diaryofachaoticsoul

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

oh, hot summer nights walking through neighborhoods while the sun is setting at 8pm and everything is a little orange and smells like cookouts and swimming pool chlorine when the wind blows

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

4/7/2025

One thing I love is seeing mothers loving their children. Seeing them play together, having fun, being affectionate. It just warms my heart.

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

What if we weren’t supposed to constantly better ourselves? What if we were supposed to get to know ourselves deeply and appreciate how we are?

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

“Forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”

— Unknown

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

“Your identity should be so secure that when someone walks away from you they don’t take you with them.”

— Unknown

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

and maybe real success looks like

a regulated nervous system.

not comparing yourself to others.

a kind inner dialogue.

being able to show up for yourself.

being able to let go.

knowing your own worth.

having authentic connections.

having good boundaries.

living a life that makes sense to you.

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

11/9/2024

Realising that to see the good in others makes me happier and feel lighter is almost an epiphany.

I’ve always been concentrated on what to look out for that I’ve always been focused on what’s bad in others, forgetting that people have multiple sides and one doesn’t necessarily cancel the others.

I understood this when I realised that I would like something in basically anyone if I got to spend time alone with them.

As I can find things I dislike or even hate in others, I can find things I enjoy and love about them as well (not everyone, of course). And when I focus on the good things, I actually enjoy people, I don’t get bothered by interactions and sometimes I’m even happy about having them.

This sounds so stupid and basic, but it was such an internalised way of seeing people that it’s a huge discovery for me.

I do have friends, and a lot close friends that are really amazing people, but I always get myself out of the opportunities I get to get close with new people because I don’t trust them and I see them from an annoyed and suspicious perspective.

And I’ve realised how happy it makes me to see people through a loving filter, an optimistic perspective.

Paying attention to how they worry about each other, how they play with animals, the unique expressions that each person makes, when two close friends pick up habits from one another, how they decor themselves through jewellery and accessories, how they look for company, the excitement in their eyes when they tell you about something that they love, how they accept other people even when they have flaws, … Such basic things (that you still can’t find in everyone) that make me feel affection towards other people.

I’ve always noticed these things, but I didn’t give them the right importance, my mind just thought “okay, they are not that bad”.

It’s the first time I really appreciate these things.

It’s a strange feeling, almost a connection, and I find it so beautiful.

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

20/8/2024

Reminding myself that just because someone is nice to me I don’t have to like them. If something feels off or annoys me I have the right to dislike them. It doesn’t mean I have to be rude or anything, I can be polite and still dislike them in private.

Sounds obvious, but my perfectionism doesn’t allow me to feel like I can experience all of my emotions unless there’s a perfect logical explanation for them and I’m working on breaking this thinking pattern

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

“My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.”

— Frank Ocean

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.”

— Carl Jung

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

[diaryofachaoticsoul]

“I like how sleeping next to someone means more than sex sometimes, the body’s way of saying ‘I trust you to be by my side at my most vulnerable time,’ you have no defenses when you are asleep, you tell no lies”

— Eric Shaw