failingbutrecovering

[failingbutrecovering]

A Banshee. She died screaming.

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(icon credit 1 & 2)

hi, it’s me. ur local dumbass! this is gonna be a list of potential connections for the most intelligent dumbass i’ve ever met, ethan mcguinness (srly, how can someone be so smart and so dumb at the same time)!! if you feel like you wanna play out any of these things, give this a like & we can figure some stuff out!

student(s)

literally just his students. ethan is a drama teacher at harbor view and he’s maybe just the most dramatic drama teacher you’ve ever met. he’s also pretty cool when it comes to teaching so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ give the man some student-teacher dynamics!

enemy/ies

not the most educated vampire around, he probably has a tendency to make people mad re: things he does by accident with his powers and such. also, just enemies for no reason or someone who has a crush on nicole or his best friend brielle. any of that can work. i just want to see him be hated :/

brother

i would love to see skylear around here tbh. searching for some kind of answer as to why his brother done died and coming face-to-face with the reality of it all. i would love that v much.

friends

literally just give this man more friends. he’s too kind of his own good.

the vampire who turned him

OKAY. so. this is a big one for me. i want this so bad. currently, ethan still has no fucking idea who the hell turned him into a vampire or why they bothered to dig up his grave in the first place (or whatever happened. it’s not written in stone). i would love to know who did it. srsly. he just wants to talk and totally not kill them from not letting him be dead :/

[failingbutrecovering]

dylan o’brien quarantine edition

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He’s been screaming her name for as long as he can remember. Ethan needs someone right now, someone to talk to after everything that’s happened. He hadn’t realized just how hard the full moon could be until tonight. And for a long while, Brielle was nowhere to be found or coming in and out, there but not really there. He’s been searching for her, footsteps making marking in the ground as he tried to find her.

Ears perk up at his name, eyes widening a little as she heads towards him. Woah. He can feel her? Arms tightly wrapping around his friend in a hug he’s never been able to give her before. He’s lighting her off the ground, though not intentionally. "Hey!” He’s grinning, despite everything he’s gone through to find her, to hug her. “You’re here, you’re okay?” A question and a statement in one, unsure of the truth behind it. He squeezes a little tighter, he’s not so sure he’ll be able to do this again.

【９１１　？　　ｔｈｅｒｅ＇ｓ　ａ　ｆｕｌｌ　ｍｏｏｎ　！】

@failingbutrecovering​

               panic in eyes warm  &  sweet,  body stumbling through streets in confusion,  pain permanent upon features as realization hits.  she’s alone again,  stuck in a limbo she cannot escape.  throat sore from screaming,  dejection in every tone,  resorted to whispers of reassurance to self as she once again passes by another human unnoticed.  fear is the only thing left as emotions roar,  objects being thrown behind her.  fingers twist  &  play,  whittling down fabric  &  lace of clothing,  hues scanning area before turning back to ground.                 presence she knows,  someone calling out for the ghost?  head on a swivel,  stumbling more as she tries to pinpoint location,  but everything is in disarray.  when body comes in contact with tree,  she knows she’s visible once more,  &  they are now in eyesight.   ❝  ethan?  ethan!  i’m here!  ❞   at a full sprint now as her person collides with his,  arms wrapped tightly around neck. 

[failingbutrecovering]

what colour is your love language?

canary

Key words: friendship, happiness, light. A canary’s love is freeing, and brings the recipient true and pure happiness. Everyone you love is your best friend in one way or another, whether it’s your fiancess, your little sister, your mother, or your favourite English teacher. You’re most likely to buy small gifts for the people you love, such as their favourite snack or little trinkets, to show that you were thinking about them. Yours is the love of holding hands, singing in the shower, Spring time and wide smiles. Best matched with: Fern, Lavender, Cerulean

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vibrantxhunter​:

Nicole had always hated how SOFT she was. She hated that she let people hurt her. She had let her dad leave more than one bruise on porcelain skin and she had let the kids at school ridicule her until she DREADED having to go to class. Ethan had been the only thing that kept the kinder side of her alive, he believed in her, he SAW her. He had been everything, her everything. When she had LOST him, she PUSHED all those pieces of her into a box and locked it. She convinced herself she didn’t know how to be all of those things without him, that no one wanted to see that side of her. It was a part of Nicole that became reserved for only her siblings, she was tired of being the girl that everyone got to BEAT down. 

