garlicbreadwitch

[garlicbreadwitch]

Sometimes I wish we would start calling out the performative radicalism on this site for the poser bullshit it is. "Remember, it's always morally correct to kill a cop!" "Don't forget to firebomb your local government office!" "Wow, it sure would be a shame if these instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail got spread around!"

Okay. But you're not killing cops or firebombing government offices. You are posting on a dying microblogging website to a carefully-curated echo chamber that has radicalized itself into thinking that taking the absolute most extreme position on any subject is praxis but that anyone discussing the most practical way to effect actual change is your sworn enemy. You do not have the street cred OR the activist cred to be talking about killing cops, babe.

[garlicbreadwitch]

Illustrations Show Size Difference Between Prehistoric Animals and Modern Descendants

[garlicbreadwitch]

#he’s so done

[garlicbreadwitch]

Five Hargreeves + Text Posts Part 5

[garlicbreadwitch]

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

Wedding at the End of the World (3x08)

[garlicbreadwitch]

Stan from umbrella academy season three is the true chaotic neutral. Enters a new time period and says you know what I’m going to just stay at this hotel make this random guy be emotionally attached to me and then kill his brother. Truly a great representation of twelve year olds everywhere

[garlicbreadwitch]

things that the hargreeves should have been much more concerned about if they weren’t all about to get kugeled out of existence (but this spans all seasons):

- the actual incest going on

- their brother has a long term relationship with a mannequin

- christopher the actual cube?? does no one care that there’s a random fucking floating cube

- ANOTHER THING. christopher the cube can canonically shoot glitter and light up like that thing from cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2

- every time someone goes missing and they straight up don’t even know about it

- klaus had a fucking cult???

- the handler actually eating aj i know they don’t actually know that it happened but WHAT

- the many many ways klaus must have died as a kid and everyone was just like “haha silly klaus dw he’ll be fine” girl he is dead.

- speaking of that. klaus being completely unconcerned about playing vehicular manslaughter ball with his (not)dad (look i know it’s from years of manipulation and klaus straining for approval from his dad but it’s so funny that he’s kind of just chill with it???)

- all of sparrow ben and sloane’s family dying and they’re just like ok. um anyways let’s get blackout drunk / married (respectively)

more will be added i promise

[garlicbreadwitch]

the scene where klaus sees hazel and cha-cha’s victims while he’s being held captive by them in s1 was so fucking cool and it’s honestly a crime that they never did anything like that in the following seasons

[garlicbreadwitch]

I hope these shortcomings will be seen as only a rough patch on an otherwise verdant lawn.

[garlicbreadwitch]

Uncle Klaus™

[garlicbreadwitch]

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

Wedding at the End of the World (3x08)

[garlicbreadwitch]

LILA & THE HARGREEVES in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY.

[garlicbreadwitch]

DIEGO & LILA in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY SEASON 3 “That idiot may actually love you.”

[garlicbreadwitch]

So how about that third season lads?

[garlicbreadwitch]

[garlicbreadwitch]

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY + the mothers.

[garlicbreadwitch]

My review of TUC season 3 in 7 parts

TLDR:

- definitely the worse of the 3

- only bad thing about viktors transition was the god awful hair and makeup on V***. (I’ve seen better wigs in a high school production of hairspray)

- the special effects were oddly hit and miss- see Marcus throwing the towel vs five sitting at the edge of the world.

- far too much exposition not enough action

- if your trying to figure out why you don’t like this season re-watch episode 9. Basically pointless except for the last few minutes. Didn’t need a whole episode of talking. (When they take an hour to think before they vote I nearly screamed - so boring).

- footloose was a highlight for me I only wish they’d kept this energy for the remainder of the season

- the acting was great (with the exception of Toms accent- he needs an accent coach next season please)

- some parts felt like bad fan fiction writing

- Felt like a filler season

-still excited for season 4

#PART 1 - Luther (& Sloane)

Luthers storyline this season was definitely designed to undo a lot of the ick he’d given fans before and tbh it worked. My only issue was how fast this love story happened making it feel not very grounded in reality.

I can’t decide if it got too much or not enough screen time but these two goofy dumb lovey characters had possibly one of my top arcs of the season. PS: I love Genesis - she did great work.

PART 2 - Diego (& Lilah)

As much as I love these two characters and the actors who play them. This was one of the worst written arcs of the season. Despite multiple conflicts none of these ever get far enough off the ground to be meaningful or lead to any sensible character development. The introduction of Stan was exciting but the writers immediately back-tracked and shoehorned in a surprise pregnancy. The writers again seemed to have forgotten that Lilah and Diego have only known each other for a few days to months max.

