fatpingu

[fatpingu]

My Secret Guardian

Chapter four - Too much wine

Warning: Explicit language and smut !NSFW!

“Try this!” Alexander held up a spoon, blew on it before feeding the content to me. The taste was rich, super smooth from the heavy cream, there was a bit of spice to it, more so from the red pepper flakes and not so much from the vodka.

“It’s delicious,” I responded, licking my lips, eager to get another taste. I knew Alexander had told me he was really passionate about cooking, but I would’ve never imagined him being this good.

When he had asked me in the car if I was hungry, I just thought he meant we could go to McDonald’s, not that he would cook for me. I didn’t mind it tho, I was so fascinated by him preparing our meal. I had asked if I could help, that was the least I could do, but he refused my offer, wanting to just enjoy my company on the kitchen barstools.

“How do you like your pasta?” Alexander moved over to the stove again to stir the pot. I had never had Penne ala Vodka before. I wondered if it would get ruined if the pasta wasn’t al dente, the kind I hated. It grossed me out, if my pasta or boiled vegetables had some resistance, I needed that shit to be almost mushy. I was a really picky eater when it came to the texture of food.

“If it’s okay,” I uttered from the kitchen island, holding down on the foot of my half empty wine glass, “I’d like them a bit overcooked.” I was hoping he didn’t think I was weird. My family had always mocked me for my sensitive gag reflex whenever I bit down on something chewy and firm.

“Sure thing!” Alexander turned around to look at me, flashing a smile before picking up his own wine glass and raising it. It almost looked like that scene from The Great Gatsby with Leonardo DiCaprio. Of course, he wasn’t dressed like him. He wasn’t wearing a fancy suit, but was instead standing in an old T-shirt he had put on when we came back to his place, since it probably wasn’t the best look to walk around cooking in a cum stained shirt. 

I couldn’t help but to stare at him while he was standing in front of me, downing the rest of his wine. That shirt was old, yes, but it hugged every single muscle on his arms and chest and I surely wasn’t complaining. He gestured with the wine bottle, silently asking if I wanted a refill and I nodded. The last 24 hours had been so weird, so a little bit of alcohol was definitely a must right now. Well… little and little.. We had already emptied almost a whole bottle of wine. 

“Food is almost ready,” Alexander said, turning back to the stove to make the finishing touches. “If you look in the cupboard beside the fridge, there should be another bottle of wine.” It was definitely clear that he was just as in need for alcohol as I was. There was no denying that we were having a great time, but neither of us had just magically forgotten about our escapade in his office. 

It had been a hot minute since I had had such a fun dinner. We sat on the couch eating Alexander’s delicious food, drank some more wine while watching a random movie on tv. To be honest, neither of us paid much attention to what was going on in the movie, we were mostly just talking about random things like, why Star Wars was better than Star Trek or the whole debate about “is water wet?”

Alexander then suddenly leaned his elbow on the top of the couch cushions, turning his head towards me in all seriousness. “Listen,” he looked me deep in the eyes, making me almost blush from the stare. “I know you probably don’t want to, but we have to address what happened at the office.”

“It’s okay. You already apologized,” I answered, knowing damn well that wasn’t what he meant.

“No it’s.. That’s not what i meant.. It’s just.. We had sex,“ he stuttered, picking nervously at his fingers.

“Yeah I know, I was there.”

Alexander rolled his eyes at me, he was definitely trying to get used to my stupid sarcastic comments. He swatted my arm lightly while trying to suppress a smile. “It’s just.. It wasn’t right. We shouldn’t have done that.” He caressed my arm, his tone suddenly became more serious. 

“I’m a grown woman and I can sleep with whoever I please.” I had definitely become more comfortable around him, talking about my sexlife. I laid my hand on top of his. It might have been the mixture between the alcohol and the now existing comfortableness around each other, but we both definitely had become more touchy.

“I’m your boss. I shouldn’t be sleeping with my employees,” he looked me deep in my eyes, making me sink into those brown eyes once again. “Even when they look so sexy spread out on my desk.” 

Does he really think I’m sexy? I thought to myself, biting my bottom lip, trying to suppress the arousal those words gave me. The alcohol was definitely taking over my thoughts, no wonder it’s called liquid courage, but I just couldn’t stop the words before they flew out of my mouth. “You should see me on my knees.”

Alexander widened his eyes, almost in disbelief of what he had just heard me saying. I didn’t really care. I was already horny again and just wanted to have a taste of him. I pushed the round wooden coffee table aside and slid down between it and Alexander, looking up at him with my lust filled eyes. He had made me feel so good and appreciated and I wanted to repay him.

“Pl-please you don’t have to,” he looked away while shaking his head, but the bulge in his pants told me otherwise .

“No it’s okay, I want to,” I said caressing his thighs, trying to get him to look at me. He turned his head back to me, meeting my hungry gaze. He leaned forward, cupping my chin and turning it upwards so our noses were touching. He moved his head a little further up and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before retreating back, locking his eyes with mine. 

“You’re drunk,” he said while caressing my cheek. His eyes were filled with concern, the same pained expression he had in his office after we had sex, when he was apologizing for yelling at me. “I don’t want to take advantage of you. Trust me, I would very much like to do all kinds of things with you. But not while you’re drunk.”

The embarrassment hit me, hard, and I quickly shuffled myself back on my feet. I tried to look away from him, hiding my tears and my red face, but he almost immediately stood up from the couch to pull me in for a hug. I tried pushing him away, but gave in to the intimacy and safety he gave.

I pushed my face deeper into his chest, almost like I tried to suffocate myself. I really didn’t want to be there anymore, I just wanted to disappear without a trace. One thing was to sleep with my boss in his office, but to be rejected by the same man only a few hours after. That hurted.  

Alexander, with his arms wrapped around me, gave me a squeeze before taking a step back to look into my eyes. “Please don’t cry,” he said softly, wiping the tears away from my face with his thumbs. “There is nothing to be ashamed of”.

I clenched my jaw, teeth grinding against each other. I was so embarrassed, but like every other time people had made me embarrassed, the only emotion I would display was anger. “Take me home!” I demanded, eyes beginning to fill with tears again just by the memory of the last five minutes, but I quickly wiped them away before he could notice. I didn’t want to look at him, let alone be in the presence of him. I was so embarrassed by my drunken thoughts, that I just wanted to go home. 

“It’s really late and I don’t want to leave you all by yourself, especially when you’re this upset.” Alexander stepped closer to me again, hands on my upper arms, caressing them softly. He grabbed my arms and pulled me into another hug, tightening his hold as I protested. I wanted to slap him, bite him, push him, everything that would make him let go of me. But I also wanted to just stay in his arms until everything I was feeling would melt away. 

“I can’t.. I-” My mind was all over the place. On one hand, I really wanted to stay. He made me feel so safe and cherished. But on the other hand, I felt like I was a burden to him. Like he didn’t mean what he said and he actually just wanted me gone. I turn my head upwards to meet his worried eyes. “I don’t want to bother you more than I have already done.” My guards were beginning to go down, trying my hardest to stay calm.

“Please, you’re not bothering me.. At all! You can borrow the couch again if you want.” He turned his head slightly up to rest his chin on top of my head. “Or you can also sleep in my bed If you want. I want to make sure you are okay, and the bed is more comfortable than the couch. I’ll just sleep in here, and you can have the bed to yourself.”

“I- don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not being one!” Alexander leaned back to look at me again, hands on my shoulders, brows furrowed. “Please stop saying that. You are sleeping here, end of discussion.” 

My eyes travelled down to the floor in defeat, I clearly didn’t have a choice in this. Why did he reject me, just to insist on me staying the night? It didn’t make any sense. I stepped away from Alexander, still looking at the floor, picking my fingers. Some part of my brain told me to just walk out of his house, but my legs weren’t following the order. They were probably listening to the other part of my brain, telling me to calm down and stay the night.

“Fine, but i’ll just sleep on the couch again. And I will leave first thing in the morning,” I insisted, looking back at him again, clenching my teeth together. My bad attitude had come back to haunt me and I couldn’t stop myself from frowning. I never liked being told what to do, especially by a man who just made me so embarrassed of myself. This was all his fault.

“You are so stubborn, but fine, you’ll sleep in here. I’ll go get the T-shirt for you to sleep in.” Alexander walked towards the bathroom to get the T-shirt I had slept in the night before. “It was on the top of the hamper, so don’t worry,” he snarkely commented, returning to the living room and handing me the T-shirt. 

I just wanted the day to be over. It had been such a weird day, with my emotions going on their own personal roller coaster with loops and swings, just to make me doubt everything as soon as the ride came to an abrupt end. My mind was all over the place. What was so wrong with me, that he didn’t want me to go down on him? I had never had a guy turn me down because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed. Sure, they weren’t all nice guys and some of them even did stuff against my will, but that's just the price you pay for being sloppy drunk. Right?

