ghostofaudhdpresent

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

LMAO 3 days after i posted this i took a huge financial hit im still recovering from.

i did not knock on wood hard enough.

things are good

i mean not in the world or in the grand scheme of things, but for me personally i’m doin okay.

knock on wood etc

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

as we lay naked in each other’s arms for the first time in over a decade, i asked him outright: what did you think the chances were of this happening today?

he paused, frowned in thought, considering. “probably 20%?” he replied.

“only 20%?” i countered, incredulous. “i don’t believe that for a second.” i could tell by his face he didn’t either.

“okay, maybe closer to 50%.” he offered.

“yeah. that sounds right. 50/50 shot. but it was inevitable.”

he nodded. kissed me and let me play with his hair.

it felt like 2010 should have. it was the safest i’ve felt in months. my nervous system relaxed.

it was inevitable.

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

btw I AM SO obsessed with this picture that hozier posted

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

things are good

i mean not in the world or in the grand scheme of things, but for me personally i’m doin okay.

knock on wood etc

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

Tips for resistance:

Tear down or cover up stickers, posters, and flags. Put up your own.

Download signal, encrypt all of your chats, do not discuss sensitive information publicly

Wear a mask. Wear a hat. Wear sunglasses. Hide your face and protect your identity.

Download a VPN like ProtonVPN. Make a Proton Email.

Understand that you're not the main character. You will not be leading the resistance. Find a boring task and do it well. Be a secretary for local organizations, learn to sew, learn to can food, learn to treat injuries.

There are people loads better at doing things than you, help get them the resources they need to do those things.

READ. READ. READ. Audiobooks count as reading. Focus on History and Politics and Philosophy. You have biases and blind spots. Fix them.

Take time off. Don't let protest fatigue burn you out.

Get a crew together and train with them.

Don't ever EVER lose hope. A brighter future is possible.

Cosigned! Thanks anon

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

penelope is a better woman than me, i would’ve lied and said i got engaged just to see if colin would cry

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

Can you imagine suing Boeing and coming home to find Boeing's faulty plane parts washed up in your backyard?

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

what is the point when every single time i think i’ve found solid ground to stand on and a support group that actually cares, it’s ripped out from under me.

nope. once again, in true autistic fashion, i care about someone more than they care about me. and the worst part is their attempt to gaslight me into thinking their breadcrumbing as they reach for the door out is anything but.

it doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to figure out that when we used to talk every day and now i can’t get a text back for MULTIPLE WEEKS, something has changed. no, you’re not “busy”, im just not a priority anymore. just say it with your whole chest. i thought you weren’t afraid to do that?

and the worst part is, i haven’t done SHIT to deserve this. i’ve been less available due to AUTISTIC BURNOUT which i have been SO vocal about. i’ve also been incredibly vocal about the loneliness and isolation i feel, and you’ve conveniently ignored alllllll of that.

this isn’t friendship. i deserve better than this and i thought you were better. i’m so fucking disappointed.

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

one of my favorite videos from years and years ago

woman mildly insults napping kittens, ponders on dreams

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

i’m so grateful to have so few things to complain about.

bless.

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

someone from my past came back into my life.

“someone from my past” i say, biggest understatement of my life lol.

my first true love. and the first person who hurt me so badly i thought i’d never be fixed.

we did a number on each other. but he really did love me. and i was so, so in love with him. and now he’s back and it’s so easy to tell the affection is still there. so much love.

i haven’t seen him in person in over a decade. both of us have changed so much.

it feels like an inevitability. like our life lines are speeding towards each other, soon to collide.

i want very much for them to collide. my nostalgia is my downfall, i am always looking in the past. i would love for this to be a new beginning.

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

i wish but knowing he’s doing the same thing to the next girl and i wish above all else i could rescue her but this is her canon event now…

i wrote this in the comments of a woman saying you should build a “bubble” around your past loves, and never creep, never wonder, never look for updates. “it was special when it happened and that’s all i need to know for the rest of my life.

but what if everything that made it so “special” was a lie? what if it wasn’t real? what if 3 1/2 years later i still perseverate on it, and i can’t get past it? what if he never suffered any consequences and now he’s doing it to the next girl?

what if he’s NOT doing it with the next girl?

what if you were his victim just like you were a victim to all the other men?

what if you’re just that easy of a target?

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

oh good. i can diary post here since no one knows me.

i am all encompassingly, wholly, deeply, achingly lonely.

i do not have the support that i think i do. or at least not the way i want it.

like the truth is there are a few people i could reach out to rn (idk maybe i’m just gaslighting myself) and they would listen with empathy, but they’re not people i trust to tell how i’m feeling and why.

i deeply treasure the close relationships i do have with people, but there’s only a couple of them, and then when it’s something like this where one of those people is part of the reason i’m hurting, i don’t have anyone else to talk through it with.

i’m the only single person i know. no one wants me. the few good friends i do have are either too busy, or incapable of understanding/honoring the depths of my feelings.

i want so deeply to be partnered im so tired of going through life without the buffer of a person whose top priority is you. no one to ask how my day went or rant to about a bad work call or just lay in bed and eat pizza and watch movies on a rainy night. no one to cheer on and have them cheer me on in return. no good morning texts.

what did i do in a past life, in this life, to be so lonely for such an extended period of time? it’s unendingly cruel.

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

One time I was working as a waiter at a burger joint where the fries were tossed in salt and coriander and as I was bringing food over to the table for these two huge beefy guys one of them asks what the green stuff is so I go "it's coriander" and his friend goes very seriously "he can't have coriander" and I'm thinking shit ok maybe he's allergic and guy 1 starts pulling up his sleeve to show me something and I'm thinking shit shit shit he's probably breaking out in hives rn and it's my fault but he just shows me his arm and he has this huge cursive font tattoo that just says "I fucking hate coriander"

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

You meet god and she's mostly dead fish. You ask her why and she says most of the world is dead fish, and she's made herself to appeal to the most common denominator, the everyman funnyman comedy show that runs for eleven seasons but with the entire universe in mind. You ask her how much of the dead fish is your fault, she says it's far less than you'd think, in the grand scheme of things. You ask her if you matter at all. If you can do anything. She shrugs her rotting shoulders and says mattering is a made-up concept, like life, but sure, you can matter if you want to, on some scale. She has many scales. She doesn't know what you mean by 'anything', but you can do everything you can. You ask her if it's enough. She says there's no base requirement for deserving to exist. She's smoking a joint and the smoke filtering out of her gills gathers and forms gas giants and red dwarfs. You ask her if there's any hidden secrets of the universe you should know and she says it's not a secret if she tells, plus it's fun to let you figure it out yourself. You ask her if any of your questions were right questions and she says you worry about being right so much it might keep you from fucking around, which is as close to meaning of life as she ever bothered to make. You don't ask but she says she loves your hair, also your whole being, also your planet. She says she figured out what love is yesterday and is trying it out, which explains the ten thousand rainbows and sudden influx in rains of fish. She offers you a drag of her joint and you wake up half past midnight behind a chain restaurant clutching a smoked salmon. The new stars are winking like they're in on some joke and you're sure if you try hard enough you'll remember what it is.

[ghostofaudhdpresent]

283,000 likes………giant meteor strike the earth rn holy shit. oh my god.