I would’ve liked to see the Stan storyline used to develop these characters more. Diego confronting his vigilante behaviour and recognising the need to put his child first, as wel as reconciling with his own daddy issues would have been welcome. While Lilah would confront her mommy issues and general childishness. Instead they dropped this story so quickly and it ended up meaning nothing.

(I think it would’ve been great had Stan been Diego and Lilahs actual child that Lilah kidnapped from the future in order to test Diego. Seeing future Lilah fight current Lilah would’ve been great and very on brand.) I felt like I was watching the filler chapter in a bad fanfiction- where the writer doesn’t want to have real conflict yet so they manufacture pretend fights with no real stakes that are over before they have any meaningful impact. Specifically Diego locking Lilah in the closet - im sure I’ve read that shitty fanfic before.

PART 3 - Alison (& trauma)

Possibly the most polarising plot line of the season I take no issue with Alison responding to her trauma. Do I think this is a teensy bit far for her character? yes- but I don’t overall hate this development.

I only wish we could’ve SEEN Alisons rage rather than being told about it. What is the point of showing some bloodied up knuckles or Alison saying she killed Harlan? (When Alison said this I actually thought it was a lie to hurt Victor because we didn’t see it on screen.) I would’ve loved to watch Emmy use her full talents to show us Alison grappling with her anger. Plus the incredible drama that could’ve been “I heard a rumor you dropped dead”. (Or even a redeeming mercy kill over sparrow torture?).

Much the same with the deal she makes with Reggie, it would’ve helped to see Reggie manipulate Alisons anger as well as her drive to protect her siblings. I don’t see why this needed to be a mystery when it was obvious to the audience pretty much straight away. Ugh.

PART 4 - Klaus (& his mom I guess?)

I didn’t hate Klaus and Reggies scenes. I liked seeing Klaus grasp his powers finally- but that’s it. The complete lack of any reference to the man Klaus was obsessed with the whole last season, plus the lack of cult references made this the most disappointing arc of the season. Klaus really had few moments to shine. With the exception of episode 10. And his mom was such an obvious step to get to the realisation there mothers are dead I won’t even mention it here.

Also how did he get into oblivion without a body? The writers thought we’d just accept that giant plot hole I guess.

PART 5 Five (& his existential crisis)

In the first two seasons Fives determination has been the primary momentum boost for the story. Essentially he drives the story forward while his siblings bumble around him. So with Fives retirement comes the apparent retirement of any good writing.

Fives lack of motivation does genuinely make the story duller. Everything after his visit to see his future self is pretty much a nothingburger while we wait for season four so he can have a mission again.

On a positive note I much preferred the interactions between five and Lilah than Diego and Lilah. Much truer to the previous seasons. The tattoo and the Pogo thing were mildly interesting but ultimately pointless.

As mentioned above I hated the drunken revelation storyline. It was obvious it was Alison straight away and the fact that Five who’s supposed to be a genius couldn’t do simple deductive reasoning really ground my gears.

PART 6 - Sparrow Ben (& the ever decreasing sparrows)

I did enjoy the new Ben. Justin Min did a fantastic job of being a whole new character and giving him depth. I liked evil Ben. His story made sense I only wish -much like with this whole season- that they’d shown us rather than told us his motivation. See Ben mumbling “because I have nothing else” in episode 8.

I don’t think it would’ve killed the writers to show us how lonely Ben is among the Sparrows. Show us how Reg’s bad parenting made him emotionally cold. I wish they would’ve showed us the Sparrows coldness in comparison to the umbrellas misguided affection for each other. Show us Ben longing for a brotherly love like Diego and Luther or a sisterly advice giver like Alison. That way I care a little more when he wants to be included in episode 8. PS would’ve loved more Klaus Ben interaction.

Also I hope I’m not the only person who wanted to see the Sparrows in action more.

PART 7 - Viktor (& the worst wig I’ve ever seen)

Honestly I liked Viktors transition. I thought it was handled well and didn’t affect the plot all that much. I was actually relieved when he was no longer wearing the V**** wig and makeup (whoever is responsible for the first episode hair and makeup for Elliot should be fired).

The Harlan plot was fine if heavy on exposition. I get that they needed to find a way for all the mothers to die but this whole bit was meh for me and far too forced.

I remember how excited I was watching the first episode and the foreshadowing of Harlan on the bus only for the story to be somewhat underwhelming all up. That was a metaphor for the whole season. So much foreshadowing and great work from season 2 ignored or poorly used.

I can only assume the writers have a great idea for season 4 and wish we could’ve condensed all of season 3 into two or three longer episodes and gotten to the point instead of 10 somewhat stagnant, constantly disappointing episodes.

There is an old piece of writers advice that says to show and not tell the audience. I only hope the umbrella academy writers hear this before they embark on season 4.