No. That’s not right. What the fuck am I thinking? I quickly sat up on the couch, drenched in sweat and shaking. Why the hell was my brain telling me that all the stuff other guys had put me through, was less worse than Alexander telling me he didn’t want to take advantage of me? The alcohol had clearly worn off and I could actually gather some decent thoughts, only to panic from the way I had left things before we had gone to sleep. I had been so mad at him and for what? He must hate me now for sure!

I started to cry. This was all my fault and now I paid the price by sobbing uncontrollably. Why couldn’t I have realized that sooner? Why did I drink so much? Why did I blame him? He was actually trying to not be like any other guy I had been with, and yet I still got so mad and hurt by it.

Suddenly, Alexander emerged from his bedroom, running towards me with fear in his eyes. I had woken him in the worst possible way. He kneeled down on the floor in front of me, taking my hands in his, trying to make me look at him. This felt so familiar, like this whole scenario had happened before.

“Hey! Are you okay?” he said concernedly, rubbing his thumbs on the back of my hands. I tried looking him in the eyes, but it was too difficult for me. I was scared that I was met with a pair of judging eyes staring back at me.

“I’m so sorry!” I choked out, slumping my head down to my chest.

“What are you sorry for? You haven’t done anything wrong!”

I lifted my head a little bit, looking at our hands while trying to catch my breath. He had removed his nailpolish, which I didn't notice until that moment. My eyes slowly traveled further up, still wanting to avoid eye contact. “It’s just- You made me so embarrassed and I got so mad at you for doing that,” I sniffled, trying to slowly ease my eyes towards his. “It was wrong for me to be mad, when you literally did nothing wrong.”

Alexander cracked a small smile, acknowledging my apology. He clearly didn’t think much of the situation my attitude had put us in, probably because he was getting used to it. “It’s okay, I’m not mad,” he reassured, moving his hands to my upper thighs, caressing them lightly. “I told you, I would do all kinds of things with you, just not when you’re drunk.”

His voice felt calming and not at all judging. I finally pulled myself together to look him in the eyes. His warm welcoming brown eyes. His small smile became much bigger as we looked at each other. I hadn't noticed his dimples before that very moment. It was really cute.

I widened my arms and flung them around his neck, giving him the biggest hug I had given in years. He didn’t resist, he just pulled his own arms around my back, reciprocating the hug. He tugged his face in the crook of my neck, moving one of his hands up to hold me between my shoulderblades.

“Come, let’s go get some sleep,” he whispered, pulling slightly away from our hug to look me in the eyes again. He gave me a quick kiss on my cheek before standing up, reaching down so I could pull myself up using his hand. He led me into the dark bedroom, not wanting to turn on the lights in case we both would get blinded. He guided me to the bed, pulled the covers over me, making sure I was comfortable. I felt so safe as he shuffled a little closer to me, spooning my back and reaching his arm around my body, face tucked into the nape of my neck. Yes. This is safe.

For the first time in years, I didn’t need background noise to fall asleep. I had slept through the whole night, curled up next to Alexander. It was like the comfort and safeness this man gave me was all it took for me to fall asleep. My body had relaxed from all the tension it was put through that evening, and had fallen asleep, finally with peace.

The moment I woke up was not as relaxing as the good night sleep I had. My head was pounding, probably from the combination of alcohol and crying. It was definitely one of the worst hangovers I had had in years. I looked beside me to find the empty spot where Alexander had slept. If it had been in my own bed, I would have been really offended by the sudden disappearance.  

I shuffled out of the bedroom, slowly so any sudden movement wouldn’t hurt my head more than it already did. The light from the kitchen was so incredibly bright, I needed to squint my eyes so much that they were almost closed. Standing in his underwear, back turned against me, was Alexander cooking up some breakfast.

He turned around, as he heard my feet dragged across the floor. “Good morning sunshine! Did you get some sleep?” he asked, smiling like the big explosion of happiness he was. He clearly wasn't as influenced by the alcohol as I was, which was actually really annoying when you think about the age difference. 

“My head hurts,” I mumbled, pitying myself as I sat down at the kitchen island. I probably looked like shit, smudged makeup and puffy eyes, but at that moment I didn’t really care, I just needed to have some painkillers. 

Alexander handed me some aspirin and a glass of water, chuckling to himself from the miserable look I had going on. “Stop staring at me!” As if I didn’t feel ugly already, him leaning over the island and gawking at me didn’t help. 

Alexander's smile widened even more, if that was even possible. His chocolate brown eyes moving all over me, inspecting every little detail. “You look so beautiful.” He reached over to wipe some smudged mascara away from my cheek, still smiling like a big idiot. “You hungry?” He turned away again to go back to the stove, stirring the pot filled with scrambled eggs, turning the bacon on the pan next to it. 

“If I say no, will you still force me to eat?”, I giggled, knowing that I needed to get food in my system, even though I wasn’t hungry.

Alexander chuckled back at me, placing a plate of food in front of me. “You need to eat something, and I don’t take no for an answer.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and walked around the kitchen island to sit next to me. 

The savery smell from the bacon mixed with all the spices in the scrambled eggs reminded me of good times, happier times. From when I still lived back home, surrounded by my family and friends. From when I had sleepovers with my best friend Clara, and we made a big deal out of having brunch together. When we always experimented with different spices, which in all honesty, sometimes made us both gag, but laugh afterwards. Those were some happy days. When I moved away, because of my ex boyfriend, things just changed. He wasn’t a breakfast person, so we never made a big deal out of it. That’s when I started to just eat oatmeal. Plain bland oatmeal. We would have dinner together, which I gladly would slay over the entire day, but breakfast was gone. This was the first time in years I had had a proper cooked breakfast. And it was indeed delicious.

“I made a plan this morning, before you woke up,” Alexander said before taking a big swig of his coffee. “We get your car to the mechanic, and while it’s there, you can help me shop for more professional clothes.” He took another sip of his coffee, looking at me with his puppy eyes. How could I say no to those eyes?

I swallowed the last bite of food before thoroughly thinking about his plan. I knew I had technically already said yes, when we were at the bar, but I somehow still didn’t really want to. The shame from the night before still hung over me like some kind of weighted blanket that I couldn’t shrug off. A weighted poncho of some sort.

“Sure!” I already regretted it. “Sounds like a great plan!” It most certainly did not. “Can we maybe make a quick stop at my apartment on the way? I really need a shower and some clean clothes.” I had the feeling that maybe a shower could rinse off all the different kinds of shame that was still attached to me. I wanted to start the day fresh and renewed, and since the office was closed for the weekend, I had plenty of time to scrub every single crevasse of my body down to the bone. 

“Yeah of course! Let me just put on some clothes and we can be on our way.” Alexander hurried to his bedroom while I found my old clothes from the day before and put them on. It smelt like regret, but it was either that or the oversized T-shirt and panties, and I was definitely not going up the stairs to my apartment flashing my underwear for everybody's viewing. 

As we stood in front of my door to my apartment, it suddenly hit me that Alexander was about to see my place for the first time. It wasn’t as tidy as his house, and it definitely wasn’t as big. I just hoped that he wouldn’t judge me by the lack of cleanliness. Not that it was completely filthy, but I definitely had clothes scattered around the floor.

“Well, this is my place. It’s not that exciting compared to yours,” I nervously chuckled as we walked through the entrance. “I’ll take a quick shower so you just.. Sit.. Somewhere.” I rushed to the bathroom, not even giving a second thought about the apartment’s appearance. I just needed to shower quickly so he couldn’t inspect the entire place.

The water felt so nice on my skin. If it wasn’t for the clock ticking away, I would have stood there for the rest of the day. There was suddenly a knock on the door, which could obviously only have been Alexander, but it still took me by surprise. My mind went completely blank and somehow the only words that came to mind was “come in”. Idiot!

“Hey. Sorry to bother you, but is there room for one more?” I could hear the grinning in his voice, like he thought he made the best joke ever. My apartment was indeed small, but my bathroom, especially my shower, took up a lot of the space, so there was definitely room for one more and especially him. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me naked before. Nothing weird about that, right?

“Uhm. Sure,” I muttered, not knowing how to respond to his question.

The shower curtain got pulled to one side and a naked Alexander stood before me, just as hot as I remembered him from our previous escapades. His eyes travelled across my body, eying every curv. He bit his bottom lip before stepping into the shower, his body just inches away from mine. “Do you need help with the soap?” he asked, locking his eyes with mine. I somehow couldn’t formulate a sentence. The only thing I could do was nod.

He lathered up the soap in his hands, caressing my body while the hot water splashed against my back. His hands suddenly stop at my thighs and he gently pulls on them to get a closer look. There they were, the bruises, his souvenirs from the last time we were naked together. He looked back at me, eyebrows raised and a hint of sadness to his gaze. “I’m so sorry.”   

