gilbertgonzalezjr

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

2010 - 2020 A Recap!

A decade, in an instant, told as only I can! (WARNING: Not for the faint of heart!) My Personal Highlights from 2010 - 2020

- Quit the California School for the Deaf after 10 year - Moved to Los Angeles - Had 22 [rotating] roommates in my one bedroom apt (just in the first year) - Got an agent, a manager, auditioned and started booking work as a Hollywood actor (Even recorded an original pop song in a major studio) - Got my certification and started working full time as an ASL interpreter. - Delivered my first sermon and became a preacher - Started a non-profit ministry - Rediscovered keto (formerly my version of “atkins”) and lost 100 lbs. - Got a boyfriend (my first [long term] relationship) - Met my 20+ year #1 favorite music artist: Celine Dion - Met many celebrities and influential people that I have always respected and admired and even became close friends with a couple of them. - Launched a video production ministry and started creating documentaries, short films, music videos, and featurettes of my own. - Officiated 2 marriage ceremonies - Got over my fear of flying - Tried mangos for the first time. I like them.

Life was good at the end of 2009. I was with my friends A LOT whom were (and still are) my family. I had just taught my first year of Bible Study and I was working at a job I really enjoyed… well, somewhat.

Now, I have never talked about this publicly before, but the school for the deaf taught me a lot in the 10 years I worked there to that point. I became involved because I loved to sign so much, I was really gifted at it, and I desperately wanted to help people (interpret). I wasn’t always greeted in the community with the same level of openness unfortunately. I was surrounded by very strong personalities and I was targeted a lot by the staff that were all much older than me. I was reminded of my place constantly. Comments about my youth, my “flamboyant” personality, and my being hearing (not deaf) would constantly come up as a negative. It became a hard place to work at. After a couple years of tolerating it, it began to wear on my health and I had to go on medication for anxiety. Staff members would brag to one another about how much they could put me through hoping I would quit or break. I was imitated, mocked, and teased endlessly. I was accused of “stealing” sign language (“their” language) for profit. I was not taken seriously by some and ignored entirely by others. One time, I was even removed from a Valentine’s Day party because the teacher didn’t want me to have a good time with the other staff and students knowing I bought them all small gifts with my own money. I was escorted by the teacher of the classroom to a printing room far across the other end of campus to make unnecessary copies of random books (“busy work”). She bragged about it later to our mutual supervisor. 

“You should have seen what I did to Gilbert earlier today. I got him so good! You should have seen the look on his face. Ugh! I don’t like him! He’s always so happy”.

My supervisor, whom I revered as a mentor, scolded her,

“You’re evil. What has he ever done to you?”,

to which the teacher replied,

“Nothing except that others, like you, like him. I just want to make sure he knows that I don’t like him and I don’t have to.”

It was classic bullying, by *staff*. I had come to learn that most people want what they perceive as “validation” and relevance so intensely that they are willing to take or create it however they can, especially at the expense of others… in whatever little corner of the world they are currently in.  At CSDF, specifically, there was a history of culture clashing from the deaf towards the hearing so a very tangible hostility was constantly felt by hearing staff members, even if they only meant to contribute and serve the community. It was super politically charged and I didn’t have the stomach to fight it everyday just to stay kind and happy in my daily interactions with other staff. I felt like I was in a pressure cooker and there was no place to come up for air. I knew I had to leave, or else it would make me just as bitter and jaded as they all were. I didn’t know how I was going to do that, but just around the corner, was my ticket to exceedingly do so. I was about to be free.

Four years after competing in American Idol (2006), I was contacted at the beginning of 2010 by the President of Nova Talent International: Tammi Smith. She knew of my singing and wanted me to join Team USA and compete in the World Championships of Performing Arts. Several months later, I was in Hollywood, CA, amongst 50 other American performers and 52 other countries all with their own teams of talented contestants. I won 5 silver medals, made the semi-finals of the competition, and met my first talent manager and acting coach. It was then that I called my boss and gave my notice at the school. Within 3 short weeks, I was living in the city of angels, out of my car, with only my clothes, my cats, and a massive amount of faith. It was the boldest move I have ever done in my life.

It took me a month to book my first commercial and get my own apartment. I had spent much of that initial time with my good friend Kiki who took me off the Inglewood streets and let me crash on her couch while I auditioned and made my daily rounds with agents and scouts. It was hectic and her hospitality saved my life. I love you, Kiki! Thank you so much!

