foreveryoursvincent

[foreveryoursvincent]

another vessel for melancholic journal entries

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

i just want to be an artist

to consume and be consumed

besieged in art, creation, expression

as i slowly slip into insanity

at least said insanity would serve a purpose, hell at least I’d have something worthwhile to show for it.

so segregated from normalcy, comfort, people, everything

i feel as if God and I are the only 2 to ever understand me

he made me this way for a reason, that reason he hasnt quite made clear yet, but a reason nonetheless

God, if I may pester you with this burning question..

why did you make me so fucking weird?

why do i feel stranded in a void in which only i exist, where being alone is the only time i feel like I’ve found comfort

perhaps i cant feel alienated if I’m on my own little planet

Planet Vincent, population: 1 peculiar little alien

really i find the only time i am truly okay is within the mise-en-scène of fellow looneys expressing their mania, delusions, beauty… whatever outlet they so choose to express it in, whatever emotion, or perhaps illness they so choose to express, i feel as if they are my people yet i don’t belong

i’ll never belong

wanting nothing more yet at the same time nothing less than to conform

I’ll never belong

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

if you were wondering why there has been a lack of me as of late

— Rudy Francisco

[foreveryoursvincent]

for a brief moment, it makes me giddy to think someone might want me for my body. because if someone by any chance did, at least they would want me.

but then it strikes me that i don't want to be seen as something you can find in every other woman. i want my soul to be desired, not my body. bodies will rust and fade away, but my soul is here to stay.

and then it strikes me that i would rather stay in the shadows, away from wandering eyes, occasionally being noticed, but never being seen, than being viewed as a woman with a body to use and to abuse.

[foreveryoursvincent]

our salted tears remind us the human condition is rooted in the oceans, the lakes and the soil

[foreveryoursvincent]

going through my old notebook, unsure if it was from this past June or the one before

seems we had a pattern that blends all the chaos

i look around at what once was our place of refuge

two misunderstood souls

of which one conformed

you always said you hate the colour orange with fiery fervency

yet somehow hues of orange disseminate across all corners of my space of solace

symbolic as is the cross hanging from my neck

almost as garlic to a vampire

subconscious protection from what could have been

siempre tuyo

tuyo para siempre

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

the grass isn’t greener on the other side

it may be blue but it’s no greener

the grass is greener where you don’t destroy it

the grass is greener where you don’t use self harm, drugs, alcohol as fertilizer.

gossamer fertilizer veiling obvious escapism

because sure, your unconventional fertilization may eradicate certain vermin

the eradication of the pests is merely ephemeral; yet in the process you exsufflate any and all pollinators

praying for their return; praying for blue pastures

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

how easy it is to drown out every last memory of me

when you crowd into those places of sin nearly every night

as if the only place you can escape the thought of me

no place for a girl like you, nor my place to say so

but do the memories swim sometimes?

when i’ve embedded myself into every fibre of everything we once shared such sentiment to; what healed our inner child

when there’s nobody, nothing to use to silence the remnants of me?

when it’s just you and the sound of your house settling

do you ever dream of me?

do your walls scream for me as mine once did you?

echoes of the years we shared; schizophrenic

i swam alongside our memories

teaching them even

in hopes they’d learn to swim stronger than me, across the pacific, Atlantic, hell across Neptune to a deserted island

where they may rest in peace finally privileging myself to the same

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

“the veil of grey has streaks of rainbow breaking through the grim ozone.”

~the words of @foreveryoursvincent

[foreveryoursvincent]

what started as casual, light texts back and forth

swiftly escalated to you being mine, and I yours

weeks felt like years waiting for you to arrive

its been harder to be sober from your touch than it is spirits or wine

So many nights awake yet dreaming of you by my side

getting just a taste of what life would be like with ours intertwined

counting down the seconds until i am in your embrace, and you in mine

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

I want

To learn everything about you

What made you the beautiful woman I fell in love with.

To know all of your dreams and aspirations

What you’ve imagined life would be like since you were young.

What did you as a little girl daydream of?

So I can make all of those dreams come true.

The smallest things that irritate you, and those that bring you joy.

