dice-goblins-united

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Akira and Kuro: investigating the little homestead we've found, generally doing very productive things

Me and the two NPCs investigating a different house: (roll a 1 on investigation) That is a NICE TABLE! Look at that table! Look at the varnish! Someone around here must be a pretty good craftsman. And the WALL! Masonry!

We're about to get killed I know it

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she dunged on my dragons til i and

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"Using his giga-brain of love-"

Max only knows anything useful when it comes to the people he cares about. In this case, he's trying to figure out what monster his wife would like a carving of.

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"You're fuck."

I SAID "you're stuck" but being several thousand miles away, my mic cut out and everyone assumed I very poorly insulted akira

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(Toxion is investigating a tree house belonging to a dead aarakocra)

Toxion: I'm intrigued

Loki, out of character: in-tree-gued?

...i got put in time out

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"I'm scoding- sroding- fuck it. Scrotum's dilemma."

-Komodo, trying and failing to say Schrodinger.

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"I trust a man who fucked me!"

We're fighting a flying, flaming, boney lizard on an island. Our captain friend is waiting on his ship on the coast. We've sent up a flare and are hoping the captain will see the lizard and shoot his canons at it.

Max: Hyles will see it and shoot at it

Toy Solider: Do you really trust Hyles though?

Max:

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Accidentally bought my cat cantrip instead of catnip and now she’s casting eldritch blast at me from the overlook of her cat tree while demanding wet food only

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"We could just drive the [floating] castle into the ocean! Oh wait no, cause tiesamis"

Komodo, attempting to say the word 'tsunami'. We've been laughing. For ten minutes. Don't blame her too hard, we've all been dumb this session.

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Context: We're going to ask the town artificer, Little Max to come on a trip with us to rescue Liam, and when we knock on his workshop door, we hear rustling before he answers it. When he opens the door, we see Big Max's daughter leaping out the window half dressed. I roll a 1 on perception and don't notice this. Toy Soldier: Whatcha makin? Toxion: a baby We all lost our shit for a good minute.

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"I am the only god here"

-me, when talking about blinking out loud since I don't have eyelids. This set off a chain reaction that resulted in my and the warlock's evil patron offering Max his power. :)

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"So you grab the cat"

Komodo's running a oneshot. Our 4th-level tour guide just refused to enter a room in a dungeon first, claiming to our 2nd-level selves that he's "squishy". Akira rolled a 20 to throw him in ahead of us

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there should be a secret 8th day of the week just for playing dnd

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I think my catchphrase might be ‘am I dead’ and it’s not for reasons you would think

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Four hour shopping trip

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Our fighter is using "know thy enemy". As the DM is telling her his stats, both of them launch into a russian accent for absolutely no reason. They do this the whole time.

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Our discord server has a time-out channel. Yes, I was the first one to get stuck in it. No, I don't wanna talk about it.