elihermit

[elihermit]

let’s ruin the friendship

— part four (part one | part two | part three)

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: after a painful break, you gave Buck the chance to fix everything. But it seems that no matter how much you try – nothing is working out…

word count: 3,5k

author’s note: guys, I’m finally finishing this series and I think it’s my favorite part😭 let me know what you think in the comments and thank you for reading this story🫶🏼

| p.s. requests are open🫧

9-1-1 Masterlist

taglist: @notmeduhh @staygolf @tamajiki7

Throwback

Yet, as the days turned into weeks, the shadows of your past began to creep back in. Old insecurities resurfaced, and the fear of being abandoned again gnawed at your heart. You found yourself questioning every little thing - every late-night text, every moment of silence. Was he truly committed, or was he just saying what you wanted to hear?

Then came the night that changed everything. You were curled up on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when a notification popped up. It was a message from Eddie, but it wasn't just any message. It was a photo. A very controversial photo.

It was a photo.

Buck.

At a bar.

His arm draped around a woman’s shoulders — someone you’d never seen before.

Both of them mid-laugh, faces tilted toward each other like they’d known each other for years.

The caption cut through you like a knife: “Crazy night! Old friends back in town 🎉”

Your chest tightened so fast it knocked the air out of you.

You sat frozen, staring at the screen, a slow, suffocating cold blooming in your gut.

Of course.

Of course.

You squeezed your eyes shut, gripping the phone so hard your knuckles ached. For a second, you thought you might hurl it across the room, shatter it just to stop seeing that image — but you didn’t. You just sat there, trembling, as every sharp, ugly thought came roaring back.

Had you been a fool to believe him?

To believe in second chances, in apologies, in the way his voice cracked when he told you he was “working on it”?

Had it all been a lie?

Your phone buzzed again.

Hen.

“Saw the photo on his story. Just wanted to say… breathe. Maybe talk to him first.”

You let out a shaky, humorless laugh.

Talk to him?

Talk to him?

What was there to say? That you’d barely held yourself together these past months, clinging to the hope that the two of you were rebuilding something real? That every time you let your guard down, you wondered if you were just handing him another weapon to hurt you with? That some nights, you still woke up reaching for him, heart racing, only to remember he wasn’t there — because you’d been the one to leave?

God, you were pathetic.

You stared at the photo again, your vision blurring with hot, furious tears.

It wasn’t the woman. It wasn’t the bar.

It was the fact that somewhere, deep down, you’d always known this was coming.

People don’t change.

Not really.

You let the phone slip from your hand, landing with a dull thud on the couch cushion.

You sat in the suffocating silence of your apartment, the weight of heartbreak pressing down until you felt hollow, until you weren’t sure there was even anything left to break.

You had wanted to believe love was enough. That if you waited, if you fought, if you forgave, eventually you’d both come out the other side, whole.

But maybe the cruelest truth of all was this:

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough.

---

The next morning, your phone buzzed again.

Buck.

“That photo looked bad, I know. But nothing happened. Please, let’s talk.”

You stared at the message, the words blurring together.

You could almost hear his voice, almost feel the way his arms would wrap around you if you let them.

But you didn’t reply.

You set the phone down, your chest aching, your throat tight.

You weren’t ready to talk.

You weren’t sure you ever would be.

For the first time, you realized the choice was yours.

Not his.

Yours.

And maybe — just maybe — you were finally done waiting for him to catch up.

That same night, you couldn’t sleep.

You lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, heart pounding with a sick mix of anger, longing, and exhaustion. His text burned a hole in your chest. You hated that part of you still wanted to believe him. Hated that part of you still loved him.

Before you could overthink it, you sat up, shoved on your jacket, grabbed your keys.

You were done waiting.

If this was going to break you, you wanted to face it head-on.

His apartment door loomed in front of you like a dare.

You raised your hand to knock — and then the door swung open.

Buck stood there, wide-eyed, barefoot, hair a mess, like he’d been pacing, waiting for this moment.

“(Y/N),” he breathed. “You’re here.”

You held yourself stiff, arms crossed, your voice ice-cold. “Explain.”

His mouth opened, then closed. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

You laughed, sharp and bitter. “God, Buck. Do you even hear yourself?”

“I swear —” he stepped closer, desperate — “she’s an old friend. From back home. She’s married, (Y/N), I didn’t even —”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

Your voice cracked. “Why did I have to see it on Instagram like everyone else?”

His face crumpled. “I messed up.”

“Yeah,” you whispered, chest heaving. “You did.”

He took a shaky breath, eyes glassy. “I’ve been going to therapy. Trying to be better. For you. For us. But every day without you, I felt like I was drowning. And when she came to town, it was just… familiar, easy. I wasn’t thinking. I should have told you. I was scared.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, fists clenched at your sides. “Scared of what, Buck? That I’d leave you? Newsflash — I already did once.”

Silence stretched between you, raw and heavy.

When you opened your eyes, you saw it: the panic, the regret, the sheer vulnerability on his face.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I never stopped.”

Tears blurred your vision. You shook your head, voice barely a breath. “Love was never the problem, Buck.”

He stepped closer, so close you could feel the heat of him. “Then tell me how to fix this. Tell me what you need. Please.”

You swallowed hard. You could feel the walls around your heart crumbling, the part of you that had always, always wanted to believe him.

“Start by proving,” you whispered, “that I’m not just something you run back to when you’re lonely.”

His hands trembled as he reached for you — but he didn’t touch you. Not yet.

“I will,” he swore, voice hoarse. “I swear, I will.”

For the first time that night, you let yourself believe it was possible.

Not easy.

Not certain.

But maybe, just maybe, worth the fight.

The days that followed blurred into a haze.

Buck texted, he called, he showed up.

He left little notes on your door —

“Thinking of you.”

“Miss you.”

“Please let me prove this.”

He sent you photos of the little changes: the therapy sessions, the long runs he took alone just to clear his head.

And for a while, you let him.

You watched from a distance.

You listened.

You waited.

But inside, something was breaking.

You were so tired.

Tired of riding the highs when he was trying and crashing into the lows when he wasn’t.

Tired of wondering when the next disappointment would hit.

Tired of feeling like you were holding your breath, hoping this time would be different.

One night, weeks after that first confrontation, you sat across from him at your favorite old coffee shop.

He looked at you like you hung the stars.

His eyes were soft, raw, desperate.

He was rambling about the progress he’d made, the mistakes he’d owned, the way he was learning to show up better.

“I know I screwed up,” he murmured, reaching across the table for your hand. “But you’re it for me, (Y/N). You always were. I just… I was too stupid to realize it before.”

You felt his fingers close around yours.

Warm. Familiar.

You used to dream of this touch.

But now?

You stared down at your intertwined hands and felt… nothing.

No spark. No thrill. No desperate, aching hope.

Just a deep, bone-weary exhaustion.

“Buck…” you whispered, voice breaking. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

His eyes widened, panic flashing across his face. “What? No — no, please, I’m trying. I’m fighting for you. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

You closed your eyes, a tear slipping down your cheek. “I wanted you to fight before I was too tired to care.”

The words hung in the air like a gut punch.

He let go of your hand like you’d burned him. His breath hitched, hands shaking as he dragged them through his hair.

“(Y/N), please — I see it now, okay? You’re it. You’re the one I want. I can’t lose you, not like this.”

You let out a soft, broken laugh. “You didn’t just lose me now, Buck. You’ve been losing me in pieces. Every time you made me doubt, every time you left me wondering if I mattered, every time you promised you’d change and didn’t.”

His face crumpled.

“Don’t say that.”

You reached across the table, brushing your fingers against his cheek. He leaned into the touch like a starving man.

“I love you,” you whispered. “I will probably always love you.”

Your voice cracked. “But I need something you can’t seem to give me, Buck. I need stability. I need to feel safe with you.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, shoulders shaking. “I can be that. I swear I can.”

But you saw it — the fragility, the desperation, the way he was clinging to you like you were his only lifeline.

And you knew: you couldn’t be his lifeline.

Not anymore.

You stood slowly, heart breaking in your chest.

“I’m not saying never,” you whispered. “But I’m saying… not right now.”

His head snapped up, eyes wide, glassy. “(Y/N), don’t —”

You leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Fight for yourself first, Buck. When you can stand on your own… maybe we’ll have a chance.”

And then you turned and walked away, leaving him trembling in that coffee shop, the weight of everything he’d just realized crashing down on him.

She was the love of his life.

And for the first time, he understood what it meant to lose her.

6 months that followed were quiet, yet tumultuous in their own way. The distance you’d created between you and Buck — the space that felt like a chasm between two people who once shared everything — gave you the chance to breathe. You took time to heal, to rediscover parts of yourself that had been clouded by him, by your shared history. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

And for the first time, you felt whole.

Not because you had given up on Buck.

But because you had given up on the need for him to be your everything.

You spent late nights walking through the city with your dog, learning the rhythm of your own steps without looking for someone to follow. You spent mornings sipping coffee on your balcony, watching the world wake up, free from the weight of a relationship that had once felt like a lifeline but had become an anchor.

---

It was a rainy afternoon when you ran into him again. The moment felt almost too perfect — too planned by fate.

You were at a bookshop, the soft scent of paper and coffee surrounding you as you browsed the shelves. You didn’t expect him. You hadn’t expected to ever see him again in this way. The last time you’d parted, there were so many things left unsaid — and so much pain still between you.

And yet, there he was.

Buck was standing by the counter, speaking with the cashier. He turned when the bell above the door jingled, his eyes locking onto yours immediately. For a moment, you both stood there, frozen in time. Your heart didn’t race, though. It didn’t crash into your chest like it used to. Instead, there was this calm awareness of who you were and who he was — two people who had been through something, who had both changed.

His face softened, a tender smile curving his lips. “(Y/N),” he said, his voice warm but tinged with hesitation.

You nodded. “Hey, Buck.”

Neither of you said anything more at first. You both knew there was so much more behind that one word — the years together, the heartbreak, the distance, the space that had become something sacred in its own way. You both had been through the storm and come out on the other side, stronger and quieter.

Finally, Buck cleared his throat, his eyes not leaving yours. “I’ve been thinking about you… about us.” His voice was lower now, more intimate. “I know we’ve both needed time. But I can’t pretend I don’t miss you, (Y/N).”

You met his gaze without flinching, your own heart now a little more open. “I miss you, too.”

But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the desperate, needy kind of missing you once felt. It was a quiet longing, a yearning for something that had always been just beneath the surface. You had both been searching for something more — but this time, it felt more grounded.

The tension hung in the air, thick with unspoken emotions, but there was no rush. This time, it felt different.

