fuzzypastels

[fuzzypastels]

- a lil sumn perhaps👉👈

- kinda thought it's a relatively gd piece ykkk

- describe some items that are of sentimental value to you.  how are they sources of motivation and comfort for you?

- 676 words

It sat there, as it always has, on my bedside table. Covered with a thin blanket of dust which does not go unnoticed under the beams of light from the lamp shining just above it. Protected by a sheet of glass, framed within silver-plated metal. A printed photograph of a family of four with smiles that almost seem to signify eternal happiness. It was probably the bright energy that radiated from within the photograph that gave me a reason to live through my days the best I could and not give up midway. I want it to be my turn to bring them somewhere far away, so far our worries would be left behind in our hometown as we bask in contentment of travelling far distances as a family.

Undoubtedly, the sentimental value of a family photograph is subjective to every individual. As for me, the framed photograph, of when we travelled to a place deep in the verdant greenery of a conserved forest in Australia, is what keeps me going everyday. The joy written all over my family's faces. As if life had only the good things to offer, keeping our problems away from us. My heart longs for a moment like that again. Now, however, it aches. It aches so much that the emotional pain can physically hurt me. Ever since my grandfather fell victim to cancer several years back, my mother took up the responsibility of bearing the medical bills as she had no siblings. Our luxuries were taken away: a lofty house, lavish car and most of all, peace within the family. The unexpected financial issue resulted in my parents sleeping in separate rooms.

My eyes watered and I felt tears stream down my cheeks. The burden of attaining a successful career at the end of my education pathway suddenly weighed down on me. I had expected it to be a thorny path. Logically speaking, a photograph alone would not suffice as my sole motivation. I longed for warmth and affection. To be enveloped in an embrace, letting the tension in my mind dissolve into nothingness. In a dark tunnel, engulfed within my own fears, all I wanted was a hand to hold. One that would bring comfort to me as I live through my worst days. My heart begged for reassurance.

My drawer smoothly slid open as I pulled it. The contents of my drawer were aesthetically pleasing. Neatly organised and colour coded in a perfect shade of pink. Among the pink belongings was an envelope, also in pink. Apart from the items in the drawer, unfortunately I owned nothing else in pink. It gave me a sense of comfort knowing that at least someone remembers little details about me, and importantly, cares about me. 'Read when you are sad'. Calligraphed in black ink with smudges on the front, undeniably, the lettering was not my sister's forte but she made an effort for me nonetheless before leaving to study abroad.

My eyes ran through each line of the letter. Every word I read, my heart and mind knew the next. Her words were embedded in my memory. A lump formed in my throat and I let my emotions control me temporarily. The deafening silence of my room grew louder. The calendar on my desk had red markings on the final week of this month. My final round of assessments for this semester. I snatched the frame and letter from where they were and hugged them both to my chest. My grip tightened. The end of this load lies ahead of me with uncertainty however determination burned from within my heart. I would do what it takes to patch this broken family back up. I was confident my sister was together with me on this journey and that I had to make her proud.

I clung on to the two things that held me together through this voyage of life: my family photograph and a letter from my sister. They were the only things that kept me going in my darkest hours. 

[fuzzypastels]

breakfast // kim seokjin

streaks of sunlight shone through the translucent white curtains as your eyes fluttered open. you groaned as your body was still sore from moving into the new apartment and carrying heavy boxes to and from your old house. rolling over, you realised that your husband’s side of the bed was already empty and his pillows were arranged neatly. you sighed and got up from bed, slipping on your frog slippers and heading straight to the kitchen where you knew he would be.

sure enough, he was already there and flipping pancakes, his attention completely glued to the stove. you leaned on the kitchen wall as he was still oblivious to your presence. smiling, you pushed yourself off of the wall and made your way to the fridge to pour yourself some orange juice. he finally noticed you and turned off the stove as his pancakes were done.

“morning,” he said, looking at you like he was expecting something.

you hummed a reply, walking past him nonchalantly. you knew what he wanted, but you decided to play a little game with him. he stared as you passed by, pouting and crossing his arms like a little boy.

you bit the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from laughing and walked back to him, pretending as if you forgot something. this time however, he didn’t let you pass. instead, he grabbed you by the waist, completely catching you off guard. you shrieked and lightly slapped his chest.

staring at him, you couldn’t help but admire and blush at how handsome he is even though he was sweating from the heat of the stove.

“where’s my morning hug and kiss?” he asked, his pink lips pursed into a pout.

giggling, you pecked his cheek and gave him the biggest hug, just like you did every morning since the two of you got married. when you were ready to let go, he sighed and held on tighter. he whispered an ‘i love you’ and you blushed, burying your head in his chest.

he chuckled and the two of you finally let go of each other when you heard your stomach grumble. jin prepared the pancakes on a plate with maple syrup. you had never thought that you’d be this happy to eat breakfast on a saturday morning but here you were, enjoying it happily with the love of your life.

- crappy ending.. sorry 😭

[fuzzypastels]

the library book // kim namjoon

you huffed as you gave up tiptoeing for the book on the top of the shelf. your head turned from left to right as you searched for the stool that was supposed to help you reach the top shelves. pursing your lips, you looked over to the other aisles and smiled happily when you saw just the thing you were looking for. you quickly grabbed it and jogged back to the shelf that held the book you wanted.

much to your disappointment, someone had already taken the book that you wanted to read so badly. pouting, you just stood there, still on the stool with your hands on your hips. you were lowkey about to thrash the entire place but you practiced your breathing exercises to refrain from tearing up.

so much effort for this stupid book, you thought angrily.

for some reason, you glared at the empty spot on the shelf where the book had been, ridiculously wishing that lasers would shoot out of your pupils or that the book would miraculously reappear if you stared long and hard enough.

a tap on your shoulder made you jump in surprise, causing you to lose your footing and slip off the stool. you squeezed your eyes shut, bracing for the painful impact of your back against the carpeted library floor. the moment never came. instead, you felt a strong arm around your waist holding onto you with the heel of your foot somewhat still on the edge of the stool you were standing on.

