femmefatclle

[femmefatclle]

I want to tear you apart and see what you look like when you are flesh

thoughts #303 | r.m (via rmeisel)

[femmefatclle]

[femmefatclle]

takecarc‌:

❛ ✯ ┋ closed starter for ella ( @femmefatclle​ )◞

location: his office at reel tide cinema !

                “trust me, i wouldn’t be doing this if i didn’t think you have potencial,” hues arise from the paper in between his digits, black ink circling around the information he deemed most essential for her to note out of the lot, at the time. it’s mostly a rough draft, a work in progress of what he envisions her character to be like, act like, dress like. a general idea of what agreeing to do this with him would entail. “i like to give chances to new talent since, well … i was a new talent once too and i wish someone would’ve given me more chances. that i didn’t have to fight for everything on my own,” he confesses, a hopeful smile taking over his features before he hands her the fact sheet. “i’ve had this movie script in my head for years and i never went though with it because i couldn’t find a good lead … you’re my lead, ella. you’re exactly what i’ve been looking for.”

His words echoed inside of Elienna’s head a long while after the man had stopped talking. Dark eyes followed almost every move of his lips, yet all of it still seemed like a well constructed illusion that had its hidden agenda somewhere in the fine print. But as her hand reached out to take the sheet from him, the illusion slowly started to fade away. Looking at the rough draft, the young woman realised that this wasn’t even getting close to what she envisioned her future to be. Before meeting him, this was never part of the plan, yet now it seemed as if she was ready to embrace the idea, because he believed in her; and not only that, but maybe he was seeing something that was well since suppressed inside of her. Elienna always knew that her ability of being able to blend in came with a natural acting instinct, but this... was a surprise even for her. “I got to say, the heavy, dark vibe is definitely something that hits home for me, and I can relate to it in a way that... I just feel seduced, if that makes sense”, finally replied the redhead, lifting her head from the paper. There was indeed a doubt in her look, but also something new and different; an idea, a feeling and a desire all in one, brewing deep within her chest as she locked eyes with him. “I’ve told you this before, but I never imagined taking this path. As I grew up, people always told me that I have the pretty face that will work for photoshoots and I never really had the chance to look beyond that. Being in this town, it took that from me and now having us here, its... surreal. It kind of makes me terrified that I’d let you down in some way and you’re just... being too good to me.”

[femmefatclle]

She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[femmefatclle]

                        i suppose the wolves dragged me away 

                                              &&  i haven’t seen   ‘ me ‘   since

[femmefatclle]

[femmefatclle]

wickcddreams‌:

In any other time, his hand would have eventually let go of her despite the joy it brought him to feel the woman trying to pull away from him. There was only so much he could handle before being fed up with it but it was Elienna, who stood before him, and there was something real off about her tonight. It wasn’t her usual feisty self; it felt more like despair with the way her voice would break ever so slightly, which is why he said nothing. “Look at me,” his fingers moved underneath her chin even before she had obeyed to his words. He knew this look because it was one he’d seen for most of his life; hollow eyes, which saw things that weren’t really there. It made him clench his jaw and look away towards the crowd as if he wished he’d see whatever there was that the woman was seeing but he wouldn’t. Because it wasn’t there. “I am, okay?” The sheriff spoke quietly, making a step closer. “But first you need to calm down. We’ll find her. I’ll help you find her. But I need you to trust me and listen to me. Can you promise me you’ll do that?”

Kaeden never understood why one would cause this to themselves. Of all bad habits he could pick up, drugs were never one; he watched all his friends try at least once but not him. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of her doing it, too, or more importantly why. For the few months he’d been able to get to know her, he always thought Elienna was above it but maybe she had her moments… And right now he was ready to play along as long as it meant she was safe. From everyone else but mainly from her own self.

“Come on, lead me.”

