doremiz

[doremiz]

( i don't know where this is set in but whatever )

world tours were - complicated. she remembers briefly her producer had asked her if she was sure she was ready. not for the crowds, or the energy, that kind of thing flowed in doyeon naturally. he had asked her if he was ready for the schedules, for the jet lag, for being away form home and all that made her comfortable. 

in that instance she’d argued that being on stage was how she knew how to be comfortable and it’s the only place that could really do it for her. she’d grown used to the jet lag, she’d grown used to early rehearsals and late rehearsals. she’d started to open up to her labelmates in a way she didn’t think she could. she’d started to meet with them around the cities they’d visited, clad in face masks and heavy coats or sunglasses and laughter. she found more people she graviated to other than her dancers or her closer friends and the welcome buzz of the group when they congregated on the stage for the final songs.

she’d found that she loved being on tour. she loved being out, she loved the rush of it all, contrary to what her producer had thought. but then again, sometimes she’s sure kang knows her better than she thought.

because the tour had lasted approximately six months, give or take. the team took rests in a few cities but nothing longer than a day or two and it only encompassed europe and most of asia, it wasn’t as long as it could have been. but even those four months she hadn’t fully prepared for. no, for those months what she wasn’t prepared for, was keeping up with herself and her emotions. she knew she’d miss home, but she wasn’t sure what she’d missed exactly. naturally there was some level of cuisine that home provided that didn’t quite satisfy in foreign countries, of course there was a comfort in speaking her native tongue that she had to struggle without translators. but what doyeon didn’t consider, was while she might miss a few friends and her apartment, she didn’t think her heart would ache, flutter at the thought of going home. previously - she’d didn’t think she’d have anyone to quite miss like that. 

and yet. the first thing she’s doing when she’s waking up from the final flight, or even the last thing she’d done before going to going to sleep the night prior to boarding - she’d texted him. it had been simple, i’ll be home message with a couple stars and quite the excited emoji next to it. that doesn’t change that the recipient just so happens to have a star next to his name, and had been at the top of her contact list since she’d left for the tour. that doesn’t change the fact that the recipient had taken up all her time while she was supposed to be resting, sharing the ins and outs of her discoveries on tour. her laughter trying to be quiet during obvious time difference and video calls to show off scenery.

no, she didn’t know she would be in this position. rushing past her manager to get in the car, insisting that she’ll debrief about the tour later but she has plans. ignoring the looks everyone gives her and the giggles some of her dancers who’d been closer and heard her late night conversations give. she ignores them all, and ignores how foreign it is to her that she’s rushing, that her heart is thumping at every message she gets back.  

kang really does know her better than she thought. because here she is, tucked in a booth, late night and away from anyone who could bother them. here she is, having rushed to see jaesil of all people. having thrown on anything she could as they’d promised - he’d promised to give her authentic food so he could ‘hear he laugh in person again’ as soon as she got back. jae who’d been insufferable in how he kept up with her during the tour, complimenting her stylists after pictures of night’s show, calling her for her walks on the city, and never failing to text good morning and nights despite time difference. jae - who has been such a constant before the tour and after that she didn’t feel lonely.

jae - who became what she considered home. all the time spent before the tour had made her grown much more fond of his presence, and she missed it - she craved it. 

‘told you i’d show you great food once you got back.’

god she’s even missed his voice. it strikes her as odd, how the easy teasing they’d engaged in before the tour, the quick remarks and snappy comebacks, became something so fond and so dear as she was away. how the ‘what are you doing dummy’ turned into ‘did you even eat yet’ and she could hear the undertones. she started to know him well enough that she’s even missed the smug expression that she could only imagine through text - as it settles on his face. he looks good, well, she knows he’s been busy but he still managed to get this set up.

“please - like you just didn’t want an excuse to bother me.”

because now, whether she wants to admit it or not - something has settled in between all the quips and the teasing. something that it might’ve taken a while for doyeon to admit, let settle in her mind - but it takes one look at him to realize it’d already settled. with how he leans against the booth, how his eyes have found ways to scan every part of her since she’s sat here. how he’s commented about how she looks, her laugh, her smile. all of it comes back full force now that he’s before her, and her face definitely shows it. 

