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(source -gegegek on twitter)

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HC that Tim never wanted to be Robin.

Not because he did not believe in the cause but because he disagreed with Batman's methods. He believed that they were not violent enough.

What if Tim believed in killing the messenger because it sends a message?

Nevertheless Jason dies and Tim finds his idol in need of a Robin.

Even though he still believes that Bruce's methods are ineffective he becomes Tobin to keep the man himself alive.

Of course, he could not let B know about his violent tendencies. So he hid them.

Then Jason came back. And Tim saw that despite wanting his son again Bruce could not move past red hood's methods.

Little-by-little Tum let his own violent tendencies show. Not in a way that would make Bruce suspicious. But nevertheless he got more violent as if to redeem Jason's actions. It seemed to work. Bruce got his son back despite still not agreeing with killing.

But still. Batman needed Robin. So Tim stayed.

After the whole Bruce quest, Tim thought that maybe he could finally stop to pretend to be something he is not and doesn't want to be. Unfortunately, he something stopped him.

He did not expect to fall in love with the city and its people. Every vigilante has their own reason for being in this line of work and for Tim it was Gotham's people.

Red Robin became known for his moral grayness. He didn't follow Batman's morals but he wasn't killing rouges left and right, so, eventually, people warmed up to him. Videos in which RR was seen relating to civilians, listening to their problems, going to a karaoke with them(he lost a bet but it still counts) began circulating the Internet.

So much so that people seemed comfortable around him. They know that the other Bats won't turn away from a cry for help, but they never got this personal with people.

Batman and Robin may be Gotham's protectors, but Red Robin had become this wicked city's confidant.

So Tim never left the vigilante life. He morals hadn't changed, but no one had ever shown him such kindness as the people of Gotham.

So every night he flew. For the people he knows and for those he would never meet.

For his city.

[exists-across-universes]

ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i've chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices

[exists-across-universes]

...♡

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Clark Kent has no idea how many kids Bruce has.

He asks once and Bruce goes “A few.” Dick says “Seven.” Tim says “Don’t worry about it.” Jason says “Too many.”

Clark just starts sending Christmas presents to “Wayne, assorted.”

(Alfred makes sure everyone gets one. Even the Batcow.)

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i am heart broken to browse your page and find no new freaky timbern (I'm really not, just fudging desperate for my slivers of content) PLEASE do not do this to me, please more TIMBERN THEY'RE ARE THE FREAKIEST (I literally don't care if you respond, Ik you have a life) GRRR TRANS!TIM GRRRR PREGNANCY KINK BERNARD (mb gang, the alpha alfalfa alpaca took over 🙏🏻)

Never speak poorly of alfalfa again, it's a precious plant to me and my practice (/joke SJSOWBWU)

But fine, only to spite the racist that I had to block and delete from history today :3

—

Tim: We should get a dog.

Bernard: Aw, why? Aren't I already your good boy?~

Tim: . . . A cat it is.

—

Bernard: Tim's been staring at that phone for the past fifteen hours straight. Either he's working a case, or he's cheating on me with Superboy.

Dick, who's been playing Minecraft PE with him for the last ten hours: . . . Probably Superboy.

—

Bernard, laying on Tim dramatically: You'd look hot pregnant.

Tim: Is this your way of saying I'm not hot, or that you want kids?

Bernard: Neither. I just think you'd also look hot pregnant, but also kids are a bonus.

Tim: . . . We'll talk in five years.

Bernard: Babe, I'm gonna be dead in five years. We're old, withering, I'm getting white hairs!

Tim: Bernard, we're nineteen and you dyed your hair platinum blonde.

Bernard: The bloodline ends with us...

Tim: The Wayne bloodline is gonna end with Damian but nobody complains about that.

Bernard: To be fair, the Wayne name will carry on for a long, long time.

Tim: You're telling me. Bruce keeps suggesting to Wonder Woman that she sign her rights of her daughter over to him.

