. Changing rapidly from what it was 24 hours ago. To predict the future, to plan the future, is foolish, but still we do, still we try. I fell ablivious to the thoughts that we could possibly control or grasp our outcome. I became the naive girl I always felt sorry for. The one so in love she gives it all to keep her love for one more day, giving and sacrificing her hopes, her dreams, her soulful desires, to please your own desires, thinking that you’d see it as a sign of pure devotion. Exposing her body to be shared with you, so you’d see her vulnerability as an act of love, that you’d realize that nobody had ever been allowed to transcend her carefully constructed walls, that being intimate is not an act that comes with ease, and that that alone was her greatest act of love. Stupid boy, don’t you see…women don’t owe you anything. The right of passage is not one guranteed, it is one that is earned, and sometimes given with the heart, or sometimes taken. We don’t owe you this, you don’t deserve it, it is not yours for the taking, my love, my mind, my body, my soul is a gift that when given means more that you can fathom…the sad part is you will never know that because you’re preoccupied thinking with your second head than with your heart. What a sad reality, that a girl gives her all for a boy who doesn’t realize just what that signifies.

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I grew up thinking that in order to live a happy life, I had to get good grades and go to a prestigious university and get a highly paid job. But as I grew older I began to realise that in order to life a happy life, I had to choose it for myself and not live a life that others expect of me, whether it be your parents, teachers or friends. This is your life. I made a decision that I didn’t want to be successful and live in a big house with fancy cars in the drive. So, I packed my bags and got out of this little town that had suffocated me for the last 18 years and drank coffee in small shops in Germany, chased the Horizon in Australia, woke up with a mountain view in Singapore. How beautiful is it to know that your feet have walked the grounds of many different countries and your skin has felt the air of many busy cities. Please darling, do not get lost in society’s belief that you are only successful if you have a well paid job, like I once had. As humans, we are going to die, that is one thing we are guaranteed in life. What will you care about the most while lying on your death bed, your fancy cars, big house? Or the stories and experience you have encountered on the journey of this beautiful thing called life? So there’s one thing I ask of you: please travel. Whether you’re 21 or 49. It is never too early nor too late so see the beautiful world.

i-wonder-lust  (via wnq-writers)

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Pause.

Efforts gone unnoticed, a heart gone unloved for the night, tears gone unseen, desperation gone unheard, a hand left unheld...a soul left unseen. I'm trying so hard to be everything you need from me, to be what you want me to be. But is that me? You want me to love you for all that you are, and I've loved you the only way i know how and so much more. But do you love me for all that I am? Flaws and all? Do you see that my heart has been poured into you? I've torn myself apart and put myself back together for you...to make you feel loved. To make sure that you knew I was devoted. I gave every inch and every ounce of my being, overstepped my own nature to make you happy... I feel hopeless. It seems the more I give, the more you want, the more you expect...can't you hear me, see me, feel me? I'm trying so hard... Am I not enough?

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I hope that 2017 brings you all the love that 2016 made you think you didn’t deserve.

probably-not-interesting  (via wnq-writers)

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Warrior.

This is the year of the warriors. It is time to take a stand, it is time to stop being tired of our sutuation and do something about it! Its time we stop using excuses or falling into the same lies about ourselves, about our lives, and about the world we live in. We decide who we want to be, and what we want to do and if we’re tired of who we’ve been up to this point, lets do something about it! This is for those who want to work hard, who want to overcome challenges, attitudes, hardships, trials, and break the cycle and the chains that the enemy has kept us in for years. It’s time to take a stand, to open our eyes, and begin preparing for the battle ahead, for the tough descisions, for the growth, for the endurance it’s going to take to take back our stolen blessings. We need to do it by faith, we need to be self-disciplined, and do something we’ve never done before, fight back. Sometimes we give up and we accept our defeat but if we want to change and if we want to receive what is rightfully ours we need to try, try, and try again. This year I chose to fight, everything I was, everything I’ve been, and I chose to grow, and be a difference in my atmosphere, in my community, in my life, and in the life of those I love and hold dearly. I chose to be a warrior because warriors fight, and warriors never give up, and I chose to pick up m uh armour and my strength that only comes from above and do something about my circumstance. I want to be unshaken.

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2017.

Christ was the most spectacular human being ever to set foot on earth, and if more people were like him I’d think we’d all be Christian. What does it mean to be set apart? To represent Christ, not a denomination, not a group, and not ourselves? We are to seek God’s kingdom and his righteousness to have a personal encounter with God that creates a noticeable difference within our hearts, our person, our lives, our relationships, and every part of our being. A complete and absolute difference for the honor and glory of God. The Bible says that God attempted to provoke jealousy into his people, the Israelis, by extending his kingdom to the gentiles but is our way of living provoking jealousy among them?? He asks for us to live perfectly, and have self- discipline and it’s time we stop using the excuse “I am human” “I’m not perfect”. Let’s stop repeating the same mistakes, let’s live on a different level, in a different atmosphere. This year will be how we chose it to be! This year will be who we make it to be, and you will be who you want to be. We impact our environment. Change begins within ourselves. Let’s remove all the old things, all the dirty garments, and re-dress ourselves with new clothing because we are made new and transformed and made a new creation in God! This word is urgent, God needs to be lifted on high! God’s word is not complicated, it is a simple gospel. Know God, Love God, and thus be transformed through God. Don’t go around in circles, don’t compromise your relationship with God, don’t compromise your faith, he will not fail you, he will not disappoint you, and he is faithful, has always been faithful, and will always be faithful.

