derangedsapphicenby

[derangedsapphicenby]

the idea of dating after coming out of a long term (lesbian) relationship feels so wild to me.

i see people jumping into the next and meanwhile i am trying to process the (nuclear) shadow that the relationship left me with.

[derangedsapphicenby]

i love how not being able to literally shower properly since i was 5 years old because of insane depression and dissociation, i finally find myself in my 20s, going to therapy and being able to take a shower every single day for the past 2 weeks.

feeling joy while doing so and can't imagine not doing it to destress from the day.

i love it when therapy works.

(and so does leaving your toxic lesbian relationship)

manifesting healing and joy for all my mentally ill folks out there.

it is possible, i promise.

it is not easy, but it is possible.

[derangedsapphicenby]

you're rubbing off on me 𓆝

[derangedsapphicenby]

i still wake up with things to tell you. and in another universe, we have done everything correctly. but i am not in another universe, and i am drowning in my grief and regret. but somehow, i am still standing. because i am not drowning, no matter how badly it feels like my lungs are heavy with water. i am only holding my breath. and one of these days, i will remember how to let it out, and take another breath in, until i have breathed all of my watery pain away. and i will be okay again without you.

[derangedsapphicenby]

lesbian break up of a 3.5 year relationship- even though i was the one to do it, i feel like i have made the biggest mistake of my life.

does it ever get easier?

i feel like literally jumping infront of the tracks.

[derangedsapphicenby]

me sexting: i feel like something bad is going to happen to me. i feel like something bad has happened. it hasn't reached me yet but it's on its way.

[derangedsapphicenby]

"everyone suddenly seems really stupid and aggressive" its brain damage from covid

"im sick all the time now and everyone at work is sick all the time" its immune system damage from covid

"im sick again, but i tested and its not covid haha" its still probably covid, rapid covid tests have been estimated at 30% positive accuracy by researchers who are factoring in strain mutation and user error

"no one can drive anymore, what happened" its brain damage from covid

"why am i suddenly mentally ill" its brain damage from covid

"i started feeling weak, breathless, confused, distracted, irritable and in pain but it was a while after i got covid so its not long covid" long covid sets in a random number of months after your covid infection and also asymptomatic covid can cause it

"ive still never gotten covid, isnt that great" unless you are an undiscovered genetic freak (possible) or youve been living in a clean room, you have had a covid infection. it may have been asymptomatic

"im sick but its from blood clots, heart disease, asthma, nerve damage, narcolepsy, etc" covid attacks the entire body and can cause all of these things as downstream effects

"ive already had covid so i probably have pretty good immunity by now" covid does not work like this. the more times you are infected, the more permanently injured you will become, and the more vulnerable to further covid infections and infections of all other viruses and bacteria

"ive been vaccinated so im safe" covid does not work like this. vaccination lowers your likelihood of developing severe infection, it does not protect you from contracting the virus

"well what am i supposed to do" wear a mask

[derangedsapphicenby]

Heh

[derangedsapphicenby]

Mornings ☀️

[derangedsapphicenby]

gihun × inho is made funnier if you consider that jun-ho is panicking somewhere and probably imagining all kinds of the absolute worst shit happening (gihun killed his brother, his brother killed gihun, gihun died immediately in the first game bcs it's gihun, inho got annoyed he didn't get chocolate milk for breakfast and gunned down all the players) desperately looking for that island the ENTIRE season meanwhile those two bitches are just chilling and throwing loving looks at each other and speedrunning a feel-good friends to lovers arc with a spicy betrayal/obsessive longing twist for good measure. they're going to break this man when he finally gets there.

like imagine jun-ho finally showing up in s3 and catching his brother inho watching his work bestie gihun on five different cameras not even blinking just staring and sipping chocolate milk like

[derangedsapphicenby]

Let's give it up for pining after your enemy!

[derangedsapphicenby]

I'm doing my part for the Gi Hun x In Ho fans

[derangedsapphicenby]

Me a couple of weeks ago: once the new year hits I'm gonna completely focus my mind on finally getting my shit together nothing can stop me in 2025 I'm gonna lock the fuck in

All that's actually going on in my mind in 2025: no but the way in that one scene where gi-hun mentioned the security cameras and everyone in the group looked up at the same time except for in-ho cause he was too busy staring at gi-hun 😭😭😭

[derangedsapphicenby]

Therapy is expensive, toxic old men yaoi is free

[derangedsapphicenby]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[derangedsapphicenby]

i like to play and draw

[derangedsapphicenby]