Bernard: . . . Can we adopt—

Tim: No. We wouldn't even be allowed. We live in a one bedroom houseboat that leaks and has twelve smells we can't identity.

Bernard: True.

—

Damian, on a video call with Talia: Mother, is Grandfather still willing to take Drake? I promise he's house trained and hasn't lost any other organ since their last meeting.

Talia: What has he done this time?

Damian: I was subjected to torture at his hand!

Talia: Which kind?

Damian: The worst, Mother... He and his lover had been indulging in revolting acts when I had walked in.

Talia: . . . What acts?

Damian, sneering: Cuddling.

—

Damian, sighing heavily at school as he holds up a board: This is my family tree.

Dick: Oh no...

Bernard: Why am I on it?

Tim: The press are gonna have a field day with this.

Damian, pointing to Thomas and Martha: My dead grandparents. They failed to dodge bullets, of all things. I am ashamed for them.

Damian, pointing to Ra's: My immortal grandfather.

Damian, Pointing to Bruce and Talia: My parents.

Damian, pointing to Dick: My brother who my sometimes dead brother refers to as our Mother.

Dick: Jason is so dead.

Bernard: Again?

Dick: Again.

Tim, recording: Bruce should've tried harder to get out that meeting.

Damian, pointing to Tim: My brother who is not good enough for his boyfriend.

Tim: Little s#&$...

Damian, pointing to Bernard: My future brother in law as well as my god father, my Father just isn't aware of that yet.

Tim: What?

Bernard: Yeah, we did the paperwork and everything.

Tim: Bernard!? Bruce dies like every other week!

Bernard: I'll get us a kid one way or another, babe.

Damian, pointing at a drawn fetus: My future niece and or nephew!

Tim: Bernard?!

Bernard: I kinda helped him with this project.

Dick: Bruce is gonna kill you.

Damian: Oh, also the list of people my family has, quote, "fumbled"! Kori Anders—

Bernard, running:

Dick, chasing: FUMBLED!?

—

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I want to think that during the time Jason isn't legally resurrected, he'd be a damn menace. His siblings are quick to catch onto his shit, and decide you know what?They want in.

[Live Stream Starts]

Dick, sporting his typical Dick Grayson smile: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to Wayne Wednesdays! I've got all my sibs here with me—

Tim, already holding a mug of coffee: This is a terrible idea

Steph, leaning into frame with jazz hands: Wayne kids Unfiltered!

Damian, slumped into the couch and scowling: This is beneath me

Cass, smiling softly as she waves at the camera

Duke, shyly: I'm just here to keep the chaos to a minimum

[Behind them, Jason slowly slides into frame, standing creepily in the corner, arms straight at his side. He whispers low, barely audible for the camera]

Jason, eyes wide: I'm watching you

Chat EXPLODES:

"WHO IS THAT???"

"There's someone behind you!!!”

"Wayne Manor is haunted confirmed."

Steph, not phased as she reads a question: Favorite family vacation spot?

Tim, scrolling on his phone: Anywhere with functioning Wi-Fi

Damian, tone flat and bored: Anywhere far from Grayson

Dick, pulling Damian into a side hug with a grin: Anywhere with Dami!

Cass, signs "mountains" and Steph translates

Duke, brightly: Beaches! Sunlight's good for you Tim

[Jason drifts behind Tim, staring directly at the camera. Whispers again.]

Jason, creepily: I'm behind you

Chat loses it:

"WTF"

"Did Tim just not hear that???"

"Blink twice if you need help"

Tim, completely calm as he squints at duke: lies

Dick, excitedly: Next question! Who's the most dramatic Wayne sibling?

All at once: Dick.

Dick, gasping as he clutches at his chest: Betrayal. And on my own livestream.

[Jason slowly opens a cupboard behind them. It barely creaks. He whispers louder]

Jason, ominously with a blank expression: I'm here for your souls

Chat goes feral:

"WHAT IS HAPPENING."

"That's definitely a ghost."

"Why are they so chill???"