"i got you," a masculine voice spoke. you opened your eyes and heaved a sigh of relief.

thanking him once you regained your balance, you stepped off the stool and smoothed out the non-existent crinkles on your shirt as an awkward attempt at hiding your embarrassment. after a moment of silence, you finally found the courage to look up at him. your eyes widened and your jaw dropped.

damn, he's gorgeous. you thought to yourself. heck, he's ethereal.

he was clad in a black coat with a maroon beanie resting on the crown of his head. his smile reached his eyes, showing off his dimples that made him two thousand times more attractive.

the stranger cleared his throat, still smiling down at you. you blinked, mentally cursing yourself for shamelessly staring like that and apologising. his smile only grew wider and you felt heat rise up to your cheeks. he held up something and when you realised it was the book that you had been desperately reaching for about five minutes ago, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"i saw you struggling to reach it, so i thought i should help you," he explained, rubbing his neck and smiling sheepishly.

you smiled warmly at him, grateful for his thoughtful gesture even though you wanted to strangle the person who took your book just two minutes ago. the stranger introduced himself as namjoon. kim namjoon.

you told him your name too and thanked him again, shyly leaving to check out the book and start reading it at home. when you looked back at him, he was still staring at you, his eye smile never leaving his handsome face. you blushed and waved at him, and he waved back. 

i hope to see you again soon, namjoon. you thought with your cheeks flushed and a smile on your face.

[fuzzypastels]

she sat there smiling as he plucked the strings of his guitar, singing the song he wrote. she didn't know when, how or where, but she had found herself falling for the boy in front of her. she wasnt sure if this was love, but it felt like the most beautiful feeling ever.

her heart felt warm whenever he was with her, and his embraces were warmer. she felt like she was on top of the world whenever he compliments her or the things she does, and her stomach does these leaps whenever he smiles. she couldn't have foreseen falling for her best friend, but here she was. she loved the way he smiled, she loved the way his eyes sparkle in the light, and she especially loved his voice. deep, but so soothing its music to anyone's ears.

"love hurts, but with you it heals," he sang.

she sighed, a smile still playing on her lips. he finished the song with a final strum, and she clapped softly. that stunning smile of his made its way on his face and she felt her heart flutter. flustered as he was staring, she blushed and looked away smiling sheepishly.

"how was it?" he asked.

"beautiful," she replied simply. "who was it for?" she asked curiously.

he looked like he got caught off guard but quickly regained his composure. she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, but shrugged it off. she lay back on the picnic mat and stared at the stars that sparkled in the moonlit sky.

"just this girl I really like," he finally answered.

there was a pang in her chest. she smiled however, and started to tease him about it. he rolled his eyes and lay next to her, setting his guitar aside. he sighed an exasperated sigh, and began to talk about his crush.

"she's like... a princess, but from the sky" he began and she chuckled, wondering why he would describe someone like that.

"you mean like an angel?" she asked and he nodded.

"yeah, an angel. she has the kindest soul, always lending a helping hand. her smiles can easily brighten anyone's day, and her eyes- God, her eyes, the way they shine when she looks at me. its like i actually mean something to her," he continued, closing his eyes and smiling.

"she sounds beautiful," she said after a moment of silence.

"she is," he hummed, turning over to his side and facing her.

he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and she looked at him, now a lot more confused than she had been earlier. he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her a little closer, staring into her dark brown eyes as he did so. she tried to push him away, her heart palpitating like crazy. she felt like her ribcage was going to break by the way her heart pounded in her chest. taking deep breaths, she tried so hard not to appear flustered in front of him, especially in such proximity.

biting his lip, he struggled to hold in his laughter. her face was as red as a tomato. his heart was pounding in his chest. he didn't know what drove him to pull her closer but he did, deciding that this would be the time he finally confessed his feelings for her. his best friend of ten years.

God, the things she does to me. he thought.

"w-what are you doing," she stuttered, trying to sit up but failing as his arm was still draped over her waist.

"isn't it already obvious?" he leaned in closer and whispered, their lips only centimetres apart.

he finally gathered the courage and brushed his lips against hers, the kiss ending just as fast as it began. her eyes widened and she touched her lips in surprise. he smiled sheepishly, muttering an apology.

"i really like you," he finally confessed.

she buried her head in his chest shyly, making him chuckle as he pulled her tighter in his embrace. she mumbled an 'i like you too' and they stayed like that for a few more moments. her in his arms and under the stars, just like how he had dreamed of it to be.

[fuzzypastels]

ADHD

Not sure why ADHD is trending on Twitter, but sure, here’s my big post about ADHD, because now it’s too long to be a Twitter thread (ADHD, amirite?):

ADHD has possibly THE most inaccurate name for a medical condition:

 Dysregulation of attention, not deficit. We focus MORE intensely than neurotypicals on things that have caught our attention, because our neurotransmitter receptors (e.g., dopamine) developed atypically. But we struggle with switching tasks, because of this.

Inattentive-type ADHD won’t be as obvious, because it’s not the “physically disruptive boy child” stereotype.

Yes, it is a real neurodevelopmental condition, and yes, the medical community knows what it is.

No, not everybody “is a little bit ADHD.” Saying that shows that you haven’t educated yourself about the condition.

It usually manifests very differently for women, & MANY medical professionals aren’t informed about that.

Letting a child’s ADHD go undiagnosed and untreated leads to a VERY high risk of adulthood co-morbid anxiety & depression.