When she had started hunting, she had just wanted to give other people those pieces of themselves back. She wanted to protect them from things that were hurting their family. She had never killed anyone who wasn’t attacking first. She had let the werewolf live, and she knew she would let Ethan live too. Even if he attacked her because of the blood coming out of her body, she knew she wouldn’t fight. She couldn’t. Killing him would be like KILLING that part of herself all over again. 

“I should have been there!! I should have been there. I didn’t think seeing you was DISGUSTING. Sure it was hard, and I wanted to make you better, but I wanted to be there. You were my favourite thing to look at. I should have been there. I…-you,” I love you. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there, okay? I was a shitty friend, my dad took me out of town, I should have stayed. I convinced myself that you were getting better, and you know there’s no arguing with my dad. It’s not an excuse.” He still wouldn’t tell her why he was here. 

“Put your hands down, stop looking at me like I’m going to hurt you.” She throws the knife onto the ground, looking down at her red and STINGING hand. “Don’t you get it? I’ve become what I had to, what I was always going to be. You used to see this good, this LIGHT. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe it isn’t there anymore. Maybe it never was. I didn’t come at you with a knife Ethan. I came at the noise I heard in the woods. I came at the things I can’t change. Since you won’t say it, I guess I should. You know my mom’s a vampire? She left! She turned, and left, and then came back and tried to kill me, kill Jared and Sara. Now you’re standing there and telling me that I am the ONLY one who has changed for the worse. You don’t even respect me enough to tell me why you’re here, you keep looking at me like you don’t know who I am anymore.”

It’s hard to see her the same way as she once was. Ethan knows she’s Nicole, but he also knows she’s not the same nicole he once knew. He came here thinking things would have stayed the same for last bit of a year, but they obviously had changed. He had never been great with change, he’s gone through too much of it to just accept that things would keep changing drastically, without his permission. 

“No,” he shakes his head. “No, it was definitely disgusting and that’s okay too!” He’d progressively stopped looking the mirror for signs of getting better, his body only have gotten worse through his time in the hospital. He knows it’s okay to admit that he didn’t look his best. He couldn’t’ve, he was dying. No one looks good when they’re dying. “It doesn’t matter, you didn’t have to be there. And-and you not being there is not a reason for punishment. I’m not a monster.” Or maybe he is. 

He can’t do as she requests, Ethan’s afraid she might. He doesn’t know what this ‘new’ Nicole is like, despite her not being new at all. However, his hands come down at his sides, though he’s not quite sure that’s the right move. He’s seen her throw the knife to the side, and even though the first thing he wants to do is trust her, Ethan’s not so sure he can. At least not right now. 

“A bit of noise in the woods isn’t an automatic threat.” As Nicole recounts the story of her mom, he shakes his head slowly, carefully. It’s like she doesn’t know him, like she doesn’t trust him in the moment either. Eyes fill the tears though he’s not going to cry, he’s not going to cry! “Wait,” he scoffs, “you’re looking at me, you’ve seen that I don’t pose any fucking threat and you’re--you’re trying to tell me that I’m bad? That I’ve changed for the worse?” Brows narrow at her because he can’t quite understand why she would come for him like that, considering he’s done nothing at all. “You’re lunging at people with knifes for fun and suddenly I’m--” Ethan shakes his head. 

“What the hell did you want me to say when I got here, huh?” His voice goes up an octave, “‘Oh, Nicole. I came all this way to check on you. I’m not dead, I’m a vampire. Please don’t tell anyone, I don’t want to die again’?” Eyes look into hers, waiting for some kind of explanation because he can’t bring himself to believe that that’s what she wanted. “I don’t know what you want from me! Okay? I didn’t fucking ask for this, someone just made me like this. I’d rather be fucking dead.” He swallows hard, words ringing so true that they ignite something within him. A feeling similar to remorse, but because he’s still walking the earth for some God-forsaked reason.