“what is it?”

doyeon’s not shy, in the same why she’s not stupid. she knows tension, she knows attraction, she’s passed it, lived it, she sings about it. but when it’s sitting before her, in a way that’s so calm and confident - it throws her off. jae’s eyes finally meet hers and she takes a sip of her beer to cool off. maybe she just drinks it so she can move, loosen up whatever tighten is in her body.

‘i’ll make up all the excuses to see you blush like this.’

doyeon chokes down the rest of the beer. and if her cheeks weren’t red before - she can definitely feel it now. jaesil’s gaze hasn’t changed, and he hasn’t moved save for the same smirk quirking up just a little bit more. the amusement is even more irritating when it’s on a face she can’t hate. 

‘sorry. was i not supposed to notice?’ “finish your drink and stop looking at me like that.” ‘stop looking at me like you don’t want me to stop.’

doyeon groans because she can almost hear the comeback before he makes it. but in jaesil fashion he leans forward, elbows on the table, beer forgotten and eyes choosing to roam anywhere and everywhere. doyeon can only avert her gaze from the back of the beer bottle for so long. she’s not blind. she’s not daft. she knows what it means when men give her that look, just how jaesil is very picky about who he release any emotions to. she just - hadn’t fully comprehend what coming home meant. she hadn’t solidified that coming home meant coming home to a person who felt like home.

“so what now?”

because there’s the stare there’s the tension but there’s always this comfort that settles over. it’s what made her open up in the studio the first time and it’s why she can smile, laugh and let loose now. 

‘studio.’

because no matter what - she never feels worried - stressed around him. because he makes it clear that the moves are in her ball park and the shots are hers. he gives her time, he gives her space and he does it all while being infuriatingly charming. if it weren’t so endearing she’d be upset. doyeon smiles, beer now forgotten and denim jacket over her shoulders.

“studio.”

she’s home now and she’s spending it with the exact person that’s started to make it feel like one. she can’t ask for anything better. and maybe - if it’ll get jaesil to act like this, she’ll go on tour just a little bit more, just to miss him.

[doremiz]

[doremiz]

Leehi_hi: Thank you all💗🎂💗

#Happy22LeeHi

[doremiz]

ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY ⤳ side a + side b

for when they break your heart, but then you remember who you are • img

[doremiz]

NAME:  Oh Doyeon  ALIAS:  Doe like DoReMe AGE:  24 FAMILY:  None. SIGNIFICANT OTHER:  none, recent ex yes, been single since about a month before joining the company so.

𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻.

RELIGIOUS BELIEF:  Christian. SINS:  greed  /  gluttony  /  sloth  / lust  / pride  /  envy  /  wrath VIRTUES: chastity  /  charity  /  diligence  /  humility /  kindness /  patience /  justice PRIMARY GOALS IN LIFE: Right now her main focus is debut above all things, but the focus behind all of that is constant growth and discovery in the kind of artist she wants to be and how she wants to present herself. Since that’s more of a stepping stone than a long-term goal, in the future rather than attending music festivals she wants to arrange a jazz one much like Seoul’s Jazz Festival, and invite the many people who’ve inspired her. KNOWN LANGUAGES: Korean, English. SECRETS: she doesn’t talk about her family, for obvious reasons but she just doesn’t talk because people don’t ask. she doesn’t have a lot to hide really as she’s a pretty open book. SAVVIES: writing, playing bass, eating bingsu. 

𝙿𝙷𝚈𝚂𝙸𝙲𝙰𝙻.

BUILD:   scrawny  / bony  /  slender /  fit  /  athletic  /  curvy  /  herculean  /  pudgy  /  average HEIGHT:   5′5″ SCARS / MARKS: just a few beauty marks underneath her right eyelid. ABILITIES / POWERS: to make every staff member under abc unable to yell at her during sessions. making producer kang smile before he’s had his morning coffee. RESTRICTIONS:  is especially hard on herself when she doesn’t need to.

𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂.

FOOD:  likes things that are subtle and sweet and cold treats the best. also meat. meat always. DRINK: Cola. PIZZA TOPPING:  Extra cheese, thin crust please. COLOUR:  Pink. MUSIC GENRE:  Pop, indie, rnb, hiphop. BOOK GENRE:  tends to gravitate towards poetry books and biographies of artists she likes. MOVIE GENRE:  older films, noir films from old hollywood. SEASON:  Winter CURSE WORD:  Shitballs. SCENT(S):   Jasmine.

𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾𝙼.

BOTTOM OR TOP:  Whoop. SINGS IN THE SHOWER:  Always. LIKES BAD PUNS:  yES.

tagged by : @jaesilk

[doremiz]

jaesilk‌:

{ ... } 

“yeah well, sort of. you sing jazz on a regular?” it sounded like that at least, if the any other jazz piece could be assumed to mean she had a habit of doing so. he wouldn’t be surprised.

it had nothing to do with the current song playing and nearing its end, although she’d noted that she couldn’t quite stray from the original version and the voices that originally recorded over this melody, he wouldn’t call her attempt at making it hers a complete failure. for one, her tone and control were a lot better without needed the tuning edge that most producers had to use these days to level out any flaws most artists could not perfectly shield from the final recording.

jaesil himself was a lover of effects on final products. he just enjoyed the distortion of his natural tone, and the myriads of colors it could give to something as simple as even a ballad. to mix different sounds and have it be his own genre, although in these days and age it was hard to make up any new genre. experimenting often times ended up putting you in a category already made because the saturation in this field was well beyond its time. that had its disadvantage.

none of which jaesil ever took into account. it always had to be about feeling at ease with your own way of doing things. if you didn’t like it, then why would you expect anyone else to?

she’s stopped singing in favor of taking down all the notes ( with a lot of her own thoughts and processing as well ). despite initial embarrassment that might’ve come from suddenly taking his offer and singing the song to a different cue it’s washed away by the reality that this is a good idea, that hm he knows what he’s talking about. which isn’t a surprise but she’s always surprised when people find out things about her voice and her ability that she’s never considered.

even as doyeon’s always sang jazz and always taken the time to immerse herself in it, it was still something that came out without much refinement or thought. it was still something drawn from emotions and drawn from a need to say or do in the form of a song. in the form of notes of vocals that leave nothing up to imagination. when she’d joined doyeon had been understanding of the changes that might occur, she’d accepted it and been open to trying anything she could. within reason.

“i was singing jazz when i got scouted. it was a rendition of one of their older artist’s song.”

she hadn’t considered that the style they’d decided on for her was the exact one she’d already eased into. that’s only because in her past experience there were so many changes, so many expectations against who she was - she tried being more open, more willing. she knew her strengths of course, but something about abc executives and trainers had her feeling she would welcome whatever was thrown. she trusted them and their process more than she could admit - and that’s also where the fear came. the fear of not matching up to whatever idol they’ve seen and the fear of seeing disappointment each time she played a track.

she could deal with it. she was dealing with it. but there’s a certain comfort now, at realizing that maybe they didn’t need her to be the people in the demos, just be what they’d seen that first day. better though, much better.

she’s smiling as she scribbles the notes for the arrangement.

listening to the arrangement again, kang really made it to fit a jazz style, no wonder i couldn’t get it right. “sly old man.” but it’s all out of fondness, the revelation having her hand run across the pages, the song having ended a while ago. doyeon’s talking to herself for the most part, her words low and lost in everything she tries to put down before it leaves her head. so much information comes to her during these sessions she’s always worried she’ll leave something important out. 

it leaves her excited for what will come next. 

“so maybe i can’t sing it like the queen park bom, but maybe that’s not the point.” she’d been worried, super worried for this session despite how easily she’d gone into it. despite even how she’d come in cheerfully and open. she’d expected another day of confusion and absorbing without being able to properly deliver. like usual, the sessions with abc artists are more effective than they realize. “i’m a fool that’s the first thing he told me when he started.” but she’s up and stretching all her limbs to boot up the main computer.

