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When I got these messages out of nowhere, I immediately panicked. I had an idea of who sent the messages but I had no idea what they would actually do, and my mind went to the worst possibilities. At the time, I was terrified and acted irrationally. I completely snapped and reacted by making a post to try to appease them. I tried to explain every bad thing I had experienced in the last few years in terms of it being my fault, even if I was just an observer, or had been taken advantage of in one case. I stayed vague because I didn't know what this person wanted from me, and tried to keep it brief instead of going into all the details, and my habit of self-blame implied far worse things than what actually happened. Not that I'm saying I'm completely innocent. Far from it. But my irrational and panicked response caused more harm than good and I need to set the record straight.

the roleplay group that ended August 2021 I mentioned, I may have technically been the oldest but the age range when the group started was only 15-18. We were in the pandemic and trying to escape from reality. I fell into the same destructive attention-seeking patterns as before and I beat myself up for not being a "responsible adult" even though we're only 1-3 years apart. I was a shit friend again. I'm so sorry, Asriel.

And to clarify the biggest issue: In October 2021, I joined another RP community. I fell into the same selfish patterns again, having written a character who was very pitiable and self-loathing. I met someone and we became friends! We had started writing character lore and group events. He wanted to include hypnosis which seemed innocent enough, but it started to make me uncomfortable. I kept thinking I was reading too much into his odd requests but when his character tried to force mine to "say something submissive" I put my foot down IMMEDIATELY and it went no further. That was as far as it went, it was never explicit at any point, and I found out later he was getting off the hypnosis itself as a fetish. I felt violated. I STILL feel violated, and ashamed. I let myself get manipulated by a kid 5 years younger than me into roleplay that he got off to, but who the fuck would believe the adult in that scenario? That's the truth of what I vague-posted before, and the main reason I felt the need to explain myself once I calmed down from the initial panic of those anonymous threats. I have also now cut contact completely.

With regards to the sender of the anonymous message:

In 2019, I tried to introduce a friend to friends in a large community, but things went poorly to an explosive degree. Instead of defending her, I joined in making fun of her reaction and continued to the point of slander. If she did something I didn't like I’d complain to someone else about every little thing she did to upset me instead of saying it to her face so we could fix it. This spiraled out of control.

I had this conflicting thought process of not wanting to bother people with my problems and wanting validation from everyone, which meant I’d act vague about what was wrong and then get upset over these problems not being magically resolved. I was a very passive-aggressive, sometimes outright aggressive person. I was also loud and attention-seeking, too focused on what I was feeling to acknowledge how I hurt other people with my actions.

Looking back on these conversations, I don’t know what my mindset was at the time. I would fight her heavily over her agreeing to set boundaries for me. I would panic and just start screaming at the smallest sign of conflict. I complained to people over conversations that were ultimately civil, or at the very least snarky remarks that she had already apologized for. I’d get frustrated over the most stupid stuff.

As we started to talk more, a joke ship between our characters emerged. I loved the idea at the time and drew fanart because it made me feel special and validated. I would use this to get closer with her and get her attention, throwing fits if I didn't get it. At some point I talked to a friend about it and realized how "problematic" the ship was because of not only the age difference between my character and her version of Dust Sans, but also how abusive the yandere trope as a whole was. I flipped and became resentful, but instead of being straightforward I started slandering it. I used the phrase ‘pedo-ship’ to describe it due to the age difference between Dust and my character. I was referring to the ship, not the creator, but I should have been more careful with my words, especially given her past. I was careless and cruel with how I talked about her.

In March of 2020 things came to a head. We cut contact for our mutual well-being, as we kept hurting each other. I lashed out, yelling more and more about everything and escalating things further. This all stopped in August of 2020, in response to a potential lawsuit. I didn’t know what the lawsuit was about at the time, other than knowing it was related to the awful things I said about her. I just stopped talking about the situation then and there. We hadn't had contact since, until now. In that post, I stated I hadn’t changed and used the above incidents as example. Again, I made that post and those claims in a state of panic, reverting to the state I was in when I last talked to the sender. Nothing can actually fix what I did, and the trauma I inflicted won’t magically be resolved with an ‘I’m sorry’. However, the approach I took to this situation ultimately only made things worse, and it’s best if I’m more honest with my past actions beyond saying ‘it’s all my fault’ with no explanation.

