gamma-drac0nis

[gamma-drac0nis]

i hate that people will reblog that fucking slop. it's terrible, i don't want that garbage to spread. fucking revolting, annoying af reminder of how shit i am. but let's not reblog the higher effort stuff. kill me

[gamma-drac0nis]

I get the feeling it’s going to be a bad week -_-

[gamma-drac0nis]

-_- yep my bad. i hate myself, go to bed, it's late for you. god forbid i express my opinion. walking on eggshells. this is what i get for being too comfortable

[gamma-drac0nis]

random excuses go, who'da guessed. doesn't matter anymore. idk what the point was, i knew i wouldn't get a straight answer. could've at least made a convincing lie. i guarantee he will never message again if i stay silent. so let's see. maybe he'll say something friday because i asked earlier, but i HIGHLY doubt it. goodbye i guess. disappointed

i'm willing to nuke it, going head on this time. let's see you come up with an excuse now. or maybe you're not even going to respond. both are likely, rather than a genuine answer

[gamma-drac0nis]

i'm willing to nuke it, going head on this time. let's see you come up with an excuse now. or maybe you're not even going to respond. both are likely, rather than a genuine answer

[gamma-drac0nis]

helloooo!!

here is a bird

.🐦‍⬛

he’s singing a song just for u!!

🎶✨🎶✨🎶✨. 🐦‍⬛ 🎶✨🎶✨🎶✨

he wants u to follow him into the forest…

🌲.

. 🌳

. 🌲

. 🌳

. 🌲

. 🌳

🌲.

here we are!!!

. 🌳🌲🌳 🐦‍⬛ 🌲🌳🌲

he has picked some flowers he thinks you’ll like, just for u!

🌸🌷🌺🌻🌼🪻 🐦‍⬛

here’s his friend, the wise magical owl!!!

✨🦉✨. 🐦‍⬛

—^———————————————————

| hoot hoot, hello! i am wishing you the |

| most wonderful night/day, and i am |

| here to tell you that you are amazing, |

| talented, beautiful, and loved <3 |

| you have a magic that can’t be |

| replaced, and i hope you know just |

| how awesome you are. | —————————————————————-

the magic owl has a present for u!!

🦉🎁. 🐦‍⬛

its a magic heart!!!

🦉✨💖✨. 🐦‍⬛

sure buddy

[gamma-drac0nis]

it's a wonder i haven't killed myself, genuinely. i don't fucking know anymore, i'm just complaining. 7 months since that person asked me to play at all. like it's just fucking over. and the other it's fucking pointless for me to ask. what is the point of me. i do genuinely think if i said nothing they would never contact me again. happened with the other group before. is pretty much happening or already happened with this one. and the other one i wouldn't put it past them. who else is genuinely alone. nobody likes me, they've all ignored me, got better things to do than deal with me. like nobody thinks about what i'm going through? hello? noah mate, i'm sure you're going through some shit. but like fuck, you aren't as alone as me now are ya. you have groups you can hang and chill with, people that actually want and enjoy your presence. you actually get invited to things. i haven't seen you guys in months. i haven't seen those other ones in like a year or more. and the others... well it's been years. the only way those people are ever going to hear of me again is when i kill myself. "oh do you remember that person?" "yeah they were a fucking loser amiright. what a fucking piece of shit, wonder what he's wasting his life away on now" "oh actually i was just letting you know he fucking killed himself like a coward. fucking stupid lmao" "oh lol, about time. that's the only good thing that person has ever done lmao." that's how i imagine it. hell that's how it'd go for a ew of them. i want to do so i get the last laugh. a final fuck you to everyone. i'd love if i could write some kind of not or message to each of them and just talk about all the things i hate about them and how it's their fault this happened. if i had just one person, i wouldn't have fucking killed myself. YOU let me die. that would go nicely i think. but that's not gonna happen now is it. nope i'm probably just going to live in constant fear and depression and misery until the day i de from something random, if i'm lucky. what a fun life ahead of me. i hope i die soon. and i hope my death ways on everybody who has wronged me, fucked me off, abandoned me. they deserve it

[gamma-drac0nis]

literally why do i bother asking, am i fucking stupid? he doesn't give a shit, he doesn't want to interact at all. why the fuck do i still try. i'm acting as if everything will just go back to normal. but it's been clear from the start that i don't fucking matter. they tossed me to the side ages ago, actively avoided me, made lies and excuses to not play with me. and i don't even get to know why. probably because i'm a piece of shit fucking loser who should be dead. but at least grow the fuck up and say it. i've given you plenty of times to just say that you're done, that you don't want to interact or anything. ample opportunities. but you can't let yourself be a "bad person", you have to make sure that you're always perceived in a good light. it's doing the complete opposite, but why would you care. you want me to be the one to cut it off, or let it fizzle out. i'm just too fucking petty. i continue to bother, hound, loiter, and all that, because i'm not letting you off the hook. you will cut ties with me or i will pester you forever. i refuse to let you get off scot free. you will own up to your actions and fucking me off.

