fieldtrothoughts

[fieldtrothoughts]

"Oh... hey Mion. ...I... just, well, thought of a good joke. Want to hear it?"

[fieldtrothoughts]

"...Are you... asking me to keep Rena under surveillance?"

[fieldtrothoughts]

It's not fair.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I've thought about pasting posted notes of the words "BE KIND" everywhere. I realise that I'm not naturally kind. I'm not good natured. I always make the conscious decision of when I should be kind. I need to think about it. And I don't know why.

Maybe I am hoping for something out of it. But sometimes it's hard to know if that's really true. When I do end up doing something kind with no ulterior motive, I feel good about it. But I get burned out sometimes and wonder if I can just get by the day.

Have you ever seen a person trying to get their pram onto a tram or their groceries in those little wheelies? Have you ever thought to get up out of your seat and help them up the stairs of the tram?

I always pretend I don't see them. I feel like I'm watched and judged if I help them. No one else is doing it so I shouldn't right? But it becomes a double edged sword. I'll feel good if I do help them but I need to get past that judgement even if there is none. Why don't I be that person that no one wants to be?

But I'm trying. I'm trying to be kind like it's second nature. And that'll do me good in the long run I hope.

[fieldtrothoughts]

Kind of extension to that lab prac because I thought it was sort of unrelated but stuff like this makes me wonder if I have ADHD because I always found school and now uni difficult.

My memory has never been reliable and I can't understand something without repeated exposure over time.

For example I can't read Higurashi while on call with my friends because I'm not devoting full attention to it. Or if I'm reading in general, I tend to go much slower because I go back and re-read a sentence multiple times.

I think the problem is that I get so impatient with studying because I need to dedicate that extra time. But the thing is it's going towards something I don't necessarily care about so I often half ass it.

I don't know if that's an actual sign to look out for with ADHD or if that's normal, so I'm sorry in advance.

[fieldtrothoughts]

Found myself in a group of four for a lab prac today. And I didn't say or do anything. I kind of watched the other three work together.

Granted one of them was my prac partner but I didn't feel like I was allowed to say anything and if I did I'd be weird. Plus it felt bad when you see someone else can talk to them with vastly more interest. Then I thought well I guess I'm more inferior to everyone and I should just let them go on without me.

I don't really like groups because it's hard for me to try and put myself out there. It means that theres more opportunities for people to realise that I'm not that interesting and then they leave me.

I prefer it being one on one but even then I catch myself being too boring and wonder if that thought is conveyed with the other person.

[fieldtrothoughts]

There are times where I see a glimpse of my reflection and then my entire day is ruined. I remember yet again that this is how people see me.

This short, chubby person with an ugly face no one would want to be with. I’ve always hated my appearance since it made me look so disproportional because I have big calves but not height to balance it out.

Sure I could go to the gym. But I always get afraid of being judged. Yes I know they’re considered no judgement zones but my mind doesn’t allow me to think that way. And when I do make that effort to try, it takes too long and I get impatient and then I stop. The only way I’ve maintained the same physique is by eating one or two meals a day.

I want out of this cycle. I really do.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I decided to log my dreams when I have them here. They won’t form coherent stories and may be just scenes I remember. If there are people I know that appear in them, I will indicate with the letter of their first name.

22 March 2023

I’m in this snowy district area that you’d see in Canada maybe. There’s an elementary school surrounded by a thin forest with a bus stop in front of a large road, sweeping onto the left side of the school. From the other side of the road, there’s two people. One who looks like those eboys is talking about something to the other. I think it was them boasting about something? And they’re both sitting in a lone hot tub. I don’t know if it’s actually empty or not.

At the same time, in the school there seems to be something going on in the gymnasium. A game or performance taking place. And in there is Harrison Wells from The Flash CW series. Or maybe just someone who looks Tom Cavanagh. He’s important because he shows up in a dream that I feel like I had prior so think of this as a sequel.

I myself approach the two talking with a friend. They don’t seem to notice us and my friend seems to get sick of the constant boasting. The details get muddy here but we seem to appear in an old abandoned house. The other two following us still talking.

The abandoned house is only a single story, with extremely small rooms that almost seem to twist with tight corridors. The walls are deteriorating and the blinding light of the winter pierces through small cracks. I recall going through a small dining area and then into a small room. And that’s it. Everyone is gone. I leave the area and take and the bus back to the school.

While this occurs, Harrison Wells notices that the performance is going weirdly. A line of schoolgirls or cheerleaders forms in front of those glass cases that house trophies and what not. They begin leaping into it. One after the other, regardless of the bleeding they continue with inhuman smiles. No one else thinks this is strange. Harrison comes down from the bleachers and follows them. Also leaping through the newly formed hole like that scene of Christoper Walken coming out of an elevator and leaping off the balcony.

The other side is the outside of the school. Although the architecture wouldn’t suggest it. Regardless, Harrison seems to have a grasp on the situation and immediately tries to find me.

I return to the school. And then the next scene plays.