“How have you been?” You asked, breaking the silence. It was an easy question, but it held a weight, a question that was more than just small talk.

“I’ve been… learning,” Buck said, his gaze soft and contemplative. “About myself. About what I need. And what I can give. It’s been hard. But I’ve had time to look at the bigger picture. And I see you now, (Y/N). I see you for who you are, not just who I thought you were.”

There it was. That truth. That clarity you’d both been searching for.

You smiled, something tender flickering inside you. “I see you too. Not the person I was angry with, but the person you’re becoming.” You stepped closer, the distance between you narrowing in a way that felt both natural and charged. “I think I’ve always seen you, Buck. But I had to let go of the idea that you could save me. That we could save each other.”

His breath hitched, and then he stepped forward, slowly, carefully. “I know I can’t save you, (Y/N). I just want to walk with you. If you’ll let me.”

His voice was soft, deep, filled with something raw, something vulnerable. And you felt it. His honesty. His understanding. His willingness to be there without needing to own you.

You didn’t say anything at first. The words were there, but the silence between you both felt like the perfect answer. You reached out and gently cupped his cheek. The contact was warm, familiar, but there was something new in it, too.

His eyes fluttered closed, and for a moment, he just leaned into your touch, breathing you in. His hand reached up to cover yours, and in that touch, you felt the weight of everything you had gone through together. The grief. The hurt. The lessons. And now, the softness, the space between you both.

“I’m tired of the games, Buck,” you whispered, your thumb tracing the outline of his jaw. “Tired of wondering. I need stability. I need to know you’re here, and you’re not going anywhere.”

Buck opened his eyes, his gaze deep and unguarded. “I’m not going anywhere, (Y/N). Not anymore. Not if you’ll have me.”

You leaned forward then, slowly, carefully. No rush. No urgency. Just two people, acknowledging what was between them. His lips met yours gently, softly at first, like a question, a plea. But as your mouths moved together, the kiss deepened, slow and sensual, filled with the weight of everything you had both been through. It wasn’t about passion in the way it used to be. It wasn’t about the desperate, fiery desire to fix something.

It was about connection. About trust. About the quiet certainty that this, right now, was exactly what you both needed.

When you finally pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, eyes closed, breathing him in like a memory you hadn’t realized you missed.

“You feel that?” he asked softly, his hand brushing through your hair.

You nodded. “I do.”

And for the first time in a long time, there was no need for words, no need to define what this was. The connection between you both was palpable, deep and steady, not the tempest it once had been, but a calm, understanding tide.

“I think we can do this,” Buck whispered, his voice filled with quiet hope. “We can do this the right way. Together.”

You nodded again, your heart in your chest now a steady, certain beat. “Together.”

And as you stood there, with him — no longer lost, no longer afraid — you finally understood what it meant to love without the need to control, to love without fear, and to love with a maturity that only time and heartache could teach.

The world outside was still, as if holding its breath, waiting for you to take the next step. And you did, hand in hand, knowing that whatever came next, you were no longer searching for someone to save you. You were saving each other — not with promises, but with the quiet, unspoken understanding that you had learned what it really meant to love.

1 year later

One year later, the rhythm of your life with Buck had settled into something familiar, something warm and real. The world had continued on, of course, but it felt like time had slowed down just for the two of you — allowing you to savor the moments that mattered most.

Your home had become a reflection of the two of you: cozy, lived-in, with traces of your individual personalities weaving seamlessly together. There was always music playing, a soft hum in the background of your shared life, and the steady warmth of the space felt like a constant embrace.

The mornings were quiet, spent in the kitchen with the smell of coffee brewing as you two shared the peacefulness of being together, without the rush, without the uncertainty. Buck would occasionally sneak up behind you as you were making breakfast, wrapping his arms around you, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck, his presence now as comforting as your own heartbeat.

---

One particular Saturday, you were in the kitchen again, your focus entirely on chopping vegetables for dinner. Buck, ever the natural observer, was on the couch nearby, scrolling through his phone, occasionally glancing at you, his mind half on his device, half on the gentle rhythm of your movements.

You hummed a song, completely unaware of his gaze, completely lost in the simplicity of the task at hand. You were wearing one of his old t-shirts, the sleeves rolled up to your elbows, and your hair was up in a messy bun, with strands escaping here and there. He couldn’t help but watch, mesmerized by how beautiful you looked in this quiet, everyday moment. The way your brow furrowed slightly as you concentrated. The way your hands moved so naturally, as if every action had its own grace.

He leaned back on the couch, completely still, his heart swelling in his chest.

How did he get so lucky?

He had seen you in so many different lights — in the moments of conflict, of pain, of healing — but now, here you were, just being you. You, in your element, making dinner with the same quiet confidence you brought to everything else. And, in that moment, Buck realized something he hadn’t fully acknowledged before: he didn’t need to fix you, or save you, or try to be something else to earn your love.

You had always been whole.

He had just needed to learn how to love you — the right way.

A deep, contented sigh escaped his lips as he finally stood up from the couch. Quietly, so as not to disturb your focus, he walked over to you. The distance between you both felt smaller than it had ever been before. He gently placed his hands on your waist, pulling you back slightly so you were pressed against him. His chin rested lightly on your shoulder, his chest rising and falling in the rhythm of your breaths.

For a few moments, the two of you simply stood there, wrapped in the ease of one another's presence.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his lips brushing the skin of your neck. The words were soft, full of meaning.

You chuckled lightly, “I’m just chopping veggies, Buck.”

He smiled, closing his eyes as he held you a little tighter. “No, you’re beautiful because of moments like this. It’s not the big things, you know? It’s the little things.”

You turned your head slightly, enough to meet his gaze. There was something in his eyes that made your heart flutter — that deep, unspoken affection, that certainty in his love for you. The past was behind you, both of you having learned the hard way what it meant to love, to truly love.

The space between you both was filled with a quiet, warm kind of intimacy. The kind of love that had weathered storms, but had also grown — grown into something stable, something secure.

You smiled, leaning your head against his, your hands still working on the vegetables, even as you felt his presence filling you.

“I love you,” you whispered, the words as easy to say now as they had been difficult before.

He kissed the side of your neck gently, his voice rough but filled with sincerity. “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

A silence stretched between you, but it was peaceful. Comfortable. The kind of silence that came from two people who had finally found the right rhythm with each other.

Buck pulled back just enough to look at you fully, his hand brushing some stray hairs from your face. His gaze softened, and for a moment, he didn’t speak. He just admired you. The woman you had become. The woman who had taught him that love wasn’t about perfection, but about finding someone who makes life feel more like home.

And in that moment, Buck realized something deep in his chest: He was proud of himself — proud of the man he had become, proud of the life he had built with you. He had fought for this, fought for your trust, fought for the kind of love that wasn’t fleeting, that wasn’t built on a foundation of uncertainty.

No, this was real. And he had done something right.

His hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing across your skin in slow, deliberate motions.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

You furrowed your brow slightly, puzzled. “For what?”

“For giving me a chance to do this the right way. For not giving up on me. For believing in us.”

You smiled, a soft, knowing smile. "We did this together, Buck."

And in that moment, you both knew — without a single word more — that this was the love that was meant to last. Not because it was easy, but because you both had chosen each other, time and time again.

No more roller coasters, no more waiting for the next storm to hit. Just a steady, unshakable love. A love that had found its footing, a love that had grown into something mature, something grounded.

And for the first time, as you leaned into him, allowing yourself to be held in his arms, you both felt the deep satisfaction that comes with knowing you had created something real, something lasting. You weren’t perfect, and neither was he, but together, you were exactly what you both needed.

And Buck — for the first time in his life — felt like he had truly done good.

Let me know what you think🩵 did you like this series/part?

[elihermit]

9-1-1 Masterlist

Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

🫧 lost in the memories — after the incident at work where Buck had to rescue you, you ended up in coma and relieved every moment of your relationship with Buck.

🫧 where’s my mind — you wake up in a hospital bed surrounded by your family and friends, but amnesia took away the memory of your husband, what’s Buck gonna do?

🫧 eternal sunshine — after a serious car crash, your lower body is paralyzed. You find it very hard to cope with, but Buck is not going to give up on you. Can you accept it?

Series

— let’s ruin the friendship — from love to hate, can they go back to loving each other?

part one | part two | part three | part four

Eddie Diaz x fem!reader

🫧 my tears ricochet — you work in a call center, answering emergency calls and you thought that no call would break you anymore, but today you have reached your breaking point.

[elihermit]

let’s ruin the friendship

— part three (part one | part two)

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: after a big fight with Buck, which led to a breakup, your life has completely changed. But Buck always finds a way to find you.

word count: 2,3k

author’s note: you guys… I had a lot of stuff to do, but I’m finally continuing this series and thank you so much for waiting! I hope you like it🫶🏼

p.s. requests are open🫧

9-1-1 Masterlist

Three months have slipped by, each day a testament to the choices you made. It has been three months since you asked Bobby to transfer you to another firehouse, three months since you packed your belongings and moved into a new apartment, and three months since you changed your phone number — all in a bid to make Buck understand the weight of your departure from his life.

Yet, a flicker of hope lingered within you, a stubborn ember that refused to be extinguished. You held onto the hope that he might take action to reverse your decision to break up. But as the days turned into weeks, it became painfully clear that he had accepted your choice. You hadn’t heard a word from Evan, but to be honest, you hadn’t sought any news about him either.

When thoughts of Buck invaded your mind, they brought with them a tempest of emotions. Anger simmered within you, fueled by the fact that he had taken away your job and your friends without so much as a suggestion to transfer himself to another firehouse instead. You felt a deep sadness, mourning the relationship he had shattered with his own hands. And you were hurt, acutely aware that he still occupied your thoughts, filling your quiet moments with doubts about the wisdom of your decision.

But deep down, you knew it was the right choice. You refused to endure a relationship where you felt invisible, where you were relegated to the shadows, always feeling like a secondary choice in his life. You understood that there is no force more powerful than a woman in all her weakness. So, you seized the opportunity to reshape your life into the one you had always envisioned.

You welcomed a dog into your life, fulfilling a childhood dream. It felt like the perfect time to make that leap. Your new companion became a beacon of joy, always waiting for you at home, reveling in every moment spent together, gazing at you with eyes full of devotion, as if you were the most dearest person in the world. This was the connection you had longed for with Buck, yet it had eluded you despite countless conversations.

On this day, your day off, you decided to bask in the sun with your dog at the park. The skies were clear and bright over Los Angeles, and the thought of staying indoors felt unbearable.

“Alright, sweetie, are you ready for a walk?”

You knelt down, affectionately petting your dog’s head. The joyful bark in response signaled that it was time to venture out.