Letting someone’s ADHD go undiagnosed also leads to VERY high risk of addiction, because addictive substances trigger a fast release of dopamine, and the reward centers of our brains desperately need dopamine to live a happy & fulfilling life.

Black kids are 70% less likely (and Latinx kids 50% less likely) to be diagnosed than their white peers, because the most noticeable behaviors are attributed to willful misbehaving defiance, as opposed to a neurological cause.

This contributes to higher suspension rates for Black and Latinx kids, and higher likelihood of entering juvenile detention systems.

The misdiagnosis-to-prison pipeline is very real, with some neuroscience studies estimating that 40% of inmates in the US have ADHD.

Stigmatizing pharmaceutical treatments is harmful, because it inhibits people from accessing treatment.

Stimulant medications do not affect people with ADHD the same way they do for neurotypicals. They have a calming and focusing effect on folks with ADHD (unless co-morbid anxiety, depression, or other co-morbid conditions interfere)

Many folks with ADHD struggle to even remember to take their meds, and the most commonly prescribed treatments now have a time-delay mechanism that helps limit the risk of addiction.

Getting diagnosed as an adult made me cry, out of relief. I finally had an explanation, & I could forgive myself.

I am perpetually hyper-aware of how “not normal” I am in social interactions. I go through life feeling like an alien, every day.

This can lead to a perpetual cycle of self-isolation and self-consciousness, along with other maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Many symptoms that occur with Autism can also occur with ADHD: sensory overload, hyper-fixation/hyperfocus, directness, rejection of societal norms, emotional dysregulation.

The reason people with ADHD seem like they make every conversation about themselves is because they are trying to make genuine connections with other humans and stay actively engaged in the topic. Anything else seems superficial, disingenuous, and meaningless. People with ADHD seek genuine connection, and we are trying very hard to make that connection with you.

As with Autism, people with ADHD frequently reject society-imposed notions of gender and sexuality. These societal constructs are fairly useless, frequently harmful, and honestly feel contrived, awkward, and silly. I’m not just making that up. There is a VERY high correlation between gender dysphoria and ADHD (as well as Autism).

The reason I have to write everything down is because my working memory basically doesn’t exist.

The reason we interrupt in conversation sometimes is because we literally won’t remember what we need to say by the time someone finishes talking.

I forget someone’s name before they even finish their sentence. There are a million other things happening in my brain as I am trying to navigate a social situation.

Folks with ADHD can struggle with “Information Retrieval,” which is ironic for me, considering my PhD research focus. The information is THERE, however, and if there is an external stimulus to trigger, my brain can access and retrieve the information that I have stored.

So many folks who have ADHD struggle when they are put on the spot, unexpectedly. They can’t just conjure something out of thin air, so none of their words come out right, and then they will feel like an imposter.

It’s not all bad stuff. The running joke is that people with ADHD don’t just “think outside of the box”…they throw the entire box out, and provide innovative solutions that many wouldn��t have considered.

ADHD is highly-correlated with innovation, entrepreneurship, physical accomplishment, and artistry (e.g., Bill Gates, Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, Jim Carrey, John Mulaney)

We have so many hobbies, hidden talents, and interests…and we’re VERY enthusiastic about ALL of them. They used to have a word for folks like that, and there’s a reason scientists have postulated that Leonardo da Vinci very likely had ADHD.

I can detect someone else who has ADHD or Autism almost immediately (even if they don’t know it), & immediately form bonds with them. I don’t make the rules. It just happens. And I find it very refreshing to interact with folks who are neurodivergent, because I can let my guard down and just be myself.

[fuzzypastels]

hi everyone! 🤗💖💓💝💘💞❤💓💘💕💘💞💘💕💗 i would like to apologise for not replying to dms and asks on time or even doing tags and stuff. school and my headspace is really taking a toll on me and i'm going to be here irregularly because idw to accidentally project any negativity towards any of you and i love all of you moots very much! stay safe, hydrate and eat well okay loves! 💕💖💝💝💘💞💕💘💗💓💖💗💘💞💗💕💘💝💞💕💗💞💘💖💗💘💫

[fuzzypastels]

What would you say is each member of Mx ‘ aesthetic’?

shownu: dirty sneakers, soft chuckles, the smell of freshly ground coffee

wonho: white bedsheets, the sky a few minutes before sunrise, rough calloused hands

kihyun: soft sweaters, stacks of memorable polaroids, pressed flowers

minhyuk: jeans with paint stains, monochrome tattoos, freshly baked bread

hyungwon: fresh laundry, fallen cherry blossoms, the sounds of waves crashing

jooheon: leather jackets, hands stained with ink, the sky at sunset

changkyun: neon lights, the smell of gasoline, a 24/7 fast food place at 3 am

[fuzzypastels]

💫👏🏽✨Seeing Black women be carefree and focusing on their own happiness makes my heart feel so full! I love seeing y’all achieve your goals, while still taking care of yourselves!! Y’all deserve the whole damn world and I hope y’all know that!!!🙌🏽❤️😘✨

[fuzzypastels]

imma be honest: i have only listened to fairy of shampoo, pied piper and because of you all day in a three song loop

and it’s been pretty glorious, i can’t deny it

[fuzzypastels]

Hello hello! I love the thoughtfulness you put into each prompt and MTL. Would you consider doing BTS as types of dog?

Anon. My friend. I LOVE dogs. This has been a riot to do, thank you for the request. 

(random disclaimer: this is only based on my experiences with these breeds and I know every dog is individual despite general breed traits) 

Enjoy!