I fell in love with the Los Angeles Dream Center and its pastor Matthew Barnett on my very first visit. I was scared because I didn’t want to invest into a Church community if the Pastor was going to end up speaking terrible things against the LGBT community like I had previously experienced in the Bay Area. I hadn’t had a home Church like this, where I felt welcomed and celebrated and was able to serve so openly. I became great friends with Pastor Matthew and became the Church’s sign language interpreter and even starred as a lead in their Christmas play. It was all so magical. I felt special, chosen, and like I was starting to cause real growth in overly conservative circles. I started close friendships with so many of the young adults that attended there (my age group). It was like I stumbled into a dream. It wasn’t long, however, before I realized I was the butt of so many jokes behind my back with my new “Christian” friends when I wasn’t around. I wasn’t aware that I was the only openly gay attendee at the Church. The support that I received to my face was diminished by the comments made about me when I was gone. “When will Gilbert stop being so rebellious and learn that being gay is a choice, and he can simply choose out of that lifestyle?” ”Gilbert wants to start a bible study? How can we trust him? He thinks it’s okay to be gay. Yeah, I don’t trust that. I will not be attending.” “I will never attend Gilbert’s wedding if he marries a man. That’s an abomination.” I began to distance myself from the very people that I thought were my new friends.

Soon even, after that.. I stumbled upon a subculture at the Church that I had never even considered before… closeted gay Christian men! It was such a phenomenon to me, but they had their own community. I was not raised Christian so I didn’t know that in some circles, you can be as flamboyantly gay and “out” as you want as long as you don’t identify with the word “gay” or wholly accept your attraction to other men. I found myself running in circles of gay men that were just as gay as me (and in some cases WAAAYY “gayer”) but they would never talk about it. In fact, they would go immediately silent when I would discuss my desire to date Zac Effron or the guy from the Betty Crocker potato commercial. I would be confronted with “Gilbert, you have to not feed that. That’s an attack on your identity by “the enemy” (meaning the devil). “You’re not gay. You’re straight. You just have to keep speaking it over yourself until you feel its truth.”

I was so confused because I thought that being a Christian meant you had to live openly and honestly and it was *profoundly* obvious that none of us liked women. For some in the community, they would still even date girls and would go through the charade of pretending to be into them hoping that their attractions would be “corrected” and change one glorious day. It grieved me to see all these girls that thought they were dating the holiest boys around because they refused to touch them. The girlfriends did not want to accept or even see that their boyfriends were refusing to touch them only because they would rather be touching each other instead of the girls. Often they even would. I can’t tell  you how many times we would be hanging out and things would become so intensely homoerotic, that it would even make me uncomfortable. That was the secret though… they could “act gay” and indulge in that behavior in private because they were able to “release” with one another without acknowledging the constant elephant in the room. It was a level of delusion that I just couldn’t get into. I separated from all individuals within that community...  with the exception of one. The truth is, I had fallen deeply in love with one of them. He and I had insane chemistry... and I remained in that hopelessly romantic place with him... for 6 solid years.

For 6 years, I waited for this young man to wake up and understand it was okay to be both gay and Christian. I wanted him to be free and hoped that we could be together, officially. He never made that journey though. In fact, he confessed that was too afraid of what others thought and what his family would think and feel. His parents were famous ministers and he put his entire worth and value on his and their reputation. We had long talks about it, and hard conversations about our mutual attractions to one another. (He didn’t trust himself to sleep over at my apartment). Because I was the only one who was willing to acknowledge that I was gay, I was in an impossible situation.  The desire and weight of making the first romantic move was on me, full force, but as a friend, I also wanted to respect his “attempted” orientation as a “straight” man. The situation put us both in a constant stalemate.