“I don’t know who you are,” at least, not anymore he doesn’t. He’s trying to understand, but it’s so hard to piece together which parts of her stayed the same and which ones had changed. 

[failingbutrecovering]

[failingbutrecovering]

vibrantxhunter​:

“You know what I’m doing here, don’t you? You’re asking me such a simple question and yet the blood leaking from my hand…you know Ethan. You were always much smarter than I was. I don’t have to spell anything out for you, do I?” Her pain is evident in her words, no matter how hard she was trying to keep it at bay. It was hard to hide things from him, she considered him to be her other half. Or, at least, as close as she would ever get to one. He never cared where she came from, what she wore, or how she acted. He had just cared about her. 

Suddenly he was asking her who she was, as if he didn’t already know. “I am who I have always been. The only changes I have made came because I had no other choice. I lost EVERYTHING. i lost my mom, I lost you, and my father lost his mind. You have to have known these things. Isn’t that why you came here? You still haven’t told me you know. Was it to punish me?? For not being by your bedside?? I couldn’t be there Ethan. My father took be far away and he made me into something that I needed to be. He equipped me with the things I needed to protect myself.” 

Her mother had come back, and although she wasn’t the monster that her father had anticipated, she had blood on her hands when she had arrived. Her fangs had been bared, her eyes had been dead, she had lunged at Nicole. The only thing that had stopped her was the fact that she couldn’t enter the house she once called home. Nicole hadn’t invited her. Was she going to have to go through this again?? 

Nicole swallows her panic, she would not LOSE herself. Not right now. Hand is at her side, blood dropping onto the ground. “Who are you??” She counters, flipping his own question onto him. “Who have you become? What are you doing in the woods, under the full moon, looking as if you haven’t eaten in days?” She was watching, trying to see any sign that her blood set him on edge. “If you don’t want to tell me why you’re here, how you got here, or how you are ALIVE although Sky told me that you were dead….” Nicole flinched at the words, eyes watering but she did not allow a single tear to fall. “Just answer one question.” 

“What are you? And this time?? Spare the lies. If you ever did really love me, don’t you think you owe me the decency of being honest?” 

It’s not enough to want to scream. Ethan wants a way out of this, some rewind button so that he doesn’t have to find himself in this predicament, but rather so he can be actually dead and not undead. Each of her words feel like a little slap in the face, his anxiety rising as she continues to question him. He’s never seen this side of Nicole, the side whose first instinct was to have a knife to his neck, making him feel like some kind of monster. This side of her is different from the Nicole he’s known, her soft and kind features fading away.

“W-why would I come here to punish you?” Words being spit out of his mouth, each of her questions hurting him a bit more. He’s also trying to ignore the smell of the blood, the sound of her blood dripping down her hand and onto the ground. “That’s,” he shakes his head, “that’s ridiculous Nicole. I would never. I would never! I don’t blame you for not being there, I-I... I didn’t even want to look at myself, why would anyone else want to?” The honesty is there, there’s nothing but truth in his words and yet he still feels like she won’t believe him. 

He can’t tell if his fangs are even visible, he still hasn’t learned any control over these things. The only thing Ethan has been able to kind of control is his bloodlust, especially that for human blood. He’s only had it once, regretting it the instant it happened. “Maybe I haven’t eaten in days,” he tells her. “May-maybe I’m fasting. And i’ve grown very fond of this place.” It’s not a complete lie, but it’s also not the truth. Maybe it’s a half-truth.

“Tell you?” He’s had enough time to process what she is, what she does to people like him (if he could even still considered himself a ‘person’). His hands are still raised. “After alll that--y-you came at me with a knife! You could’ve killed me and you want me to tell you?”

[failingbutrecovering]

character study 》.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

(icon credit)

Basic Information

Full Name: Ethan McGuinness

Nickname(s): E

Age: 24 (turning 25)

Age They Appear: 23 #forever

Date of Birth: August 23rd, 1995

Hometown: Indio, CA

Current Location: King’s Grove, MD

Ethnicity: Caucasian (Italian & Irish)

Nationality: American & Italian

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Orientation: pansexual, panromantic

Religion: Was raised Christian. Not practicing. 