Time slipped away unnoticed as you wandered, three hours passing in a blur, with no intention of returning to your apartment. Seeking a moment of respite, you unfurled a blanket beneath a tree, settling into the cool shade.

As you sat there, your thoughts drifted back to the past. Parks had been a sanctuary for you and Evan, a place where you could stroll for hours, discussing dreams and aspirations. You felt a wave of foolishness wash over you for having believed in those moments. The ringing of your phone jolted you from your reverie. It was Hen, the only one you had kept in touch with since your transfer.

“Hey girl, what are you up to?” Her voice brought a smile to your face.

“Hi! Not much, just enjoying a day at the park.”

“Are you at Balboa Park?”

“Are you psychic?” You turned, scanning the area for her.

“No, we’re all here, and I was hoping you’d want to join us.”

“Hen, I can’t.”

“Buck isn’t here.”

She knew exactly what to say. You had told Hen everything about your breakup, and she had never pressured you to talk to Buck or your former colleagues. She understood your need for distance.

“Why not?”

“He mentioned he had some things to take care of. I didn’t pry. So, are you coming?”

“Yes, I’ll find you.”

Getting up from the blanket and feeling the warm wind on your skin, you took your things and went in search of your former colleagues. You still considered them as a family, they gave you that feeling of a supportive team at work that you've been looking for for so long. The absence of that warmth with your new team weighed heavily on your heart, leaving you feeling a twinge of sadness with each shift.

Nervousness fluttered in your stomach; it had been a while since you last saw them. Would they be happy to see you? What would they think? Would there be an awkward silence that made you wish to vanish?

But as you approached, that anxiety melted away.

“(Y/N)? Am I dreaming? Come here!” Bobby was the first to spot you, enveloping you in a fatherly embrace that you had missed. “I’m so glad to see you! How have you been?”

“I’m good, just happy to see you all,” you replied, pulling back with a beaming smile.

“And who’s this little guy?” Bobby knelt to pet your dog.

“This is (Y/D/N). Be careful, he has a tendency to attack with kisses.”

As Bobby lavished affection on your dog, you felt a familiar presence beside you. It was Eddie.

“Hey (Y/N), it’s so good to see you. The firehouse feels empty without you,” he said, pulling you into a warm hug. “By the way, I’m on your side,” he whispered, and your heart swelled. You needed to hear those words.

After exchanging hugs with everyone, you settled at a table, sharing stories of the time that had passed. It felt so good to reconnect, to bridge the gap that had formed, and for the first time in months, you felt like part of the family again.

As the evening wore on, groups began to form, and you found yourself lingering with Eddie.

“You know, I…” he started, pausing for a moment. “I really miss having you around, and I hate that Buck broke your heart like this.”

You smiled, but your eyes betrayed the truth. No matter how much you wanted to deny it, every fiber of your being longed for Buck. Why couldn’t he hear you? Why couldn’t he do everything right and work with you? These questions haunted you daily.

“I hate that too, Eddie,” you sighed. “Has he gone to therapy?”

“He has, and he’s changing, but… is it enough?” Eddie asked, a knowing smile on his face.

“It’s not.”

The truth was that one action alone wouldn’t suffice. If he wanted to come back, he needed to demonstrate real change through tangible actions. Flowers, gifts and dates would merely be drops in the ocean. What you craved was stability and the assurance that, in times of crisis, he would seek solace in you rather than retreat.

As the sun began to set, you started to gather your things, the evening creeping in on Los Angeles, signaling that it was time to head home.

“Guys, I thought you’d be here longer. Are you leaving already?”

You froze. It was Buck. You exchanged a glance with Hen, who looked equally stunned. Why was it that whenever you wished to avoid him, the universe conspired to bring him back into your orbit?

In that moment, you wished for the power to sink into the ground or become invisible. You weren’t ready to face him again; the wounds were still too raw. You longed to hide behind someone, but Buck had already spotted you.

“(Y/N)?”

Tears threatened to spill as you heard his voice, soft and tender, after so long. The way he said your name sent your heart racing, and you felt as if your legs might give way beneath you. For fuck sake, you still loved him deeply, but the resentment was a formidable barrier.

“Guys, I have to go. It was really nice to see you all.”

You couldn’t think of anything better than to take your dog and flee. God, you were acting just like him — running away like a coward. Why was it so difficult to meet his gaze with confidence?

“(Y/N), please wait.”

You heard Buck’s voice behind you, but you didn’t stop. You had nothing to say, and you didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

Just as you neared the park’s exit, he caught up to you, gently grasping your elbow, but it was enough to stop you. Your breath quickened, and you stood frozen, unable to move. His eyes, filled with a myriad of emotions, bore into yours, and tears streamed down your cheeks, burning as they fell.

“Please let me go,” was all you could manage to say.

“I can’t. I already did that once,” Buck whispered, his voice laced with desperation. You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“Do you think that if you ran after me now, everything will magically change?” – finally, you met his gaze, and anger surged within you.

“Of course not, (Y/N). I couldn’t find you for three months. Where have you been?”

Sadness clouded his eyes, a kaleidoscope of emotions swirling within. For a fleeting moment, you felt a pang of sympathy, but you quickly steeled yourself. It shouldn’t be this easy for him.

“I was avoiding you, Buck.”

He chuckled, a sound tinged with understanding. It was a truth he couldn’t dispute.

“I support your decision. After all, it was me who fucked it all up.”

You stood there, heart racing, caught in a whirlwind of emotions. The sun was setting behind the trees, casting long shadows that danced around you both, as if the world itself was holding its breath, waiting for what would come next.

“Why did you let me go?” you asked, your voice trembling. “You could have fought for me. You could have shown me that I mattered.”

Buck’s expression shifted, a mix of regret and determination.

“I thought giving you space was what you needed. I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing. But I was wrong. I should have fought harder. I should have shown you that you were everything to me.”

You shook your head, tears spilling down your cheeks.

“You don’t get it, do you? It wasn’t just about avoidance. It was about us. I felt invisible, Buck. I felt like I was always second to everything else in your life.”

“I know,” he said, his voice low and filled with pain. “And I hate myself for making you feel that way. I’ve been going to therapy, trying to understand why I pushed you away. I’ve realized that I was scared —scared of commitment, scared of being vulnerable. But I can’t keep running from my feelings. I love you, (Y/N). I’ve always loved you.”

The weight of his words hung in the air, heavy and electric. You wanted to believe him, wanted to feel that familiar warmth that had once enveloped you both. But doubt gnawed at you, a persistent whisper reminding you of the hurt.

“Love isn’t enough, Buck. It has to be backed by actions. You need to show me that you can change, that you can be the partner I deserve.”

“I will,” he promised, stepping closer, his eyes pleading. “I’ll do whatever it takes. Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I can’t lose you again. Not like this.”

You searched his gaze, looking for the sincerity you so desperately needed to see. The vulnerability in his eyes, the way he stood before you, raw and exposed, made your heart ache. You remembered the laughter, the warmth, the way he made you feel alive. But could you really trust him again?

“Three months, Buck. Three months of silence. I thought you didn’t care.”

“I did care. I was just… lost. I didn’t know how to fix what I broke. But I’m here now, and I’m ready to fight for you. Please, let me show you how much you mean to me.”

The sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink, and in that moment, you felt a flicker of hope ignite within you. Maybe, just maybe, he was right. Maybe he had changed.

“Okay,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “But it won’t be easy. You have to be patient with me.”

“I will,” he vowed, his eyes shining with determination. “I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”

As you stood there, the world around you faded away, leaving just the two of you in that moment. You felt the tension between you shift, the air thick with unspoken words and lingering feelings. Slowly, you reached out, your fingers brushing against his. It was a small gesture, but it felt monumental.

“Let’s take it one step at a time,” you suggested, a tentative smile breaking through your tears.

Buck’s face lit up with a mixture of relief and joy. “I can do that. I’ll show you that I’m worth it.”

And as you walked away from the park together, hand in hand, the weight of the past began to lift. The road ahead would be challenging, but for the first time in months, you felt a sense of hope. You were willing to give him another chance, and perhaps, in time, you would find your way back to each other — stronger and more in love than ever before.

Yet, as the days turned into weeks, the shadows of your past began to creep back in. Old insecurities resurfaced, and the fear of being abandoned again gnawed at your heart. You found yourself questioning every little thing — every late-night text, every moment of silence. Was he truly committed, or was he just saying what you wanted to hear?

Then came the night that changed everything. You were curled up on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when a notification popped up. It was a message from Eddie, but it wasn’t just any message. It was a photo. A very controversial photo.

Please comment your thoughts and if you want a part 4 🤫🫶🏼

[elihermit]

Eddie Diaz x Reader

Can you do a fic based off of 911 5x13 Fear-O-Phobia where Eddie destroys his room with a baseball bat but instead of Eddie destroying it Y/n does.

my tears ricochet

pairing: Eddie Diaz x fem!reader

summary: you work in a call center, answering emergency calls and you thought that no call would break you anymore, but today you have reached your breaking point

this fic is based on season 5 episode 13 “Fear-o-Phobia”

word count: 2,2k

author’s note: this fic contains references to child abuse and self-harm, please read with caution!

You're on shift again today and you're pretty tired at the end of it. You had an hour left before the end of the day and you really couldn't wait to get home to Chris and Eddie, even though you knew Eddie would be back a little later than you.

“Long day, huh?” — you break out of your thoughts and see Josh in front of you. You had a fifteen-minute break and decided to have coffee.

“Don’t even start, it’s like this full moon curse decided to show up earlier.”

“I feel you, but guess what? You will be free soon and my night will be long.” — Josh sighed and went to pour himself a cup of coffee too.

“Lucky me, I guess.” — you got up to go to your desk and continue taking calls. “Back to service.”

You sat down at the table and gave yourself a couple more minutes to get ready for the last hour of work. This job was difficult, sometimes your emotions could take over, but you thought you had already learned to control them. And even if you thought about quitting, those thoughts went away after a minute, because you knew that you were the first person people counted on when they were in danger and you wouldn't trade it for anything.

You put on your ear piece and come back to help people.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“Please, my dad is going to kill me.”

You hear a child's trembling voice and your heart turns over.

“Sweetie, tell me what’s going on? Are you in danger?”

“My dad gets aggressive when he drinks, he took his gun.”

“Is he threatening you with a gun? Are you in any pain?”

“He pointed it on me, but I ran to my room. Daddy hit me in the head, I feel dizzy.”

“Open the fucking door!” — you hear a drunken male voice and banging on the door. You need to be fast.

“Okay, honey, help is coming. Tell me your name and address.”

“I’m Audrey, 354 N Spring Street.”