She hated this. Hated having him talk to her like that and listening to how good he made all of it to sound; the woman bet he could use the same voice to lure people straight into the underworld, if one existed. This was the tone of a sinner and Elienna knew a few things about them; leaders who loved giving orders and having others following it. But she was a leader on its own too and he was yet to discover that. But maybe... it wasn’t going to be today. Because she wanted answers so bad; she wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was happening inside of her brain so bad, that when the man put his hand under her chin, she couldn’t help but look straight into his black eyes and drown there. “Don’t... talk to me like that. Like I’m a child...”, she stuttered, then shut her mouth, teeth sinking into the inside of her cheek. He knew. Elienna knew Kaeden had discovered her little trespassing and now more then ever the woman couldn’t anticipate what he would do next. Was she in deeper trouble? Would he want to know who gave her this? “I’ll listen... if you listen to me too.”, her fingers tugged at the hand that was still holding hers, all while she couldn’t turn her stare away from his. The beating of her own heart was the only thing Ella heard for a long time, then she took the first step away from his car and away from the fucking chattering and happy people. She took him a little but enough far away, all while her eyes frantically looked for something that clearly wasn’t there. A sob escaped her but Elienna tried to stuff it out, nails digging into the sheriff’s hand. “She was right there... I saw her...” It was pointless, really, for there was no one there. “I thought she had finally returned for me... that I’m not alone anymore...”

[femmefatclle]

Almost. It’s a big word for me. I feel it everywhere. Almost home. Almost happy. Almost changed. Almost, but not quite. not yet. Soon, maybe.

Joan Bauer (via bnmxfld)

[femmefatclle]

I can’t exactly describe how I feel but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (via quotemadness)

[femmefatclle]

gcldveins‌:

studying her features, it’s clear to him that the woman is EXHAUSTED and naturally, daniel’s sympathies for her only deepen further. chin raises thoughtfully at her answer and as her words trail off, daniel immediately shakes his head in disagreement. “ it’s not a huge waste of time, marx is right. no detail is TOO SMALL,” it’s an attempt at being reassuring but daniel can only hope it comes across as such. he lightly shrugs a shoulder at her question, “ just CURIOUS, is all. i could bring those to marx for you, if you’d like. or i could even take a look, ” the offer comes tumbling out of his mouth before he can give it much thought, his instinct to help others easily overpowering his pragmatic side.

Obviously surprised, Elienna suddenly lifted her wide eyes from the few things in her hands towards the man. “Um... you would?”, it was evidently that she was uncertain where all of this was coming from. Not once in all of her numerous comings and goings from this place did anyone else ever suggested to do something like that. And she never would’ve asked herself, for it was just wrong. “Isn’t this supposed to be your break? I don’t want to... impose or anything. You really don’t have to do more then that... I’m sorry, I think I didn’t really catch your name.” Taking a small step backwards but then more surely another one towards him, Elienna shot a look behind her to make sure that no one else was coming out before looking at him again. “I don’t want to get you into trouble or anything. Won’t the sheriff be mad too?”

[femmefatclle]

crestfxllens‌:

He had a soft side for Ella that he couldn’t explain, and he’d felt it since the moment she’d sat in is office for an internship months ago. He felt her skin shiver beneath his finger tips, and he ran his hands over her arms in hopes of warming her up. All of his worries washed away with her. “Ella–I don’t dance.” Her next words, though, eased his nerves yet again. There was no need to worry about the others. “Okay, okay.” Arms wrapped loosely around her waist and swayed with her even though there was no music. “All I’ll think about is you then. You’re all that’s important right now.”

“Great! Just how I love it to be... all about me.” She was giggling again, almost seeming as if she had gotten high off just from being here and soaking whatever overwhelming emotions people threw around her. But the truth was a little different and a cold stone settled over her chest while she realised what was about to happen when Jay realises what she had done. Maybe it would’ve been better if she tried to take something to drink, wash a little off the whirlwind effect of whatever she had just taken, yet there was no letting go of Jay now. “See, its not that bad... Dancing with me...”, she says, her body slowly easing itself into his embrace, trusting him that he could take it.

[femmefatclle]

You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.

Alan Moore (via quotemadness)

[femmefatclle]

wickcddreams‌:

The sheriff gave her one long lasting glare before her question took him by surprise. At first he thought she had just heard something; probably some footsteps behind a trees where some teenagers liked to get their alone time or probably a group was playing tricks on the locals. Before his mind had any chance to go further, though, she continued and the next words to leave her mouth almost had him turning his head around to look over his shoulder despite his mind telling him there was nothing there. Otherwise, he would have heard someone approach them, sensed them long before they had the chance to make a move. Even with his attention currently completely directed at the redhead.

