fatesurvived

[fatesurvived]

well my household is sick so nothing from me for a while.

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It’s been a week but I’m hoping to get on later tonight or tomorrow. I’m going to try to put some open starters out into the universe. Emphasis on TRY.

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Sydney's time in re-education as well as post rescue // TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CONTAINS MENTIONS OF TORTURE, INHUMANE ACTS, FORCED FEEDINGS, FORCED DRUG USE, EATING DISORDERS AND FORMS OF AVERSION THERAPY.

It's also SUPER lengthy so grab a snack friends.

To really get into the TRAUMA we must get into the poor conditions the Alchemists kept traitors in. Sydney was kept in a cell for THREE MONTHS before being moved upstairs with the others for the actual re-education aspect. The cell was described as a small, cramped stone cell. Within the cell, it held a sink that dispensed ice-cold water that smelt of rust and a toilet. She had no bed; she was expected to sleep on the hard and cold stone ground. When she had been placed in the cell she had been stripped of her clothes and left naked, a tactic to break her. They kept the lights off, she was in complete darkness for most of the day, and her only form of communication was with someone through a speaker in the ceiling, asking her if she was guilty, trying to find new tactics to break her, bend her to their will. Not only was she tormented by the mystery voice, the nudity, and the bone-chilling cold conditions, they taunted her with objects of comfort; a real bed, warmth, clothing, a real bath or shower, even her cross that unbeknownst to them was made by Adrian, her vampire boyfriend. The catch was she had to admit that she was guilty of going against their values, beliefs, and morals. To admit that she had sinned against her own, that she was TAINTED. 

When Sydney first was put into the cell she woke up in the darkness, naked and afraid. She knew where she was (re-education) but she had no idea what was going to happen. Her heart raced and they kept her there without making contact for several hours, presumably seeing what she would do. The darkness was overwhelming, she found herself in weaker moments wondering if she would survive this, if fighting this was worth it.

The food she had been served while in the cell was described as a fortified, tasteless, hot cereal however it was lukewarm at best. When she refused to eat it, going on a hunger strike they forced her to eat through disgusting measures. After that, Sydney learned to eat the food for fear of being subjected to another forced feeding.

Another tactic in their arsenal was to pipe drugs in through the ventilation system daily to either keep her groggy or a stimulant to keep her awake and irritable. The brain can’t function accordingly on such disturbed “sleep”. 

Around a month and a half to two months into her three months stay in the cell, they had offered Sydney a paper-thin sleeveless shift that provided no warmth - a gesture of goodwill. She accepted it to try and preserve some dignity as if they weren’t watching her with a night vision camera at all hours.

For much of the three months, Sydney endured their games by thinking of Adrian, all their escape plans and all their stolen moments together. Playing through every conversation that she could remember. Sometimes it became too much, so she’d turn away from the camera and cry until she couldn’t any longer.

When Sydney finally gives in, agrees to re-education, a chance to get proper sleep, to talk to Adrian, to find a way out, she is permitted a 5-minute shower, where khaki scrubs were given. It’s there in the bathroom that she catches a glimpse of herself, her body. Due to malnourishment, she had described herself as having a hollow look, intensified by dark shadows under her eyes and a paleness to her skin from the lack of sunshine.

DURING RE-EDUCATION:

One of the main torture elements is purging: being strapped to a chair and injected with a serum that made you feel nausea that took over the entire body, throbbing of her head, and the internal body temperature skyrocketing, resulting in sweating. After being injected they show images or ask questions about the moroi, dhampirs, and Strigoi. If you answer incorrectly (against the Alchemist way) it gets worse. If participants close their eyes to avoid having to watch the screen, there are methods meant to keep the eyes open.

The first time Sydney was sent to purge she felt so sick to her stomach, not only from the injection but from the agony, the not knowing, the ever so slightly fading of her hope.

The other form of torture is while she was strapped to a chair, Sheridan, the lady in charge of the facility would press a button and part of the arm rest sliding back to reveal a clear liquid. With another click of the button and the armrest would move down into the liquid. The chemical was described as if her skin had touched a pot of boiling water, searing her skin, and setting the nerves on fire. When Sydney refused to say that the Moroi on the screen were evil creatures, Sheridan would lower her arm in for longer periods of time, not relenting despite her screams of pain.