“All units, 354 N Spring Street, the man is intoxicated, he is armed and threatens his daughter. Possible child abuse and injuries.”

You quickly notify units about this and it takes your breath away. You need to save the girl, no one will get hurt today.

“Okay, Audrey, help is on the way, I will stay on the line, until they arrive. Is there anyone else at home?”

“No, it’s just the two of us. Please hurry, he’s going to break the door!”

You feel a tear rolling down your cheek, but you quickly brush it away.

“Help will be with you in 5 minutes. In the meantime, I want you to listen to me, okay? Hide under the bed or in the closet and try to be quiet, sweetie.”

You can hear the movement on the other end of the phone. Your palms are sweating and you're breathing fast. Your whole focus is on this girl.

“Okay, I'm under the bed.”

“Good job. Help is almost there, Audrey.”

The next thing you hear is a broken door and a little girl screaming. You hear a man swearing and a loud bang. You can't control the tears.

“Audrey, are you there?”

But there is silence in response. All you can hear is Audrey's screams and pleading for dad not to hit her anymore. Your hands start shaking and you feel like you're suffocating, everything is in a blur and slow motion.

“LAPD! Raise your hands and move away from the girl by 3 meters.”

You hear the voices of the police, but it's too soon to exhale, you don't know if it was too late. You feel Josh's hand on your shoulder and only now realize how much you're crying.

“Dispatcher, this is 134, the girl is unconscious, but stable, got here on time. We’re heading to the hospital.”

It should be a moment where you exhale, because the girl is alive and she will be fine, but you can't shake the feeling that you could have done more. This is not the first call from a child in your career, but it was the first call where you heard everything in "action" and it broke you.

You open the front door to the house and walk inside on weak legs. God only knows how you got home, because everything seemed to stop and you were alone in this trap. The girl's scream is still in your ears, and burning cheeks remind you of tears that you couldn't control. All you wanted right now was to be alone.

“Hey mommy.”

You hear Chris's voice from the living room and go there. He started calling you mom not so long ago and you loved it. You accepted him as your own child and Eddie always made sure to thank you for that.

“Hey, baby. Is dad home yet?”

You wanted Eddie to be at home, he was your safe place, who always dispersed the clouds when they appeared over your head. But another part of you wanted him to still be at work because you didn't want to explain what happened.

“No, but he should be in an hour.”

“Okay. How about I make you dinner and turn on cartoons while you eat? Mommy is not feeling well and I would like to lay down for a bit. Are you going to be fine on your own?”

“Sure, I wanted to watch cartoons all day!”

Chris smiled broadly and it melted your heart. He's so cheerful and positive that sometimes you thought you needed to learn from him. You loved him with all your heart and if something had happened to him, you would have died. But one question haunted you - how can you protect him if you couldn't protect the child at work?

You put a sandwich in front of Chris and turned on his favorite cartoons. He thanked you, you kissed him on the forehead and went into the bedroom. After closing the door, you sat down on the bed and finally let out all your emotions. You were angry, sad and crushed. You were angry at yourself for not being able to do more, you were angry at this worthless father who allowed himself to treat his own daughter like that, and you were angry that now you weren't sure you could save Chris if it was necessary.

Tears were pouring from your eyes, this cutting pain in your chest, which was growing with every second and this feeling of utter helplessness drove you crazy.

You didn't know what was driving you, but the next thing you knew it was the bat in your hands and the first blow to the wall. You never thought you had that kind of strength because that punch left a hole in the wall. You scream, this scream is more like a plea and each blow gets stronger. You don't hear anything that's going on around you, you just hit the bat against the wall and scream, thinking that it will make your pain less real.

Tears are still pouring out of your eyes, you can feel the salty taste in your mouth. You throw the bat on the floor and it falls with a loud bang. Now your hands are hitting the wall and you feel your knuckles getting scratched, but you didn't care. Now the most horrifying screams are coming out of your throat.

“Hey, buddy. I’m on my way, do you want anything?”

“Dad, please hurry up! Mommy is not well.”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Eddie's body immediately tensed up and he accelerated the car to get home faster.

“I don’t know, I keep calling her, but she won’t answer.” — Eddie heard heavy thuds and screams in the background.

“Okay, Chris, don’t worry, I’m almost here.”

Eddie ran to the house and opened the door. During those minutes while he was driving in the car, he wanted only one thing - for both of you to be okay.

He saw Chris near your shared bedroom and immediately ran up to him.

“Chris, are you okay? Where’s mom?”

“She locked herself in the bedroom. I tried to call her, but she was screaming really hard.”

“Okay, buddy. Sit in the living room, please, I’m gonna go get her, okay?”

“Okay.” — Eddie watched Chris go.

“Hey baby, it’s me. Can I come in?”

He didn't hear anything. Just the silence that didn't give him any peace of mind.

“Okay, I’m going to come in, (Y/N). Stay away from the door.”

Eddie kicked down the door and was finally able to enter the bedroom. The first thing he saw were holes in the wall. He took two steps and saw you sitting on the floor with your back leaning on the bed frame. Your legs were pressed against your chest and your head was in your lap. Eddie saw your shoulders shaking and heard you sobbing.

He immediately knelt down and cupped your face in his hands so that you could look at him.

“Hey. Hey, hey, I’m here, baby. What’s wrong? Please talk to me.” — he saw your red eyes and wet face from crying.

When you finally looked at him, you saw his frightened eyes. He was looking for an answer in your eyes and patiently waited for you to explain everything to him.

“He almost killed her, Eddie. I should have done more. I heard everything.” — the tears started to flow with renewed vigor and a sound more like a whine came out of your mouth.

“Shh, mi amor. I’m here.” — Eddie wrapped you in his arms and you cried into his shoulder. He stroked your hair soothingly and said sweet nothings in your ear. “Let it out, baby. I’m right here.”

He hated seeing you like this. He knew that his job was difficult and that he was risking his life, but he knew that your job is 100 times more difficult emotionally because you hear every pain, fear and suffering of other people when you get a call.

“We’re right out here, Chris, don’t worry.”

You are now in the kitchen and Eddie has left Chris's room. You were sitting at the table and looking at your hands. Your knuckles are red and swollen from the blows and your head has so many regrets. You scared Chris.

“Is he okay?” — you asked in a whisper and didn't want to think about hurting Chris. That's your biggest fear.

“He’s still scared. Makes two of us.”

Eddie sat down across from you and you looked up. You were so upset for what you had done and it was eating you up.

“I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted was for Chris to be scared of me.”

“Hey.” — Eddie took your hand. “He’s not scared of you, he was scared for you.”

“Did he call you?”

“He did. I got here as fast as I could.”

You chuckled. This scenario is ironically similar. A call from a child who asks to be saved from a parent. Only his call was to save you. And it hit you with an epiphany. You wanted so badly to never put Chris in danger that you unwittingly reproduced it into reality.

“I got a call today.” — you finally started explaining. “It was a little girl and she asked for help, because her dad was abusing her. A-and…” — your voice faltered, but you continued. “Then he beat her up and I heard her screaming.”

“Oh, mi amor. I’m so sorry.” — Eddie squeezed your hand, but you got up and walked over to him. He immediately realized that you wanted to sit on his lap and gave you this opportunity.

“I still can’t shake the feeling that I should have done more. And now I doubt that I can protect Chris. I can’t even do it at work.”

“Look at me, (Y/N).” — he put his hand on your face and looked into your eyes. “Do you know why Chris started calling you Mom? Because he feels safe with you. You make him feel loved and protected. And that's all we can both ask for. You are enough.”

He kissed your cheek and continued.

“I’m sorry you had that call and you had to hear all of that. But you did everything and even more, I’m sure of it. You saved that little girl. Who knows what would have happened if help had arrived 2 minutes later. But YOU did everything in time.”

And you realized that your job does not consist of personally being at the scene of accidents. Your job is to make sure that help arrives at the right time and you did a damn good job.

You smiled and felt relieved. You didn't look at this situation from Eddie's point of view and that's what got you. You wrapped your arms around Eddie's neck and buried your fingers in his hair.

He pressed you closer and kissed you on the shoulder. Every bad thought disappeared when he was around. And his arms always caught you when you started to fall to the bottom.

You heard the notification sound on your phone and pulled it out of your pocket. It was a message from Josh:

“Audrey is alive and stable. They say it was perfect timing.”

“Always on time, huh?” — Eddie saw the message and smiled at you.

“I like to be punctual.”

He pressed his lips to yours and kissed you gently. He's always here to rescue you, and you're always here to answer quickly.

[elihermit]

let’s ruin the friendship

— part two (part one here)

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: after a wonderful weekend in Malibu, you and Evan finally confessed feelings for each other. But after a while you realized that building a relationship is not so easy, especially when your partner has an avoidant attachment.

word count: 1,6k

author’s note: I’m so happy to make a 2nd part of this fic. With this fic, I want to say that no relationship is perfect, every couple goes through difficulties, but this is temporary. Always focus on your mental health🩶

p.s. feel free to drop your requests🫧

It's past midnight, but you can't get away from each other. That's why you and Buck are sitting in the kitchen of this rented house and talking about everything in the world. Your hand touches are no longer accidental and you don't have to look away when one of you catches the other staring.

Conversations now seem a hundred times more important and meaningful, because you get to know each other and build a future out of it. It is no longer so scary to reveal the deepest secrets of your life, because there is no condemnation and misunderstanding between you two, you are a safe place for each other.

You get up from the couch and go to the kitchen table to pour water. You liked how open your conversations had become, but your mouth was dry from talking incessantly. But you don't mind at all.

“Should we go to bed?” — you felt Buck's hands on your waist and how he pressed his torso against your back.

It sent goosebumps down your spine, and his breath on your neck made you feel hot.

“Are you coming with me?”

“Is that an invitation?”

“It is, Buckley.”

You get out of his arms and take his hand, hinting that it's time for you to go to the room. You lead him and open the door to the room.

The door closes and you are pressed against the wall, he kisses you passionately on the lips. You won't even lie, you've often thought about Buck becoming your boyfriend, but just as often you've thought about how good he'll make you feel at night.

You deepened the kiss and surrendered to this impulse. Evan grabbed you by the hips, and you wrapped your legs around his torso, so that in a matter of seconds you would be pressed against the mattress.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” — his lips caressing your neck and you can’t help, but roll your eyes to the back.

“You.”

“Be more specific, babygirl.”

“I want you to take off my panties and have your tongue between my legs.”

Buck froze for a second and looked into your eyes. A woman who didn't beat around the bush and knew what she wanted? He really found the perfect partner. And secretly he liked it when you gave him "commands."

“Yes ma’am.”

In one quick second, your panties were on the other side of the room, and his lips were kissing the inside of your thigh. You arched your back and ran your fingers through his curls.