“Don’t be,” I said, cupping his chin. “I like them. Besides, it’ll be fun to sport them at work while no one knows about them but us.” I winked at him, trying to ease the whole situation while I in fact had a heart that was nearly beating out of my chest. 

While still looking me in the eyes, his hands slid from my thighs up to my breasts, cupping them and swiping his thumbs across my nipples. He leaned his face closer to mine, his eyes flickering between my eyes and mouth. “Just kiss me already!” I exclaimed, pulling on his jaw so that our lips finally met.

His hands moved up to the back of my head, pulling my face even closer to his. My tongue escaped my mouth to enter his and we deepened our kiss while our tongues tangled together. I could feel him against my thigh, he was getting harder and harder as our kiss continued. I wanted to get on my knees and finally have him in my mouth, but he definitely wanted to enjoy our passionate kiss for much longer, moving his hand down to my ass and pulling me against his erection.

He finally broke the kiss, looking deep into my eyes for a brief moment. “Turn around,” he commanded with his baritone voice, and I obediently followed the order, turning so my back was facing him. He leaned down and kissed along my spine, starting at my neck and stopped between my shoulderblades. His hands were cupping my breasts again, kneading them softly while his pointer fingers were swiping across my hardened nipples. I reached my arms forward, placing both palms on the showertiles to sturdy my balance, scooting my ass closer to his dick. He moaned at the closeness of our bodies and guided one of his hands down to circle my clit. The pure arousal from his fingers made me even more eager to have him inside of me.

“Please. Fuck me,” I panted, wanting to feel him fill me up again. It was less than 24 hours since I last had him inside of me, and I had already missed the sensation.

The hand that was still cupping my breast, moved to his dick, adjusting it at my entrance. I leaned forward, my face almost on the tiles with my hands. He gently kicked my feet apart so that I was more spread for him, before inserting the tip of his cock inside of me.

I turned my head, moaning against my arm to muffle the sound. He wasn’t even fully in yet, and it already felt so good. He made a thrust, and the rest of him sank deeper into me, making me cry out in pure bliss. His hands moved to my hips, avoiding the already bruised areas on my thighs, and dug his fingers into my flesh. With every thrust he made, my legs caved more and more under me from all of the euphoria.

Alexander suddenly pulled himself out and spun me around, placing his lips on mine once again. He opened his mouth so his tongue could intertwine with mine, placing his hand lightly around my throat to make sure I didn't move and pushed me slightly up against the wall tiles. His other hand traveled down to the back of my thigh, pulling it up above his hip, repositioning himself again at my entrance. I grabbed on to the shower’s thermostat, trying not to slip.

With one single thrust, he was already inside of me again, pushing against my g-spot. He started to moan into my mouth and I swallowed every single groan of his. I was so close to an orgasm that only he could give me. My clit was twitching, aching to be touched by him. “Touch me,” I breathed out, biting at his lower lip before licking into his mouth. The hand around my throat made its way down to my clit, rubbing it frantically with his index finger, while still pounding me into oblivion.

My head slammed back onto the wall behind me, eyes rolling back into my head as my orgasm spread through my body. My mouth dropped open, but with no sound coming out. I looked up to meet Alexander's starving eyes, his pupils dilated and black from pure lust. He was still rubbing my clit through my orgasm, riding out my high until I couldn't handle it anymore. That's when he finally let go and moved his hand to my ass, kneading it ever so gently. 

My core was clenched around his cock, and it wasn't long until he couldn't hold back his own orgasm anymore. As he reached his peak, his fingers started to dig into my skin, trying to pull me even further on to his dick. Warm spurts of cum started to travel down my leg and his head slumped down onto my sternum, panting from exhaustion. His lips moved against my skin, like he was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't hear it. The water from the shower was really loud and I was too focused on my own breathing. 

"Fuck," he breathed out as he pulled out of me and slowly lifted my leg away from his hip, placing it down on the floor again. I was still gripping on to the thermostat for dear life before Alexander gently grabbed my hand, bringing it up to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back side. "You’re so beautiful"

“You’re not too bad yourself,” I giggled, still trying to catch my breath while coming down from my high. “That wasn’t really the quick shower I had planned.” I straightened myself up so I wasn’t leaning against the wall anymore. 

“I’m sorry, but come on,” he slipped his hands to my back and pulled me impeccably close to him, like he missed my body’s warmth, like he hadn’t held me for months. He cracked a cocky smile before leaning down to give my forehead a gentle kiss. “This is better, right?” 

[fatpingu]

My Secret Guardian - Masterlist

Chapter one - The band T-shirt

Chapter two - Those damn eyes

Chapter three - I’m sorry

Chapter four - Too much wine

[fatpingu]

My Secret Guardian

Chapter three - I’m sorry

Warning: Explicit language, anxiety and smut. !NSFW!

I wiped my tears away from my face before exiting the car. I have had a smaller breakdown on my way to Alexander's house, contemplating if it had even been a good idea to call him in the first place. Even though it was completely normal for people to forget their keys or get locked out of their apartment, I just had this shame inside me, telling me that I was the biggest joke on the planet.

The distance from my car to his front door felt like a mile long. My legs were shaking, wanting to just turn around and go back to the car. Maybe sleeping on the stairs of my apartment complex wasn't such a bad idea after all.

As I reached the door, I took a huge deep breath before knocking. The door opened and I had almost forgotten to blow out the air from my lungs. My red swollen eyes looked up to see Alexander's face, smiling as always but with some pity in his facial expression. God I hated it.

"Come on in," he smiled, swinging his arm backwards to indicate the way for my entrance. His eyes followed me through the doorway until he could close and lock the front door.

My eyes widened at the sight of his house. Yeah sure, the outside was fine, but the inside was absolutely amazing. As I walked into the house, the first thing I noticed was his kitchen-dining area. There was a kitchen island with a white marble countertop, blue-grey-ish cupboards and white barstools. He had a double refrigerator and a gas stove. Jesus. How rich is this guy?

"Do you like my kitchen? I designed it myself," Alexander boasted from behind me, walking towards the kitchen with his hands on his hips. He turned around right before the island and looked at me, obviously very proud of himself. And he had every right to be. That kitchen was beautiful.

I looked a little confused at him before answering, "It's amazing, but did you really design that yourself or are you just trying to impress me?" He blushed a little while looking down at the white wooden floor. I couldn't help but smile at his reaction, he was acting like a freaking teenager asking his crush to prom.

"Well in all honesty, I am trying to impress you, but I actually also did design it myself," he looked back at me, his smirk turning into a genuine smile. "I had always told myself, that when I bought my own house, the kitchen was the one place I wouldn't spare any money on. It had to be perfect!"

"So you like cooking?" I asked very curiously, wanting him to say yes. I didn't know why I wanted him to say yes. Was it because I wanted to cook with him? Maybe I wanted to see his cooking skills in person? Maybe it was because we then would have another thing in common, even though it wouldn't matter in the long run.

He looked at me, raising his eyebrows. "Like cooking? I love it! You should see me at Christmas, I make the best turkey. I had always wanted to be a chef, but then I got married and you know.. It was easier to just study business, so I never got to do it, " he said, his tone slightly becoming more sad towards the end of his sentence. His smile dropped for a second, but quickly came up again. "Have a seat," he chimed, pointing to the barstools at the kitchen island.

I sat down on one of the chairs, looking at Alexander who was walking over to the fridge to get some cold water. I could sense that there was something wrong, but he would never tell me if I didn't ask. As he returned to the island with two glasses of water, I grabbed one of them before asking him.

"How long were you married?"

"For about ten years."

"Damn. That's a long time."

"Yeah I guess. It was basically just ten years wasted."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.. Did something awful happen?"

"You are really going in on all the questions, huh? She.. wanted to rediscover herself. She told me that I had taken so much of her youth, that she had missed out on so many things because of me. It was apparently my fault that she never got to travel the world or hook up with whoever she wanted. After we got divorced, she moved to Sweden with one of her friends and.. They are apparently married now.."

Alexander took a gulp of his water, looking sadder than ever. I looked down at the countertop in embarrassment, spinning my glass between my fingers. It was my fault that he got so sad. I didn't need to ask him all these personal questions, but I just needed to know.

"If it's any help.. I don't buy her excuse. I can tell you're a good guy and would never prevent anyone from pursuing their dream. She did that to you, and you just had to get used to it. I really don't like her," I stated, trying to make him feel better about the whole situation. "You're so sweet and she just didn't have a proper excuse for why she wanted a divorce. Cunt."

Alexander smiled at me, his chocolate brown eyes piercing into mine. My heart suddenly started to pound through my chest and my hands started to get sweaty. There was just something about those eyes. My mind suddenly remembered what almost happened at the office earlier that day, and I quickly looked away from him. I wiped the sweat from my hands on my shorts before grabbing my glass and downing the rest of the water.