Like most instances of unrequited love, or being stuck in “friendsville”, I couldn’t move forward because I was blinded by what could be, right in front of me. I was also plagued with insecurities stemming from our dynamic. “Was I not good enough to come out for?” “Was I not attractive enough to push this relationship past ‘friends’ into something more?” were my constant thoughts. Most importantly, I attributed my waiting for him to God. I wanted to do this God’s way and thought that waiting was achieving that. Love is “long suffering” and “about the other person” I would tell myself, I would quote Galatians 6:9 over myself and my situation everyday hoping God would reward me and allow this guy to “get it” and go on a journey that would end with him in my arms… but it never happened. I had enough at the close of 2016 and decided to kick myself out of friendsville. After Church one day, he walked me towards my car and half way there, I stopped him. I took him to a secluded corner, looked him dead in the eye, and asked him out on our first official “date”. He smiled and looked intrigued. He told me that he would consider it. I asked him to consider it himself and to not discuss it with the “non-affirming” people in his life that believed being gay was wrong. He agreed but then broke his promise later that day when he asked three different people what they think he should do. (I wanted this to be a decision he made, alone, for the first time, for him.) He came back very angry. He said that he now saw this all as a betrayal to our 6 year friendship and I had to accept that. I was was now the bad guy. It was my worst fear, but at that time I didn’t care. It was the key to my sanity. I had to realize that he was living a life for the approval of others… not himself. A relationship wouldn’t have worked for us that way. He was mad that I wouldn’t continue the charade anymore of staying in the “undefined” place we were always in. It was the hardest I grieved and the hardest path back to healing I had ever had to take. The only other time I cried that hard and that often in the weeks that followed was when my grandmother died. A broken heart does feel like a death, because it is. The harder part was feeling like I had to forgive God for never giving me what I waited 6 years for, and yes, I felt like He was the one that asked me to wait. It was a difficult journey. I was hurt and angry with God but that had to process quickly. I was still a minister and the ministry was counting on me to walk out what I had always taught them to.

The other big journey during this decade was not just discovering the Gay Christian community, but becoming an established leader in it and starting my own ministry.

I didn’t know what I was in for. It has been the most fulfilling journey and also the most challenging. I had thought gay Christian ministry was gonna be rainbows, unicorns, pizza, and movie nights while we all discussed how great Jesus was… and boy was I wrong. No matter how much I wanted to avoid it, politics kept coming up… government and “Church” politics. It was something I still have to get used to. I also met the combative side of people that can be so vocal about what they want from me, that they are willing to act out in unbelievable and often dangerous ways to try and force me to give it to them. I wasn’t prepared for that, and I faced it often (and still do).

Also, I originally believed that it was only the non-affirming world that didn’t understand me, personally and my perspective on life and faith, but I must admit that the times I have felt the most misunderstood, isolated, and alienated in my life was by my very own gay Christian community. I still love ministry and what I do, and it is still the place that I feel I do the most good, but the journey has been far from a walk in the park.

Since 2010, I have had an unusual amount of Judases in my life. My own talent manager (and close friend) went after my former roommate (whom I had strong feelings for) and he moved him into his yacht when I was at work. I came home to an empty apartment. They thought it would be fun to call me on speaker phone and brag about their new affair. I lost a manager, and roommate and gained a broken heart all in one horrific night. My anxiety attack was so bad that night, I thought I was going to die and nearly called 911. My second talent manager was no better. He moved a younger guy in with me from the UK so that he could have “sexual access” to him whenever he wanted. At first, he told me it was because he was a fellow actor, but once he later confessed his true motive, I never let him in my house again and protected my roommate (whom had become a close friend) at all costs.

In 2014, I had a ministry partner and best friend who tried to steal the ministry from under me and was collecting people behind my back to start his own Church. He was only moderately successful, and then when his Church launched, he burned his bridge with every single person that left me for him in a matter of days. I knew God would justify me, but it still hurt. During this time, one of my absolute closest and most trusted friends started sending homemade Snapchat porn to the members of the ministry behind my back. I had just helped him patch up things with his fiance (another Phoenix member) after he was caught by multiple members having an affair. And then in 2017, one of my closest friends whom had seen all the other stuff unfold, suffered a stroke and during his healing, began to actually self destruct. He turned on me and started pursuing very young members in our ministry, confessing to them that he enjoyed that they looked underage because that’s what he was sexually attracted to. I dealt with all of this at the time of being dumped by my boyfriend who I caught texting his female ex. Later, I found out that he had lied to me about his feelings towards her and how often they were in contact and were even still seeing each other. I felt like the world was caving in on me. The members I was pouring into the most were growing increasingly more unreliable and yet more demanding of me and my time. Then, a third leader (also a close friend) informed me that he too was stepping down. I didn’t know if I had it in me to continue anymore. I nearly gave up... but I didn’t. I pushed through, and I am so glad that I did. 

My 7 year journey with ministry has been some of the most exciting and fulfilling years I have ever had, but it has also caused me the most pain. I can see why some ministers leave the call and never return, remaining bitter and jaded. I don’t judge them. My heart goes out to them. We are all human and we all have our limit of what we are able to handle. I will say this though.... if you attend a Church or a Bible Study... be on time. Be reliable, and help out wherever you can. The leader needs all the help that they can get and they are doing this as a sacrifice of love, not obligation. They deserve your constant respect. I’ve learned that you can’t join a walk of life where you pour into the best of people without seeing and experiencing their worst as well, myself included. I have had to grow at an exponential rate to keep up with what I was teaching others. I believe the best teachers are  the ones that lead by example and therefore I want to always deliver a great example.