BTS as Types of Dog

Namjoon

Afghan Hound radiates bde in spades - i mean, have you see its posture? the way it just casually saunters in all quiet but drawing the eye? they might be able to laze all laissez faire, but you know they're not just switching off. i mean, there's a reason it's given the name the king of dogs by some. but it's not immune to the odd... dumb moment. i've never asked an afghan hound to put sunglasses on, but legend says they snap before it reaches their face.

Jin

German Shepherd a damn good looking dog and then some, one you've gotta take seriously if you know what’s good for you. protective of their friends, their family, their inner circle. but when they know you're all love they love you too... have you ever had a massive german shepherd bound up to you with crazy enthusiasm? yeah, it's pretty infectious. handsome on the outside, a loveable goofball on the inside.

Hobi

Golden Retriever like its name suggests, the golden retriever is sunshine? energy for days, so huggable it makes you smile, a smile so big it seems to represent love itself. wanna play ball for an hour? they're down. tossing frisbees for two hours? do it. undeniable joy in a dog, though they can stand up themselves... they can damn well bark if they're not happy with you. luckily, that's a rare occurrence.

Yoongi

Schnauzer it's an assuming sweet thing, that little grey dog that looks so serious. but they're the dog with a human brain for a reason. they look up, see faces, smell thoughts and they just know. they just understand and when you cry they know to come up, head resting on your lap. it guards its own so unassumingly you wouldn't even realise it. but it's watching, and noticing. underestimate it at your peril. love it and get a lifetime of love back.

Jimin

Poodle i know what you're thinking: a poodle? what, that over coiffed fancy example of a dog? my friend, the poodle might be all beauty and flamboyant sophistication on the outside but damn are they lowkey smart, able to beat even some hardcore looking dogs when it comes to agility, and they'll come out the other side looking prettier too. a dog that knows how to please a crowd and will look a damn sight better than anyone too.

Taehyung

Rough Collie the silent hero. remember lassie? looks majestic and you think that's all there is, bar the odd heroic moment. but this dog is smart, capable, protective and gentle. it's the dog that after a long days work will just pad over and curl up at your feet, no licks to say they love you, no leaps up to your face with a mad grin: but it doesn't need to. that simple gesture, so comforting, is all it needs to show its love. indispensable when in your life.

Jungkook

Greyhound the prime specimen, built to athletic perfection. unbeatable on the track, speed like the wind. you look at the greyhound and you know it's made to perform. and it's happy to. but something else they’re also happy to do? sleep for ages. to curl up on that couch next to you as netflix plays something or nothing at all and just eat and sleep, in the company of the ones they call their own. duality in a dog. you wouldn't love the greyhound any other way.

masterlist (my request box is always open!)

[fuzzypastels]

My advice to people, but especially kids, who are invested in celebrities, be they actors, musicians, bloggers, youtubers, authors, whatever, is to keep your distance. No matter how happy their content makes you, no matter how strong the pull of a special interest/hyperfixation/obsession might be, it’s important to step back every so often.

Do you find yourself following them on all forms of social media? Do you follow their friends and family, who might not even make content themselves? Do you research their lives? Step back. Just because they are famous doesn’t mean it’s okay to engage in stalking behavior.

[EDIT: I feel I should not have used the word “stalking here” as stalking is unwanted surveillance and it’s unfair to say this behavior is definitely stalking. But the message stays that researching every aspect of a stranger’s life and digitally following them everywhere is, even if it’s not intrusive to them, a little much, no?]

Do you find yourself getting anxious if you miss a video, or they upload off schedule? Step back. I know they can help you through dark times but you can’t rely on them all the time.

Would you be devastated if they turned out to be a not-so-nice person? Step back. You can only trust them as much as you trust any stranger. Don’t see yourself up to be shattered if they fall off that pedestal you put them on.

No matter how much somebody interacts with their audience, the relationship is still parasocial. Just keep that in mind. Don’t put all your trust in a stranger. It’s okay to enjoy these people and their content, but keep your distance and step back.

[fuzzypastels]

suddenly remembered this poem as i was making breakfast this morning & frantically googled “poem remembered to buy eggs?????????” & somehow managed to find it & it utterly knocked the wind out of me just as much as when i first read it

[fuzzypastels]

☆ lovestruck baker!au wonho

there’s nothing in this world that matters more to wonho than baking

he discovered the talent when he was young - testing it out in the kitchen beside his mother before gradually moving on to creating sweets from scratch himself

regular cooking wasn’t as interesting as baking

the feel of rolling dough, the assortments of fruit or jelly or other sweetness that he could incorporate, and of course just the look on peoples faces when they took the first bite of a freshly baked cookie

it made wonho giddy

so he chased his passions - and now, all that hard work paid off 

because monbebe bakery was the most popular in the province!

due, of course, to the delicious desserts (and maybe just a little to wonho and co-baker shownu’s good looks)

but the point was this: wonho’s one and only love was baking 

well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,until you showed up that is

wonho had been pestered by friends and family alike: when will you get married? when will you take an interest in dating? when will you put down your apron and spend your weekends being social - not making up recipes at home?

the answer to all those questions was always a shy shrug, wonho didn’t know how to explain that “love” didn’t cross his mind

the only “love” he had to give was poured into his sweets 

especially the beautiful custom cakes he created for other peoples magical moments

and then - like a stop-frame in a movie - wonho looked out of the window on a sunny summer morning

and saw you

with pure wonder you were looking at the sweets on display, your eyes sparkling as you scanned the row of sugar cookies, muffin towers, and of course elaborate cakes

wonho had been in the middle of icing a layer in the middle of a large tower that’d be used for a wedding cake

but - the icing fell from his hand, effectively ruining the soft sponge cake below it 

and leaving the front of his apron covered in chocolate icing

you didn’t see it, too busy browsing the selection on the otherside of the window

but shownu, who’d been taking something out of the oven, had cocked en eyebrow

“wonho?”

