dissociated-by-association

[dissociated-by-association]

So it’s my birthday again….

28 this year. I never thought I would make it this far. I thought for sure I wouldn’t make it past 27 if I even lasted that long. I wish I could be happy about it, but….. instead it’s just surreal and confusing. I don’t know what to do with all this. Wish I could just stay in bed today…

[dissociated-by-association]

[dissociated-by-association]

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[dissociated-by-association]

“It’s okay to be sad. You don’t owe anyone a performance of being okay when you feel like you’re falling apart.”

— Daniell Koepke

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I feel so disgusting and uncomfortable in my own skin I don’t wanna be here

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Why would anyone want me in their lives I’m a fucking mess and all I do is hurt people and fuck things up so I don’t blame them when they leave bc I would leave myself in a heartbeat if I fucking could

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I feel like I keep doing everything wrong

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I could just take all the pills in my house and make everyone's lives so much better

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i might be doing really terrible on the emotional regulation front but in my defense ive had a gaping hole in my chest since i was 12

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“My eyes are painfully open, and I want to escape.”

— Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diary; 1939-1947

[dissociated-by-association]

guilttripping // frank iero and the cellabration

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[dissociated-by-association]

[dissociated-by-association]

I couldn’t protect her things.

I couldn’t protect her.

And now everything’s a mess and she’s shutting me out and I think I’ve lost her I was too much too me not controlled enough like she’s used to and I think maybe she doesn’t want this anymore doesnt want me to protect her doesn’t want to do this with me anymore

I can’t tell if it’s the panic attack if it’s all in my head but she doesn’t even want me to try to fix it I can feel her anger and I didn’t mean to inadvertently hurt her and I want to make it right she’s my everything I would do anything for her I feel so lost and I can’t stop having this attack and I just wanna scream

[dissociated-by-association]

i don’t know how to plan for the future i never thought i’d have