go ahead, let's see what other lies you'll spew. laugh at me with everyone else behind my back. i know you will, that's the kind of person you are

[gamma-drac0nis]

can't do anything right. why do i bother. i hate myself

[gamma-drac0nis]

calling him out on it, at least a little. far more than i've ever done in the past. not sure how much i should push it, probably already gone too far but oh well :). doesn't fucking matter, shit was gonna end anyway. i'm at least gonna get my 2 cents in before shit fucking breaks. i am petty. i will not let you leave without knowing it's your fault. cunt

[gamma-drac0nis]

i don't know what to do anymore. like fuck man. what's the point of anything. i just want to cry, curl up in a ball and disappear. i don't want to exist anymore. i'm too lonely, what's even the point of me. why am i alive. what am i meant to do. what am i meant to say? i don't want to just cut things off, but like, their actions say they want to. things will never go back to the way they were. they're all still friends, they play together, they get to stay the same. it's just me. i'm the only one they fucked off. the one they ditched. the one they cut off. yep, they're all there now. how cool. i hate myself, and i want to die. i asked you so many times to play and you lie so you don't have to. i asked the other day to play a particular game and you're like "true it's been a while." ??? that's fucking that ig, just fuck me off and go play that game with other people, even tho i asked. that's just how it is with you. i'm of lowest importance. i'll ask earlier, days in advance even. and you'll still fuck me off for someone you like more asking on the day. i want to drink. i'm fucking broke because i'm a piece of shit. but i want to drink myself away. i just don't want to think about this shit anymore. i want to forget. forget how lonely i am, how much i hate myself, how much i don't matter. not only has everybody left me, i don't think they've ever been with me really.

just. why

[gamma-drac0nis]

things'll never be the way they were before. they've completely forgotten about me, ditched me, they don't care. we used to play daily, they used to ask if i was free to do stuff, they used to care. they don't anymore. tossed away. i wonder why it happened. was it something i did? or something that i'd been doing for a while. it'd be nice if they just said it, instead of coming up with excuses. how many times have i asked? it's been well over half a year, probably like 8 or 9 months. a lots happened since then, none of it good. i don't want to do this anymore. nobody i try to talk to cares. nobody likes me. there really isn't a point to living. why do i bother trying. i try, but i end up someone i'm not. what's the point. people don't like the fake me, people don't like the real me. i don't know anymore. i just want to give up. i'm tired of being alone. being last for everyone. it's been so painfully clear i don't matter to anyone, but i ignored those signs. people hate me, they mock me, nobody cares. i just want to die. nobody gets it. or maybe they do, they just don't care. what is the point in all this. it'd be easier if i was completely alone. i'm tired, so tired

[gamma-drac0nis]

nothing will make you happy, so why should i try you tried being nice? sure buddy. your "nice" would have you up in arms if i did that compare it to what it was before and you'd see the improvement but you don't care, it's never enough for you

i should die, then you'll be happy i know i would

[gamma-drac0nis]

today is another reminder that i don't matter, that nobody wants or cares about me. i am forever unimportant to so many people. tosed to the side again. never included. never wanted. i don't know why i bother. i wish i didn't. what's the point of me doing anything. i will never become anything. nobody will ever care for me. i am a failure of a human. i am going to die alone with no friends, no loved ones, no one to remember me. as it should be. i wonder if people can see how alone i am? i don't think so

[gamma-drac0nis]

it’s never enough for you is it? you’re lenient sure, more than others would be. but maybe acknowledge the effort I do put in? I’ve done what you asked but you keep asking for more, it’s never enough. I’m tired of living

[gamma-drac0nis]

once again reminded of how little I matter. everyone has fucked me off, all the people that I used to hang with, and I guarantee they don’t think twice about me. messaged one of them earlier today and fuckall happened cuz of it, has been a month since we last interacted at all. who cares, I deserve to be alone. I am a terrible person who deserves this. nothing I do is good, so of course I am alone. Don’t wake up. this isn’t living

[gamma-drac0nis]

the double standards are crazy!!! and yet i'm not surprised :[[

"noo we can't play this game or do this thing because we don't want to ditch this person!! i'd feel bad :[" also them "oh we can play this game and fuck you off because you suck and we don't like you"

eh fuck me ig. doesn't matter. again, not surprised. i do not consider them my friends, i never have, and i'm pretty certain i never will. i have nobody. nobody i like or get along with. the people closest to that (still far off mind you) fuck me off whenever they can. i'm an afterthought, and for some of them, they literally do not message unless i reach out and ask first. they used to, but they stopped. then i would reach out, and they would lie and fuck me off. they did that for months, hell half a year at least now. so guess what, i fucking stopped asking. and i guarantee they're going to blame me, "oh you stopped messaging so i thought we were done." yeah go fuck yourself. they're fucking too selfish to understand even if i pointed it out to them, which i've hinted at. i'm tired, i've had enough. i am miserable and lonely. i hope i die soon