there had been no reply - wonho’s eyes following you as you finally made the decision to enter the shop

bubbly and happy - finally placed directly in front of him and the counter

“can i ple- oh, you seem to have gotten chocolate on yourself?”

wonho had felt like an IDIOT, and he knew his whole face must have flared up like a blossoming rose, because he must have looked so silly

but it had made you giggle

and no music, no sonata could compare

you became a regular after that

coming in when you had a spare moment, always trusting wonho for treats you could bring to work or give as gifts on holidays

sometimes you’d linger around and talk with him, wonho managed to pick up little details 

your profession, your hobbies, your best friends name, and of course your favorite sweets

and even on the days you didn’t usually come in - wonho would always have your favorite cookies in stock

because what if you did come in? how could he not have your favorite?

sometimes the thought crossed his mind that he could,,,,,ask you to stay a little,,,,,,,,,wait till he closed up shop and he could take you out?

or that maybe he could slip his number on the back of your receipt

but

he couldn’t do it

what was holding him back? he wasn’t sure,,,,,,

and neither was shownu - who quietly and surely could tell wonho had a big, sweet tooth crush on you

but wonho is ok - baking makes him happy, and seeing you for just five minutes does too

so when you come into his store - bounding right up the corner with a big smile - wonho already feels the sunlight on his skin 

“wonho! i have a very special order today~”

special order? tell me - ill do anything for you,,

“o-oh? what is it?”

“well there isn’t anyone else in the world who could do this for me,,,,,,it has to be you!”

there isn’t anyone else in the world?

wonho scratches the back of his neck

“well - ill do my best!”

you lean over the counter and wonho thinks his heart really is about to jump out of his chest

“a wedding cake!”

this time his heart nearly stills

“i need you to make me a wedding cake!”

you hear the sound of something drop, looking over your shoulder to see shownu give a small bow as he gathers up the trays splayed across the floor

you turn your attention back to wonho

you don’t see it - but the color drains from his face

the glittering brown of his eyes disappearing into dark, almost black clouds

“w-wedding cake?”

“yes! please make it as beautiful as possible, the event is in two weeks! and don’t worry about the price i’m willing to pay anything because i know it’ll be perfect from your hands!”

wonho nearly doesn’t feel you reach out and touch him lightly

you give him that smile - the one that’s engrained into his brain - the one that used to make it feel like his heart was being flipped upside down

but this time

it just hurts

you check your watch and start talking about how you have to go, but you’ll be back in two weeks to pick up the cake

wonho knows he nods, but it’s mechanical and when he hears the bell of the door as it shuts

he swears his knees must give out

wedding cake? you’re engaged? you’re getting married? since when? to who? who is he? who is the luckiest man on this planet and why - why - why isn’t it -

wonho opens his eyes when he hears shownu calling his name, shaking his shoulder lightly

he turns his head and can tell that even though shownu is usually expressionless, that this time there’s apparent sympathy in his eyes

“are you ok?”

i have to make a wedding cake……….for the person i love?

wonho convinces himself he can battle through it - he has to. 

what could hurt more than you being someone elses? him letting you down.

so he starts trying to think up ideas - a cake perfect for your wedding

flowers? because they’re sweet and colorful - white icing? because their innocence wraps me up in warmth? layered cake? tower cake? how large? 

it’s frustrating - every time wonho starts to bake he feels like breaking something

the icing doesn’t come out right, the base of the cake tastes disgusting, there are problems at every corner

wonho finds himself with his flour-covered hands in his hair squatted down in the kitchen

“who is this guy they’re marrying? why haven’t i ever seen him around? is he tall? is he thin? maybe my muscles put them off? is he handsome? is he rich? who is he?”

shownu watches his friend unravel - wonho spending hours on end trying to make this cake and failing each time

because he’ll try to decorate it but his hands shake and ruin it

“congratulations” - he can’t even finish icing that stupid word on 

because truth be told how can he congratulate you? the you who has made his heart swell every day since he met you

“you’re an idiot wonho” he mumbles to himself “missed opportunities is all you’re going to remember when they’re walking down the aisle.”

those two weeks drain wonho dry - he goes through every stage of heartbreak possible - and it’s even more embarrassing because you’re just a regular customer at his bakery

you’re not his  childhood love, or a highschool sweetheart that’s always been his infatuation

you’re just the most beautiful person he’s ever seen pressed up against the window of his bakery

and even though he loves baking - these two weeks have made him hate it

but he finishes the cake and he places it on the counter - weak sigh at the lopsided cursive but at this point this is his best

he waits - waits - waits - waits - and ten minutes before closing you show up

you’re out of breath, “sorry - i r-r-ran here!”

you explain, wonho forces with all his might, a smile onto his face

“here is the cake.”

you look at it, observing from side to side and then grinning up at him

“perfect! as always! how much do i owe you?”

wonho feels a bitter taste in his mouth as he says,

“nothing. consider it my wedding gift to you and your husband.”

this is my goodbye to you too, it’s too late for us - just take this cake and stop torturing my-

“my husband?”

you blink, then shake your head feverishly

“no no no - this is for my friend, she’s getting married and i - i -”

you suddenly get shy, looking everywhere but at wonho

“i don’t even have a boyfriend-”

you feel a sudden gust of wind, then the sound of something going ‘splat’ against the floor

wonho pushes past the counter, the cake toppling over behind him as he pulls you into his arms

you’ve never hugged wonho - let alone even shook his hand - so you’re surprised

but ,,,,,,,, more than that,,,,,,,,,, your heart can’t stop beating like crazy

“thank god”

he mumbles against your hair and you blink “w-w-wonho?”

he pulls away, delirious with happiness, the dizzy feeling spiking his confidence over one hundred

“how do you feel about dating me then?”

on any other occasion, wonho would have not been able to say that line - but right now - it looks like cupids arrows has logeded itself directly in his back

and he’s going to ride this feeling out

“wh- yo- you like me?”