For this part, I’ll be less detailed since I regularly see the layout of my house. I’m in my house with one friend (K) who I can recall and another who I can’t. There’s no one else home but us. It’s night or right after the sunset and there’s a storm that’s brewing or going strong. The same strange occurrences were happening again (from a previous dream) where something or someone was trying to kill us. And it seemed like we were waiting for Harrison to come back. Some time passed in the house until my friend noticed an eye peering through the window of my dad’s office. The entire wall that faced the front of the house was torn out with the open air gushing in. The right front door was caught by the massive claws of the beast.

This beast looked like Ridley from Metroid and was guarding the front exit of the house. They didn’t move in to kill us or anything. Just waited. I ran to the laundry room that connects into the garage on the other side of the house. There was something there too. I couldn’t remember what.

We ran upstairs and peered down from the balcony into the first floor. We heard someone enter the house. They were unpacking their bag on the dining table below It was H. He either entered from the front or back I don’t know but he didn’t see the strange occurrences we could. Not the massive Ridley in front of the house or the noticeable torn or even the thing that was in the garage.

K told H it was because we were “something that started with A”, a term originating from India. Something akin to children of god. (K does say the term, I just don’t remember what it was). We return downstairs to speak with H. Some time passed and I noticed a dinosaur washing the dishes. I wasn’t afraid and greeted them because they were my friend. I asked her if she noticed the same occurrences but she said she didn’t.

And then I woke up.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I am both the person that understands myself the most and the person who hates myself the most.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I kinda hate it or have mixed feelings when I'm doing something that's bothering someone but they don't say anything because they're nice. Like for example I was walking with my lab partner today and it was raining. So I pulled out my umbrella and sorta offered to hold it for the two of us. But because I'm short as fuck, I'm pretty sure I hit the edge of the umbrella on their head, making them wet anyway. I feel bad about it... but they were nice enough not to say anything.

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TikTok is such a bad platform to be on when you’re feeling like shit. The moment you start watching those depressing slideshows and core core videos, everything becomes just that in your feed. And the thing is I can’t stop. It’s too addicting. I haven’t used TikTok outside of this. Feeling like everything that’s wrong with me which would be too much to fit in this post, is a feeling I can’t get rid of.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I really need people to react to my messages because seeing the word ‘seen’ is not doing my avpd riddled mind any favours.

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Does anyone find it hard to compliment someone else? I feel like I should be doing that especially when someone is complimenting me. I have things I would love to say them but always get stopped by this feeling that I shouldn’t be allowed to say it and I’ll look weird. And I feel if I don’t do it, they’ll eventually leave me.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I think the only reason why I prefer playing single player games is because there isn't anyone there to judge me. I never got into playing fps games like CS or Valorant. I always thought it was because I didn't like them but then I realised I never tried them to make that decision. I'm starting to think its more of a judgemental reason since I enjoy games like Bioshock which is an fps. I do wish I could play those games so I could fit in more with others but I hate getting flamed for not being good at it. I never really thought I was good at anything unless I spent an unhealthy amount of time doing only that. That thought has remained true since and has affected the way I feel in group projects where other people are more wholly competent than I am and I feel like I'm dead weight. I wish I could be good at something immediately. I wish I could retain information quickly. I wish I wasn't afraid of how others saw me but I can never shake that feeling whether my experience with others is good or bad.

[fieldtrothoughts]

I know I’m jumping the gun here, but I also know that at least a couple of people are looking to try out FE7 once it’s released on the Switch so I thought I’d make a guide to

How Supports work on the GBA Fire Emblem Games

First, the simplest question. How do you build support points?

Support points in the GBA games are gained by having the two units adjacent to each other when you end your turn. Whether they did any fighting/dancing/etc. that turn is irrelevant. They just have to be standing next to each other when Enemy Phase flashes across the screen.

How fast do supports build?

That depends! Every pair of characters who have a support chain (available list in-game) have both a starting amount of support points, and a growth rate of 1 to 4 per turn. For example Eliwood and Ninian start at 0 points (they just met) but they have a support gain of 4 per turn, making their supports easier to get. Eliwood’s supports with his best friend Hector however, start at 72 and grow by 3 each turn. Supports are unlocked at 80, 160 and 240 points. So it would take a lot more effort to unlock say, Merlinus and Vaida’s supports, who start at 0 and grow by 1 per turn.

One notable exception in FE7 are Pent and Louise, who are married and already at max support points when you get them. It’s simply up to you to decide if you want to unlock them. Speaking of.

How many supports can I unlock in a playthrough?

Here’s a pretty big difference from the newer games. You can unlock 5 supports per character in a playthrough. Not 5 support chains, 5 supports. If you want to get two characters to A you had better make sure you haven’t unlocked three other C supports with one character.

Are there paired endings?

Yes! Some are romantic, others are not. Paired endings are decided by two characters having an A support. However, not every A support leads to a paired ending. Vaida and Merlinus again, for example, have supports but no paired ending. All supports go to A. If you want to know which supports have paired endings (or how fast certain supports grow) there are guides available online.

Do supports still grant combat bonuses?

Yep!

And there you have it! More or less everything you need to know about supports in the GBA Fire Emblem games! Now you know how to get the ones you want before watching the rest on YouTube. Have fun!

[fieldtrothoughts]

From Fire Emblem Gaiden novels.

[fieldtrothoughts]

prayers to the divine dragon