Being a minister is a path not meant for all, but for those that choose it, what a painfully glorious one it is. I will have to keep you updated as this is still a path I am on, growing every day, still trying to encourage others every day. I can share now that what I have learned the most is boundaries. I have learned that “yes” and “no” wield far more power than I could have ever imagined, and going forward, I intend to wield that power more and more, and hopefully in the future… without guilt.

Meeting Celine Dion earlier this year and watching our interaction go viral on the internet was surreal. It changed me forever by showing me that anything really is possible. We have always heard it in school, but to have evidence that dreams come true can be overwhelming in the most wonderful way. The moment her and I shared is something I have only wished in my heart until that point, nearly certain it would never get to happen. Thanks to God, the joke was on me.

Ending the year with our 6th annual Christmas video, “Extraordinary Merry Christmas” was appropriate on so many levels. The concept of the video is simple, “what makes a Christmas season ‘extraordinary’ is just the people you choose to spend it with.” I think this statement is far more true than just being limited to the holiday season. I think what makes life ‘extraordinary’ is also based off the individuals we meet and the relationships we get to cherish along the way.

My platonic soul mate Theresa Eugenio shared this song with me by the Jonas Brothers earlier both by phone and by her 2019 post and I would like to share it with you with a dedication as well. Going into 2020, I am more guarded with my time and my peace of mind. Yes, I am more of an introvert and far less social, but when I do engage, I do so with intention. I want people to be off their phones, and unveiled with me. I also want people to feel loved and supported by me like never before because I have learned that that truly is what is most important in any interaction.

Thank you to everyone that made this decade one to remember. It is absolutely my most EPIC decade to date. Let’s see if the next 10 years can compete. (SPOILER ALERT: I have a feeling that the next 10 years will not only will be able to compete these past 10, but they will be FAARR better! The best is truly yet to come… not only for me, but for all of us!

Happy New Year! God bless! 

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

Celebrating The King of Pop: Happy 60th Birthday,MICHAEL JACKSON! <3

It was November 14, 1991. I was 10 years old and all of the overwhelming promotion for a brand new music video had peaked my interest. The music video was “Black or White”, and the artist? Michael Jackson. Every news station and every radio station was abuzz talking about it. The hype was crushing and I just had to see what the excitement was all about. I had heard of Michael Jackson before, obviously. I had even performed “Beat It” at a family reunion when I was 5, but this night was about to be entirely different. Something was about to happen to me, and I was never going to be the same.

With the rest of the world, I watched at 8pm, as the undisputed King of Pop danced, sang, and acted out in the most gripping musical short film I had ever seen. He was captivating and electric. His every move sent shivers down my spine. I was in absolute awe. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I was smitten and I was bitten with a brand new desire to perform; to dance, to entertain, and it made me wish I could sing! I wanted to set the world on fire... and Michael Jackson made me believe that I could.

I didn’t quite understand the ending of the video. It was like a dream; surreal and fantastical, but it still caused me to dream about what it must feel like to be on a soundstage like that. I wanted to live that life. I wanted to tell stories through music and dance and film, just like Michael.

I was obsessed. I saved up my allowance and bought the Dangerous album. I even bought his earlier work (“Off The Wall”, “Thriller”, and “Bad”.) The funny thing is, my sister had already had a poster of him in her room and wanted to marry him at some point, and I didn’t understand why. He was so obscure. But now I understood, because at 10 years old, I too, had fallen in love with Michael Jackson. 

I became a megafan. I learned to moonwalk. I learned to spin and land on my tippy toes. I had brand new material to perform at every family reunion and holiday. I even made a name for myself through my academic career performing all of his biggest hits at every talent show and special lunch event my schools had. He was the king, and I was his loyal subject. 

When the allegations came out against him and his character, I already knew that I knew they weren’t true. My heart broke for him and I was passionate about seeing his innocence declared. I felt for him, and his broken childhood, and his song by that same name (“Childhood”) already had a special place reserved in my heart. He was a child, internally, and so was I. He was my hero and I was never going to stop supporting him. 

I remembered the day he died. It was 2009, the year before I moved to Los Angeles. I came out of the shower to a ringing cell phone with 9 missed calls and 36 new text messages: “Gilbert, did you hear about Michael Jackson?” “Are you okay? I just heard the news!” “Gilbert, turn on the news! Michael Jackson’s doctor killed him!” “Gilbert! Call me! I have bad news!”

