#dissociated text post

[dissociated-by-association]

So it’s my birthday again….

28 this year. I never thought I would make it this far. I thought for sure I wouldn’t make it past 27 if I even lasted that long. I wish I could be happy about it, but….. instead it’s just surreal and confusing. I don’t know what to do with all this. Wish I could just stay in bed today…

[thatonegaybrit]

; having bad memory is absolutely terrifying when you realize you genuinely CAN'T remember something. it's gone, maybe it never happened, you've forgotten something and it's soso scary.

[thevhscollectivez]

Hi, i genuinely need help

[i have dyslexia sorry for missed typos if any]

So us and our partner system have our own place. We're both systems to reiterate (traumagenic if it matters??) we're both out of our abusers homes and kind of our own.

We both have a part time job (cant change that as of right now). i make $15 (not including any mini bonuses for certain criteria) and our partner sys makes about the same amount? idk

But the issue is that we are blindly trying to live life as we both kind of only know some things about adulting. the most help we've had is food sometimes given to us, random little things here and there, been shown some food banks, and some minor etc.

Which is still incredibly helpful but we werent taught anything too important. I know how to cook (partner sys doesnt) but they know how to do laundry. Things like that.

we're 18 bodily and our partner system is 19 bodily. we've been living together for 8 months, they lived with us and our parents (before we moved out) for 4 months.

So with all of this out the way, here is the main issue i need help with

Our mental health is severely impacting our home. Both systems. We're both disabled with absolutely no benefits or anything and have low income. We have two cats (both getting rid of them.)

Our house keeps getting filthy and we dont know how to manage it. We keep getting bugs, our cats got worms and we seriously dont want to be abusing them. Our sink is full constantly and clothes are everywhere. It isnt as bad as the house i grew up in but i never learned how to really clean without it be constant abuse in the process. (for both systems)

Any tips? Like, any?

We both have sensory issues, are disabled, mentally ill, and experience depressive episodes and burn out nearly constantly. our partner system has hoarding tendencies as well that they're working through.

Things that would help is

- how to clean the house properly

- how to develop a routine of it

- how to stay on top of tasks before the house gets bad

- how to work with our disabilities

- how to work around our Poly Fragmented DID (our partner system has OSDD)

- how to work with sensory processing issues when cleaning

- how to do this all with low income (i cant pay someone to clean our house)

- how to more properly take care of two cats

- anything else that would be helpful.

We got new dish gloves to help with sensory issues when hand washing dishes. When cleaning up big mass grime i know how to clean mold and build up but i dont want it to get like that again. Thats what im currently dealing with.

please, im begging you. we cant keep doing this. both of our systems hate this.

[bl0w-m3]

The sun: *goes down*

My brain: “you’ve done literally everything wrong in your life and let’s go through every major childhood traumatic event in great detail”

[syscultureis]

system culture is reading all the posts on this blog and imagining they were all submitted by different alters in the same humongous system

Plot twist every ask is just our own system talking about our own experiences and no one else/j

[mach1nehera1d]

I've been too serious and sad recently, I need a Jayce so I can squeeze his big naturals like a stress toy.

[caitlyn--k]

It's odd how I've just been flinching at being called the body's name. Not even it's dead name either, but the name that was chosen by its old host years ago. I just feel uncomfortable every time I'm referred to as it when I'm fronting.

I wish I could find it in me to trust our therapist and speak to her about this. But she just gives me every reason not to trust her. I dislike this.

[sev-1ka]

Communication in this system with certain alters is shit. I have to learn most important information through what is essentially run off — crumpled notes in our pockets, notes written in apps on our phone, posts on their blogs etc. I would love it if they would directly communicate with me.

[mach1nehera1d]

Tired of peoples bullshit. It may be the tism, but why can't people just be straightforward? I despise it when people lie and make up shit to cover their asses.

I get less angry if you're just straightforward about a situation. You're late? Say you're late. Honesty goes farther with me than lying yourself into a hole does.

Even more so when people say something incorrectly or refer to something/someone incorrectly. Don't cover it up and try to gaslight the other person, "I didn't say that, you're hearing things." You said that, and you're pissing me off by trying to pretend that you didn't. Communicate like the adult you are, suck up your fucking ego, admit you were wrong, and apologize.

Work wise: The fact our supervisor and coworkers are so inconsistent has me thinking the body might end up prematurely bald from how much I yank at our hair.

We have a schedule FOR A REASON! USE IT DAMN IT.

And transportation? Don't you dare claim you're going to pick me up at one time, then switch it up at the LAST SECOND! LAST SECOND. Their excuse? DODNT EVEN GIVE ME ONE.

A three hour difference. A three hour distance of what the original pickup time was. Make that make sense.

