fractured-writing

[fractured-writing]

“I love the way your voice soothes my soul, like waves crashing into the shore. I love the way your eyes resemble the moons reflection in our small town river. I love the way your mouth greets mine, like a wildfire, slowly and then all at once.”

—CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“Losing you was like standing in a pool full of cold water. When I first get in, it’s cold and almost unbearable, but the longer I stay there, the better it gets. But you see, the temperature of the water never changed. It was still the same frigid water as before. I just got used to feeling it.”

— CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“So, this is it. The goodbye that has been delayed for so long. We both knew it was coming. And as I walked out that door, I looked back at your sad, brown eyes. I tried to swim in them; a journey to find your emotions. They were sad, but you did not stop me from walking away. I wonder if you knew I would have turned around and returned to you. I would have nuzzled into your warm body and insisted we try again. If only the stars had aligned the way we selfishly ask them to.”

—CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

I feel as though everyone is miles away from me. As if I could scream for help only to be greeted with silence.

[fractured-writing]

“I love you and I know there is not a chance in hell that you could ever love me too and I know that the sun will rise tomorrow and fall later and the moon will illuminate the dark sky and life will continue but I need you to know that I love you, even if you don’t love me too.”

— CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“I see a door glowing at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Everyone stumbles upon one at least one time in their life, but these tunnels are not all identical. These doors hold various gifts, none of which are the same.

When I find myself within this eery tunnel, I fight and claw—trying to escape. My breaths are short and rapid. My hands are warm and slightly sweaty. My feet want to run, yet they are cemented to the ground. My brain tells me I am alone. My heart tells me to continue fighting. I want to give up. I want to melt into the ground in defeat and just be. What do you do when your brain and your heart are in a constant battle?

I see a door glowing at the end of a long, dark tunnel. With every step I attempt to take, the door moves further away.”

—CA (original)

[fractured-writing]

My heart is aching and my head is constantly overflowing with thoughts and memories of us, good and bad. I am having visions of every moment I could have made different. I am hearing your low voice through the night as I struggle to sleep. I can taste you in everything I attempt to eat and drink. I smell your Old Spice body wash throughout the whole house and I cannot bring myself to try and change it. I sense you in so many ways, except I can’t touch you. I no longer have the opportunity to rub my hand along your defined arms, feeling every muscle, every vein. To wrap my arms around your waist as yours engulf me the way the ocean does the shore. I should have never let you walk away from me.

[fractured-writing]

I know you want me to leave. I can see it written in the colored parts of your eyes. Please don’t. You are the only home I have ever known.

[fractured-writing]

“I love you and I know there is not a chance in hell that you could ever love me too and I know that the sun will rise tomorrow and fall later and the moon will illuminate the dark sky and life will continue but I need you to know that I love you, even if you don’t love me too.”

— CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“You loved him so much. But you let him go. You can’t stop thinking that he’ll, one day find someone else. And he’s gonna love her so damn much. She’s gonna be his everything. And you’ll cry alone at night because she took the only thing you called home.”

— CN (original)

[fractured-writing]

The bottle of pills that sit on my dresser mock me. They call my name. Assure me that they can end every one of my problems. So what’s stopping me? What is stopping me from swallowing every last one and viciously solving my suffering within minutes? Why can’t anyone help me get better? Why do I feel this way?

—CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“I loved you. I loved you so much that even when I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t. Even when I was screaming at you, at the top of my lungs with my throat burning, I couldn’t help but think about how truly extraordinary you were. I’d stop in my tracks and admire you. The way you watched me, as if I were the most important person in the world. The way you listened, as if my words were the only thing that mattered. I saw it all. But now, I can’t seem to understand why you left. What did I do to make you realize I was not the most important person in the world? What did I say to make you believe my words no longer mattered? Why did you leave me? Please come home.”

— CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“I love you and I know there is not a chance in hell that you could ever love me too and I know that the sun will rise tomorrow and fall later and the moon with illuminate the dark sky and life will continue but I need you to know that I love you, even if you don’t love me too.”

— CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

I’m There

When you want a woman to stay the night, just to feel an intimate human presence, I’m there.

When you’re fucked up and alone and just want to have sex, I’m there.

When you need a ride home or a ride to your buddy’s, I’m there.

When you need a girls opinion on the girl you like, I’m there.

No matter what it is that you want or need, I’m there.

Being there, it kills me. It hurts me in ways that a person should never hurt at the hands of their own. It pains me, yet I choose to be there; for you. Sometimes you need someone, and I will happily be that someone. I will be that someone until the pain of being there tears holes through the heart that I have continuously let you break. Yet I still wouldn’t change it. I’ll be there, with a broken heart, until you no longer want me to.

CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“It hurts so bad. To know that I am only worthy of sliding into bed next to a man who I cannot help but love, and knowing that he cannot love me. I am good enough to fuck, just not good enough to love.”

CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

“You cheated on her with me. I felt good, wanted. I tried to tell you we shouldn’t do it. It would kill her. But as you slid your hands down my shorts you whispered into my ear, ���It isn’t wrong if we don’t get caught.” I couldn’t say no anymore. I let you explore my body. I listened to you moan when I bit down on your lip just enough. I wanted you so badly that nothing else mattered. You made me feel as though I was worth losing her over. I needed you, but I am so sorry for ruining her.”

CA ( @fractured-writing )

[fractured-writing]

Stars

Aligning not only the skies,

her veins flooded with stars.

Others began to realize that from the inside out,

she lit up.

Not just for herself, but for the ones

who couldn’t find the light.

Led others through the darkest of times,

and lent others her shine.