Occupation: High School Drama Teacher

Living Arrangements: Currently Living in the Motel

Language(s) Spoken: English

Accent: Standard American

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: Dylan O’Brien

Hair Colour: Dark Brown

Eye Colour: Brown

Height: 6′0″

Tattoos: N/A

Piercings: N/A

Clothing Style: Business Casual/Casual

Usual Expression: Smiling

Distinguishing Characteristics: Beauty marks on his face/body, Stupidly loud laugh

Health

Physical Ailments: N/A

Neurological Conditions: Depression, Anxiety

Allergies: None anymore

Sleeping Habits: Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny, we all know he doesn’t sleep (not like he used to before)

Emotional Stability: Maybe a strong 6?

Sociability: He likes being around people but needs time alone to recharge!

Addictions: N/A

Drug Use: N/A

Alcohol Use: Will drink occasionally

Personality

Label: The Kidnapped

Positive Traits: Practically a Genius, Funny, Responsible, Humble, Caring

Negative Traits: Sarcastic, Quirky, Anxious

Goals/Desires: To be able to control himself/his powers

Fears: Being a “monster”

Hobbies: Screenwriting, Playwriting, Acting, Directing

Habits: Handing in work on time, Becoming terribly nervous, Stuttering

Favourites

Weather: Cloudy days!

Colour: Reds, Beiges/Browns, Greys & Black!

Music: Anything that makes her feel empowered

Movies: Comedies, Psycological Thrillers, Cult Classics

Sport: Lacrosse, Baseball

Beverage: Coffee Blood

Food: Burgers!

Animal: Dogs

Family

Father: Frank McGuinness, 57 years old, Businessman 

Mother: Angelina McGuinness, 50 years old, Restaurant Owner 

Sibling(s): Skylear McGuinness, 23 years old.

Children: N/A

Pet(s): Han Solo & Batman, Golden Retrievers, 1 year old.

Extra

Zodiac Sign: Leo-Virgo

MBTI: INFJ

Enneagram: The Giver

Temperament: Phlegmatic

Hogwarts House: Huffleclaw

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good/Neutral Good

Primary Vice: Sloth

Primary Virtue: Charity

Element: Air

[failingbutrecovering]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (2019 - )

[failingbutrecovering]

𝔢𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔫 𝔪𝔠𝔤𝔲𝔦𝔫𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 + 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔪

[failingbutrecovering]

spectores‌:

               head cocks,  eyes drifting over titles  &  spines,   ❝  these are definitely all fiction.  it’s hard to find any reliable books on supernatural creatures  &  myths.  ❞   shock suddenly situates on features,  teeth come to gnaw on bottom lip,  sheepish  &  mortified.  not everyone knows,  these creatures  (  her included  )  lead quiet  &  secret lives;  a slip of the tongue could kill someone.  looking back up,  she gently nudges him,   ❝  i mean !  god those myths are always rewritten  &  messed up like— c’mon the little mermaid did not end with a happily ever after.  ❞   

He lets out a loud sigh. “This is so much harder than I thought,” he frowns. He wants to do his research, but all he’s found so far are ‘facts’ from TV shows that are too good to be true and books that are anything but helpful. “How am I supposed to know what the truth about all of this,” he gestures to himself, “is?” He doesn’t know anyone he can ask and the vampire who turned him didn’t stick around to give him lessons like they did in the movies. “Didn’t the Little Mermaid end in death?” He’s not certain, he can’t recall ever reading anything by Hans Christian Andersen.

[failingbutrecovering]

It had been a few days since he had last eaten. While on the road, Ethan had learned to (mostly) control his hunger, especially when there were times when he couldn’t eat for days on end. He knows tonight of all nights is not the one for him to try and sneak in a snack, but he can’t seem to hold it down for any longer. He longs for nutrition, to fall away from this lethargic state as it begins to take over his body.