“can we get one in before the others come in to continue with us?” 

the excitement is back, in different forms of course. 

chapter 1

[doremiz]

if i were a month, i’d be september. if i were a planet, i’d be saturn. if i were a god or goddess, i’d be a muse. if i were a sea animal, i’d be a seahorse. if i were a piece of furniture, i’d be a record player. if i were a gemstone, i’d be a topaz. if i were a flower, i’d be a tiger lily. if i were a kind of weather, i’d be fall afternoons. if i were a color, i’d be orange. if i were an emotion, i’d be excitement. if i were a fruit, i’d be a mango. if i were a sound, i’d be the echo after a piano note. if i were an element, i’d be earth. if i were a place, i’d be the atmosphere above a city. if i were a taste, i’d be sherbet ice cream.  if i were a scent, i’d be vanilla ice cream. if i were an object, i’d be a vinyl collection. if i were a body part, i’d be the bicep. if i were a song, i’d be remember - katie.

[doremiz]

jaesilk‌:

{ ... }

“pressure is good, it pushes the potential.” trying to make it was like running down that train track with the engine of a train behind you constantly reminding you that you had to be faster. faster. faster. if you didn’t want to become a fly stuck to its front window. 

“you shouldn’t hold back just because he gives you someone else’s track to work on though, especially when their vocals are on par with yours.” because pressure could become nerves, it could become lack of confidence, it could become many other things than support. can i make it before i crash? can my heart keep up with this pace? it was just something about the way her voice seemed to want to imitate at times, rather than go out of the 2ne1 like figurines he was sure was looming over her head because of kang’s remark. 

“you’ve missed a lot of opportunity to try to emulate their voices, it’s always hard to not want to sing like someone else.” what did he know though right? a lot. a lot more than he even realized himself. ears trained for years and years to catch every single thing. happily too. he leaned back against the couch, his pencil back between his fingers, flipping through the spaces of them. there it was, what her voice reminded him of, he quietly interjected with a suggestion “have you tried to go jazzy with it?” 

“yes yes master splinter pressure makes diamonds we know this.”

she’s grown from her last sessions though. she could admit to that, before she admitted to anything else that would make her producers boast more than they needed to. the first recording sessions were awkward, unfamiliar and she’d done the first few recordings with a frog stuck in her throat. the notes wouldn’t come as they were all stuck in her head. what they needed to be, what they might be, what they couldn’t be. kang had said it was natural but it’d felt unnatural to her. singing emotions into a mic, and even worse singing emotions around strangers.

doyeon had often thought she was above getting choked up about things like that. about being vulnerable and bare. but that was easier when the room was dark, lit with only the candles on the tables and around the barstools. it was much harder when five men were watching, waiting and expecting.

even after the audition was nailed, sold, the contract written, assured and signed. even then doyeon was sure she wasn’t pulling exactly what they’d heard from that night in the bar. and then maybe they hadn’t heard anything, she’d considered that. and from that came the thought that whatever they’d seen past that or whatever future they envisioned, she wasn’t delivering as she should. 

the first sessions were a mess. but that’s because she was so and there was nothing wrong with that. that was the hardest part about it. she’d always known the emotions adn the things she sang for were a jumbled mess that managed to tumble out and make sense. even if the sense was but a note that got some heads turning. the problem was that mess wasn’t always what was needed and she needed to be more, needed to sift through it. the hurt, the desire, the sources. 

doyeon’s reality was that she couldn’t just go home and belt in her shower in anger. she couldn’t sit int he fear and let that fuel the music. she had to learn and learn and learn and stop the urge to plug her ears or look away when she played her files before producer kang. maybe nowadays her hands don’t shake as much but it was getting easier. easier to listen and laugh as she took notes, to stick her tongue out at a snide comment, to feel good in the process.