“so much, i like you so much.”

the confession makes you flush - but really,,,,,you can’t deny it,,,,,,,,you’ve always liked him too

to be quiet fair, you weren’t even THAT big of a sweets fan, you just always stopped by because well - because of wonho

“i - “

but then your eyes cast over his shoulder to the ruined cake

“the cake!”

he turns, paling

“oh no - i was just so happy-”

“not to worry.”

you two turn, shownu’s booming voice distracting you to as he pulls open the large freezer behind him 

stocked full of pre-made cakes

“we have a very large selection of cakes as backup.”

you stiffle a giggle as wonho struggles to say something

shownu decides that fine, he’ll say it for him

“ill wrap this cake up. in the meantime, you two should plan a proper date.”

with that, shownu disappears into the kitchen

you look up at wonho and he looks back

“w-well if anything, do you want to be my date to this wedding?”

“and get to walk you down the aisle - of course - i mean yes, be your date haha , yes of course,,,,,,,,”

shownu doing a victory dance in the kitchen: finally - oh shit lets not drop another cake 

[fuzzypastels]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (inhale) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[fuzzypastels]

{Circus!AU x Monsta X}

someone asked for another monsta x au or all the members, so here ya go!! other monsta x crossover aus: alice in wonderland | androids 

Shownu

strongman

basically does a bunch of strength orientated stunts like breaking a tower of boards in half, bending metal, picking up participants with one hands

swole, standoffish looking, can lift (but the reality is,,,,,he’s a sweet guy who looks out after all the other circus performers)

always tells the danger act performers to be careful and complains that kihyun is getting too skinny

can lift like,,,,,six kids at once and they just hang off his arms

kids always call him ‘tree guy’ or ‘big building’ and shownu is like,,,,,,,yes. that’s me

gets to wear one of those tanktops that show off the Arms and,,,,,,a lot of people stare. like a lot

shownu’s oblivious to it

just like you assume he’s oblivious to you,,,,one of the circus makeup artists

you know that to keep up his strength shownu eats a lot more than the average person

so you always make a habit of giving him healthy snacks when you see him

and shownu is always like,,,he does the soft smile that smushes his face up and makes you melt

and is like thank you! you’re so kind!

and minhyuk is like where is my snack and ur like,,,,,,,it’s just for shownu,,,,

and everyone is like of course ;) it’s just for ;) shownu ;) cuz you ;) like him ;)

and you’re not even TRYING to be subtle about it like you basically have heart eyes when he comes around,,,but you’re also like shownu will never know

because he’s super bad at reading signals

but one afternoon as you’re getting ready to do makeup shownu drops by and hands you a crepe from one of the foodtrucks 

and you’re like oh! this is my favorite kind how did you know

and shownu is like,,,,ive seen u look cute and happy eating it before,,,,

and you’re like ohh wow- wait did you just call me cute?!??!

and shownu goes red and he’s like “y-yes,,,,i like you i thought it was obvious but-”

and you’re like WHAT I LIKE YOU?? it wAS SO OBVIOUS TOO

and you’re both staring at each other in shock,,,,before breaking into nervous embarrassed laughter

but it’s cute you guys make a plan for a little date after the circus performance tonight

maybe go,,,,get something to eat? hehe

bonus: you’re like he asked me out and everyone is so happy but then kihyun is like his hand is like ten times the size of yours how r u going to hold it and everyone is like kihyun shUTTUP

Hyungwon

magician 

his whole act has a sarcastic undertone where he’s like “i bet you all think im using a mirror for this trick to deceive you because magic isn’t real blah blah blah well you’re WRO- right. completely right.”

wonho once observed that hyungwon is the most,,,uninterested magician he’s ever met

hyungwon: yeah. but im good at what i do right?

wonho: well-

hyungwon pulling a dollar from behind wonho’s ear: you were saying?

wonho in awe: :O 

he does all the basics; card tricks, disappearing acts, floating acts, slicing people in half, coin tricks, you name it - he can do it

likes getting into arguments with participants 

like he’ll pull someone up and they’ll be like 

“i know this is all fake” 

and he’s like

“it is, and yet here you are - paying to see it.”

you’re one of his assistants for the trick where he saws you in half and everytime you practice it before

hyungwon is like so lazy about it but ur like hey hey this is my liFE

even if it is just a ‘trick’ of the eye,,,there’s still dangerous things involved and hyungwon swinging the damn saw around is like “it’s fine im a pro!”

but once he really does give you a big scare,,,and you get mad because like

he can be as sarcastic and as uncaring as he wants,,,but you wish he’d at least show some empathy toward you

someone who he’s worked with for a long time

and,,,,usually you get over it but you can’t

and hyungwon finds you outside of the circus grounds and he’s like 

“hey,,,,,” and tries to do something like pull a flower from behind your collar but you’re not having it

and he’s like

“i know,,,you think i don’t care but you mean a lot to me. ill even throw away the stupid cutting in half act if it makes you feel safer,,,” 

this makes you turn,,,hyungwon is usually hellbent on keeping things the same - it makes it easier

“i,,it’s fine i just wish you would be more careful - i mean,,,i don’t want to die hyungwon.”

he gives you a small smile and your heart skips a beat

“id never let you die,,,,,id pull out all the magic inside me to save you.”

you:,,,,,,,,,,,that’s corny. i didn’t know you had it in you

hyungwon holding your hand now: don’t tell anyone - you know i have dirt on you too.