"So.. I can contact my landlord at 6 o'clock tomorrow morning, and he can probably be at my apartment at 6:30. So I will be out of your hair before you even wake up," I muttered, trying my best not to look into his eyes again. It wasn't because I didn't appreciate him lenting me his couch for the night. It was more because I felt guilty and embarrassed invading his privacy. The less of an inconvenience I was, the better.

"Oh yeah.. sure.." Alexander mumbled, walking away from the kitchen and towards the couch. My eyes followed him to a huge sofa, where he hunched down and pulled out a section in the middle, turning the already giant couch into almost a bed. He gathered some pillows and blankets, making sure that I would be comfortable for the night.

"Hold on." He sprinted into one of the other rooms, most likely his bedroom, and came out with a piece of fabric. He threw it towards me, "Here you go. Then you don't have to sleep in your clothes."

It was a huge T-shirt, big enough for it to be a dress on me. And surprise, there was an album cover on the front of it.

"Bathroom?" I asked and he pointed me to one of the doors. When I came out of the bathroom, Alexander was still standing in the living room area. His eyes widened and looked me up and down. I was feeling a mixture of embarrassment and happiness, but his smile made me forget about the first part. The shirt went down to my knees and made me look like a box, but it was comfortable, so it was definitely perfect to sleep in.

"A David Bowie album? Really? And why is it so big?" I laughed, inspecting his pure excitement from seeing me in his shirt.

"First of all, it was the last size they had, and it's limited edition! Second of all, maybe it will infect your music taste while you sleep. You know, so you wake up with a good taste of music," He laughed back.

I walked over to the couch and snuggled up under all the layers of blankets. "Do you mind if I watch something on the TV? I can't really fall asleep without some background noise," I said, embarrassed that I had to tell him that. But if I wanted to catch just a little bit of sleep before work, background noise was what I needed.

"Go ahead! My bedroom is right there, so if there's anything, you know where to find me," he assured, pointing to the room where he got the T-shirt for me. As he closed the door to his room, I turned on the television, turned the volume down a little and just accepted whatever show was on.

The night spent at Alexander's house wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. His couch was so much more comfortable than my own bed and since he didn't live next to a highly trafficked street, like myself, the house was nicely quiet. I didn't have any trouble falling asleep, it was like I didn't need the television as background noise after all. I did however wake up in the middle of the night, only for a brief moment, because Alexander went into the kitchen to have some water. My eyes were slightly open because of the dim light, but from what I could see, Alexander slept in his boxers and only his boxers. He was in quite good shape for his age, and I surely wasn't complaining about my view from the couch.

The morning arrived. I quietly called my landlord and silently slid out to the bathroom to change back into my clothes from the night before. The house was so quiet, so I had to be extra careful not to wake up Alexander. I tried my best to fold the blankets and line up the pillows on the couch before heading out the door.

Fortunately, my landlord was right on time with a spare key and low and behold, my keys were laying on the table right next to the front door. I quickly got in the shower, changed my clothes and got myself ready to leave for work. I looked in the fridge to grab some oatmeal and of course.. I had forgotten to buy some more. Well I didn't have time to buy something on the way to work, so I just had to wait for my lunch break.

I arrived at the office just in time for my shift, hair still wet from my shower, but other than that, I looked fine. I sat down at my desk to start up my slow-ass computer, looking at the notes that my coworkers had left me from the day before. It was unbelievable that just because I had a day off, they suddenly couldn't comprehend basic things and had to throw them at me. Write back Claudia Mattel.. See how long till Marcus Hilt's order arrives.. Check on Sean Cooper's order.. Blah blah blah..

"Good morning." I looked up from my desk and was met with  Alexander's radiant smile. He was definitely a morning person, smiling from ear to ear and almost dancing his way through the room. He walked over to me, sat a cup of coffee and a bagel down on the desk and leaned himself at the corner of the table.

"I figured you probably didn't have time for breakfast, so I got you some on the way here," Alexander said, still smiling like a happy-go-lucky idiot and discreetly pushing the food towards me.

I looked at him with a mixture of confusion and impressiveness. How did he know I didn't get breakfast? And how did he know I loved bagels, when all he had ever seen me eat was oatmeal? It was probably just a coincidence since almost every person ever loves bagels.

"Thanks. That's really sweet of you," I mumbled, trying my best not to sound too desperate. Like, I really appreciated his gesture, but I was also starving and almost couldn't wait to get something to eat.

"No problem! I didn't get to make you some myself, so this is the best I could do." Alexander winked at me before he walked towards his office. Lucky for me, it didn't seem like any of the other people in the room noticed his comment nor his wink. Phew! Time to dig in!

The time up until lunch was pretty much the same as always. I had managed to do my usual tasks, but also the extra jobs my coworkers had left me from my day off.

Thank god I got food before lunch, otherwise i would have been dead from starvation by now, I thought to myself as I pulled up to the gas station. I went inside to buy my lunch, but couldn't help but to also grab some snacks. Maybe even some for Alexander since he had bought me breakfast. I grabbed some skittles, sour patch kids and a sandwich, paid and went back to my workplace.

When I came back, Alexander was nowhere to be found. I figured he went out for lunch just like myself, so I just stuffed the candy I had bought him back in my bag.

As I was eating my sandwich in the break room, one of my coworkers approached me, something that I wasn't used to since they had all given up on talking to me. She had an irritating look on her face, the kind you just wanna punch, but for obvious reasons, I couldn't and shouldn't do that.

"Hey. Felix had to go home to his daughter so we need some help for the storage room. Can you help out?"

Contrary to popular belief, I didn't mind working in the storage room. It was nice and quiet and without Felix, I would be the only one in there.

"Sure," I stated, looking back and forth between her and my food to indicate that I was in fact still on my lunch break and wanted to eat my damn food.

There was something therapeutic about working in silence, when you're used to the complete opposite. The only sound was very faint and came from the fan in the ceiling. The storage room wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either, it was the perfect size for one person to work freely. It was also located in the back of the building, so it was very rare to have people bust in and disturb the peace.

Out of nowhere the door suddenly opened, a little on the rough side, and Alexander stormed in.

"There you are! I just talked to corporate and they told me that I need to interview people for a job position. YOUR job position! What the fuck is going on?" Alexander thundered, clearly angry and confused at the same time.

I turned around in shock, since I had been in my own thoughts up until his sudden entrance. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I had completely forgotten to tell him that I had sent in my notice. Not that he had changed my mind about quitting, because I still hated my job, but I felt so guilty quitting right as he became my boss.

"Well say something!" he demanded.

"I- don't know what to tell you."

"Tell me why I need to hire a person for a job that you are currently possessing!"

"I've put in my two weeks notice."

"When?"

"Last Tuesday."

"And you didn't feel like telling me?!"

"Please stop yelling at me!" I whined, hating my body's response to getting yelled at. My hands started to shake, my eyes began to water and I could feel myself getting lightheaded. I took a step back from him to shield myself from his anger, but he just stepped closer.

"I'm sorr-" he tried to tell me, but was interrupted by the door opening once again, this time it was one of my coworkers looking for Alexander. He looked back at me with hurt in his eyes, before he walked out of the room with my colleague. I slumped down on the floor, trying to get my breathing back to normal. I knew that he didn't mean to yell at me, he wasn't the kind of person, but I also knew that there was some truth behind the tone of his voice. He was obviously hurt by me not telling him about my resignation. But why did he care so much about it? He had known me for four days, I couldn't have made that big of an impact on him.

I had almost locked myself up in the storage room for the rest of the day. Normally, I would have worked at a normal speed, trying to get the most work done in the least amount of time. But after my encounter with Alexander, I didn't feel the need to rush anything, on the contrary, I was actually working slower. I just wanted the day to be over as soon as possible.

When it was closing time, I headed back to my desk to pack up my stuff. I didn't want to deal with me having a breakdown, just because Alexander decided to raise his voice at me, so I hurried as fast as I could. But before I had the chance to walk out the door, Alexander called me into his office to have a talk. God dammit.

When I walked into his office, he was just leaning against his desk, crossing his arms and staring at me. No smile, no nothing. It probably wasn't the best time to focus on his clothes, but I couldn't help but to notice his flexed arms in the shirt he was wearing. It was a buttoned up shirt with flowers on it, not really professional looking, but better than a T-shirt.

We both stood in silence, looking at each other with crossed arms, obviously stubborn as hell.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Alexander mumbled under his breath, so quietly that I almost didn't hear it.

I didn't answer him. I didn't feel like I had anything to apologize for. He obviously overreacted and took it out on me, if anyone should be angry it would be me.

"Why didn't you tell me you had quit?"

"I didn't feel like it was a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal! It was quite a shock to hear that I had to find your replacement." Alexander's tone suddenly changed.

"Why? You just said it yourself, I'm replaceable!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am! And so are you! None of us are irreplaceable. Just deal with it!"