I'm so fucking tired.

[mddienln]

Posting here because I'm apparently not allowed to make my own blog.

I'm craving tap water, I don't know why.

[redflagzsys]

am i the only other system that feels super weird when someone treats me like i'm an entirely different person than everyone else in my system.

like i talk to someone that's never met me and they start talking to me as if i'm not just a part of a whole but rather an entirely different person.

is that normal??

[swordofazrael1992]

thinking about how bruce and jp/az manage to have the most insane father and son dynamic while also not considering each other father and son. like. just the number of parallels between the way jean paul (jr) sees jean paul(sr)/azrael and the way she sees bruce/batman is. mind blowing

and i did not mean for this to become a post about the secret third member of the system (HI @dustorange i did see your tags) (and before we go any further i am not a dissociative system but i am currently studying psychology in college and have done a lot of my own research) because i don’t feel like i have the best grasp of knightfall and want to reread it at least once b4 i analyze it BUT. we know that part of their programming is azrael being triggered into fronting when the visage of azrael is worn, i.e. when the mask of the armor is put on. and then we go to knightfall, and we see jp/az beginning to experience significant identity confusion/alteration, both between the two of them and between them and batman…a mantle given to them by a character who is a narrative parallel to the father that programmed them…who wears a mask……there are thoughts you can have here

this is not to say that jean paul and azrael are not responsible for the actions in knightfall because ooooh secret third guy did it not them so it’s fine right? nope! and this is where character analysis becomes difficult for me, because while jean paul and azrael (and azbats) are different, they arent always distinct due to the ways dissociative disorders function. that’s part of the identity confusion/alteration piece of complex dissociation (e.g. being blurry, being unsure of who you are, co-consciousness, passive influence, etc). not to mention system accountability—it doesn’t matter if it wasn’t jp or az who did it, it still happened, and they still have to deal with the ramifications of it. 

in addition, even if they were the only two alters pre-sword of azrael (1992), it is entirely likely that jean paul and azrael were experiencing enough distress to cause a split. their father died. jean paul discovered she had actually been under the control of a cult her entire life. two decades of programming were activated. they left the cult that had been controlling them the entire time and they no longer attended college (remember jean paul was at university at the beginning of soa 92). that is multiple traumas followed by huge changes to structure and routine, not to mention the episode of psychosis. splits occur due to stress, and splits also might reflect the trauma/distress at their source.

so when you take all of that with the fact that jean paul and azrael were suddenly without a father, without a mantle, without a cause, without a mask, and then look at azbats. 2 + 2 = 4

[falsisystem]

it’s just so crazy to me how some systems on tumblr seem to know who they are all the time, who’s fronting, and have a clear line that separate each alter’s personality. i can only even name 3 or 4 headmates, and idk who I am right now, maybe none of them and maybe a mix of one of them and something else entirely. I was reading things we’ve wrote over the past few days and I just know I’m not Z or jane cause I don’t remember whatever the fuck zoey did that “fucked us over” as Jane put it in one of her rants, seriously can’t remember for the life of me, and it seems somewhat serious. jfc I’m in a dark place rn.

[dpdr-n-more--archive]

I'm so fucking disgruntled with the online community around dissociative disorders because it not dissociative disorders as a whole, its the ones that result in systems and alters. Not DPDR, Not dissociative amnesia, not the other types of OSDD or USDD that DONT result in alters or a system. Just the system ones. I cant even search dpdr without havibg to scroll through 10 system posts that misuse DPDR as a term for the symptoms (depersonalization and derealization) rather than the actual disorder that the abbreviation is for. (You cant have two dissociative disorders at once btw). Stop forgetting us. Stop ignoring us and our conditions. Stop minimizing our symptoms and experiences in comparison to yours. Stop saying dissociative experiences and repersentation are immediately DID related. (omori specifically).

EDIT: it is possible to have two dds at once:

"Technically you can "have" two dissociative disorders at once but you generally wont get a diagnosis as its pointless to have a DID/OSDD diagnosis and DPDR diagnosis because the prior two Technically encompass DPDR. "

Creds to @urlocal-colorpalette-generator

[caitlyn--k]

Dreams, as a system and an alter, are really interesting honestly. Some I remember, some they do and I don't. Sometimes I end up fronting when the body wakes up with the faintest hint of what the last alter/the body/subconscious(??) was dreaming of (before I completely forget).

Might try to convince our Viktor to do some study on DID and how it effects dreaming, since he loves to get hyperfixated on the most random shit and study the hell out of it.

[best-buy-faxmachine]

i'm gonna kiss my boyfriend on the mouth he's researching NPD so he can understand me better...... hhhhvhfhdhddhdjdj