gigantorvoodoowitch

[gigantorvoodoowitch]

Paramedic Storytime!

Trigger Warning: Bodily fluids coming from places they shouldn't be coming from.

Take your Zofran.

Ready? Okie doki!

What a perfect start to the day. Get a call for an unresponsive? Dying? Fall? Diabetic? Breathing Problem? Behavioral problem? Overdose? Your guess is as good as mine as well as the call notes in the CAD.

Get on scene to find an elderly gentleman with a gcs of 5. Vomit in the airway. Still breathing but effectively and aspirating. Diaphoretic AF and NOT in good shape. House smells like rotten meat, do not recommend this smell to anyone. All 5 family members say they are not sure when he got like this but he went to bed at 8pm last night "acting weird." Okay so sometime between 8pm and 7am he got in this condition. Cool. Is there anything else Gigantor? I'm glad you asked. They do know that he's a diabetic with a history of cocaine and heroin abuse. Neat. Get some vitals. Yes, there are some and not that bad all things considered. CBG? 85. So there goes the simple option.

No one can stand the smell of the house so we opt to move him to the truck where it's SLIGHTLY more controlled. Put him on a mover, go to stretcher. Faster than normal because he's starting to vomit and we don't have our suction.

Get him to the truck and we're trying to get a line. Suctioning him a little bit because, again, there's a little bit of vomit. While my partner and I are trying to find access, our paramedic student is bagging and suctioning.

Yall. What I'm about to say, is without hyperbole and no embellishments. He PROJECTILE VOMITS A FOUNTAIN OF LITERAL DIRARRHEA.

My partner almost loses her stomach. My student almost loses his stomach. We keep trying to get line. We suction up at least 50ml of poopy stomach water. He's continuously puking poop. My partner screams that it got in her hair. And a family member starts banging on the door of the truck, telling us to move so they can leave for work.

Fuck it. Just go. Drive fast.

Student gets an IO on the way. I get an EJ. Give some narcan, no change. He's satting low the entire time. Can't DSI until he's oxygenated. Still has a gag reflex. Can't get an OPA due to said gag reflex. NPA won't go in, try multiple sizes. Won't seat properly. Some kind of obstruction I guess. So nasal intubation is out.

The entire time my poor student is switching from suctioning literal shit to bagging. I'm getting other airway things set up because we're getting his sats up FINALLY.

I yell back at my partner to see how close we are and if we have time to pull over. I then see we're turning onto the road the hospital is on.

Welp. Just continue with this I guess.

We go into the ER, the charge nurse looks up, sees us and just goes "Critical 1"

We drop him off, give report, and walk off listening to the attending and the resident debating whether or not they want to tube him right now or wait (Because stomach poop icky).

The decon of the truck was legendary.

Well anyway. Happy EMS week.

[gigantorvoodoowitch]

Paramedic story time:

Get a call to a local Wendy's for a person who almost passed out. Get on scene and the fire fighters are standing next to a table with 3 people. They're all suppressing smiles and giggles.

Walk up to the table. Two of the three have looks of disappointment on their faces, kinda like 😤. The third can only be described as: 👁👄👁

Me: "So what's goin on?"

Two friends: "She decided to smoke some mojo and ran out the house. We finally caught her and she wouldn't do anything we said until we took her to Wendy's."

Me: "Naturally" *turns to her* "Hey my friend, can you tell me what happened?"

Her: "I smoked some mojo!" *shifts back and forth while trying to drink a frosty*

We check her vitals. Surprisingly everything's good.

Me: "Did you do anything else?"

Her: "Oh yeah! Some meth too!"

Me: "How did you take it?"

Yall. In front of God, Satan, and everyone else in the dining area, she bellows, "I PUT IT UP MY BUTT!!!"

Me: "Okie doki. Welp. Rectal meth is bound to have some very unintended side effects. We should probably get you to the hospital"

She looks at me with equal parts pleading and lethal intent: "Can I bring my frosty?"

Me: "Absolutely. Let's go."

And since I'm a goddamn professional, I DIDN’T take the platinum opportunity to say, "Ma'am this is a Wendy's."

Everything turned out okay though. She just needed a little help.

[gigantorvoodoowitch]

A sharknado style movie where all the news headlines about "Florida Man" are all about the same dude.