Wonho:

firebreathing 

don’t tell him he can breath fire because he’s so smoking hot - he’s heard that one before

but his act does include breathing fire while shirtless,,,,so 

cool tattoo of a dragon on his chest,,you know,,,to go with the ‘firebreather’ aesthetic

everyone always leaves thinking he’s some badass who breaks hearts or whatever

but again,,,he’s nothing like that. the most badass thing about wonho is his firebreathing everything else is like 

him being friendly to animals and getting spooked by the shittiest pranks kihyun and minhyuk pull

whenever someone is being annoying hyungwon is always like wonho - breath fire on them 

and wonho is like hyungwon,,,i can’t do that you know that

he’s cute and he’s like safety first! when it comes to fire

you’re a standby EMT that sometimes works with the circus when they’re in town

and if there’s any act that makes you super nervous - it’s firebreathing/eating

because so so so so many things can go wrong

and so when wonho performs you’re always on edge, sweating in anticipation

there’s a moment where wonho seems to wince in pain and you damn near run out onto the stage

but it’s just a false call

and you think that if something really bad was to happen,,,,you’d probably faint

and you attribute it to the fact that like well,,,you know,,,it’s scary to watch someone risk their health like that

but your fellow EMT is like “when are you gonna tell the hot fire guy you like him”

and you’re like WHAT,,,,,i,,,,dont like wonho,,,,,,,like that

“like what?”

you turn, almost getting whiplash to look into wonho’s smiling eyes

“oh - i just,,, well-”

your fellow EMT clears their throat “they like you”

“WHAT DID YO-”

wonho goes “oh! im flattered, they’re pretty cute too!”

you turn back like huh wait what’s going on

“take them out sometime?”

“ok, i will. do you want to go out sometime?”

your head almost snaps off as you look back and forth but then you’re also nodding,,,because a date with wonho would be nice

(plus you could teach him some fire safety tricks because that would ease your heart)

bonus: you’re letting wonho look at your EMT tools and he like presses your hand to his chest and is like “what’s my heartbeat like?” and you almost die he’s so cute

Minhyuk & Jooheon

acrobatics 

minhyuk also specializes in contortion while jooheon can do trampoline tricks

most of the time though they work together to do balancing acts 

and boy do they ,,,,,, not match AT ALL

it’s amazing - their personalities are nothing alike and they’re always mocking each other but when it comes down to it they can do amazing things together

but minhyuk is always snorting at the fact that jooheon gets an act where he just “jumps” around

and jooheon is like just because you were born without joints or whatever doesnt mean your better than me

minhyuk: I HAVE JOINTS THEYRE JUST SOFT

shownu is always getting inbetween them so they dont like,,,kill each other

but it’s like a switch - when it’s time to perform they deliever

and have super great coordination 

no one gets it,,,,but it works

minhyuk is always pushing for more bright colored leotards and jooheon is like please jesus no 

that one time they dyed their hair blonde and hyungwon called them ‘egg twins’

but yeah,,,you sometimes also work with them - even though your main act is trapeze 

and minhyuk is always like ,,,,,,,,,,,,, hey if you ever need a trapeze partner ;)

and jooheon is like they’d choose me - obviously, i do flying work too

minhyuk: JUMPING is not trapeze 

jooheon: bite me

bur if you pick minhyuk it’s like he wants to do this super duper hard, fancy trick and you’re like i ,,, dont think you can

and minhyuk is like it’s fine!!!! i wanna make sure we do something AMAZING

and you’re like minh-

but he’s already getting excited

and OF COURSE he hurts himself, you blink and he slips off the launch board onto the netting and twists his damn ankle and you’re like ill go get the medic from the tent

and as minhyuk is getting it bandages,,,,looking shyly down away from you

you’re like WHY did you do that

and he’s like,,,,,,,he mumbles something

but when you get closer you hear its him going ‘i wanted to impress you’

and you pull back,,,embarrassed like o - oh 

but also how,,,,stupidly adorable,,,fine you’ll take care of him and his dumb twisted ankle 

if you agree to do it with jooheon he’s super excited about having you guys incorporate trampoline too

and you’re like i just need you to throw me off this bar and catch me

and he’s like,,,,,,,,,ok,,,,,,i can do that 

but also ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, god hes bad at trapeze

it’s like he has all this coordination with minhyuk but he’s been working with him for yEARS

and you’re just like hey jooheon it’s ok we can try again

but he’s totally beating himself up about not being good enough and having to practice till her arms break yadda yadda

and you just go “it’s ok,,,,,,,,,it’s OK”

and he’s like the show is RUINED

and you’re like “pleASE it’s not, ok you know what? let’s do the trampoline idea ok”

jooheon’s eyes suddenly shining: r-really??!?!?

you in your head: holy shit he looks so cute

you: yes, fine we can jump around

jooheon: its NOT jumping around

but also jooheon kinda loves the idea of just jumping around on a trampoline,,,,holding your hand too,,,,,,,,,,,

Kihyun

ringmaster 

micromanages literally everyone and everything

like his job is to lead the show, make some funny comments, be charming

which comes naturally to him

and yet he’s out here trying to figure out which shade of eyeshadow the makeup artists are going to use for the show three weeks from now

also you know he’s like “shownu are you practicing? want to pick me up with one hand for practice reasons?

shownu: you just want me to pick you up don’t you

kihyun’s tiny butt: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

looks cute in the top hat that’s part of his costume

wore the cape for sometime but some little kid was like that’s corny so kihyun trashed it and says NO ONE better bring it up

you’re not even part of the circus team,,,you’re actually a manger - you just make bookings and stuff

but kihyun,,,,,,loves to know everything,,,,,,,,,so you see him a lot

and sure he asks a lot of questions but you think it’s pretty adorable that he cares so much

so you’re always like excited to answer questions

and kihyun always gets super flustered because you’re the one person who seems to really really want to listen to what he has to say

so you’ll answer him with the biggest energy

and kihyun is also a big energy

and he’s just like blushy all of a sudden because you’re standing so close to him

and showing him the planner for the next week of show

and he’s just like woah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh,,,,,,,,,,,,,

one time you’re both talking about doing a holiday special 

and kihyun suddenly goes “,,,,,,do,,,,,,,,,,did you remember my cape?”

and you’re like AH the red velvet one??? i miss it you should wear it!!!!

and kihyun is just like

that’s it,,,,they’re the one

“can i kiss you?”

