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Literally everybody does have that friend named Polonius that hides behind their tapestries

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sometimes i say “i think” but actually i know. on account of being the knower.

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i wish u could hold out ur hand to pigeons and they’d come sniff it like cats would & they’d go ooo rooo rorooo oo and let u pet them. alas bird flu

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no amount of employment could stop me posting on tumblr dot com

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Teach a horse to fish, you’ll live for a day. Look a horse in the ,mouth… live forever?

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locusts are SO fucked up. imagine if your apartment complex got too crowded during a drought so everyone in it started overproducing serotonin until they gained 100lb of pure muscle and then chewed through the drywall of every building in the neighborhood

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one william dollars isnt even that much money anymore due to the flation

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how it feels to stop tossing and turning and get up to piss

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Arugula is some crap they found on the ground for real

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i listened to my body and it's asking for substances

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“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

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why is club penguin shaped like the toilet from art ?

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just got shot by a sniper rifle