"Why do you keep insisting on being negative? You need to learn to take a compliment!" Alexander sprung up from his stance, walking towards me.

"And you need to stop being so fucking nice to me! I have insulted you multiple times and you just accept it with a fucking smile on your face! How about you man up for once and actually stand up for yourself?!"

I didn't get to say anything else before Alexander grabbed my throat and pushed me against the wall, thumb and index finger on opposite sides of my jaw. It wasn't hard at all, but he definitely scared me for a second. His eyes were burning into mine as he walked even closer to me, his chest inches away from mine. I tried not to take deep breaths and avoided expanding my chest.

He clenched his jaw, eyes still digging into my soul and hand still wrapped around my throat. I hadn't been this turned on in a long time and just wanted to pull him even closer. So that's what I did.

I reached up and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him down towards my face, lips mere inches away from mine. His breathing got heavier as our lips barely touched. I pulled on his collar once again and welcomed him onto my mouth. His lips were soft and tender, just as I had imagined. He pulled his arm closer to himself, making me follow so there now wasn't any space between our upper bodies. I could smell his cologne, a fresh scent with a hint of amber and tangerine. His tongue slowly swept across my lower lip, asking for entrance, and I of course let him in. He deepened our kiss and our tongues were now tangled with each other.

He moved his hand from my throat to the nape of my neck and pushed our faces even closer together, even though there wasn't much space between us in the first place. His free hand moved up to my collarbone and traveled down across the side of my body, stopping at my ass.

He squeezed the ever living shit out of my ass, making sure to leave a mark as a souvenir. I moaned into his mouth, making him pull my lower body closer to his. I could feel his own excitement pressed against my hip and couldn't help but to slide my hand down to cup it.

He groaned at my touch and slowly started to grind into my hand. The hand that was on my ass now moved towards the waistband on my skirt, slowly gliding down so his fingers were touching my panties. He pulled his face away from mine to look into my eyes, asking silently for consent. I gave a quick nod before I grabbed his hair in the nape of his neck, pulling him onto my mouth again.

He slid his fingers into my panties, feeling the wetness leaking from my cunt, and I almost caved from his touch. "So wet already," he moaned into my mouth, biting at my lower lip. His middle finger started to circle my clit, making me moan out his name in pure lust. The sound of his name being moaned made him more eager to hear it again. He slid a finger into me and after hearing my whimper, he pushed in another finger, curling them up to hit my g-spot.

I now couldn't control my moaning, it just felt so good. He pulled his hand away, and before I could properly complain by the lack of touch, he grabbed my waist, swung me around and sat me down on his desk. He nibbled along my jaw, going up towards my mouth. Our tongues were soon tangled together again, as if it had been ages since they last touched.

He shoved my skirt up my hips so it bunched at my waist, pulling down my stockings and panties, exposing all of me. He stepped back, looking me up and down like I was the prettiest thing he had ever seen, before he unbuttoned his shirt and let it drop to the floor. As he stepped closer again, he started to fumble his belt, but was interrupted when I pushed his hands away. I wanted to do it.

I unbuckled his belt, zipped down his pants and pulled out his dick. The sight of his free erection made me even more turned on and I didn't even hesitate to jerk him off. I licked my palm, making sure to look directly into his eyes at the same time, before I started to pump his length. He grabbed my thighs, pulling me closer to the edge of the table and closer to him.

"Oh fuck," he breathed out, forehead resting on mine while I continued to jerk him off. I couldn't take it, I needed him inside of me.

"Please Alexander," I moaned, tilting my head upwards so our lips were almost touching. "I need you."

He acknowledged his cue and grabbed me by the back of my knees, pulling them up over his hips to reposition me. I let go of him, leaned myself back so I was spread out on his desk and started to unbutton my shirt. As my shirt became undone, exposing my white lace bra, Alexander positioned himself at my entrance. He grabbed me by my hips and thrusted himself into me.

My moaning became louder for every thrust that he made. His own excitement made him grab onto my thighs even harder, digging his fingers into my skin, making sure to leave a bruise. While he was busy with my thighs, my hands traveled up to my breasts and hovered over the thin lace, barely touching my nipples, but making them harder.

Alexander's right hand suddenly let go of my thigh and went straight to my clit, his thumb playing with it while he still plunged into me, making me reach my high. The combination of the penetration, clitural stimulation and Alexander's moaning was just too much for me to hold it in any longer. I came around him, making my walls tighten around his cock.

I was kind of faded from the aftermath of my orgasm, but still managed to keep my eyes half open so I could look at him. His brown eyes were even darker than they normally were, probably because his pupils were so dilated. His hands traveled up to rest on the table right next to my waist, leaning his weight forward, deepening himself in me. I wasn't long before he made his final moan as he came, and I could feel the warmth from him filling me up.

He slumped forward, resting his upper body on me as he went soft inside of me. His forehead, sweaty from our interaction, rested on my sternum and I couldn't help but to run my fingers through his curly hair. Both of our breathing became more calm as we kept resting on the desk. Alexander then turned his head, looking up at me with the biggest puppy eyes I had ever seen, like he was sorry about what he just did.

He then pulled himself out, taking a second to look at the combination of both our orgasms slowly dripping out of me. He then grabbed his shirt off the floor, cleaned the worst off of me, before putting the dirty shirt back on. I had in the meantime started to button my own shirt, and as he was done I pulled my skirt down to cover myself again.

The redressing process went on in silence, like we both were ashamed of what just happened.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Alexander said with regret in his voice, looking at me while he buckled his belt.

"If this is how you say sorry, I almost wouldn't mind you yelling at me," I answered, flashing him a light smirk.

His pained expression turned into a smile, knowing that he was indeed forgiven.

As we walked out of the building and towards our cars, there was still a heavy silence that was reigning over us, like we didn't know what we should talk about. We just had sex in his office and we almost couldn't even look at each other.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, looking at my car's tires. "Those fucking teenagers just can't leave my car alone!"

Two of my tires had been slashed, yet again, and of course I didn't have that many spare tires. Who did? The fact that I could have prevented the outcome if I didn't just fuck my boss was quite annoying.

"Do you want a ride home?" Alexander asked me, fiddling with his car keys while looking at the tires.

Normally I would just call a cab, but I didn't feel like waiting for one since I was so exhausted from what had happened just less than 10 minutes ago. The car ride would probably be really awkward, but I was willing to take that chance. I looked at him and nodded in defeat.

We got into his car and he started to pull out of the parking lot.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Starving!"

Chapter four

[fatpingu]

My Secret Guardian

Chapter two - Those damn eyes

Warning: Explicit language, depression, anxiety and almost SA

The warmth from the sun made its way towards my bedroom. A thick sunbeam from the window was now pointed directly at my face, which made me wake up from my slumber. I really need to get some curtains.

Going back to bed wasn't even an option at this point, even though that was the only thing I wanted to do. My bedroom felt like a sauna and without curtains, there was no way that I could stay in that room. It wasn't even 7 o'clock yet, but the sun didn't care that it was my day off.

Might as well get some breakfast now that I'm up, I thought to myself as I got out of bed, the sweat already starting to form on my forehead.

I went to the kitchen, grabbed a Ready-to-Eat oatmeal and sat down at the small table in my tiny apartment. I actually hated oatmeal, but it was just so convenient and it kept me full until lunchtime. It wasn't because I couldn't cook. I was actually, in my own humble opinion, really good at cooking. But what was the point at spending so much time cooking for one person? Who in their right mind would voluntarily spend two hours on making a meal, just to sit by themselves to eat.

I wonder if Alexander likes to cook. My mind started to wander before I stopped myself. Why did I even care? He was 42 years old, there was a high chance that he knew how to fucking cook. It's a basic human skill.

As I finished my food, I looked around the apartment to find something to distract myself with. I usually just stayed at home on my days off, but there was something inside me this day, that wanted to actually do something productive.

As my eyes traveled through my apartment, they landed on my workout clothes. I hadn't worked out in a couple of months, the motivation just hadn't been there. Maybe a run down to the lake and back wouldn't be so bad, I told myself while my butt was still planted on the chair.

I thought about it for a good ten minutes before I walked over to put the clothes on.

The leggings were a little tight around the thighs and hips, but it still fit nonetheless. The shirt however wasn't in the best condition. How had I forgotten about the huge hole on the side? I reconsidered the idea of a run because I didn't have any other workout shirts.

I looked outside one of the windows to see the beautiful weather and other people running around. Men with no shirt and women in sports bras. It was a clear indication that it was hot outside, and that I also could just wear my sport bra. I put on the rest of my attire plus some headphones, and headed out the door.

Either I'm really out of shape or the lake is further away than I anticipated, I said breathlessly to myself as I tried to run. It didn't really help that the sun was burning my entire body while I struggled to catch my breath through the thick air.