There’s nothing set in stone, unsure of what to expect. Ethan feels alone, not in the physical sense (because god, he fucking hopes he’s in alone) but because all of this is still so hard to understand. He’s trying to be the same, but he’s having a harder time than he ever anticipated.

Sounds of footprints stop him, though he’s far too late to hide as he comes face to face with... Nicole? He’s slowly trying to register why she’d be n in the middle of the woods on the night of the full moon, eyes scanning over her before he finally makes sense of it. Quick hands wipe away at his mouth and soon, she’s got a knife to his throat. 

Ethan can’t think of what to say to her, eyes big and concerned that she might just up and kill him. He’s staring right at her, curing himself because he knows he could’ve just waited another night, though the lethargy had been starting to kick in, and that was never a good sign. He might not have been able to hunt for food if he waited another night.

"What are you doing here?” a question to counter her own, although he already has the answer. “Who are you?” The smell of blood wafting around in the night, eyes glancing down at her hand, already knowing where it had come from. Is she doing this to taunt him? Does she know? He has to bite back to the urge to give into the smell.

FULL MOON STARTER // Ethan McGuinness x Nicole Winters 

@failingbutrecovering​

Everything that was MAGICAL about Kings Grove seemed to be heightened beyond its normal standards. In the past couple hours Nicole had been faced with more supernaturals than she ever had in the small and QUAINT little town. She hadn’t killed all of them. Two had bested her, and one she had let live. She wasn’t without compassion, but it was hard for her to reach in and find it. When humans got HURT, Nicole felt their pain. Although not literally, her own emotional turmoil was a constant reminder of what it meant to LOSE someone to the supernatural world. Visions of her mother with blood on her lips and hands haunted her by night, and so by day she did what she could to ensure NO ONE would have to go through what she had. 

Nicole had been in the woods for a short amount of time when she’d heard the twig snapped, when she’d spun around to see Ethan standing there. He looked how he always did, but this time she couldn’t ignore what her INSTINCTS were telling her. She had been paying attention to the BOY OF HER DREAMS. The boy who was paler and stronger than he had been before. The boy that supposedly DIED, and now was somehow here MIRACULOUSLY. Who she had not seen eat, nor sleep since his return. Ethan was HIDING something from her, she could tell. He was a BAD liar to begin with, and she knew him better than she knew herself. 

Blade was in her hand, before Ethan had emerged she had been ready to defend herself. Demons were running rampant through Kings Grove, every single one she encountered was stronger than the rest. Awkward silence had passed between them, both of the staring at one another. Did he know she knew what she did? “Why don’t you just TELL me.” Her voice was sharp, but there was also pain present, pain she KNEW he would hear. Knife is flipped in hand silver blade now being held in hand while the black bottom rested above it. It slowly began slicing into her hand, blood dripping from her palms and onto her weapon, “don’t I at least deserve that?”

[failingbutrecovering]

Make Me Choose Challenge └ @wolfish-willow asked: Lucifer Morningstar or Stiles Stilinski?

“Well, I don’t know how to help you help me tell you something that would help you if I don’t know it.” 

[failingbutrecovering]

sometimes, i think the weight of my emotions is enough to crack my ribs, and make me cough blood. it hasn’t happened yet, but that doesn’t mean things won’t get worse.

[failingbutrecovering]

dariafae‌:

“Don’t worry about it.” Honestly, Daria was just as guilty as Ethan for having bumped into him. After all, the beautiful sunlight hitting the green leaves of a near tree was enough to pull Daria’s attention as far away from the road she was walking on as possible. 

An easy smile was placed on Daria’s already relaxed expression upon recognizing the male, thanking him for not letting her small bags of herbs hit the ground. “How are you doing, Ethan?“ It wasn’t long that Daria knew him, but after spending some time together, the young woman could say that she enjoyed his company. “Do you want to stop by my house for some coffee? If you are free, I don’t want to bother if you’re on your way to something important. Or, just don’t want to have coffee with me.” Smile turning more playful by the end of her invitation, despite her joking tone it was clear that she would really not mind if he cancelled just because he didn’t feel like it.  

