dusty-cobweb

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Benson beat his childhood abuser to death after never receiving justice; he would never pressure Randy into anything remotely sexual. In fact, I don’t think he would even be willing to make the first move on Randy due to his trauma.

He gave a whole speech to Randy on how it’s good to be a virgin. I think Benson has been celibate for a long time. He’s so touch-starved for true affection, I think he would repeatedly push Randy away for initiating any sort of contact.

Benson can push Randy around and gently touch his face in comfort, but the second Randy tries to give him any sort of comfort back, he clamps up and shuts down.

Randy takes the approach of domesticating a wild animal when it comes to slowly getting Benson to lower his emotional walls before Benson is even willing to accept so much as a hug.

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i often feel the need to buffer my sadness for other people

to make it lighter than it is

joke and laugh, hiss out a quick “psssch it was a long time ago” as if i still don’t feel its effects

sometimes i’ll even apologize for my sadness. like it’s something within my control. something i did to them. cause it certainly feels that way.

my emotions are an affliction on other people. it burdens them. makes everything too heavy. makes it so that i’m too heavy. at some point the weight will become too much to bear and they’ll have to drop me. roll the hunch out of their shoulders, massage at the knots that formed there.

and i’ll lay where they dropped me, fingers tracing at the edge of their footprints. dig myself a grave right beside them.

maybe ill make a joke then too.

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daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

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Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

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If you mess up a social interaction you can say "Failed Experiment" and move on

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Losing my mind over this hey

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THE PASSENGER | 2023 + RESERVOIR DOGS | 1992

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wanted to make one of those "the beauty of" edits but it turned into angst. sorry

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vampire benson biting randy pookie??? oough any biting <3

love u and ur art is amazing !!!

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have we as a group considered a time loop au

like randy living through that day over and over again as he slowly gains confidence and a fucking back bone.

he keeps trying different things to try and make the outcome different, but ultimately he still wakes up in his bed every morning for the same doomed shift he's been clocking into for god knows how long.

eventually he starts telling chris to fuck off when he's being forced to eat the day-old burger, just to see what happens, which earns him a slap to the mouth and cruel laughter. but he notices out of the corner of his eye, benson with a small smirk returning to mopping.

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randy x benson : ingydar

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the passenger | take me home

— [youtube] [instagram]

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Man I love vine and I’m gonna miss it! I’m totally jumping on the bandwagon but hey why not? Here is some of my favs!

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fuck it i love the passenger and i love tremors so they should crossover.

after randy and benson skip town they settle in the valley of perfection, nevada. they do odd jobs, camp out almost every night, try to live a semi-normal life while staying off the radar. of course, they then gotta deal with the graboids or whatever they’re called. do you guys see my vision

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controversial opinion but i don’t think benson ever had a plan to die that day

i think he knew it was an option. i think there was an eventuality to it, maybe months or years down the line. but not then. he was gonna pull Randy up by his bootstraps for however long he could get. he was gonna go to the ocean and shitty biker bars and smoke so much fuckin weed. he wasn’t gonna die that day.

but then Randy called the cops. made that decision for himself.

and benson could’ve lived with randy’s hatred and his protest and his anger, but he couldn’t live with his action. the moment randy confessed he was the one to make that call, benson’s mission was complete which left nothing for him but to walk out that diner and die

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gay people can never just go on normal dates they always gotta go on a walk together for seven hours and look at each other with a tender fondness or something 🙄