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It’s the end of the year. It’s the time to pack up your mistakes, problems, negativity, pain, along with the old you and ship them off to where the past exists. The new you is arriving at any moment now, bearing a new challenge, a new unknown, new gifts, new chances and a new year.

Bshayer F.R. (via wnq-writers)

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Love.

Love sometimes is hindered by fear and doubt.

Fear of being known, of being vulnerable, and feeling exposed. The fear of it not being everything you dreamed it to be…

We fall into self-sabatoge, and doubt floods our minds and becomes the dictator of our thoughts and our decisions…

it robs us of joy and of true fulfilment and we fall into a vicious cycle of disappointment. We close off our hearts and build up a fortress, unknowingly knocking down anyone who tries to tear down our carefully constructed walls. In my self-concious, I guess I never realized I did these things. That I ran when I was scared, when fear outweighed my options, and I was terrified of failure, of the odds being greater than my desire or my ability to love freely.

You see, loving wasn’t the problem, our hearts are built for it, but loving fully, relentlessly, freely, in a vulnerable way is hard to do sometimes. Its a strange paradox between wanting to be, and being open, while all the while being defensive with how much we let out. My heart was afraid, afraid to love and be burned, afraid to love and become lost, afraid to love and end up in a place that was undesireable. But that depiction of love isn’t love at all…and that’s where this story begins.

This is for the man that captured my heart.

For the man that taught me what it means to love as close to Unconditionally as it can get. The one that showed me what it means to pursue someone fiercely and fearlessly. To love and love fully. To love beyond boarders, obstacles, and distance. Despite the pushback, despite the difficult changes and adjustments. Because despite what a fairytale depicts love to be a, “happily ever after”, love is far from easy. And there may not truly be that “one” person out there for each person, but the decision to love the person right in front of you makes all the difference on our heart. It makes such a great impact, and it begins to feel that perhaps there is that One person that was created for you. Someone handcrafted in God’s hands, specially, to grow you and help point you back to Him. That’s what this man has done for me…the way he’s loved me even when I didn’t want him to, even when I cried because my heart was terrified to be free, even when I was unsure, and doubtful of myself, he pursued with love and patience and waited.

Never had I met someone who put every part of their being into loving. Loving in such a pure, raw, and wholehearted way. That is relentless in their pursuit of me, that has taken the time to study my heart, and know me, and despite of it all took the time to win over my heart and my love. This love that paints a beautiful picture of God’s love for me. How beautiful it is to be pursued by such an amazing God and for him to place someone in my path that mirrored that same example of unconditional love even when I did not know how to reciprocate it, fully, in return. To have a love that makes you desire to grow, and be transformed, and that constantly motivates you to want to be your best self, not because it demands it, but because it inspires it.

This is for the man that tore down my walls, I love you Jeremy Neipp.

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Can I just be super honest for a second here...how many can answer these questions realistically? And being honest, my heart wonders, why are you Christian and what do you really believe? Or if you don't, why? Now, don't get me wrong I'm not question my faith rather I'm questioning the foundations from which it was built, from which I built it. Do I really know the answers to these questions? And if I do, do I really believe them so plainly that I can answer them when I hear others ask them? Are we really with God out of guilt or fear of what may happen to us otherwise? Because if I met someone who can genuinely answer these for me without condeming or trying to spoon feed me, maybe things would be different? If I met people without a list of things for me to change about myself, or to make me feel completely distrusted with all that I am and have been, I think I'd approach God in a different way...Perhaps I wouldn't feel so crappy when I think about God? Perhaps I wouldn't run the other direction from churches out of fear of being judged and/or humiliated for the things I've done? I want to know the God of love...because somehow even after Jesus coming and dying on the cross for us, we are still hung up on hate, getting even, judgement and law...we've forgotten the most beautiful part which is Grace and Love. So how is it possible that we still paint a picture of a God of rules and regulations and condemnation and of forcing his ways upon us? A God who wants to bind us under him with these things? When what he really wants is to bring freedom in its totality...Right? I want to answer these questions. I want to discover the answers and I want to know what are the biggest reasons people turn away, or can care less to know? I'm not seeking to attack others or be attacked because like you I want to understand, I want to discover and learn...I'm coming from a place of curiosity, a place of questions, and confusion of what I see and understand, and what I see and am completely baffled by... I mean seriously, sometimes it feels like we are all looking at a different God, one that we created, or that someone else created for us...I want the God from the Bible. The sovereign God that is the same now that he was yesterday and that he was hundreds of years ago. I don't want man-made. I don't want religion. And I don't want a god based off of tradition and cultural beliefs, I want something real.