“i’m worried in an attempt to be too much like them, i’ll lose parts of me. but then if i’m too me i won’t match up to what the originals had.” she can’t emulate their exact emotions that’s true. but they would come out differently, sound differently naturally because the experiences were different. she just couldn’t make the experience hers and she knew kang would notice. she’s not surprised her senior can pick up on her reservations, kang had marked them with red every time she opened her mouth.

of course he wasn’t at the top and the backbone of the company if he couldn’t. neither of them were. it’s frustrating and all of it comes out as her feet kicking underneath the table, the rotating chair wiggling against the edges. the pen’s in her mouth, the track still running as she contemplates his words.

"get jazzy with it?” the laugh that comes out, really she shouldn’t be held responsible for the disrespect. it should fall on him for his choice of words. but he’s not wrong. “try singing it how i’d sing any other jazz piece?” now the pen’s tapping to the beat she’s picked up on. and she’s humming. she’s thinking, well he’s her senior for a reason. her voice picks up over the recording, letting her tone drop in order to rise to the emotions jazz and soul pull from her.

he might be onto something.

chapter 1

[doremiz]

[doremiz]

jaesilk‌:

one doodle, two doodles, three, four, five, countless. stop counting. one frog. one little airplane. filling every empty spot on the piece of paper in this sketchbook. he was no picasso, thank you, but he was definitely somewhat good at this. this being ignoring the table that faced the windowed screen where he should be sitting instead of the couch that faced it. the room was small, he’d always loved being enclosed here, away from the world. 

from every little sound but the ones he chose to fill the studio with. it was a little magical, the echo always perfectly matching every stroke of his pencil on the blank paper. at least, that was something he’d realized once he took the habit. then it was, why hadn’t he been doing this all his life? listening to music while doodling was the ultimate best thing to do instead of making music. drawing little shapes was fast becoming a skill. they often times said that one could grow the weirdest interest in the self introspection of their self. 

well, jaesil was there, in the center of that introspection and he knew he was a perfect airplane drawers. birds too. he was absolutely a genius at clouds. cars were so good looking when they were just awkward lines on a white paper. he was curving the round of a wheel when the door opened and something else filled in with the music he’d been blasting through his earphones. it was only a buzz really, he wondered if she wasn’t seeing that he was not–listening. 

but he was looking, staring, intently and caching a few words, jaesil’s fingers were still now. since they weren’t using the pencil anymore, it fell to the side on the leather of the couch and he lifted a hand to tug one of the earphones out for the echoing buzz to register i love you by 2ne1. 

“it’s a good song.” what about it? well, he was sure she’d been rambling about the what about it part but jaesil had caught none of it. his manners were lacking on–everyday, they were lacking everyday based on some personal account of his own friends roasting him whenever he missed a cue on how to behave like a normal human being. it was hard. not being silk, was not easy. cut him some slack. he cleared his throat, did not let himself drum his left foot, he wouldn’t start getting antsy now. 

“how new are you? i am pretty sure that song came for me on my,” it was a practical thing to use some basic songs to train newcomers, the same formula fed to them to see their level with the same base. it was a good way to build foundation, a solid one. “third year or so. it was the third year mark.” 18 and with the stars already in his eyes. good times. if he was right she was probably recording the track for some practice. some test. from the one and only kang. who had a thing for giving certain artists to his favorites. 2ne1? definitely for favorites, he was a little too obvious sometimes. 

he leaned forward, doodle book on the table and elbows on knees. jaesil couldn’t hold back on a grin, “play it, i’m curious.” 

for all her prep time, for all her sessions, one thing doyeon’s learned is to process every listening session from a new perspective. that and the fact that carrying the same notes to the same session got her quite an earful from the producer. she’s learning that she’s not in a position to be content ( not that she ever was ) but there’s always something to analyze, something to listen to and learn from. when she’s thought she’s heard a snare in the background there’s an octave change that can be done, or a style change that’s possible.

it’s so much to take in and if she doesn’t fully immerse herself in it, she’d not doing herself, or the producers any favors.

at abc doyeon’s learned that the best place to be is stuck and the best person to be is a student, so she’s as hungry as possible, spending every second allowed full of dissection and absorbing.