Steph, casually sipping from her drink: Don't be so dramatic Dick. Anyway, next one-favorite comfort food?

Duke: Pizza. Classic

Damian, making a disgusted face at Duke: Tt. Dolma

Cass, signs "ice cream" and Steph translates

(Jason then drags himself across the carpet with one arm like a mangled corpse)

Chat MELTDOWN:

"DICK HE'S RIGHT THERE."

"Why aren't they running???"

"Wayne Manor needs an exorcist."

Dick, ignoring: Lucky charms for me!

Damian, giving Dick a nasty side eye: A child's choice

Dick, pushing Damian away with a chuckle: Anywho, That's all the time we've got, folks! Thanks for hanging out with us tonight!

[A collective of goodbyes as the stream ends. Meanwhile the last thing chat sees is Jason crawling out of frame like a horror movie extra]

[Once the stream ends, everyone immediately bursts into laughter.]

Steph, gasping as she clutches he stomach: Oh my god—chat legit thinks this place is haunted. Jason that was drop dead hilarious

Tim, scrolling through his phone eagerly: You're even trending! #WayneHaunting, #GhostInTheManor, and—wow—#VictorianOrphanEnergy

Jason, leaning back against the wall smugly: Finally, recognition for my talents

Damian, deadpanning: You crawled across the floor like a deranged cockroach

Jason, shrugging: Fear is fear, demon spawn

Duke, chuckling: When you whispered "I'm here for your souls"? Half the internet probably fainted

Cass, signing quickly as Steph translates while laughing: She says you should've added rattling chains

Jason, mock-serious whisper: Next time

Dick, groaning into his hands, but clearly smiling: Bruce is gonna find out about this, and then he's gonna give the lecture

Jason, cocking a brow: About online safety? Or about pretending to be the spirit of a murdered Victorian child?

Tim, pretending to think: Both. Definitely both

Damian, sporting his own devious smirk: Although you do resemble a Victorian orphan

Jason, glaring the child down: Thank you, I do try

Cass, snorts into her hand

Tim, face back into his phone: Someone already edited you into The Conjuring. Sending the link.

Jason, smirking as he rubs his hands together: Perfect. That's going on my resume

[exists-across-universes]

I read a fic where Jason got a kitten and named it crowbar and then I remembered a convo between Jason and Dick and this is where my mind went.

Jason, opening the door, eyes glaring at his brother: You’re late. I could’ve died of hunger. Again.

Dick, a box of pizza in hand, pushing his way inside and looking around: Oh please, you’ll live. So this is your cave away from the Batcave? It’s very uh… you!

Jason, bluntly: It’s called minimalism Dickhead

Dick, pausing mid-step to stare at something: Okay, but ‘minimalism’ doesn’t usually involve… a litter box, a scratching post, and—is that a tiny red hoodie?

Jason, immediately defensive: No

Dick, eyes wide in amusement as he connects the dots: You, Jason Todd, poster boy for repressed emotions, have a kitten. And—now wait a second—aren’t you allergic?!

Jason, sighing, regretting every decision that led to this moment: Yes, I’m allergic. And yes, I have a cat. Her name is Crowbar

Dick, turns to him gaping like a fish: I’m sorry, you named your cat Crowbar?! As in the same weapon that—

Jason, sporting a bored expression: joker brutally beat me with? Yeah. It’s called facing your fears, Dick

Dick, choking on laughter: I still think you should just dress as a crowbar, not traumatize a kitten

[Just then, a small black-and-white kitten scurries into the room, dragging one of Jason’s gloves in its mouth.]

Dick, lighting up like it’s Christmas morning: Hey there, Crowbar. Stealing daddy’s murder mittens again?

Jason, sniffling violently, his nose red and irritated: She does this thing where she sleeps on my face like I’m a corpse. It’s adorably suffocating, like my grave

Dick, blinking: Wow. That’s… morbidly poetic

[beat]

Dick, a single eyebrow raised: So not only are you facing your fears, you're literally letting them nap on your face now?

