fel-tries-to-write

[fel-tries-to-write]

the crossroads that we stumble on again obscured by snow our cold and reddened faces sore throats and glassy gazes we dont have to rush you know yet when we kiss previous love still sticks between the teeth just blood mixed with oregano leaves still you lock our lips knowing this accepting as i come maybe thats the only way to see flesh as not just rot

[fel-tries-to-write]

The fractal nature of the bite A breaking of the metal bars All the freeing shards of glass Electric feeling in my paws fabric ruptured Tears apart My sight once gone now becomes one A yelp of pleasure through the pain The scattered thoughts make sense again With your teeth sunk in my flesh Euphoria rising with it's haze But with a word of crystal light I know now That a toy I am

[fel-tries-to-write]

This form affords me obstruction Not clothing of video Not a wall of academic speech And not thousands of miles of message But a translucent silk So I hide from you In a teasing way Like the fox that I am On the edge of your view A movement more than a shape But on my mischievous heart Love You've played a nasty trick I've seen a bundle of hair Red like the roses thorns And in the ray of light I looked Ice in my veins But your face Was not basked in it

[fel-tries-to-write]

I saw the lights Of the town fair And I wept my ugly wail

For i wished To cast again My lightning nets Thus just like you

Dance In the kinships splendor

[fel-tries-to-write]

My father was a soldier

he taught me how to shoot

a deep breath

understand where you aim

start slowly letting go

as you pressure the trigger

don't make them suffer

you have to be shocked

when the hammer strikes

with an unheard gasp

take

a life

[fel-tries-to-write]

i figured im romanticising the idea of a shot from a gun through my lungs nothing but wet and only then pain filled with second hand smoke i guess i seek someone not me to be killing me still just faster than the people close to me

[fel-tries-to-write]

You see a flame

So we dance The passion Burning While our bodies prance

And in the spark of conversation We talk about coffee The body The taste And the true acidity

And when we smile And promise To see eachother again Like a prayer

Would you forgive My faithlessness If I waited eagerly For The end of time?

[fel-tries-to-write]

our teeth were made to draw blood and that fob would look lovely on your breathless throat theres beauty in a blind garotte but what will kill you and i share the fate is uncertainty not steel tooth or bone so when i kiss you know that its not because of love but its the fear of the other outcome

[fel-tries-to-write]

If my legs were taken Would I still run

A morning Another satchel of feelings I'd rather not feel The birds are singing full of love But all I know is fear

If my heart was broken Would I still ache

A wisp of cold breeze kisses my cheek I don't feel comfort only the movement of air While I'm standing painfully still

If you burned my brain out Would I still be a monster then

Not free from memories I'm reliving them again "You need salvation" i hear But an execution sounds kinder

[fel-tries-to-write]

what are my bones if not shovels  when the ground falls around above inside of us how usefull my bright eyes the song in my soul only bones will save me then

[fel-tries-to-write]

 the face of a blank page intimidates me  whatever the place the time my eyes try to escape  another day another sigh  i want to write but cannot stand what this blank-ness stands for  my own rage, anxiety inadequacy  so i try to take it slow  to walk it off  get a 9-5 job and  sleep it off  but when my tidy tidy hands touch food  it rots  and i cant sleep thanks to my thoughts  too pretty too be ugly too ugly to  get an one night stand to  drink tea and hold eachother tight to  pretend to understand another before we die from  self inflicted suicidal treatments for  the human condition

[fel-tries-to-write]

I am sorry for you all who discover me on my death bed not being able to be there when a young woman sprung when i sprung to realisation for when i examined myself bit by bit you were preoccupied with resentment to those like me so beckoned before me dying i hope you realise that although the same blood we are separate and its your own  hateful  choice

[fel-tries-to-write]

tears down the cheeks metallic taste on the lips muscles hurting from crying and i sigh with relief and a cocky smile i’ve survived yet another day middle finger to the world and all that want me dead my rebelion is to stay yet another day

[fel-tries-to-write]

today  i hear the heartbeat of people people just as me the roaring thunder the increasing heat i stand on my two feet reciting my name thousands of voices dull out my pain this name is the only true and they show that to me so now i look  into the future the changes it holds my eyes not filled with flames but focused spark

[fel-tries-to-write]

lingering

another hard talk another raised voice i didn’t want to hurt you i just don’t trust you much anymore it made me realise oh so many a thing and although it won’t change much for now despite not hearing anything but anger and pain i learnt to love you a bit more and i understood that family not born with but to create

[fel-tries-to-write]

Bialystok

Vilnius

Trakai

Vilnius

Bialystok

Warasaw

London

Warsaw

Bialystok

Vilnius

I travel

two breaths

yet alone

I

Who wait in busses

You who wait in queues

I saw you

You probably didn’t saw me

There was nothing special

In you

In me

And our eyes didnt meet

And i forgot

You didnt have what

If you knew my name

You’d find it odd

But if you don’t

I’d be normal

Thats how it works

Transitioning

In transit

[fel-tries-to-write]

I stand above you all

Not taller

On a chair

I stand above

You all.