Despite bumps in the road, I’ve gotten better at addressing interpersonal issues as they come up instead of bottling it up. I still think low of myself, but I’ve become better at recognizing those behaviors and my own faults. I’ve resolved not to take out my self-hatred and aggression onto my friends anymore, and I have come to better terms with my past actions, as shitty as they were. I still have a lot I need to work on with a professional therapist. I went to therapy for a little over a year, until it seemed like I was no longer benefitting from it. Then I stopped going. I’m not sure if it was me needing to grow more or if the therapist wasn't a good fit, but I am seeking seeking help again so I can improve myself and stop making the same mistakes.

I'm sticking to my inactivity. I'll come back eventually, but for now, it’s best if I stay off of social media and focus on myself. My 'confession' post reflected my feelings at the time but not an accurate depiction of what actually happened, and did more harm than good. I just wanted to correct that before I move on. Personal growth isn’t something I want to flaunt and say “see? I’m better now!” It’s something that needs to be shown and consistently worked on. And I will continue to do that.

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Things I have done wrong

Hi, I’m making a confession page. Within the past couple of years, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I need to fess up to them now before anything else.

I was abusive towards my ex girlfriend and I continued to treat her like the problem for years afterwards. I’d get angry at her, yell at her or act manipulative over certain things. If she were in danger, I’d make myself the center of attention or yell at her to stop. Even after she broke up with me, I continued to try to pester her or rebuild the relationship until I eventually let go. I continued to slander her name for years after this until we made up in 2020. Even though I’ve apologized and we have a semi-healthy friendship now, it does not excuse my past actions. Simon, I am truly sorry.

I’m an unloyal friend. Back in 2019, I slandered my ex-friend behind his back. I partook in a cruel prank making him think one of my other friends were dead, I shittalked him and talked about how “cringe” he was behind his back. I ultimately ostracized him from our friend group. In 2020, I tried to make things right but I immediately dropped it, I was too much of a coward to confront what I had done.

Also in 2019, I met another now ex-friend. Our friendship was riddled with communication issues and slander. I tried introducing her to a server, where the community there was hostile, and I was two-faced about the situation, reassuring her about the server while shittalking her behind her back. When she joined our roleplay server, I would once again, act like an attention whore and try to gain pity from people. Her character formed a relationship with mine. I was okay with it at the time, but later decided it was toxic and slandered the concept altogether. I slandered the creator of this character as well. There was another instance in which I was asked to stand up to some individuals harassing her, and I faked a conversation in order to get past it as fast as possible. This creator made her own AU, which I would make fun of behind her back. She wanted to stop associating with me and I disrespected her wish. It all came to its climax in March of 2020 where we ultimately agreed to part ways. I promised to reach out for help and she blocked me on Discord. I didn’t follow through with this promise, and then the pandemic hit.

Three months later, she tried to reach out to my friend’s server, wanting to rejoin. I had turned my friends against her and pushed her over the limit. I ultimately rejected the idea of her returning. During this time, I was still spreading slander about her, her creations and ideals. This didn’t stop until I was threatened with a defamation lawsuit. From there, all contact was ceased.

I am almost certain I’m missing a lot of information, this was all I could remember about the incident at the time.

As for what I’ve done since then?

In August of 2020, I started college. I reached out to a therapist on my campus with the intent to work past my own insecurities and selfish actions. I dropped therapy after a year because I felt like I was going in circles.

During the pandemic, up until August of 2021, I would roleplay with this group of people, all younger than me. This “roleplay” made all of us lose complete touch with reality. I would lash out and try to garner sympathy, same as before. I would push my own emotional issues onto people younger than me. I did once again push blame on someone else in the group, my friend Asriel. I should have taken more responsibility as the adult of the group.