Jason, shrugs, eyes watery: Character growth

Dick, scoffing while searching for allergy meds: The only character growth I see is the puffiness of your eyes from, might I remind you, your cat allergy?

Jason, rolling his eyes as he picks up Crowbar: Its fine. Like you said, i’ll live

Dick, with a nervous chuckle: Yeah no, i’m pretty sure i’m going to watch a crowbar take you out again

Crowbar, as if on cue: Meow.

[exists-across-universes]

so turns out the batfam has accidentally and unknowingly been going viral, and not in the way you’d expect. Nope, their names aren’t even attached to it. Whose fault is this, you might ask? Bruce. Bruce, who has a social media page devoted entirely to shit his children do, and no one realizes that said children are Gotham’s princes and princesses.

Damian paints his room. He spends over two weeks on the murals. Bruce, walking in to ask Damian about patrol, snatches a couple pictures before he leaves and absently posts them. Within the week they’ve gone viral and people are asking for commissions, but Bruce never answers.

Jason’s been annotating his copy of pride and prejudice so hard that there’s more handwriting in the margins than actual text. Bruce thought it was adorable, so he posted a page. There are now literary professors asking if his son has been to college and if he would like to.

Steph and Cas wrote their own song on a dare from Dick. Bruce posts a short audio clip of it and his secretary has to rush to copyright it because people are using it as audio in All The Videos

Bruce doesn’t even realize what’s happening, really. He posts is ‘cause he’s proud, then pretty much doesn’t check the page again. It’s more a blog to him than anything else. He has no idea that he’s become almost an internet celebrity/cryptid. There are Reddit forums dedicated to the “dad with way too many fucking skilled children”. Some people say that there’s no way he has this many kids who are so good at things. Some people think he’s just one really crafty person posting a bunch of his own stuff and claiming to be a proud dad.

Tim Drake, resident Reddit Addict, is LOVING it.

Jason: *lugging a body down the street* dammit, someone took a pic back there. Fuck, this is NOT what I want to go viral for Tim: so being a Jane Austen fangirl was the better option? Jason: *trips* what—

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Y’know those bare minimum or princess treatment videos that are popular rn?

Okay that- but with Bruce and his kids

And his kids just start getting increasingly more concerned when Bruce answers bare minimum for everything

The first time it’s funny, right- haha, Bruce, you fool, now I get to dunk your head in ice water because you think letting me fall asleep on top of you right before patrol knowingly to stop you from going out is bare minimum when in fact it’s princess treatment lol

But then it gets increasingly worrisome. 

The kids abandon the list, naming more and more absurd things they’ve done, or have watched Bruce let them do and they start getting concerned

Because is there anything Bruce wouldn't give them?

Steph: me, cass, barbara, ivy, lois, selina, and harley are all getting our hair and nails done and I need your credit card.  Bruce: of course, bare minimum, my girls get what they want.  Dick: you’ll pay an all expenses trip for me and the entirety of Young Justice anywhere we want in the world for a whole month and I don’t have to tell you anything about what we do or where we are? Bruce: as long as you stay safe, chum, I know you trust them and that’s great! Bonding trips are always fun, money is no problem. Bare minimum. Tim: you’d give me the Manor and move out because it’s the first real home I’ve had? Bruce: bare minimum, of course sweetheart, my bags are packed, i can sign it over to you in a second, once we finish playing.  Jason: letting me use you as a personal shield and then taking your blood because i have a flesh wound and need some more Bruce: *scoffs* of course! My cape is bullet proof and I will always shield you. My blood is your blood, we’re family. Bare minimum.

Listen, I ran out of really like desperate things they should ask him but you get the gist right?

Just Bruce giving himself up to them completely- all his money, his home, his gadgets, his lifeblood for them and calling it basic needs that he ought to give them just fucks with their brains a little and angst ensues or smth idk

[exists-across-universes]

Prompt: During a fight with a magical entity, members of the bat family are all forced to hear Dick’s inner thoughts. Luckily, the magic is set to naturally fade in a few weeks, but unluckily, there is no way to expedite the process. They figure that telling Dick would only serve to make him uncomfortable, so it is decided cumulatively to keep quiet about it.