Still, he obeyed and stared at the darkness slowly falling over the small town with bits of the sky still crimson red close to where the water met the sky. No one’s there, Ella, he meant to say as his eyes kept on investigating the whole view because maybe, just maybe, she had seen someone walk close by and getting lost into the crowd by the beach… “Ell,” he said her name out loud when he paused, feeling her hand slip, so he now reached to grab it, his fingers intertwining with hers to secure his hold over it. “Hey, if you saw someone being chased, you need to tell me more, okay?” Though, he had this feeling that it wasn’t real. Too many loop holes and inconsistencies in her last few sentences were enough to switch on the red light inside his mind.

If she was able to think straight, Elienna was probably going to realise by now that all of this wasn’t real. Whatever her troubled mind gave birth to, it wasn’t real; it was but another nightmare creeping towards her in her awake state, ruining and degrading her like it once did too. In that moment far too gone into the past, when her body was shaking and her mind was screaming and scratching inside of her head, Elienna had promised that this was it. Nothing was worth feeling like that, not even the highest of heights. Yet... desperation had led her to this. Fear had lead her to this. Insanity and something buried deep down inside of her had led her to this. “Let me go!”, hissed the woman, trying to snatch her hand back from his grip, but with no effect. He was holding her way too tight and she just couldn’t let go of him like that. “Didn’t you see it for yourself?! It was right there!” She had to shut the fuck up, keep her mouth closed and stop this falling of hers, but no. Frantic eyes shot again and again between him and the place where the ghost of Sage had disappeared and the only thing Elienna felt for sure was that she was sinking deep. Really deep. And she felt ashamed of that. “Why aren’t you doing something?! Why don’t you let me find her, Kaeden?!”

[femmefatclle]

gcldveins‌:

brows knit together at the redhead’s instructions and sully frowns, “ what is this, a febreeze commercial ?? ” though, after a moment’s pause, he supposed he did come to her for help .. and it’s not like he had any better ideas anyways. so with a sigh accompanied with a roll of his eyes, sully’s lids fall shut and he waits for whatever the hell this TRICK is. “ if you mug me, i’m gonna be so PISSED. ”

“Am I supposed to know what this is?“, huffed the redhead, before crossing her arms in front of her chest. “But ‘no’ I’m pretty sure its not what you think it is.” With a delight the young woman followed the way he finally agreed to listen to her so nice instructions. A giggle slipped from her due to his last comment and she shook her head before realising that he can’t see her. “I wish I knew how to swiftly do that, but...” Yet, while talking her hands were already reaching towards him and taking something incriminating from the top of his head. “Are you searching for these? You must’ve lost them in that delightful mess of yours that you call a hairstyle.” She teases, handing him the pair of glasses with a dramatic flick of her small wrist. “Or wait, I think I was supposed to say that I magically pulled them from behind you ear like those silly magicians do?”

[femmefatclle]

gcldveins‌:

“ miss willard,” daniel echoes — more so for himself, so that the name STICKS in his memory. he nods solemnly at her words, taking a few small steps in her direction ( only realizing now the awkwardly LARGE gap between the two of them ). “ i understand .. ” and he does, he really does. how many times has he paced his apartment, restless and frantic, over a missing persons case for a stranger ? he can’t even imagine applying those emotions to someone close in his life, someone he cared about. “ my condolences, miss willard, ” he offers somberly. after a moments pause, his eyes flick to the package in her hands and he nods in its direction, “ were you leaving .. updates to the case ? ” daniel questions, his curiosity sincere.

‘I understand’ were those miraculous words that really deeply triggered the redhead. Probably some people would be more then happy to hear them, for being understood by someone really had the capacity to give strength in the challenging circumstances... but not for her. Elienna just knew it was all bullshit; it wasn’t possible for someone to really understand your pain, not even if something similar had happened to them too, for every pain was not only unique but damaging in its own way. “Oh... thank you”, her words were showing surprise but Ella felt strange hearing them at her way; as if Sage was already declared dead and there wasn’t anything that could bring her back. And she wasn’t ready for letting that sink into her brain.  “This is... no, I wouldn’t call them updates.”, she shakes her head, a soft smile stretching her pale lips. “Just some new stuff I found in a hidden place under her bed. And the sheriff always said to me that no detail is small so here I am, bringing them to him. I don’t know if its not just a huge waste of time but...”, Ella trails off, her voice slowly dying out before lifting her head up. “Why do you ask?”

[femmefatclle]

                     Why does  t r a g e d y  exist? 

                            Because you are full of rage. 

                                     Why are you full of rage? 

                                             Because you are full of grief.

[femmefatclle]

I’m just pain covered with skin.

John Steinbeck (via quotemadness)