“Don’t tease me, I want to feel you.”

Buck didn't need to be told twice and you felt his tongue on your clit. You gasped and your lips let out a moan. The way he ran his tongue over your wet entrance and the way he grunted with excitation sent electric shocks all over your body.

You pressed his head against your cunt. Buck started eating you faster and slid two fingers inside you to stimulate you even better. You didn't know how he did it, but he was hitting all the right spots, which quickly made you feel your climax coming. Your moans and sloppy sounds filled the room, your toes began to curl and your back arched to feel his tongue even more.

“Don’t fucking stop, Evan. Please keep going.”

You felt his moan in your clit and he started fucking you with his fingers even faster. Your moans became screams, you repeated his name over and over until you felt the release. You came with a scream on your lips and with your fingers clenching in his hair.

Buck moved away from your cunt and loomed over you. Your juices were all over his face and it made you crave him even more.

“Are you ready to scream for me one more time? Because my plan is to make you not be able to walk in the morning.”

“(Y/N), hello. Are you on Earth?” — Hen waves her hand in front of your eyes and you “wake up” from the memories.

“Oh yes, sorry, I just got lost in my thoughts.”

“Are you okay?”

“Totally, don’t worry. What were you asking?”

The truth is, you're not okay. You often thought about the first months of your relationship with Buck. Everything was easy and simple, you didn't feel like you needed to worry about anything, he was your best support and pain pill.

But you've been together for over two years now and everything has changed dramatically. He started avoiding you, took shifts when you didn't have them, came home when you were already asleep, and left before you woke up. Dates were no longer your tradition every weekend, it was biweekly and always in crowded places so as not to be alone for too long.

And you didn't understand why. You talked about buying a shared house, you both wanted children and even discussed that the house should be big enough for the children to have separate rooms. He often talked about getting married and how much he wanted to call you his wife. But these are all words, when it came to actions, Buck came up with excuses so that everything could be postponed.

And it made you think — does he want all this with you or does he just want it in general? Are all these signs meant that he is gradually falling out of love with you? Or maybe he's got someone else at all?

These thoughts were eating you up inside and you couldn't even talk to him about it because he was never fucking here.

“Actually, Hen, I really need to ask you something.”

“Of course, shoot.”

“Why were all Buck's relationships short? They didn’t last even a year, right?”

You walk up the stairs to your shared apartment, your shift is over and you knew that Buck didn't have a night shift for the first time in months. You were glad to have some alone time with him, you missed it badly.

You open the door to the apartment and see Evan on the couch. He turns at the sound.

“Hi baby, how was your shift?”

You go to the living room and put the bag on the floor. Evan was in street clothes and was obviously going somewhere.

“It was okay, nothing out of the ordinary. Are you going somewhere?”

He got up from the couch and headed out into the hallway.

“Yeah, I’m meeting my friends at the bar.”

“You’re fucking not. You’re not coming.”

He froze and looked at you. You had enough and you’re tired of trying to catch him.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that maybe it’s time to stop avoiding me and pay attention to you girlfriend for once.” — your voice turned into a scream.

All the anger, resentment and disappointment burst out in a second and you couldn't control it. How dare he treat you like some kind of roommate?

“You’re acting crazy, (Y/N).”

“Am I really? Well, because I’m tired of your bullshit and running away so you won’t have to spend even one minute alone with me. You can go to your friends, but you should know I won’t be here when you come back.”

You quickly went to your bedroom and pulled the suitcase out from under the bed. You've eaten enough of his behavior and didn't want to be alone with him for even a second. You used to beg for free time, just the two of you, now you're sick of the thought of being alone with him.

“Hey, hey, what are you doing?”

Buck ran up to you and turned you around to face him. You saw the intense concern in his eyes and the way he was worried. His eyes got bigger and his breathing became faster.

“I’m doing what you can’t do, Evan. Leaving. I'm not your roommate to put up with you running away from me and being afraid to show any emotion towards me. You fucked it all up, with your own hands.”

“I-I… It’s not on purpose, (Y/N), please.” — you can hear his voice breaking, but you don't care at this point.

You go to the closet, pull out your clothes and throw them into the suitcase. Just quickly put down any clothes and get out of here. That’s all you cared about.

“Baby, please, let me explain.”

“Don’t baby me!” — you point your finger at him. “You get scared when things are getting serious. So when you understood that there’s marriage and kids on the horizon, you started doing everything in your power to get rid of me. I can see right through you, are you happy with the result?”

Your face turns red and tears gush from your eyes. You spent two years trying to build something real with Buck.

“I know I do that, but I don’t want to. Let me fix it, I can’t lose you.” — he’s crying too, you have never seen a man cry this hard.

“Don’t you think you had to work on your avoidant attachment before making me fall for you? I fell so hard, Evan, it physically hurts.”

“(Y/N), please, I can go to therapy, I promise it’ll change.” — Buck took a step towards you, but you stuck out your hand. You don't want any touching.

“You do that on your own and then come find me. I need actions, not words. Words mean nothing anymore.”

You take your suitcase and run out of the bedroom. Next thing you know — you run down the stairs to the car, leaving Buck behind.

He was left standing alone, tears pouring from his eyes, burning his cheeks. He knew it would end there, he had done it so many times, but why did it hurt so much this time?

Part 3 — coming soon🤫

[elihermit]

let’s ruin the friendship

— part one

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: 118 throws a party for their station. You started working there 3 months ago and already feel like a part of the family. Buck caught feelings for you, but still need to confess them. How will the weekend end?

word count: 1,5k

author’s note: i’m actually obsessed with this fic🧘🏻‍♀️ hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it

p.s. i see all your requests, i’m in the process of writing them🫧

Malibu. You're sitting by the ocean and looking at the sky. You take a deep breath and feel your lungs fill with sea air, this real sea smell. The wind blows your hair, the warm sand tickles your toes and your head is free of thoughts.

118 decided to make a party for your station and you rented a house in Malibu on the Pacific Ocean. Three days of rest and fun with friends, what could be better?

And you needed it. You've been working at 118 for three months now and it's really a dream job. But because you're still new to this: it's hard, demanding and emotional at times. So getting out of this for a couple of days sounded very tempting.

The whole 118 team received you very warmly. Bobby is the best captain you could ask for. He literally became your second dad, mentor and wise friend. He taught you to take any difficulty as a valuable lesson that will lead you to a better version of yourself. Hen, Chimney and Eddie have become a resource of light. You never thought that colleagues at work could become family, but they showed you this. They are always happy to see you in their homes, put a smile on your face every shift and support you when something gets too much.

And Buck. You chuckled and admitted that you fell for him. You're not usually the type to get attached to people quickly. Honestly, you don't even know if you ever really loved. And it was Evan who made you feel things you'd never felt before. Butterflies in your stomach, counting the minutes before your shift starts to see him, “accidental” touches, stolen glances and a blush on your cheeks when he compliments you.

You looked up at the sky once more, where the stars were shining. Your dress was covered in sand, but you didn't care, because it was those moments that gave you a sense of carelessness. You were the very first to arrive at the house that you all rented and realized that this was a great opportunity to be alone with yourself. It was just you and the ocean.

“You're early as always.” — of course it was Buck. You chuckled to yourself and weren't even surprised that it was him. It's like he always appears when you think about him.

“Yeah, I didn't really calculate the time right and got here without traffic jams.”

You felt Buck sit down next to you on the sand and you both looked out into the boundless ocean.

“Aren't you afraid to get your pants dirty?”

“I wouldn't have become a firefighter if I was afraid of that. Plus, I'm willing to get my pants dirty if it means sitting in peace and quiet next to you.”

The next day went better than you imagined. You were all swimming, barbecuing, making cocktails, chatting and laughing a lot. Adults, but behaved like children, and this is exactly what everyone needed — to forget about adult responsibilities for a while and give themselves up to impulsive desires.

The day was nearing sunset and you split up. Men were playing volleyball, women were sitting by the pool with glasses of wine.

“If such a weekend becomes a tradition at your station, then I will have to change my place of work.” — Karen said and sipped her wine.

“Oh honey, we don’t have to. We are the wives of firefighters, we will always have the privilege for such parties.” — Athena said, doing a little dance.

Everyone laughed and agreed with this statement. You adored the women around you: strong, beautiful, and knowing how to have fun, even working such hard jobs.

“So (Y/N), any plans on making this official?” — Hen raised her eyebrows, pointing at you.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on girl, we all see how you and Buck literally devour each other with eyes.”

“We’re just friends.”

You close your eyes, pull on your sunglasses and lie down on a beach chair. You do everything so that no one sees how your cheeks started to turn red.

“Yeah, I'm sure that friends dance in each other's arms, go to places for couples in the evenings and make local jokes that no one else understands.” — Maddie came back to the pool and put another cocktail in front of you. “It’s from Buck by the way, he said he made it just how you like it.” — she highlighted the last words and looked at you meaningfully before laughing.

“Okay you all, I don't recall using the services of a matchmaker, so I’m going to swim.” — you said, standing from your beach chair. “Anyone wants to go with me?”

“Hell yeah.”

You hear Buck's voice behind you and turn to him.

“Where did you come from?”

“I was on my way to grab some water, but swimming sounds more tempting.”

You took a towel and you went for a swim together.

“Okay, guys, I'm taking bets on whether they kiss now or not.” — Hen had a feeling that after this swim there will be one more couple on their station.

You and Evan came to the ocean and stopped at the shore. You have a feeling of deja vu, because exactly 24 hours ago you were sitting in the same place. The sun was almost below the horizon, it was getting darker and you liked it, there was always something magical about swimming at night.

“I would very much appreciate it if you stayed by my side, because rescuing you wasn’t on my bucket list today.”

“Then you’ll have to catch me, Buckley.”

You didn't wait a second and ran into the water. The warm water caressed your body, the sounds of the waves stupefied your head, the lowering sun left tempting reflections on your body.

You began to swim slowly and enjoy how the water relaxes your muscles and the taste of salt envelops your lips. In a second you were in strong hands.

“Got ya.” — Buck's warm breath was on your ear and reflexively you wrapped your legs around his torso.

“I don't think you gave me a chance to break away from you.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to.”

“How is it fair then?”

“It’s not, but it’s also unfair how you try to slide away from me every time.”

You looked into Evan's eyes and froze. You never tried to run away from him, you just didn't know if your feelings were mutual. And confessing your feelings is like going through fire for you, even though you do it almost every day. And it's still dangerous and scary.

His lips were two centimeters from yours and you fought with every part of your body not to succumb to temptation.

“I was just waiting for you to stop me from running away.”

“Let’s ruin the friendship.”