When Sheridan showed Sydney a picture of Jill and Adrian, expecting her to call them evil creatures, Sydney couldn’t do it. She tried to blink away the tears of pain, reminding herself to be strong, that this was just a game. That didn’t impress Sheridan, lowering her arm deeper and keeping it submerged Sydney finally gives in, calling them creatures of darkness. Whether she believed it or not she had to play the twisted game, to survive this torture.

During an attempt to shut off the gas and find a way out, she was caught by Sheridan and struck with a taser. When she came too, she was strapped to a cool table with her extremities and head strapped into place. This would be known as persuasion. The table had been rigged to produce a pain like electric shock, paper cuts and bee stings all wrapped up into one uncomfortable feeling going nerve deep. When Sydney wouldn’t answer, they brought in her roommate, Emma, and began to torture her with the same methods until Sydney told her what she wanted to know.

When Sydney admitted that she was using human magic, she had no clue that Sheridan and the other Alchemists could be so cold. That she was essentially the enemy now and that they had no trouble increasing the intensity.

POST RE-EDUCATION & HER ESCAPE:

I’ve touched on this in another HC but I really want to re-iterate it. The trauma that she endured for four months simply does not disappear as quickly as the novels depict. Trauma like that can take months, years or may never actually disappear.

For Sydney, her healing takes a long time. She has nightmares regularly and can no longer sleep in the darkness, afraid that she will wake up back in that cold cell. Even after her deal with the Alchemists for her freedom, she can’t shake that horrible feeling that it’s going to be ripped away at any moment. The first night outside of the facility, she stayed awake until she could no longer hold her eyes open, her sleep is short lived. Waking up covered in sweat, heart racing and feeling utter panic and fear. 

The months Sydney spent at the re-education center have left her with unseen scars, trauma, and paranoia. She can no longer sleep with the lights completely off for fear that when she wakes in the dark that she is back in that bone-chilling cold cement cell. The month that she had been in the company of others had helped some, but it had also gotten her into trouble where she was forced to endure horrendous measures. After she got out, she stays awake until she literally couldn’t keep her eyes open longer, she woke up drenched in sweat and gasping for air. The feeling that her world was closing in on her was too strong. She REFUSES to tell anybody the true measures taken against her when inside, for fear that those she loves would retaliate and end up dead. She will admit that they used barbaric tactics on her, which is evident in her eyes for the first week after getting out, but she will never tell a soul what happened. She’s scared, constantly looking over her shoulder, isolating herself, overeating to compensate for the lack of proper nutrition then nothing at all the next to compensate. 

The diet that had sustained her while there hadn’t been enough, she’d grown very malnourished, it was described as each rib being visible under her skin, and it was a fight mentally and physically to regain much of the weight. Even in her healing process she could hear her father’s condescending words in her head judging her. She would try one day, eating as normal as she could and the next in tears because she couldn’t bring herself to eat. It was a source of conflict between Sydney and Adrian. 

Sydney will NEVER utter a word about what she endured to a single person she loves for fear of them doing something stupid. She keeps quiet about her trauma aside from what Adrian and Eddie had seen, she doesn’t like to talk about it.

The novels brush past her trauma and I don’t like that aspect. After coming out of something like that, you don’t just return to normal within a month or two, it is an ongoing and possible life-long battle. From my interpretation of Sydney Sage-Ivashkov, she will suffer with these topics much longer than the novels show.

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Bonus: Aethelred | The Last Kingdom 3.02

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"I'm tired of being so exhausted." @mystictragedies

If it were possible he would stand in for Jill in all of her physical education classes but being as it were it was an impossibility. Still, her discomfort worried him. Clenching his jaw for half a second he released the tension and put on a good show for her benefit. ❝ I can talk to Sydney, maybe she can go back and see if anything can be done. You shouldn't be in the sun for extended periods like this. It's not right. ❞

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" you never listen . " @mystictragedies

The mild irritation that Adrian always seemed to bring forward was as unwelcome as ever. ❝ I'll listen when you have something useful to say. ❞ Dimitri corrected the moroi sternly. Royal or not - family or not, it was no secret Adrian got under his skin.

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My oh-so-familiar brain rot for my BL characters + Francis Valois from Reign has returned. So if you need me, I'll be thinking of them for the next ever.