“sure - wait what?”

kihyun, blushing but also ready to kiss you: is it ok?

you,,,,,,,,looking around to make sure no one is going to come into the office,,,,,,,,,,,, “go ahead”

you guys kiss and it’s soft because,,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,,you’re both so excited and jittery but also,,,,,,,,,,

you should have kissed like way way before 

bonus: kihyun stops micromanaging because he spends all his free time with you,,,,,,,,,hehe

Changkyun

sword swallowing/knife throwing

how did he get into that? no one knows

kihyun is convinced changkyun was just born you know,,,,,,chaotic 

he always wears the same fitted white shirt and vest,,,always this victorian air

and he looks so apathetic when he’s you know,,,,,,,shoving steel down his throat,,,risking death every second

the common question is,,,,aren’t you scared?

and changkyun just shrugs like nah. it’s not that scary when you’ve been doing it since you were a kid

someone: you’ve been eating swords since you were a kid

changkyun: ,,,,,,,, anyway the weathers bad

his knife throwing is also super scary,,,,,but not for like changkyun ,,,,, for the assistant and audience 

because the audience is like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he,,,,,,he looks like he isn’t even tRYING to aim

but the assistant 

who happens to be you

looks terrified (and you’re not because you know how good changkyun is) only because it has to be entertaining

and everytime after the show 

like people come in hoards to ask the same question, have you ever been hurt? has he ever cut you by accident?

and you’re kinda like,,,,,,,,oh no but we’ve had heartwrenching slipups!!! or whatever just to keep the suspense

when in reality changkyun ,,,, if he knew something was off would be the first person to force you not to do the act

and it’s kind of funny,,,,changkyun comes off as this emotionless danger stunt guy

when in reality,,,,,with you,,,,he’s different

not only is he more expressive but he’s incredibly affectionate

he loves hugging you from behind while you’re helping unpack the equipment

or giving you little shoulder kisses

because,,,,,,,i know it’s a cliche but he’s the knife thrower and you’re dating him and don’t even fight me on this it’s a cute concept

every now and then changkyun will be like “should i try to eat an even BIGGER sword?”

and you have your full trust in it but you’re like please for the love of god just stick to the standard

also,,,,,you know like i was saying the semi-victorian getup is kinda a turn on like amiright 

also your boyfriend can literally throw a knife with the aim of a god,,,,,somehow that’s also a turn on 

but also i imagine ur the only person who gets to see the great, aim perfect changkyun miss his mouth with the spoon when you guys are eating ceral together in the morning

and u have to kiss him cuz he gets grumpy about it hehe 

[fuzzypastels]

Jooheon and I.M’s rap in dramarama in a loop, your welcome.

[fuzzypastels]

I'm in love with monsta x even more now 😍😍 so I feel the need to request, --what would mx do if you were to randomly hold their hand while you guys are walking down the street, but you're just friends? (They like you and you like them but you're not dating)?? Thanks my queen!,💗

Shownu is old-school polite, so he’d probably gently let go because he doesn’t want to do anything that might be inappropriate, especially not in public. He would rather you first be secure in your romantic feelings for each other than to just hold your hand because you’re simply friends. Don’t take it the wrong way though, he just want to keep affectionate gestures - even small ones - special for when you two are actually together.

Kihyun would jump at the chance to pull out some of his wit and he’d just be like “Oh, was your hand cold or am I being flirted with right now?” depending on your answer you could either shyly mumble that yes, your hand was cold and Kihyun is your friend so he can’t let you be cold OR you could wink and be like “Which do you prefer?” and for the first time you might be able to leave him speechless.

Hyungwon would look down at your hands briefly, but then assume you didn’t want to lose him in the crowd. You’ve got to be a bit more direct when it comes to him because he’ll never draw the right conclusions. You’ll hold hand for a long time though, and at some point he might even tell you he likes the feeling of your hand in his.

Minhyuk is someone who seems completely comfortable with this kind of skinship between friends, but he likes you so he’d secretly try to do something to see how you’d react. Instead of just holding hands, he’d intertwine your fingers and maybe rub the back of your palm with his thumb. Seeing you not pull away or get uncomfortable will make feel all giddy inside. 

Wonho would kind of jump in surprise before sheepishly asking what you’re doing. People think he’s a flirt with lots of confidence, but in reality things like holding hands making him blush and he’d be like “I-Is this ok? A-Are you sure?” and you’d nod slowly and feel Wonho’s palm get sweaty. But it’s cute, both of you guys get butterflies in your stomach. 

Jooheon would immediately assume something is up and he’d be like “Why did you grab my hand? Is someone following us? Were you falling behind?” and you’d have to admit that you just did it because you wanted to, to which Jooheon will try to chuckle it off but also in his head he’ll be screaming about how this is really happening, Jooheon don’t mess this up! 

Changkyun/IM would squeeze your hand and be like “Couldn’t resist?” and you’ll be like “What do you mean?” and Changkyun, who is famously straightforward, would go “The urge to touch me.” and you’d flame up red and he’ll just be grinning, but he’d love holding your hand. He’d even swing them a bit and keep telling you that if you want to hold his hand - hold it like you mean it.