And he kissed you. A thousand fireworks exploded in your chest and your heart started pounding faster. You ran your hands through his hair, and he pulled you closer to him. You have to say that there was nothing innocent about that kiss. But it wasn't lust either. It was sensual, intimate, mixed with a long desire to be with each other.

You parted your lips and let his tongue enter inside, dancing with your tongue in unison. Buck put his hands on your hips and squeezed them, a soft moan escaped from your lips. Desire and need have awakened in the bottom of your stomach.

“I don’t think we need to give such a performance to our friends.” — even though you didn’t care right now, you knew it would be quite embarrassing after.

“You’re probably right, but I've been waiting for this since the first time I saw you.”

“You’re definitely a keeper.”

“I can’t keep denying every minute I think of you. I need to call you mine.”

“Claim me yours.”

And just like that, he kissed you again. This time gently and with all the love he had. You could both feel the invisible strings that intertwine your hearts and lives.

The feelings that flared up no longer frightened, but forced him to look into the future without doubt. Evan has been burned in a relationship so many times, but now he sees clearly — life without you is a thousand times more destructive.

You've been imagining events for so long that could lead to the beginning of your relationship, and none of them were the way you're experiencing now. You're with Buck in the ocean, your bodies are pressed against each other and you can't break the kiss because you can't get enough.

“Fuck, you’re all I ever dreamed of.” — Buck broke the kiss and said it into your lips.

You were walking back to the house and holding hands. What's the point of hiding that you're a couple now if everyone's been waiting for this?

You and Buck walked past the pool giggling and went into the house to change your clothes and most likely it won't end there.

“Okay, ladies, each of you now owns me 10 dollars.” — sipping from her glass, Hen knew she would win this bet.

Let me know if you want part 2 🫧

[elihermit]

Evan Buckley x female reader

His girlfriend gets into a car crash and he has to try and save her, he goes to the hospital with her and waits by her bedside for her to wake up. She ends up being paralysed from the waist down and when she wakes up and finds out she struggles to cope with it, she has physical therapy to try to regain her strength but she gets upset so buck tries to comfort her and helps her through it, when they get out of hospital he knows this is their new normal and he is positive and tries to support her. Please include lots of angst and fluff 🥹🫶 thank you xx

eternal sunshine

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: After a serious car crash, your lower body is paralyzed. You find it very hard to cope with, but Buck is not going to give up on you. Can you accept it?

word count: 2,4k

author’s note: thanks to an anon for this request, that’s a very special fic indeed, I hope you like it!

p.s. requests are open🫧

“(Y/N), I need you to stay awake. Please try for me, darling.” — you can hear Hen's voice, but it sounds like an echo. It's hard for you to stay conscious, you're gathering all your strength not to fall asleep, even though it sounds very tempting.

“Hen, I don’t feel my legs.” — panic rises in your throat, you feel sick. “Where’s Buck?”

Buck didn't have a shift today, but you were glad that familiar faces came to your rescue. You could trust them and not be afraid if something went wrong.

“We already called him, (Y/N), he’s on his way.” — at the same time, they took you out of that damn car and put you on a stretcher. You still couldn't feel your legs, but honestly, you couldn't feel your whole body. You were so afraid that fear paralyzed you. It’s probably normal.

You were carried to the ambulance, you felt that a couple more minutes and you would pass out. But you need to at least wait for Buck, he'll be so worried if he finds you unconscious.

“(Y/N)!” — you heard Buck's worried voice and felt his touch on your arm. He made it.

“Hey baby, I’m oka-“ — you couldn't finish the sentence, fatigue and fear took over and you blacked out.

You open your eyes already in the hospital. The bright light blinds your eyes and makes your head hurt even more. You didn't know how long you were lying like that, but your body was very numb.

“Hi, my love, welcome back.” — you hear Buck’s voice and turn your head in his direction. He's smiling at you, but his red and puffy eyes said he was crying.

You smile back at him and take his hand. You're just glad that it's finally over and you can recover. You close your eyes for a couple of seconds and exhale. You got out of this alive.

You open your eyes and the smile leaves your lips. You try to move your legs, but nothing works, you don't feel the whole lower part of your body. Panic engulfs your lungs and you start breathing faster.

“Buck, I can’t move my legs.” — your voice breaks and tears fill your eyes. You knew it was a bad sign when you were still at the scene of the accident.

“Shh, baby, you’re fine, breathe with me.” — Buck looks at you with a smile and tries to calm you down.

“I don’t need to breathe, tell me what’s going on.”

He looks at you and goes silent. He had hundreds of scenarios in his head about how he would tell you about it, but seeing how scared and confused you are, he just can't pronounce these words. He doesn't want to disappoint you.

But you didn't need to hear any words, everything was written on his face and it hurt more than any physical pain. A cry came out of your mouth. A terrible cry that turned into a scream. All the pain and all the resentment against yourself for getting in the car that damn day was reflected in this crying. Your whole body was shaking from how much you were crying. You were screaming. Buck pulled you into his arms and just held you. He's never seen you so lost and devastated, but he kept saying you weren't alone.

“Buck, what am I going to do? What are we going to do?” — you were able to tell between sobs.

You felt like you were suffocating and it was all becoming hysterical. Nothing will be the same as before. You'll be a burden, you won't be able to give Buck what you could have given him if you hadn't been paralyzed. Your life will be limited.

“We’re gonna fight, baby. And we will go through this as we have gone through all the difficulties before, okay?” — you shook your head in disagreement and turned away from him.

You can't look into Buck's eyes. You cannot accept that you will change not only your life, but also his. You would like to say that you are ready to fight, but you are not. You weren't ready for this and you don't know when you'll be ready.

“Hey. Hey, look at me.” — he spoke softly and gently turned your head so that you could look at him. “Our best solution is physical therapy. You have every chance to gain your strength and get back on your feet. I've already talked to the doctors, just trust me.”

“But it can take years. I don't want you to waste your years like this.” — it's true, you'd rather let him go than drag him along, you'll be completely dependent on him.

“My years will be wasted if you're not by my side. Not for one second did I think to leave you in this. This is our fight.” — Buck reaches for your lips and leaves the most tender kiss. There is so much care and love in this kiss that you have no choice but to believe him.

4 months later

Your life consists of a hospital and constant physical therapy sessions. You're tired and exhausted, but you've never been the type to give up quickly.

When you felt that you were going off the path and starting to move in the opposite direction, Buck was there to take your hand and put you back on the right path. He was always smiling, supportive, and proud of your little victories more than you are. For you, these were not victories, but reminders that there is still a lot of work ahead.

Today was another physical therapy session and you finally convinced Buck that you'd be fine without him. He did not miss a single session and because of this he could take fewer shifts at work. You knew that he loves his job and that's literally what energizes him better than any coffee, so today you sent him to work.

But Maddie was with you today, Buck couldn't leave you all alone, even though the doctors at the hospital became your family.

Everything was going well, you did the usual exercises, your therapist gave you a massage of the lower extremities between exercises, then you switched to special simulators.

“Look how good you’re doing, your progress is wonderful.” — you heard Maddie behind your back and froze.

It triggered something inside you. All 4 months you tried to be strong, not to show how desperate you are on dark evenings. You didn't want to be pitied, you wanted to be treated without much distinction.

But everyone behaved around you as if you needed to be coddled. They think they're helping you, but it just reminds you of your condition every time.

And you don't see any fucking progress. What are you doing that is so amazing? You don't run, you don't dance, you don't even walk, you just take little clumsy steps. How dare they call it progress.

“Okay, that’s all for today.” — you still had 20 minutes of the session left, but you didn't feel like finishing it.

“Why? Are you in any pain?” — your therapist asked with a concerned look and stood in front of you.

“No, I just don’t want to do it anymore, so don’t push me.” — you said it and clenched your jaw. You could feel anger filling your body and you wanted to get back to your room before you started snapping at everyone.

You heard the door open and saw Buck. What the hell is he doing here? He's supposed to be at work, but instead he's back here and he's going to babysit you.

“How’s my baby doing?” — Buck squatted down to be on the same level with you and gave you the sweetest smile.

“What are you doing here?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You were so annoyed that you needed to calm down. The last thing you wanted to do was take all your anger out on Buck. He doesn't deserve it, he's the only one who didn't treat you very differently when you got paralyzed.

“I canceled my shift because I couldn't miss your session. I know you said you'd be fine, but I just couldn't.” — he took your hand, kissed your knuckles and looked at you with a loving look.

“We've already finished, help me get to my room.”

When you got to your room, Buck helped you get on the bed. You loved having Buck with you in the evenings because he filled you with that sense of security and confidence. When he had night shifts, it was the most depressing time of your day because you were alone with your thoughts.

“So why did you finish earlier today? I thought you still had 20 minutes of your session when I came.” — lying down on the bed next to you, Buck asked you.

“I didn’t feel like continuing.” — you put your head on his chest and started drawing with your fingers some random stuff on his arm. You always did this when you had a lot of thoughts in your head, but you couldn't formulate them into sentences in any way.

“Why baby? Is something bothering you? You know you can always tell me.” — he’s so sweet, that’s why you don’t deserve him.

“A lot is bothering me, Buck. The expressions on people's faces when they come to me, how everyone tells me about progress and how I've been your burden for 4 months, but you can't admit it.”

You felt tears forming in your eyes. Anger was replaced by sadness, which tore you apart from the inside. It's a feeling of helplessness and complete lack of interest in this fight. You wanted to give up everything, to be alone so that no one else would waste their time on you.

“I can’t admit something that isn’t true, (Y/N). You survived and it's not a burden, but a blessing. I thank the universe for every day with you.” — he pulled you closer to him. How he would like to take away all the pain that's inside you. Buck knew what was going on in your head, so he was always there to reassure you.

“Sometimes I think it would be better if I died than to drag you through something you don't have to go through.” — you whispered it so quietly that you didn't know if Buck had heard. You weren't even sure that you heard your own voice.

Buck's heart broke at those words. You've never been so vulnerable with him, usually you go through even the most difficult events with a big smile and an open heart. But this accident took away a piece of you. You were once cheerful, but now you are completely broken.

“I didn't doubt us for a second. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone else, it's always been you.” — Buck put his fingers under your chin and lifted your head so you could look at him. “I know that you don't see progress and it's hard for you to accept that it's moving so slowly. Do you know why you don't see progress? Because every day you are in your body and you don't see yourself from the outside. But I see you. And I see all your efforts and you're doing such a good job, baby.”

“It doesn't feel like enough.”

“But you’re enough in every fucking way. I still see those (y/e/c) eyes that I fell in love with, I still see that smile that immediately makes my day better and I still see that woman I want to call my wife one day.” — Buck kisses your forehead.