The fact that I remembered to put on a cap was a blessing. I would always forget to put on a hat, no matter what weather I was traveling in. The only downside to wearing a cap, was that I could feel the sweat round the area where it touched my skin. Gross.

My phone started to ring and I stopped to catch my breath before answering. I looked at my phone for a moment to see who was calling, a thing I always did to avoid talking to people I didn't like. It wasn't a number that was coded into my phone, and I also hadn't seen it before. I hesitated at first, but answered it anyway. It could've been for a job interview from one of the places I had applied for.

"Hello?" I answered, trying my hardest not to sound too exhausted.

"Oh! Uhm.. Hi! It's Alexander.. From work!" A deep voice stammered from the other end of the call.

"What do you want?"

"I-I know it's your day off but-"

"It is. So why are you calling me?"

"I got my new laptop today, but I don't know how to set up my account."

"Okay? And that is my problem because?

"I wanted to ask if you could come in and help me? You probably have a better understanding about this technology than me."

"Can't you just get another person to help you?" I started to get irritated. Why did he need my help for something so basic? I wasn't the only one at the office who knew how a damn computer worked.

The line was silent for a little bit before he finally answered me.

"No one has time to help me. And you were the first person I thought of calling."

Was I really going to go to work on my day off, just so I could help him with his fucking account? I thought for a second, and then sighed loud to make sure he knew he annoyed me.

"Fine," I groaned as I hung up the phone. I hated it already because I knew that I didn't have time to run back to my apartment, take a shower, jump in my car and then go to my workplace. I had to run over there.

I finally made it to the building's entrance after I had run for what had felt like an eternity, but in reality only was for about ten minutes.

I took a deep breath before entering, preparing myself for all the eyes that were going to be looking at me.

I quickly walked towards Alexander's office, looking down and hiding my face with my cap so none of my coworkers recognized me. I was too annoyed already, so I didn't even bother knocking on the door before entering.

The door flung up and he jumped in his seat, clearly startled by the sudden loud noise in his quiet office. That's fucking karma, I snickered to myself, thinking about all the times he had scared me the day before.

It was a much cooler atmosphere at the office than it was outside.

Thank the lords for air conditioning.

We stared at each other for quite a while without either of us saying anything. I looked at his shirt, expecting another band T-shirt, but was slightly disappointed when I saw that it was just a plain green polo. My eyes traveled up to his face to see something quite unexpected. A pair of black rimmed glasses. I hadn't seen him with those on before, so I almost didn't recognize him.

He looked at my face when his gaze suddenly started to travel downwards to my sports bra. I hadn't even thought about my outfit before agreeing to help him with his computer. As he probably came to the realization of where his eyes were, he adjusted himself in his chair and looked back at my face.

"Nice glasses," I teased, trying to get out of the awkwardness that was floating around. His eyes widened and he quickly reached for his glasses and took them off. "They're for reading," he said while smiling at me.

I grabbed a chair and went over to the side of him, sat down and pulled the laptop over to be in front of me.

As I was typing, I could feel his eyes going from the computer to the side of my face, over and over again, like he couldn't decide what to look at. I chose to ignore him and just focus on setting up his work account.

"What do you want your password to be?" I asked, still not looking at him. He scooted a little closer to me to look at the screen.

"How about.." he thought long and hard before saying "How about your name?"

I took my hands off the keyboard and turned my head, cocking a brow.

"Why?" I asked confusedly. He looked up from the screen and gazed into my eyes. We were inches away from each other at this point.

"Because I like your name. And it's easy for me to remember," he muttered.

I was sucked into his eyes once again. Those damn eyes.

His stare switched between my eyes and my mouth as he leaned a little closer. I bit my lip, staring down at his, but before anything happened, I pulled away and looked back at the computer.

There was a moment of silence before I started to type on the keyboard.

"My name it is then," I said, trying to ignore the fact that my heart was almost beating out of my chest.

Alexander cleared his throat and moved a little further away from me, clearly embarrassed by my rejection.

I tried to pace through the rest of the set up as quickly as possible, wanting to escape the awkward energy that flowed through the room.

"All done!" I exclaimed, pushing the laptop back to Alexander. I got up and almost ran towards the door.

"Tha-thank you!" He stuttered and got up himself. "Wait!" I stopped before grabbing the door handle, turning my head slowly to look at him.

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab a beer tonight," he shyly asked. I was really contemplating my answer. I studied the look on his face, it was clear that he really wanted me to say yes. What was the worst thing that could happen? It was only a beer.

"Sure," I said softly, shifting my weight between my feet. His face lit up by my response and he almost couldn't contain his excitement.

"Should I pick you up?" he asked while nervously twisting his fingers.

"No I'll just meet you there. Joels Pint Parlor? Seven o'clock?" I requested. He nodded as he sat back down in his chair.

"See you there," he smiled. I smiled back at him and walked out of his office.

"Why did I agree to this?" I sighed while putting on my makeup. The sudden realization of what I was getting ready for hit me like a ton of bricks.

I wanted to look nice, but then again, why would I even bother. I had agreed to have a beer with my boss, nothing more, nothing less. I didn't need to put any effort into my appearance, because I wasn't going to try to impress him. But why did I actually want to?

I put down my makeup brush and stared at myself in the mirror. I had my eyebrows done, mascara and eyeliner on and a little bit of lipstick. Do I need more? I thought to myself while studying my own face. No, this is fine. It's only for a beer.

The clock started getting close to 6:30 pm and I started to get more nervous. I had switched between several outfits before finding one that was a little more sexy than my usual work attire. It was a pair of black shorts with a loose white shirt that had a type of V-neck and a pair of wedge sandals. Who was I kidding? I wanted to look good and a little cleavage never hurt anybody.

I grabbed my purse and car keys and headed out the door. I knew I would be there way to early, but just sitting around and waiting in my apartment was going to be torture for my nerves.

The bar wasn't as crowded as I had feared, but then again it was also a Thursday.

I walked towards the bar to find a place to sit, and low and behold there were two seats free right at the bar counter.

I sat down on one of the chairs and placed my purse on the other so no one could sit there. I looked around the room to observe the different kinds of people that were hanging around this bar.

Maybe this was a bad idea, I thought to myself as I got eye contact with some creepy looking men, sitting in one of the corners of the bar, having a conversation about something that looked like it would be gross to hear.

One of the men stood up from his seat and proceeded to walk towards me, smiling all creepily. My gut twisted and I started to shake a little. I was really scared of strangers, especially men, and especially creepy looking men. He was getting really close and I froze in my seat.

"Hey baby! What's a fine piece of ass doing at a bar all by herself?" he said with a smug on his face.

"I-I uhm.." I stuttered. I was so scared that I couldn't form a decent response.

"How about we get out of here, huh? You look like you could use a really good fucking," he said, leaning closer towards me.

"Ple-please leave m-me alone," I almost cried, tears starting to form in my eyes. His grin faded as he looked behind me.

"You heard her. Leave!" a deep voice growled behind me. I look back to see Alexander, looking a lot angrier than usual. The creepy man didn't budge, he just stared at Alexander and then back at me.

"Is this your boyfriend?" he asked irritatedly while pointing. I was still frozen, but managed to make a small nod while looking at the floor. While tsking, he leaves the bar counter and heads back to his friends.

Alexander moves my purse from the other chair and sits down, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asks while trying to make eye contact with me. What is it with those words when they come from him? I can feel the concern in his voice that I haven't felt in others when asking me the same. I didn't answer him with words. I just looked at him and nodded.

Alexander raised his hand to catch the bartender's attention so he could order something to drink.

"Two beers please," he requested and turned back to face me again.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I jus-"

"Don't worry about it."

Our small conversation got interrupted when the bartender sat down two pints of beer in front of us. I took a huge gulp of beer to calm my nerves. Who would have thought that I left my apartment early so my nerves wouldn't get the best of me, just to have them destroyed by a creepy man because I left early.

"We agreed to seven o'clock and I just happened to be here before you. Seriously, you don't need to apologize."

Alexander took a swig of his beer and looked back at me again.

"I mean it! If I had just been here ten minuets earlier this wouldn't have happened."

"You look good tonight," he beamed. "Not that you don't normally look good! It's just.. I really like your outfit! But it's a shame it isn't very professional," he smirked, taking another sip of his beer.

I slapped his arm, making him spill a little. "I know what I said about your clothes was rude, okay?" I acknowledged while trying to hide my smile because of his joke.

"It's okay, you're right. My clothes aren't very professional and I do need to buy some proper stuff. It would be an honor to have you as my guidance tho," he said while swirling his beer.

I chose to lower my guard because I actually felt really comfortable being around him at this point. "I would love that," I said while smiling at him.

We had been at the bar for about two hours, laughing and talking about random stuff. I had found out that Alexander had been in the military when he was 22 and that he was really passionate about music. That definitely explained the band T-shirts.