A lot is revealed, but now those afflicted with the curse must decide whether it’s worth it to confess the whole situation to Dick or to leave the revelations unaddressed.

Below are possible avenues this could be taken, from fluffy to angsty:

1.) Everyone kind of doubts that Dick loves them as much as he says. There’s so much self-loathing in the bat family that, even though Dick hugs and comforts and serves in any way he can, there’s always this underlying notion that it’s all a performance.

But then Dick tells Tim “good job” on a patrol night, and his inner thoughts continue with an I’m so proud of you. Look at how much you’ve grown.

Jason decides to actually come to dinner one night and Dick gives him a polite hug, but inside he’s gushing I can’t believe you’re here, I’m so happy to see you, I missed you, I love you.

Bruce gives Dick an apology for something he did and Dick accepts it in a way that Bruce would normally interpret as more placating than anything, but then he hears I could never hate you, you’re everything to me, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done.

Stephanie feels insecure about her place as a vigilante, and Dick tells her she’s doing just fine. But as he walks away to continue his route, she hears You’re just like me, all fire and passion and determination. I can’t believe how well you’ve made a name for yourself — better, younger, and with less support than I ever had.

Etc etc.

2.) Number 1 but angsty. Essentially, Dick’s real reaction to the jabs his siblings make.

Damian makes some throw-away comment about Dick being trailer trash or of impure blood and Dick responds with his normal chastising grin and a “Dami, come on now!”. But Damian is flooded with memories of cold juvie hallways and the longing for a crowded bonfire and raucous laughter while inside an empty, desolate manor and an I miss you please come back I love you please-

Jason spits a comment about Dick being a perfect golden boy with Batman wrapped around his finger and Dick playfully sticks out his tongue, but inner-Dick retorts with a grim I wish he felt that way. Maybe then he would have adopted me.

Tim is ranting about his most recent relationship woes to Dick and makes an off-hand comment about how he wouldn’t understand because he’ll take any ass he can get and implies he’s kind of a man-whore, but chokes halfway through when he’s suddenly flooded with rain and a painful grip on his wrists and a pleading no please stop please I’m poison don’t touch me. It disappears almost instantly, and the only affirmation he gets that anything happened at all is the worried look Dick flashes at him — like Tim was the one they should be concerned about.

3.) Dick’s inner monologue is filled with a series of statements that are increasingly worrying. They begin as what could be excused as weird intrusive thoughts or just Dick being Dick, but a combination of recurring themes and escalating severity causes the family to eventually realize that something is very wrong. Use your favorite Dick trauma of choice.

Add more if you want! You could also do something shippy if you want a character who thinks their crush on Dick is unrequited but it turns out Dick feels the same way, or even a silly game night fic where Dick keeps losing at Poker because he’s narrating his cards, and over time he becomes convinced that everyone is cheating. Which, you know, they kind of are.

Go nuts with it.

[exists-across-universes]

Prompt: During a fight with a magical entity, members of the bat family are all forced to hear Dick’s inner thoughts. Luckily, the magic is set to naturally fade in a few weeks, but unluckily, there is no way to expedite the process. They figure that telling Dick would only serve to make him uncomfortable, so it is decided cumulatively to keep quiet about it.

A lot is revealed, but now those afflicted with the curse must decide whether it’s worth it to confess the whole situation to Dick or to leave the revelations unaddressed.

Below are possible avenues this could be taken, from fluffy to angsty:

1.) Everyone kind of doubts that Dick loves them as much as he says. There’s so much self-loathing in the bat family that, even though Dick hugs and comforts and serves in any way he can, there’s always this underlying notion that it’s all a performance.

But then Dick tells Tim “good job” on a patrol night, and his inner thoughts continue with an I’m so proud of you. Look at how much you’ve grown.