“Even when I’m like this?” — you don't know why you're still doubting it, you don't want to lose Buck, but you need these words from him to be sure that you're not dragging him down and he really wants it.

“Like what? An absolutely normal human being? Nothing changed for me and my feelings are still the same too.” — you kiss him. For the first time in 4 months, you felt normal and you fucking loved it.

“Now baby, we will be home in a week, I’m sure familiar walls are going to make you feel better.” — and he kissed you one more time.

A week later, you were at home, your therapist said that you were ready for this and now you will travel to sessions from your home. You don’t need to live in a hospital now. Honestly, you were excited, you were homesick, and you wanted to be in an environment that always made you feel comfortable and safe.

Buck opened the doors to your shared house and said with a smirk:

“Welcome back, babygirl.”

The next thing you saw were your friends, who were joyfully welcoming you back.

“Here’s my girl, finally I will be able to come here on my days off and talk with a smart person.” — Hen had a big smile on her face and hugged you tightly.

“Ouch, I thought I was your one and only, Hen.” — Chim put his hand over his heart as if he had been stabbed. “But seriously, Jee missed her Aunt (Y/N), she’s excited to be babysitted by her favorite person.”

You loved this little girl, so you were always happy to spend time with her when Chim and Maddie were busy.

“Yeah, honestly, I will be back tomorrow, we need to bring back our barbecue parties, I'm craving your signature ribs.” — Eddie made the chef’s kiss.

“I thought I was making the best food, but Eddie hasn't stopped talking about these ribs for 4 months.” — Bobby laughed and came up to you. “Welcome back, (Y/N), we missed you.” — he gave you that fatherly hug that you loved so much.

You looked at Buck and for the first time smiled so sincerely that your cheeks started to hurt. You knew that the path would be long and difficult, but you will definitely cope with it next to your loved ones. A lot has changed, but at the same time nothing has changed, you can still enjoy all the joys that have become a part of you with each of your friends.

Buck came up to you and kissed you. Tears of joy poured from your eyes, right now you realize that you have the strength to cope with these and your relationship with Buck has become even stronger and more sensual.

“I think I can get used to this.” — you said into Buck’s lips. “I love you, thank you for being by my side.”

“Forever and always, I love you.”

One more kiss and this is your new normal.

[elihermit]

Can you do a buck x reader where the reader and buck are married but she gets amnesia and only doesn't remember buck and their relationship. But it ends with fluff

where’s my mind?

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: you wake up in a hospital bed surrounded by your family and friends, but amnesia took away the memory of your husband, what’s Buck gonna do?

word count: 2,1k

author’s note: thanks to an anon for this request, I hope you all enjoy it, because I definitely had fun writing it 🫧 p.s. requests are open

“Yes baby, I will be home in 10 minutes, just had to stop at a gas station otherwise I wouldn’t make it.” — you say over the phone and sigh. Your day was long enough, of course it couldn’t end well, something had to make it a bit longer.

“Okay love, be safe.” — you hear Buck’s voice and smile. Who would have thought that after four years of dating – you can finally call this man your husband? The past three months of being married were so wonderful, you had everything you dreamed of. “I love you.”

“I love you too, see you soon!” — you smiled again and hung up the phone.

Well, this gas station definitely looks a bit shady, but it was the only one near and you really needed to get some gas.

It was 11 p.m., streets are getting emptier, and flashlights are the only source of seeing something in this darkness. You felt shivers down your spine and thought that it’s time to go home, you didn’t like this place.

Your hand reaches for the car door to get into the driver's seat. But this never happens. Instead, you feel a blow to your head so hard that the only thing you remember is falling to the ground and darkness. If someone got a reward for the most unfortunate end of the day, you would get it today.

Next thing you know, you wake up in a hospital and you try to properly open your eyes, but the light in the hospital is so bright that you squint for the first few minutes. You feel someone is sitting next to you and you turn your head in their direction. It was Maddie.

“Maddie? W-what happened?” — you finally speak and don’t recognize your voice. The voice is so hoarse, quiet and low.

“Oh (Y/N), you’re finally awake.” — Maddie said with a smile. “Don’t worry, you’re fine now, you got attacked at a gas station and had a concussion.” — she took your hand and squeezed it. “I’m gonna tell Buck you’re awake, he just left to buy some coffee. He will be so happy.” — one more smile from her and she left your room.

“Buck? Who’s that?” — you think to yourself and get confused. “Maybe it’s a doctor or something.”

A man runs into your room with a relieved look on his face. You assumed it was Buck. But you really can’t remember his face. Maybe it’s Maddie’s friend or a doctor she knows, she's a former nurse after all.

“Hi baby, I’m so glad you’re awake.” — he rushed to sit next to your bed, took your hand in his and placed a gentle kiss on it. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but do I know you? I can’t remember if I ever saw you.” — the confusion is written on your face, you furrowed your brows and looked at him.

But Buck just laughed and smiled at you. You always liked to call him “sir” to tease him. He had no idea why you did that, but he secretly liked it, it made you look cocky.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, but I’m getting quite uncomfortable by my hand being kissed by a stranger. You better explain.” — you said that and pulled your hand out of his. Why does he think that he has some privilege to do that?

Then Buck realized. You don’t remember him. He felt like his world fell apart in one second. Everything they had been building for almost 5 years just disappeared. Your eyes were saying everything. There’s no love, affection and fondness in them. You didn’t look at him like he was the most important person in your life anymore.

“Maddie, can you explain? This man seems too stunned to speak.” — you said annoyingly, because no one gives any answers.

“(Y/N), I’m Buck, your husband.” — he said with so much pain that for a moment you thought that it’s you who’s acting stupid.

You couldn't lose your memory like that, could you? You remember everyone except your husband. Oh god, you're married, you probably have a house together, lots of plans for the future, but you don't remember anything.

Your head starts to hurt a lot from all the information that doesn't seem real. You look at Maddie and you see that tears are starting to form in her eyes. You see Hen standing outside the door of the room and talking to the doctor. The saddest look you've ever seen is on her face. Everyone remembers everything, why can't you remember?

The doctor comes into your room and gives you a little smile. This smile didn’t say "it's good that you woke up", this smile said "hang on, you have a lot of surprises ahead."

“So, Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, I have some news that I need to share. (Y/N) experienced a severe blow to the head, which led to dissociative amnesia, due to which she may forget something or someone specific in her life.” — so it’s true, you did forget your husband. How long have you two been together? How many good memories did you forget?

“What can we do?” — Buck said, pursing his lips. He took your hand again and squeezed it. This news shocked him, he wasn't ready for it, but he knows for sure that he is ready to do everything in his power to make you remember him.

“The best thing you can all do is put her in the environment where she has been for the last 5 years. Guide her slowly and carefully tell her the events she has forgotten. Memories can come in flashes and this is normal, it means that she remembers and after a while she will remember everything. But I must warn you that there is a chance that she will not remember anything.” — the doctor said and gave Buck a soft look. Unfortunately, he has to deal with many cases of amnesia and the hardest thing is to see the patient's family and know that they don't have the slightest idea what to do next. “Now, if you excuse me, I need to check on another patient.”

There is a chance that she will not remember anything. These words ring in Buck's head. What if she really doesn't remember anything? Would he have to win her love all over again? Would he have to propose to her again? Will they have to build everything again for another 5 years?

2 months later

The door opens. You came back from grocery shopping. Apparently, this is the house that you and Buck moved into after your wedding. Home sweet home, only you don't feel at home. You remember that you lived alone, there wasn't even a man on the horizon that you liked, turns out you're already married.

Buck is very sweet, he hasn't left your side for a second since you woke up. He showed you pictures of you together. Here you are at Bobby's birthday party, here you saw Jee for the first time, here you are at Chim and Maddie’s hospital wedding, here you are spending a free day at the beach. And you could remember those events, but you don't remember living them with Buck.

Yesterday Buck told you that you were supposed to fly to Europe together for the first time in 2 weeks. It's been your dream all your life and Buck was happy to make it a reality. He was happy to share memories with you that would keep you both warm in the future. But the trip will have to be canceled, because he doesn't want to overwhelm you.

“I know it’s a lot and you probably want to run away, but listen, I’m here if you need me. I know you don’t remember me, but I remember everything and my love will be enough for both of us for now.” — Buck put the bags on the floor and came over to you. He stopped in front of you and didn't know how to behave. He wanted to kiss you, but would it be too much? He wanted to hug you, but wouldn't that scare you off?

Seeing how he hesitated, you hugged him yourself. You hugged him to you as hard as you could. The thing is, you were very scared. But Buck instilled a sense of security, he was your safe place. You didn't remember him, but your body remembered exactly how to react to him. And you trusted that instinct.

So far, you have agreed to sleep in separate bedrooms. You didn't want to rush things, and he didn't want to push you. So when night fell, you said goodnight to each other and went to your rooms.

You lay down on the bed and put your head on the pillow, it smelled like Buck. His cologne, his shower gel, the whole room seemed to be filled with him. You looked at the bedside table and saw a photo of you together. So happy and beautiful, in the photo you were somewhere in the park.

“I promise I will remember you. For us.” — you said quietly to yourself and fell asleep.

It was a beautiful sunny day. You look at yourself in the mirror and you're wearing an amazing wedding dress. Your hair, makeup, jewelry — all this made you feel like a princess.

“Athena, I’m so nervous, I don't think I will remember my vows.” — you turned around to Athena while she was preparing your veil.

“(Y/N), you and Buck have been preparing for this wedding for six months, if something goes wrong, it will definitely be Chim that got into some shit again.” — she laughed and took your hand.

“Listen, don't memorize your vows, speak from the heart. Remember how he makes you feel, remember his every look and touch, remember how he looks at you. And don't forget to add his nickname at the end. What do you always call him?” — Athena looked into your eyes and smiled. She knew for sure that your vows would be perfect.

“Light of my life.”

You woke up and were breathing heavily. It was a flashback from your wedding. Of course, you always called him "light of my life." Because he saved you from the darkest stage of your life.

You had your favorite white tulips at the wedding. Buck wanted everyone to come in colorful outfits, but you insisted on a dress code. And the cake ended up being 5 times bigger than you expected, so at the end of the day you handed it out to each guest, so they could eat it at home.

You remembered. Panic began to take over your whole body. Or is it just your love for your husband has returned and your body is responding to it?

You lifted the blanket, got out of bed, and hurried to the room where Buck sleeps. But he wasn't sleeping, you saw the light in his room and opened the door.

“Buck…” — you whispered and felt tears on your cheeks.

“Hey. Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” — Buck saw how panicked you were and rushed to stand next to you. He put his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes. “Talk to me.”

“Light of my life.”