"No! Queen is definitely better than David Bowie!"

"Are you out of your mind!? 'The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars' is a fucking masterpiece of an album and beats everything that Queen has ever made!"

"Look. 'Innuendo' is literally so amazing! 'The show must go on'? What about 'I'm going slightly mad'?"

"If you want to talk about Queen albums, at least mention the best one! 'A Night At The Opera'? Don't you like 'Love of my life'?"

"I.. don't.." I turned my head to face my almost empty beer glass on the countertop. "That song reminds me of some dark times that i would rather forget."

I could feel Alexander's hand on my thigh. Normally, I would've smacked him across the head for doing that, but didn't feel like it. His hand was very warm and soft against my bare skin.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned my head to look at him.

"It used to be one of my favorite songs because of the emotions that it packed.. But then my boyfriend left me a couple years ago and suddenly, the lyrics hit too close to home. And still does."

Alexander angled his eyebrows upwards.  "I'm sorry to hear that," he said, squeezing my thigh in a pitying way.

"I don't."

"Do you have any kids?" I asked, wanting to turn the conversation around.

"Do you want any?"

"And your wife is cool with that?"

"I can't have kids, and he wasn't very thrilled about that. I had told him in the beginning of our relationship and he told me then, that he didn't mind. Apparently he did." I swung back the rest of the warm beer and almost threw the glass back at the counter.

"I don't have one"

"You don't have a wife?"

"Not really."

"No. We got divorced about five years ago"

"I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to be so nosy." My face was turning red. It was probably a mix between the beer and the sheer awkwardness I had created.

I looked at Alexander, and to my surprise, he didn't seem bothered about my questions.

"It's getting late and I have work tomorrow," I stated as I fumbled with my purse, trying to find some money for the beers. I placed the money on the counter and stood up from the chair. I started walking out of the bar and Alexander walked right behind me.

We both walked towards the parking lot behind the bar to get to our cars.

"Will you text me when you get home? Just so I know you made it home safe?" Alexander asked while fiddling with his car keys. I wanted to make a sarcastic comment, but I could see on his face that he was dead serious about my safety.

"I don't have your number," I said.

"It's the same number that I called from earlier today," he smiled, still playing with his keys.

I smiled back and unlocked my car. "Sure."

I got in my car and drove off. Just like the day before, Alexander didn't get into his car before I had driven off.

When I came back to my apartment, I looked through my purse for my house keys. They weren't there.

Did I forget them at the bar? I checked my purse again until it hit me. I never took my keys with me. Only my car keys. Fuck!

My apartment door was that annoying kind that didn't need a key to lock it. It locks by itself. That meant that I was locked out of my apartment, and the landlord wasn't available until tomorrow morning.

What the fuck do I do now!? My pulse started to jump and I could feel myself getting lightheaded. I didn't have any family or friends that lived near by. They all lived around three hours away.

"Hello?"

"Hey Alexander. It's me."

Chapter three

[fatpingu]

My Secret Guardian

Chapter one - The band T-shirt

Warning: Explicit language, depression and anxiety 

"Are you okay?"

Those words didn't mean anything anymore. They all lied to me. They asked me the same question every day, but they didn't care about my answer anymore. It's okay tho. I lied too with a simple "yes."

I had felt wretched for several years, and I guess my coworkers had noticed it. Nobody tried to actually find out what was wrong with me. They only asked if I was okay, and then patted themselves on the back for being a good samaritan. I didn't blame them for not caring, I probably wouldn't have either. All I did was sit at my desk looking like I was tired of living. Which i was. I did the same thing every day. I woke up at 6 am, got to work at 7:30 am, ate lunch at 12:45 pm, got home at 5 pm, ate dinner at 6:30 pm and went to bed at 9 pm. And to spice things up, I sometimes had mental breakdowns incorporated into my routine.

About two years ago, I had my first panic attack and I couldn't stop crying. I was at a conference and stood in line for lunch. Suddenly I felt everybody staring at me. I was really insecure about my body and feeling all those eyes on me while I was getting food. No thank you. I could feel them judging me with their eyes. Judging how much food was on my plate. I hurried out of the room and went to the hall. Then it started.

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn't stop shaking or crying. My body got all heavy and it felt like I was going to die. Since that day, my mood has been severely decreased.

Nobody helped me back then either. Except for one guy. I vaguely remembered him, but I knew he helped me.

I had trouble standing and was kind of stumbling around. He guided me over to a chair so I could sit down. I didn't really look at his face. I just stared at his hands in mine while he talked to me. I know he tried to help, but I didn't really listen to anything he said.

I did however notice a tattoo on his left hand. A very small one. I couldn't really see what it was. It was probably pretty old and faded. For some strange reason, that tattoo helped me with my breathing. I stopped thinking about my panic and started to focus on what in the world that tattoo was supposed to look like. But before I could look properly at the guy, he was called into a meeting.

I left the conference after that. There was no way in hell that I would've willingly walked back to all those people, while my eyes were red and my cheeks stained from my makeup.

"Have you heard about Sarah?" I overheard my coworker ask another. She probably didn't know I was in one of the bathroom stalls.

Sarah was my boss who had been sick on and off for the last 6 months. We had an... Okay relationship. She was the only person I liked at my job and I was one of the few she didn't hate.

"They fired her."

I could feel my heart clench. My hope for Sarah to come back to work was the only thing that kept me there. I hated my job when Sarah wasn't there. She was the only one who actually generally cared when she asked me if I was okay. I would still lie and say yes, but her concern made me.. Kind of happy.

My coworkers left the bathroom while still talking about Sarah. I didn't feel like leaving the stall yet. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

Throughout the 5 years I had worked at the firm, I had gone through multiple bosses. Sarah was my second boss, but got transferred to another city. Two years later, she came back and became my boss again.

That's it! I thought to myself. If Sarah isn't coming back, I'm quitting. I was sick and tired of that shitty job and being around those fake people.

I wiped my tears away and walked out of the stall. This was the time. I was going back to my desk and I was going to write my notice.

I walked out of the bathroom and headed straight to my desk, not noticing that someone was talking to me. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I froze. That grab had scared the living shit out of me, but I tried not to show it.

"Uhm.. excuse me? I didn't mean to scare you, but do you know where Sarah Holland's office is?" a deep voice asked me.

I turned around to see a man dressed in some denim jeans, a purple band T-shirt and holding a backpack in front of him. He definitely didn't know the dress code.

"She isn't here right now. She is on sick leave," I told him while still looking at his clothes. If he was trying to get a job here, he definitely chose the wrong outfit.

"Oh i know.." He mumbled quietly. "I'm her substitute." I stopped scanning him for a second and looked at his face for the first time since we started the conversation. He was older than I expected. He had an awkward smile on his face, but it was very welcoming. He also had the darkest eyes I had ever seen in my entire life.

"I'm Alexander by the way," he said and fumbled to get one of his hands away from his backpack without dropping it. I reached for his hand and shook it.

"Her office is over at the left door," I told him and pointed to Sarah's office. He thanked me and walked to the direction I had given him.

You know.. Those jeans do look good on him I thought to myself while my eyes scanned the backside of him. It's a damn shame that attire isn't suited here.

The next day came around and as always my shift started at 7:30 am.

I walked over to my desk, sat down and turned on my computer. The laptops at this firm always took forever to start up. While I was staring at my computer, waiting for it to accept my login, I heard some loud noises coming from Sarah's office.

I went over to the door and placed my ear near it so I could hear what was going on. I had only been standing there for about 10 seconds before the door flung up, making me jump back in shock.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to snoop around! I just heard-" I stopped myself from further embarrassment.

"Oh it's okay! You probably heard me dropping my laptop," Alexander answered, probably as embarrassed as myself. I stretched my neck to the side to look into the office. As I saw the broken laptop on the floor I could confirm that it was indeed that that had made the noise. Jesus Christ I thought to myself as I looked back at him with eyes wide open. I could tell that it was an expensive laptop.

"First real day at the job and I've already broken the inventory," he nervously laughed.

There was no need to make things worse, so I offered him mine. My job position didn't really need a laptop, it just made it a hell of a lot easier. He accepted the offer, took my laptop and went back into Sarah's office.

I sat back down at my desk and started to write customer orders down by hand. It took me about 30 minutes to write down 11 orders.

Why did I lend him my computer? This fucking sucks! I thought to myself as I scribbled down another order.

My hand started to cramp from writing nonstop. I wasn't really used to using a pen instead of a keyboard. Hopefully the people who were going to read this could translate that scrawl.

Lunchtime rolled around, and I had managed to write down half of the day's order and give myself arthritis.

I walked into the lunchroom, grabbed my oatmeal and sat down at the empty table. I had been so tired the day before that I didn't really feel like making a proper lunch.

"What a healthy lunch!" a deep voice suddenly exclaimed. I looked up from my food and saw Alexander standing at the other side of the table, holding a store bought sandwich.

