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... shes okay.  shes alive again.  shes back on tumblr.

... ... doesnt wanna deal with me though.  doesnt wanna follow me and would probably ignore me or block me or make some snide disgusted comment and not bother to acknowledge me if i followed her.

i guess i should expect that but somehow that still bothers me a lot.  go figure.  suddenly dont feel like bein online tonight.

... this is probably gonna end with me bein on tumblr a lot more just bein that fuckin awkwardly obsessive ex checkin on her a lot.  this is fuckin dumb. 

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really am wworried about her though.  not that that evven matters of course because wwhy wwould it matter.  but i do.

wwhatevver. 

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... think youre getting the wwrong idea there.  entirely. it wwas once and it wwasnt evven a pale thin to do.  hmn. 

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anyway.  sol youre not pathetic.  youre really not.  we all get thrown off by stupid shit sometimes and thats okay.  it doesnt matter.  you can have your moods theyre not somethin youre goin out a your way to have or anythin and i think you need to stop actin like thats the case.  we both know its not.

youre also not nearly as bad as you seem to think you are.  you know how i am.  if im not happy with somethin theres zero percent chance im gonna sit around sayin im okay with it when i know i can get better or anythin.  especially if its over someone whos alternates i still cant stand to see existin within my general vicinity.

you bein around makes me happy.  your very existence in my life as a stability is comforting more than you know.  you might be moody but knowin you kind a rely on me as much as you do gives me some kind a purpose and its really great.  i mean ive always had some thin for takin care of everyone and most people just dont let me do it but you do and stupid as it is thats really nice haha.

mm.  anyway.  you got the cutest fuckin smile and every time you laugh i cant help but fuckin laugh with you ...  i just ...  im really happy with you sollux captor.  so stop worryin about what you can do to be better because when i say im happy with you just bein you im not just sayin that.  i really am okay?

youre not too clingy.  i like it.  a lot. 

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ditchin your matesprit for an alternate a them.  that just seems wweird to me.  i mean its like youre tryin to reflect the wwhole 'if theyre alternates theyre the same person' bullshit on evveryone.

i hate that shit so fuckin much its not evven cool.  like wwho the FUCK thinks thats a thin?  ugh.  im pretty disappointed in you because i thought youd be better than that but i guess not.  wwhatevver. guess thats wwhy i dont talk to you much in the first place.  youre pretty much that kind a person to begin wwith.

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a lot can happen in a short amount of time huh?

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im so done wwith this wwhat am i sayin holy fuckin hell no i just hfsjk

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oh holy shit zahhak im just

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sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry

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... this is probably really stupid.  like really stupid but i dont know i guess i probably ... ... mph never mind if i even say it i know youre gonna have somethin to say about it an i dont know i dont wanna hear much a that. so im goin to vriskas hive an i know she doesnt wanna see me an i know shes in a violent mood an i think im just ... gonna let her get that out.  i know she wouldnt go so far as killin me so maybe thatll calm her down a little an stuff. i uh ... im sorry for all a this an stuff.  i guess.  i dunno.  ill try an be back later.  ... if im not ill be back in a few days.

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okay noww that im free to be bloggin wwithout interruption an all a that mess-- yeah i do still exist.  go figure.  i told you im not some thing a your imagination that disappears wwhen you figure out somethin an all okay? but hey you should.  i mean if youre busy an all you dont havve to but you should because i miss you an i got a lot to talk to you about an the good newws is most a it isnt mopey an depressivve.  meanin hey maybe i can be a better moirail noww an be more attentativve to shit goin on wwith you since the smallest concern for me isnt really wworryin so much as like ...  me wwonderin stuff i dont knoww its dumb haha. thins havve been good though.  a lot better than before that little thin.  i mean maybe ivve been poutin a bit but thats because i missed evverybody but im okay noww.  still miss you an thats still wworth poutin ovver but youll be back soon right?  so then it wwont be too much of a problem an evverythin. man its really dumb howw excited ivve been bein back on alternia i dont knoww.  i really missed goin wwhalin an stuff.  stupidly enough i might a just missed killin thins but um.  yeah.  its wwarmer here too as a general wwhole so thats nice for me.  but i think id still come there to vvisit you if you wwanted pfft.  just no more a that long term four wweeks plus at a time wwithout leavvin. howws evverythin goin in the movvin process?  an wwith you in general?  feelin any better or wwhatevver? <> 

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todays finally a good day.  only better if davve wwas around.  mm. davve im gonna come vvisit you as soon as youre around more okay?  thats a thin. 

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.. i miss everyone. youre not on. i cant tell her. an i dont know where sol or hersh are.

god i miss sol though.  im about to go lookin through the bee tag to make myself feel better.  ugh. 

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im just ...  so fuckin tired ...

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GT: tell him i don't hate him and just. GT: hold on, haha. CA: take your time john its okay GT: i dunno i just want him to know i don't hate him and i'm sorry i'm messed up. GT: and i think he needs to be more careful. GT: because sometimes he talks a lot but doesn't listen. GT: i guess he gets carried away in his thoughts which is ok but he needs to pay attention when...someone he cares about and that cares about him is trying to fix a problem. GT: so, yeah. maybe once he gets better at listening we can talk about stuff again.

uh.  here dave.  figured you seein it in his words might be better than me sayin it myself for you so.