Anxious hands offered her things back, wondering just how the hell he’d been able to do that. Ethan was so much better at everything now, except for speaking and... well, walking, apparently. There was obvious relief on his face at the familiarness of the woman. 

“Not too bad,” he admitted, though everything about this place was still taking some getting used to. Luckily, he had always been pretty good at making friends, so that much was slowly resolving itself. “Coffee,” he nodded, a reminder of many sleepless nights spent drinking the warm beverage, trying to finish projects that he no longer needed to worry about. “I’d like that, actually.” There was a smile on his face, something indicate that this invitation was exactly what he needed right now. “Been busy lately?” He gestured mostly to the bags, a hand reaching out once again, this time to take them from her considering they were headed in the same direction. “Let me help you.”

[failingbutrecovering]

vibrantxhunter‌:

TERRIFIED?? She wasn’t terrified, was she?? How could he be here?? They told her that he had DIED. It felt like someone was taking one of the only things she had ever loved and using it against her to get inside her head. She was living in a town infested with supernatural creatures, and here was her best friend, and first love who was DEAD…right in front of her. Maybe she was terrified that it wasn’t him, or maybe she was terrified that it COULD be. It wasn’t so much that she didn’t want him back, because she did. More than anything, she wanted Ethan back. Her terror was rooted in her GUILT. She hadn’t been there to see him before he had died. She hadn’t been there to hold his hand, and kiss his head, and tell him that she was in love with him. All of the things she had never gotten a chance to do, would he be angry with her? 

She holds his hand the entirety of the walk out side, the fresh air instantly helping her with the tightness in her chest. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, when she started again she wanted to be breathing in him. Finally she lets go of his hand, takes a long moment to steady her breathing, certain that he would wait. 

“You’re sorry??”

She finally speaks, eyes still glistening with unspilled tears, “you have nothing to be sorry about Ethan.” Hands start to shake again and eyes close, breathe. “I am sorry…I wasn’t there I failed you. You DIED. they told me you were dead, they scheduled a funeral, how are you….? I was so fucking…I wasn’t there for you. You needed me and I wasn’t there and then you were GONE.” She has said it a million times already, and yet it is the only words she can say. Without warning she surges forward, wrapping her arms around him in a DESPERATE hug. Even if this was just his ghost coming back to haunt her for LETTING HIM DOWN, she was going to hug him. She never got a chance too before, and then she lost him. This time when she speaks her voice is a whisper, it’s VULNERABLE, something that she never is anymore. 

“Are you going to leave me again?” 

To be fair, Ethan didn’t really think about what coming to King’s Grove would entail. He just came. Because Nicole is here. Because it’s somewhere he can be or so he’s heard. But God, it’s so much harder to live the reality of being here than it was to arrive and not exactly expect Nicole to be here at all. The terror in her eyes say everything he needs to know, tell him that maybe this is a bad idea, maybe he should run away so he doesn’t have to deal with her looking at him like that. 

Yet here she is, so close but so far away. It’s hard, but it would be even harder to leave, he knows that. There’s always been something about Nicole, about the way she makes feel and talk and even breathe. Being around her again makes him wish he could feel his heart beating again, the sound of rapid ‘ba-dum, ba-dum’s something he misses now more than ever. At least back then he knew exactly what he felt whenever he saw her, now it’s a bit harder to describe.

There’s panic, for sure. Especially because now Ethan’s not the exact same as he used to be. Relief. Because he knows she’s okay, he can see her and hear her and that’s all he really wants. But there’s a little bit of heartache, a little bit of resentment because as much as Ethan came here for her, he can’t help but wonder why she hadn’t shown up for him.

“Hey,” is all he can manage, arms wrapping around her tightly. He can hear her heart beating. In this moment, Ethan is glad he didn’t die. He wouldn’t be able to hold her if he had. “I’m-I’m here now.” Words soft, almost cushion-like. “I’m o-o-okay. And here.” He tries to keep his words to a minimum, unsure if she can still, for whatever reason, detect a lie coming from him. “I’m-I’m-I’m--” He sighs. “I’m alive.”