"Do you mind if i sit here?" Words I haven't heard in a long time. No one ever wanted to sit and have lunch with me. To be fair, I wasn't really that fun to have lunch with. Other than the fact that I hated my coworkers, I didn't really have a lot in common with them to hold a proper conversation.

"Go ahead" I almost whispered. There was a good solid 10 minutes where neither of us were talking. He was probably just as awkward as me.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your laptop. That was really nice of you," he smiled as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"No problem," I quietly nodded. It was clear that neither of us was used to small talk.

The majority of my colleagues had left the room. Probably to go out to smoke or to pee. The ones that were left had their own quiet conversation by themselves.

My mind started to wander as I discreetly tried to look at Alexander without him noticing. He definitely wasn't my age. I shot him to be around 15 years older than me. He had brown curly hair that clearly didn't want to cooperate. His beard was hardly a beard. It was very patchy. My eyes trailed down to his shirt. A band T-shirt yet again, but not the same as the one from the day before. He must have noticed my confused eyes, because he suddenly stopped eating and looked down.

"Do you like my shirt?" He smiled, looking very proud of himself. My eyes glanced up to meet his. To be honest, I did. It was a yellow AC/DC shirt with a canon on it. Above the canon there was written "For those about to rock." I couldn't help but to crack a smile. His smile was so contagious.

"Yeah it's pretty cool," i smirked, letting my guard down. But it came up again pretty quickly. "But just so you know, that type of clothes isn't very professional and if you want to work here, you have to put some effort into your outfit!" I hissed.

His smile faded a bit and he looked down at his food again. It wasn't the first time i had snapped at one of my coworkers, but it was the first time i felt bad afterwards.

I looked regretful down at the table, wanting to be anywhere else but there. He started to fumble with his sandwich and my eyes followed his hands.

He had strong hands and what looked like a birthmark on the left. He had his nails painted black. Well.. the majority of the nail polish was chipped. It wasn't really a bad look in my opinion. I liked it when men didn't care about gender norms and did what they wanted to. Lucky for him, the company dress code didn't say anything about nail polish, so he could continue to wear it. He just needed it freshened up.

There was such a thick awkward silence in the lunchroom, that you could practically hear the lightbulbs.

The rest of my colleagues had left, and it was only me and Alexander that was still sitting in the room.

Why was I such an asshole to him? He had been nothing but nice to me. I wanted to apologize so bad, but I was too used to self sabotaging, that all I could do was stay quiet.

Alexander finished his sandwich. God he was a slow eater. "I don't really have anything nicer to wear," he almost mumbled. I looked up at him, trying my hardest to stop frowning.

"How come? Aren't you like 40?" Those words sounded so much meaner than I anticipated, but they had already left my lips before I noticed. He smiled at me, clearly without taking any offense to my words.

"Ah yes.. A man of my age should be able to doll oneself up," he joked. I couldn't help but to laugh. It was just so unexpected since I basically mocked his age.

His smile widened and he seemed generally happy by my response. "But in all seriousness, I haven't really been needing a suit. That's why I don't have one," he smirked. "And yes, I'm 42 years old, but I don't look older than 68." I rolled my eyes at him. That was just such a dad joke.

And speaking of dad, I wondered if he was one. To be fair, he had the age for it. Before my mind drove completely off, my phone buzzed, indicating that my lunch break was over.

When I came back to my desk, I had gained some movement back in my wrist, but each time I tried to write something, the pen felt fifty times heavier.

It didn't really help that I couldn't concentrate either. Did Alexander hate me now? It actually felt like he wanted to be friends and I was just being such a cunt to him. Would it have killed me to complement his shirt? I really liked it and it would have cost me nothing to just say that when he asked. And why did I even care about his outfit? He could do what he wanted, I wasn't his boss. On the contrary, he was mine. Well for now at least. I had already sent my notice to the headquarters, so i would be gone in two weeks anyways. Why did I even care if he hated me or not? I knew my other coworkers didn't like me, and I didn't care. But why do I care now?

"Hey! How is it going with the orders?" a baritone voice almost yelled, making me jump in my chair.

"Jesus Christ! You don't have to give me a heart attack!" I barked, looking up to see Alexander. He was smiling at me, even though I had yelled at him for what felt like the 100th time that day. He looked down at my paper to see what probably looked like hieroglyphs. He narrowed his brows and looked back at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. My heart sank a little. I could feel the concern in his voice, even though he was only asking because of my horrendous handwriting.

I took a breath, trying hard not to be an asshole again or to lie for that matter.

"No. My wrist hurts like hell," I answered while shaking my head.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I'll go get your laptop!" He walked away so quickly, that I didn't get to say anything else.

Stop being so fucking nice to me, i thought to myself. In what felt like a split second, he had returned with my laptop.

"You idiot, now you won't have anything to use," I sighed.

"I don't want you to hurt," he said calmly.

Well that's too fucking late.

"I already ordered a new one that will be here tomorrow, so it doesn't matter if i miss 3 hours of work. I can catch up with it tomorrow."

I stared at the laptop, then back at him, then back at the laptop. I hated that he was being so nice to me.

"Well.. I better get to work then," I said as I started typing on the keyboard. He didn't leave my desk. I could almost feel his eyes burn into the side of my face.

Was he waiting for a thank you? It was my computer that he gave back to me. I didn't need to thank him. Did I?

My head turned and I looked up at him. My eyes meet his. Those eyes were like black holes. They were so dark, that you couldn't distinguish the pupils from the iris, and they sucked you in like real black holes.

He smiled at me and started to walk towards his office. "Call if you need me," he shouted as he closed the office door.

Fuck my life. I could feel my coworkers looking at me. I hated unwanted attention more than anything. Why the hell did he need to shout? The traffic warden down the street probably heard him.

I looked around the room to catch the people who were daring enough to stare at me. It didn't seem like it, but I knew some of them had definitely gawked in my direction. I hated it so much.

It was so anxiety inducing. My hands began to shake and I could feel the cold sweat starting to form. It was the event at the conference all over again.

Before my thoughts had a chance at eating me up from the inside, a sound came from my computer. It was an email.

That dumbass forgot to turn off the sound after he borrowed it. It was so freaking loud, that it almost scared me.

I tried to calm myself with some deep breaths, before opening the email. It was a link to a YouTube clip from Alexander.

He gave me back my laptop so he could sit and watch YouTube on his phone? What a boss indeed.

I kind of didn't want to watch it, but I was also really curious. I put on my headphones and started the video. It was an old video of Paul Hunt doing gymnastics while dressed as a little girl.

It was probably one of the funniest things I had ever seen. It was so hard, trying not to laugh out loud. It was almost like he knew I needed a distraction from what was going on.

I looked behind me at the door to his office. Closed. It must have been a coincidence then.

5 pm rolled around, and it was time to head back home.

After I got my laptop back, the customer orders almost wrote themselves.

My colleagues had already left the building, but I was a little bit behind schedule, so I stayed a little longer. I kind of enjoyed the silence.

I could work in peace without the usual distractions. There was always the casual gossiping, the sound of long nails clacking on a keyboard or my personal favorite, the fake ass laugh when someone tried to convince a future customer over the phone. God I hated that job.

"Are you ready to go home for the day?" I looked behind me in surprise. I had been 100% sure that I was the last one left. I guess not. A thing that I had noticed about Alexander, was that he was really good at sneaking up on me.

"Yeah, but why are you still here?" I asked curiously while packing up my stuff.

"I wanted to make sure you got to your car safe," he replied.

My car was literally parked 30 feet away from the entrance, so there was no need to worry about my safety. Sure, there had been times where my tires had been slashed and i had to call a cab, but that was probably just some teenagers thinking it was funny.

I turned off the lights and walked out of the building with Alexander right behind me.

"You don't need to walk me to my car. I'm not a child," i insisted. He looked over at my car and giggled. "Well tough luck, 'cus it's parked right beside mine."

We walked over to our cars, but he didn't get into his before I started to pull out of the booth.

What was he so worried about? And why did he even care? He is so fucking weird, I thought to myself as i drove home.

I picked up a pizza on the way home. After destroying my wrist for five hours, pizza was definitely the thing I needed.

The rest of the evening was spent on devouring a whole pizza, half a bottle of wine and some stale cookies. I had only eaten two portions of oatmeal the entire day, so it was safe to say that I was indeed starving. The wine was just a bonus.

After i was done eating i looked through YouTube to find something to fall asleep to. It had become this weird habit. Such a big habit even, that I literally couldn't fall asleep unless there was some background noise.

I looked at the recommended selection and found the perfect one. Another Paul Hunt video.

Damn, even at home he's still  helping me, I chuckled for myself. I pressed play and snuggled up under my blanket.

"Paulette Huntanova is back. Dazzled the crowd at two previous.."

Chapter two

[fatpingu]