Jason decides to actually come to dinner one night and Dick gives him a polite hug, but inside he’s gushing I can’t believe you’re here, I’m so happy to see you, I missed you, I love you.

Bruce gives Dick an apology for something he did and Dick accepts it in a way that Bruce would normally interpret as more placating than anything, but then he hears I could never hate you, you’re everything to me, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done.

Stephanie feels insecure about her place as a vigilante, and Dick tells her she’s doing just fine. But as he walks away to continue his route, she hears You’re just like me, all fire and passion and determination. I can’t believe how well you’ve made a name for yourself — better, younger, and with less support than I ever had.

Etc etc.

2.) Number 1 but angsty. Essentially, Dick’s real reaction to the jabs his siblings make.

Damian makes some throw-away comment about Dick being trailer trash or of impure blood and Dick responds with his normal chastising grin and a “Dami, come on now!”. But Damian is flooded with memories of cold juvie hallways and the longing for a crowded bonfire and raucous laughter while inside an empty, desolate manor and an I miss you please come back I love you please-

Jason spits a comment about Dick being a perfect golden boy with Batman wrapped around his finger and Dick playfully sticks out his tongue, but inner-Dick retorts with a grim I wish he felt that way. Maybe then he would have adopted me.

Tim is ranting about his most recent relationship woes to Dick and makes an off-hand comment about how he wouldn’t understand because he’ll take any ass he can get and implies he’s kind of a man-whore, but chokes halfway through when he’s suddenly flooded with rain and a painful grip on his wrists and a pleading no please stop please I’m poison don’t touch me. It disappears almost instantly, and the only affirmation he gets that anything happened at all is the worried look Dick flashes at him — like Tim was the one they should be concerned about.

3.) Dick’s inner monologue is filled with a series of statements that are increasingly worrying. They begin as what could be excused as weird intrusive thoughts or just Dick being Dick, but a combination of recurring themes and escalating severity causes the family to eventually realize that something is very wrong. Use your favorite Dick trauma of choice.

Add more if you want! You could also do something shippy if you want a character who thinks their crush on Dick is unrequited but it turns out Dick feels the same way, or even a silly game night fic where Dick keeps losing at Poker because he’s narrating his cards, and over time he becomes convinced that everyone is cheating. Which, you know, they kind of are.

Go nuts with it.

[exists-across-universes]

I see your chronically sleep deprived Tim Drake and I raise you serial napper Tim Drake who will let the sun freeze over before he succumbs to the ridiculous, repressive social construct that is Eight. Consecutive. Hours. In a bed.

Of course, this leads to many *ahem* interesting situations:

Steph: uhhh, Tim, what are you doing?

Tim: sleeping

Steph: would you care to explain why you’re doing that upside down?

Steph: On the couch?

Steph: Instead of your bed?

Steph: Upside down?

Tim: no thanks

Dick, opening his closet to find a sleeping Tim crammed in the back corner: Tim! What’re you doing in here?

Tim: oh sorry, I was grabbing some clothes for my date tonight

Dick: and you fell asleep doing that how??

Tim: I dunno. Bye. *runs out with a shirt*

Dick: Hey, wait, that’s my favorite shirt!

Dick: Tim!! Get your butt back here!!!

Duke, leaning against a chimney on an abandoned building: what’re we doing here?

Cass: waiting

Duke: for what?

Tim: *pops out from inside the chimney*

Tim: I’m here, I’m ready!

Duke: *shrieks*

Cass: good nap?

Tim: the best!

Duke: *still shrieking*

Jason: *shoves Tim off the bookshelf to reach the copy of Emma behind him*

Jason: Replacement.

Tim: *groans* Jason.

Damian: *sketching in the garden when one of his pencils falls and he leans down to get it and then stops*

Damian:

Damian:

Damian: Timothy. WHAT are you doing.

Tim: I’m sleeping. Shush.

Damian: you are in a bush.