In October of 2021, I joined an online roleplay community for the game Deltarune. I have made many mistakes in this. For a long time with my character, and even now, I have fallen back into the same self-pitying tropes that made Tier a bad character. In addition, despite my attempts to keep roleplay appropriate, I interacted with someone younger than me in a way that was ultimately fetishistic. I should have been the one to set the boundaries and say that what was happening was inappropriate, but I stayed silent. What’s worse is that I’m still in contact with this person.

I am not, however, in contact with an ex-friend within the community, who I had written a callout post about because he had created a nsfw account with the intention to interact with pedophiles.

As much as I wish I have changed in the last few years, I still continue to fall into bad habits. I am more willing to take responsibility for my actions, but these actions shouldn’t happen in the first place. If you have read this far, I am sorry. And anonymous, if you are reading this and believe I have left anything out, feel free to tell me. I am sorry, everyone.

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I don’t know what brought this on, but I wanna say this, I don’t intend to demonize you or treat you like the villain here. I know I fucked up massively in the past and I know I’m far from perfect in the present.

All I ask is to be left alone. It’s been two years, I don’t want to fight, I want to move on. I’ve been trying to move on. Please stop messaging me

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So this gives a rough estimate of characters per piece of lore (some pics have multiple different characters and some characters have multiple reference sheets)

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Queue is empty, will be fixed soon hopefully

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This is Berry!

Berry is a cat made up of vines, which seem to be growing strawberries

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This is Hannah!

Hannah is incredibly religious, but she has a positive outlook on life and shows kindness to those around her

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This is Shine!

Shine is one of Nova’s cats, she’s a light/water cat!

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This is Jaxon!

Jaxon is actually a pretty old concept, he’s Aaron’s younger sibling! I didn’t have much for him, other than him knowing magic and being inverted colors

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This is Brandon!

Brandon was one of the mage hunters from one of my projects. He’s one of the few people who isn’t secretly a mage. He’s mainly known for fighting Sean, one of the others in the group. He’s also very athletic and active

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This is Agate!

Agate is a light/spirit soul cat, and is the younger sibling of York! Despite her traits, she’s kind of an asshole to her older brother, constantly bullying him and turning other cats against him

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This is Sun!

Sun is an alien who feeds off of UV rays! She ended up on earth trying to find her friend Spectre, who had also ended up on earth

(Fun fact: within this species, there are 6 genders, all based off of colors. Gender is defined entirely by hair color, the only real defining differences between them other than differences in horns, tails and markings)

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This is Roger!

Roger is the current leader of Team:Aqua, a major terrorist organization who’s only goal is to cause chaos. Compared to others in his organization, he comes off as very dull. However, he tends to be very explosive when upset, and lashes out easily.

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What’s your most recent story/project?

A Glitch in Hometown/Project GARDEN

Technically the two are related and they’re a sorta ongoing roleplay thing

Im actually working on an animatic for Project GARDEN at the moment that ties into my girlfriend’s project, Bleeding Memories!

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Cool character designs! Are they all part of a single story or are they part of different stories?

A lot of them are from different stories

There’s the main timeline I have, which I have some written stories for. I have a lot of OCs from that

There’s the apocalyptic AU which isn’t really an AU, more just a unique set of characters

There’s Isiqui, which has more of a focus on magical creatures and different organizations and stuff (I have a small animatic series about 2 of the characters)

There’s Luxania, which is a sorta “what if magic existed, but was illegal” side project

The last relevant one is the cryptid story thing I’ve been working on, which takes place in the take timeline as the events for A Glitch in Hometown (a Deltarune AU I have) that story has its own set of characters as well

I should probably find a way to distinguish who’s from where a bit better tbh

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This is Pepper!

Pepper had been in a coma since he was younger, however he had woken up and is still trying to recover from the experience. He’s still very fragile and tends to be more prone to illness

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These are Lake, Natalie and Quill!

They are old character designs I made back in high school as part of a lore concept. I’ve redone them a bit since then