He froze. Did you remember? Or is he dreaming? He didn’t want to move to not scare the reality. He just wanted to stay in this moment.

“You don't like oranges, so we immediately told the pastry chef not to offer us cakes with oranges. You really want children, so on our second date we started choosing names for our children. When you were struck by lightning, you pretended to be a Flash for 3 months, and when I dyed my hair and didn't tell you about it, you started calling me because you didn't recognize me, even though I was standing next to you the whole time.” — you started rattling off the facts of your relationship quickly, as if you were afraid to forget, but you remembered everything.

You saw the tears in Buck's eyes and started crying even harder. You couldn't even imagine what he was going through these two months while you didn't remember anything.

“I knew you would remember.” — he said and had the biggest smile on his face. “C-can I kiss you?”

“Please.” — you said it and pulled him to you for a kiss. So desirable for both of you.

“Don’t cancel Europe, we need more memories.”

Buck just laughed, picked you up and carried you to the bed. It's going to be a long night.

[elihermit]

lost in the memories

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: after the incident at work where Buck had to rescue you, you ended up in coma and relieved every moment of your relationship with Buck

word count: 2,1k

note from the writer: i’m so excited to finally share my first imagine with you! i’m taking requests 🫧

Breath in and breathe out. That’s what Buck always said when you start panicking and feel anxious. But today this panic was not over missing a deadline for your task at work, it wasn’t something you could easily fix.

You work as a psychologist who helps your patients get through the trauma of the past and find the strength to move on.

The day started as usual: morning kisses and cuddles with Buck, breakfast, I love you's, and you both went to work. But then everything is just blank, you didn't even get a chance to take your first patient or maybe you did? You can’t even remember.

You woke up at your apartment, cuddling your favorite toy, you got it when you were 9 years old and since then — it’s your lucky charm. You look at your screen to check the time — “8am”. Good, you have time to grab the breakfast at your favorite spot.

Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, put on some makeup and you’re ready to go.

“Good morning, (Y/N)! Let me guess, latte with raspberry syrup and English breakfast?” — it was Alice, the waitress in your favorite spot. You go here almost every day and you truly can say that she became your friend.

“Good morning, Alice! Yes, you know I can’t start my day without you teasing me and my favorite coffee to get through this.” — you can’t help but smile, she really knows how to highlight your day.

“Of course.” — Alice smiled. “How many patients do you have today? I think I need to make you two coffees.” — she remembered when yesterday you had 5 patients and you came back to the cafe to buy one extra coffee. You loved your job, but sometimes it was too much even for your professional head. Poor people, they don’t deserve to live with all of those traumas.

“Yes please. You’re an angel!” — you gave her a grateful look and agreed on her offer.

Now you have 30 minutes to eat your breakfast and the place was so packed, you were lucky to take the table the moment you walked into the cafe.

About halfway through enjoying your breakfast and making your schedule for tomorrow, you heard someone approaching you.

“Excuse me, I’m so sorry for disturbing you, but could I please sit with you? There’s no empty table and I think I will actually go nuts if I don’t eat.” — you raise your head and it was the most gorgeous man you have ever laid your eyes on. Pretty blue eyes, brown hair and the body of Greek God. Fuck, you stared too long, gotta answer quickly.

“Of course. I got you, this morning anger because of being hungry is not very cutesy.” — you laughed and pointed at the seat in front of you.

“Oh my god, yes! Thank you so much, my co-workers just got saved from my rudeness by…” — he sat down and didn’t finish his sentence so you could tell him your name.

“I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you. Happy to help, we don’t want to give your co-workers some traumas.” — you chuckled. God, you can’t forget about your work even when you have free time.

“That’s very true.” — he laughed. “I’m Evan, but you can call me Buck.” — the way he smiled… This image definitely won’t leave your head.

Suddenly, everything went dark. It’s like there was only one lamp that shined on your table. Buck started crying. You never heard any man cry like this. So much pain, desperation and suffering. With his head on his hands, you could see how his shoulders trembled with every cry.

He raised his head and looked into your eyes with so much sadness.

“Please, come back to me.”

Darkness. You move your finger. Why can you move ONLY your finger? What’s going on? It doesn’t feel right. You can’t see, you can’t move, you can’t speak and hear. Just darkness.

You open the door. Here he is, in all of his glory. Your partner, your love, your friend and your boyfriend in one person.

“Okay, I got every snack you like, you ready for our movie night?” — there’s a big bag of goods in front of Buck and he’s smiling like The Cheshire Cat.

You smile and pull him into the kiss. The sweetest kiss you have ever had. The best lips you have ever tasted. You already knew it would end up being Netflix & Chill.

“I missed you so much.” — you say into his lips and he gives you one more kiss before leading you to the couch.

You sat on the couch immediately getting trapped in his embrace. You didn’t mind at all. There’s no place in the world where you would rather be.

“Did you pick a movie? It’s your turn today, baby.” — you loved your tradition when at least 2-3 times a week you have movie nights. Last time you watched a movie called… You actually can’t remember, making love to each other sounded better after 15 minutes into the movie.

“Yes.” — he makes you look into his face. “Come back to me.”

Darkness. What the fuck is going on? You can feel you squeeze someone’s hand but you can’t see anything. Is that some kind of dream? More like a nightmare actually. Why are you getting pulled out of the most happiest moments of your life?

Buck. You feel so scared without him, you feel so alone. You want to scream “I’m here!”, but not a single word comes out of your mouth. That must be some kind of horrible joke.

You look into the mirror one more time and notice Buck staring at you with a smile.

“Okay, baby, first of all — you know you can stare and touch.” — you said with a smirk and Buck immediately made his way over you. He put his hands on your waist and yours gently fell on his neck. “Secondly, remind me again why we’re gathering in the middle of the week?”

You took a day off, because Buck was convincing you that no one has any other free day and only today they can all meet up together. Honestly, you loved being at Bobby’s and Athena’s house, especially when everyone was there too. Eddie with Christopher, Hen with Karen, Chim with Maddie. It’s like having a second family and you were grateful that they accepted you and loved you as much as Buck loves you.

“(Y/N), I told you it’s the only day when everyone is actually free.” — he said and kissed you. “And to be honest, I just wanted one more day off for you, you were working your ass off past weeks.”

True. For some reason you took more patients than usual and it was exhausting two weeks. Buck is always worried when you overwork yourself, so you didn’t hesitate long when he asked you to take a day off, you felt like you needed that too.

The evening was going great. Everyone is talking, laughing, dancing and eating. It was the most fun days when you all meet up together and Buck knew you loved it. So when Buck asked everyone to give him a little attention, you giggled, because usually it was the beginning of Buck doing something funny.

“Yeah, I know you all are probably expecting me to do a back flip.” — everyone laughed. “But today is a bit different. Not gonna lie, probably it was the hardest task in my life to keep everything a secret.” — you furrowed your brows, what secret?

But Buck continued.

“(Y/N), can you stand next to me, please?” — you’re confused, but you did what he asked. “My love, I know you’re confused and probably thinking that I had too many drinks. And I might be drunk, but I’m drunk in love. The moment I saw you in that cafe, I knew I couldn’t lose you. Honestly, the waitress said that there will be an empty table in 5 minutes, but I still chose to sit with you. Because how could I not?”

You started to realize. Is he… proposing? The love of your life is proposing to you?

“Buck…” — you could feel tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

“Baby, I can’t imagine my life without you and can’t even remember my life before you, that’s how well you filled all the missing pieces. So…” — Buck got on one knee, pulled a pretty little velvet box out of his pocket and asked the most important question that you didn’t even know you needed to hear. “Will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?” — you froze, tears started streaming down your cheeks. All the love you had for Buck just got 10 times stronger.

“Yes!” — you smiled happily and fell on your knees to kiss Buck.

He pulled the ring out of the box, carefully placing it on your finger and looked into your eyes.

“Then please, (Y/N)… Come back to me.”

Darkness. Honestly, you’re getting tired of this. You either died or got trapped in the most fucked up dream. And knowing that you don’t really have dreams, there’s only one option left. Are you actually dying? This can’t be real, right?

In the past 3 years your life has finally fallen into the right places. You met Buck, work was going great, you’re supposed to marry the love of your life… You cannot miss that. “Till death do us apart” doesn’t mean that you have to die so soon. You need to come back!

“My love, I know you probably don’t hear me, but I can’t do it without you.” — you heard the echo in this pitch blackness. It was Buck. “We had so much ahead of us, do you remember? We wanted to buy the house, I wanted to surprise you with the best honeymoon, we wanted to start trying on our own bab-“ — his voice broke, you heard sobs.

Your breathing has become heavier. You could feel your chest rising. Can you just open your eyes? You can’t leave Buck like this, you can’t leave your new family. You need to come back, you had so much ahead of you. Wedding, kids, travels, joy, being a wife and mother.

You heard another echo.

“Please, baby, just please come back to me…”

NOW! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!

You could feel your eyes trembling. Darkness was replaced by white light. Heaven? There is definitely no smell of medicines in heaven.

Slowly, you open your eyes. So slow that it doesn't scare away reality.

The first image you see when you open your eyes and move your head to your right is Buck. He squeezes your hand with his head almost on the hospital bed. He’s still sobbing. It broke your heart into a million pieces. He didn’t deserve to go through this.

“Buck…” — you whisper. You can’t talk any louder, because your mouth is so dry. But he heard you.

Buck raised his head and met your eyes. You’re awake. You’re actually awake. One moment he was in hell, now he’s praising God for bringing you back.

“You came back…” — he smiled with his puffy eyes.

“How could I not? I heard you wanted me back at least four times.” — you chuckled tiredly, making jokes was your defense mechanism against difficulties.

“I thought I lost you, these 4 days were the hardest time of my entire life…” — he wanted to continue, but you interrupted him.

“4 days? W-what happened?” — you couldn’t believe it, you were out for 4 days.

“The building where you work collapsed. There was a mistake made when designing the building and it just fucking collapsed. I found you under the concrete slabs.”

Of course he was the one who rescued you. Your hero. On one hand you were happy that it’s him who saved you, but on the other he probably blames himself for not doing more, for not providing the proper safety. But let’s be honest, he did everything he could and you’re so grateful for that.

“Thank you for saving me.” — tears falling down your cheeks and you’re just happy to be back to him. To your lifeline.

He didn’t say anything, just got up and placed the most gentle kiss on your lips. Almost like he was afraid he could break you and you would vanish, that’s why you placed your hand on his cheek as a confirmation that you’re really here with him.

“So, what’s the best honeymoon you wanted to surprise me with?” — you said into his lips.

“You really heard everything?” — he asked confusedly, you giggled and kissed him once more.

Time to make more memories together.