Tim: I fell out of the tree

Damian:

Tim: it’s a lot comfier than it looks

Damian: *bewildered spluttering*

Alfred, rifling around the kitchen: *opens the pantry*

Alfred: hello Master Tim

Tim: hey Alf

Alfred: *closes the pantry*

Bruce, staring at Tim who is currently sprawled ACROSS the Batcomputer:

Bruce:

Bruce: Tim. I need to work.

Tim: t’mor’w. ‘M napp’n. *begins to snore*

Bruce: Tim. This case is critical—

Tim: *snoring intensifies*

[exists-across-universes]

Bruce, spotting his kids huddled around the same computer: "Aw-- ahem. What are you all doing?"

Dick, barely looking up: "There's a GCPD cop who just got arrested for murder--"

Bruce: "I heard about that. Serial killer--"

Jason, making loud buzzer noise: "He's innocent."

Bruce:

Bruce: "You three are trying to clear a GCPD officer's name?"

Cass, making a buzzer sound: "Too stupid."

Bruce: "What, I'm just trying to--"

Jason: "She's right."

Dick, elbowing Jason: "Bruce, you don't know this guy, he's literally too idiotic to be able to pull this off."

Jason: "Kids pickpocketed his gun so much he got demoted to desk duty."

Cass: "He tasered himself when I scared him. Peed pants."

Bruce:

Dick: "He was pretty notorious at BPD too. Apparently he once slipped in a victim's blood and fell backward into a gutter, taking out his lieutenant in the process."

Bruce, laughing: "Which lieutenant ended up in the gutter?!"

Dick: "Mathison. He had a heart attack from the shock."

Cass: *drawing a finger across her throat*

Bruce: "Yeah, so this guy isn't a serial killer."

Jason, malevolently: "Or it's the perfect cover. He had the balls to take out a lieutenant."

Cass: "No. Sloppy and too stupid."

Dick and Jason, nodding: "Too stupid."

[exists-across-universes]

LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL LITERALLY KILL. DO YOU NOT SEE WARNING LABELS THAT SAY “DO NOT INDUCE VOMITING”? THEY AREN’T FUCKING AROUND. YOU CAN FUCKING BURN THEIR ESOPHAGUS BY CAUSING VOMITING, CAUSE CHOKING, DROWNING, OR MAKE IT WORSE! AGAIN DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING DOWN ANYONE’S THROAT. THEY. CAN. DROWN. IF SOMEONE IS LOSING CONCIOUSNESS ALL THE CHIT CHAT IN THE WORLD WILL NOT PREVENT IT AT THAT POINT THEY ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER. “Buuut i don’t wanna take them to the hospital!!!” WELL SUNSHINE GLAD YOU’D RATHER HAVE A DEAD FRIEND THAN A LIVING ONE BUT YOU’RE IN LUCK CALL FUCKING POISON CONTROL. THEY ARE NOT THE COPS. THEY WILL HELP YOU. AND IF THEY SAY GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. NO EXCUSES. 0. NONE. I have seen this shit cross my dash SO MANY TIMES so PLEASE fucking reblog this and prevent some well meaning idiot from accidentally killing someone they love!

[exists-across-universes]

Situations that have 100% happened

Kori (wheezing): baby

Dick: yes my wife

Kori (trying very very hard not to burst out laughing): I think we need to be quieter from now on

Dick: what do you mean

Kori: the neighbors knocked on our door and they were like ‘hey Kori do you think you guys could just keep the noise down’

Dick: did they say why?

Kori (still trying not to die laughing): they didn’t have to, I’ve never told them my name before

Dick, in bed, eyes horrified: oh

Roy (on face time): pffttttt *dying laughter

Wally (also on FaceTime): and you wonder why we refuse to move back into the tower I have kids! Man

Donna (also on FaceTime): *fell off a chair laughing, will never ever let dick live this down*

Garth(also on FaceTime) :… wait what? How did they know Koris name? I’m lost here

Donna: *got back on her chair just to fall off again*