the notes for the previous session had specific member parts lined out first, bom, dara, minzy and cl. producer kang had told her specifically not to try to sing like 2ne1 to match the song and doyeon had found that not only disrespectful but difficult in its own right. if she was doing karaoke at 2 am for her ten thousandth time of practicing the song, of course she was going to try cl’s sultry, minzy’s deep tones or bom’s power. of course.

because it’s a good song. it’s a great song, beyond the accolades of the song itself and the group behind it, it was a great song. “joined towards the end of last year actually.” it was something of an early christmas present to herself and a damn good start to 2020. “i’m glad we’re using it but the pressure’s on now and producer kang’s bias is bom and he keeps acting like it isn’t and i can’t quite be-----” doyeon pauses, the frustration building up in the middle of her nose. she exhales and switches to flipping from the previous page with emotion circled in big words to a blank page.

first there’s producer kang who liked it and now there’s her senior here. minus that she’d forgotten he’d been in the industry already when it came out. he’d seen the rise, the hype - the standard and ---

nope.

---- doyeon drops all the pressure that could come from continuing those thoughts. she isn’t here to worry about that. it’s going to stew later, much later in fact but she’s got hot showers and purple bathroom lights to fight it. now she has to work. so she’s going ahead with his comment, thumb running over button and gel pen fastened in her hand. she has a system, new comments are written in black, repeating comments in purple, she’ll put what seniors say in orange and what producers say in red.

right off the bat the first note hits and she’s writing already.

positive notes get written in pink.

chapter 1

[doremiz]

chapter 1

@jaesilk // yeehaw mothertrucker

doyeon prepares well for the weekends. she gets all her homework done for university thursday. she typically reviews everything from the previous weekend during the week and has extensive notes on every topic. 

she preps well because weekends are her golden days.

they’re less crammed with university classes and ultimately less expectant of what she had to offer and what she had to do.  it’s not something she fancies and thats why her strictly managed weekdays are often exhausting, she powers through knowing she has a full three days of focused and intentional practice on vocal, production and lyrical content.

on these golden days doyeon’s usually up and out earlier than necessary, books in tow in her faithful chai-huahua tote and coffee in her hand. triple shot with three pumps of vanilla and no milk. abc’s recording studios are in a separate building, away from the bustle of the regular trainees, pristine rooms decorated by to the style of whoever frequents them. today she’s training with producer kang and by tradition he’s given her a buttload of work to study over the weekend, including studying her last session with him ( which fyi was terrible ).

she’s prepped naturally for the self-roast she’s going to do when he arrives, and she’s planned on getting some final revisions in before that. 

what she doesn’t plan is after entering the code and powering her way in to the tune of lucky by britney spears is for someone to already be there. whenever there are people already in the studio they’re accompanied by their team and usually the producer covering her lesson for the day. which is why five minutes prior doyeon is belting out a particularly ungodly note on her way in and spinning in the producer’s chair before her eyes fall in him.

the bows and pleasantries come first, the attempt to catch her coffee comes next, and the sigh of pure relief is last.

“producer kang didn’t tell me i’d be shadowing todaaaay.” it’s a lame excuse, probably not one she should be giving in front of a senior, but he doesn’t seem too focused on her? regardless she keeps the words low under her breath and her smile natural. especially because -

she might’ve hit the jackpot.

“SILK, i’m doyeon the trainee for the session. one, thank you for letting me sit on your session, and two,” usually the producers and the recording team are already here when it’s a shadowing session and she can’t soften anyone up before they line up her duties for the session. but now, she might get an arm in. “if i let you roast my notes now, i’ll be able to take whatever critiques producer kang throws at me when he gets here.” with her coffee still fastened in her hand doyeon’s opening her spread of notebooks in her small corner of the table.

“so, we usually tackle the most recent recording so we can take a listen first? the song from last week was.........i love you by 2ne1.” doyeon’s ready to go, as she knows most of the artists who let her shadow are busy and don’t hesitate when she arrives. she’s got one hand ready to scribble more notes and the other holding the phone out.