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" i remember ... everything . " @mystictragedies

❝ You hit your head. Can't blame me for making sure. ❞ Adrian gave the blonde a final once over satisfied she wouldn't topple and let his relief in. In this life he wasn't afraid of his family, the royal court, or even Strigoi - his concern was for Sydney (and their little makeshift family in Palm Springs.) ❝ You just might be the death of me, Sydney. ❞

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Reblog  this  post  to  let  your  followers  know  you're  fine  with  being  tagged  in  random  starters.  Additionally,  reblog  this  post  if  you're  all  right  with  being  sent  old memes,  no  matter  how long ago you reblogged them.

[fatesurvived]

A fresh new starter call for a pretend fresh account! Current muse list here -> THE COVEN Alternatively, I've got a plotting call here -> X

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THE SOUNDS OF NIGHTMARES SENTENCE STARTERS .

a collection of roleplay / writing prompts , lifting quotes from " the sounds of nightmares " podcast based in the little nightmares universe .

" the look on your face says there's more on your mind . "

" would you like to talk about it ? "

" how are you feeling today ? "

" do you remember your nightmares ? "

" i remember ... everything . "

" i'm not sure that's true . "

" i woke up somewhere i didn't belong . "

" i don't quite follow . "

" can you try to explain ? "

" you can't understand . not unless you were there . "

" hey ! where are we ?! "

" they aren't children . not at all . "

" my mind was divided , and that's not fair to you . "

" everything is going to get worse from here . "

" help me ! please help me ! "

" who brought me here ? "

" i'll do everything i can to help you . "

" there's nothing bad inside you . nothing . "

" we're in this together . "

" take your pick . "

" sweets for my sweet . "

" do you know a way out of here ? "

" what are you working on ? "

" we're friends . friends tell each other things . "

" i'll play with you . "

" don't overdo it . "

" you were right there ! don't tell me you did nothing ! "

" you're upset with me , aren't you ? "

" are you going to leave ? like all the others ? "

" whatever you desire , it's yours . "

" everyone needs someone . "

" don't leave me alone ! "

" are you still angry with me ? "

" i'll protect you . "

" i hate being alone . "

" i understand more than you think . "

" you mean to escape , don't you ? "

" you're being unfair . "

" i can't help you if you hide things from me . "

" why did you bring me here ? "

" what do you want ? "

" why didn't you tell me ? "

" you promised me . "

" i don't feel like talking . "

" you never listen . "

" we can face these monsters together . "

" i need you . "

" i have nothing more to give . "

" take my hand again . "

" you abandoned me . "

" the more time you spend with someone , the harder it becomes to hide who you really are . "

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❝ You got my note. ❞ Penelope repeats, the words not foreign or even surprised. She had every intention of Josie learning the truth, the same intention that had her packing her bags. Before the night was over she would be gone from the grounds she had called home most of her life. ❝ It's messy and a little fucked up - but what isn't? ❞ Her words give off little to comfort the Siphoner before her. Penelope told herself that maintaining her hard exterior would make leaving and the unknown surrounding her ex easier. ❝ I wanted you to know. I wanted you to be ready. ❞

Late nights of one step forward and three steps back. Josie has been here a thousand times before in the darkness of a bedroom that isn't hers with a person that she swears to Lizzie that she hates. A facade to hide the wound that was a broken heart. ❝ I got your note. ❞ Josie stood there in Penelope's bedroom, watching every little move that Penelope made, trying to etch every single little move into her brain as if Penelope would disappear into thin air at any moment.

❝ And I confronted my father about that thing called the merge. ❞ Now that she could see the bigger picture, this was important to Josie because someone needed to be told about it, and that someone couldn't be Lizzie as much as Josie loved her twin.  I am going to die.  It was not a secret that Josie could not live without Lizzie, and the idea of committing fratricide made Josie's stomach turn.

[fatesurvived]

Reign | Prince Francis in every episode part I [1x01-1x08]

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I'M DAMNED IF I DO AND I'M DAMNED IF I DON'T

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@felttheburden ❝ We can't keep doing this you know. ❞ Penelope remarks into the silence of the room. Hazel eyes glance at herself in the mirror, drawing a steady breath. Too many times had the pair gone down this route, far too many to continue the cycle. ❝ Look, I've got a lot on my plate right now, so, if it's important... ❞

[fatesurvived]

A fresh new starter call for a pretend fresh account! Current muse list here -> THE COVEN Alternatively, I've got a plotting call here -> X

[fatesurvived]

Given my abrupt & lengthy absence, putting up a plotting call makes the most sense. You all know the drill, hit the heart & I'll message you.