To know The things I can do to bring you butterflies, never ending until we take our last breaths together.

I want to wake up and fall asleep next to that face that I just can’t get enough of.

Staring into those eyes, the eyes that we can’t quite name the colour of, the eyes that look at me with admiration, full of love; few of many reasons that make me love them all the more.

I want to make you tea when your stomach hurts, I want to make you tea just because.

I want to carry any burden you have

I want to sit and listen to you tell me about every problem you ever have.

I want to be your solution.

I want to grow old with you, until our children tell us we’re expired.

I want to watch every sunset, and every sunrise with you forever.

I want to autistically dump all my passions and interests on you; just as I want you to do me.

I want to get lost with you.

Lost in your eyes as we share an intimate moment in bed at the end of a long day.

Lost in a book, curled up on a rainy day with you.

Lost on a long drive to who-knows-where.

Lost staring out at the ocean as lil peep or kings of Leon plays gentle in the background.

Lost sharing the same magical kiss in every continent of the world.

Lost in good conversation.

An intimacy that makes me feel like the whole world has gone quiet. Just you and I remain.

I want to spin you around and enjoy our main character moments from now until ninety-nine.

I want to laugh at each other’s dumb jokes until our stomachs hurt.

I want to say this is us to everything that comes in a pair because that literally even is us.

And I will literally even care for as long as I live.

I want to silence all of your insecurities.

And give you endless reassurance any time you need.

I want to cook together, clean together, and make love like we’ve never felt before.

And celebrate every achievement together.

I want to learn everything that makes you feel good, sexually and otherwise I want to please you in every way humanly possible.

I want to memorize every curve on your perfect body so I could draw you from memory.

I want to make mundane tasks feel electric, full of romance because of the love in the air.

I want to teach our kids what love is, leading by example; Seeing how much we love each other, long after we’re old and grey.

I want one hundred dogs, and one hundred cats, one hundred hedgehogs and a hundred more.

I want to give you the peace you give me.

I want to make you feel loved like you never have before.

I want you.

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

to be adored by you

is to be adored by my entire world

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

i told her I’d follow her into every reality

every universe, every reincarnation, every realm

she asked me if I promised

of course, silly

i feel us as butterflies dancing together in my stomach

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

I have riveting news that may come as a surprise

I sit here thinking of you with a stomach full of butterflies

thinking what will our daughter will look like, will she have your eyes or have mine?

or our son, will he be stubborn like me or like you he’ll end up kind

i fell so quickly, and so hard, she doesn’t need to try

running on 4 hours of sleep every single night

because the moment we lock eyes, rather, souls, we lose track of time

i already love you, so dearly, from meeting to dreaming of my fingers running down your spine

whispering sweet nothings as we doze off side by side

my head on your chest or yours atop of mine

listening to your heart beat as my finger traces lines

i will care for you from now until you’re ninety-nine

as if all the time ive known you passed by the time i blinked my eyes

you make me feel so safe being me, so as I take my last breath in life

i pray you share it with on the bed of which I die

yours forever

ever yours

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

is love at first sight real?

love at first conversation

love at first time you fall asleep on FaceTime

love at first time you laugh at the same awful joke

love at first playlist they make for you

love at first fantasy about your future together

love at first time they tell you that youre not too much

whether its real or not, i know it sure feels real to me

[foreveryoursvincent]

I’m in love

i fall too hard too fast

but isn’t that what life is all about?

taking risks?

feeling… well, feelings?

why would I pretend to be a lesser version of what I am?

why would I suppress what I feel because I’m worried it’ll scare someone off..

that it’ll be too much

I’ve always believed that you’re not too much of anything

You just haven’t found the right person to accept you for all that you are.

and if this crashes and burns

may it crash and burn as bright as a thousand suns

and may that piece of me die in that fire

content knowing i never acted as if i was a lesser version of what i am

ever yours

yours forever

J

[foreveryoursvincent]

for as long as i live

i’d rebuild our sandcastle

if you’d let me

waves, weather, whatever comes to attack

destroying what i’d just fixed

though i guard it with my life

for as long as i live

i’d rebuild our sandcastle

if you’d let me

siempre tuyo

tuyo para siempre

J