I couldn’t move. I just stood there in my towel, drenching my carpet with water and disbelief. The king had died. Someone had killed Michael Jackson and I felt it in my soul. It took me several weeks to truly recover. I mourned him, and I mourned him deeply. His death affected me very personally, and to this day, it still effects me. For those of you that don’t understand Pop Culture fandom, please allow me to explain. When someone casually connects to a music artist, a band or group, a television show, or an actor, it is a profoundly inspiring thing. Being a fan gives you a place to belong. It’s a community. It’s a family. It’s an environment crafted entirely by material that allows you to dream and even feel understood. But other times, the connection is more intense. A connection to a performer (especially a singer) can be so powerful that it feels personal to the fan when the singer dies because their music has narrated entire eras of an individual’s experience and their relationships. It’s almost as if the artist themselves have become the soundtrack to the fan’s life. Even if they have never met the musician personally, a connection to the most intimate places between the two of them have already been established; the artist’s soul (their art) and the fan’s soul (their relationships, their memories, their insights into life, and their dreams). Michael Jackson was all of that for me. I think Celine Dion explained a similar concept best during a 2013 interview with Katie Couric. Katie asked Celine if she ever got tired or bored of singing the same songs, so many times and for so many years. Celine responded:

“Honestly, yes. Often when the curtain goes up, just before the song starts, I think, ‘Oh goodness… here we go, and I don’t always want to sing it. But then, I see the crowds’ reactions and I see the joy on their faces and (turns to fans in studio audience) I thank you for it because, you make me forget. (Turns back to Katie) The fans make me forget that I have been singing the song for so long and so many times. And just before the song starts, I think, ‘Did they lose someone, and the song I am about to sing was that person’s favorite song? Did they just get married and they used *my* song?’ They know my story, but I don’t know theirs, and that’s why I keep doing this.” Today, and for the rest of my life, I celebrate Michael Jackson. He was authentic, ground-breaking, fueled by overwhelming passion to inspire and entertain others, and believed in love as the medicine to cure all of the world’s pains. As a singer and artist, few have inspired me personally the way Michael Jackson has and even among those few, he holds a unique place in my heart that only he can reign in. I am grateful that my sister’s kids can now see his genius and they have been mega fans of his for years in their own right. 

Because of Michael Jackson, the world will never stop dancing and new artists for the remainder of time will always have a masterclass teacher at their disposal. Singers and dancers in the multitude will always have the ultimate example of what it means to set a stage on FIRE and keep it ROARING for decades. Michael Jackson was not only my hero, but he was a hero to the world of pop music. 

Happy Birthday, Michael Jackson. Thank you for example you set in everything that you did; defining excellence and performance perfection. Thank you for the legacy you have left with us all; artists and non artists alike, of every possible genre. There will never be anyone like you, again. Long lived the king.

       MADONNA GIVES POWERFUL TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON:

 10 YEAR OLD GILBERT GONZALEZ JR PERFORMS “BLACK OR WHITE”

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

SO EXCITED!!!

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

My good friend Emily Timbol posted something on Facebook today that I thought made a very valid point. "While researching an article yesterday I spent a good bit of time in the book of Matthew, and I found something I never noticed before - Jesus repeatedly references the destruction of Sodom. He does this most often as a warning to the towns who refuse to give aid to the disciples - who He sent out without food, clothes, or places to stay. Jesus warned that those who refuse to shelter them will receive a fate worse than what Sodom received (Matt 10.)

Since we know that Sodom was destroyed because of its inhospitality and refusal to help the poor and needy (Ezekiel 16:49-50), we know that Jesus took hospitality to strangers, ESPECIALLY traveling strangers in a foreign land, as something serious. And as we know from verse 44-46 in Matthew 25, when we reject people who are hungry, thirsty, or in need of clothing, we reject not just strangers, but Christ himself.

Which means that the Americans who are angry over food, water, and clothing being given to the needy children detained at our borders, are Sodomites.

So really, when people claim that the US is in danger of turning into Sodom, they're kind of right." - Emily Timbol 

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

"Justin Bieber Fans Are Trying To Get This Photo Off The Internet" "Justin Owes Us An Explanation" Justin Bieber Admits To Being Gay" "Justin Is Bi" The headlines went on and on all day long through my home page. Can I say something? I honestly don't believe he owes anyone an explanation.

Maybe Justin has a strong connection with this young man. It's obvious they have some kind of connection. They are in an artists most intimate and creative space... a studio.

Maybe Justin is trying to figure himself out. For many people sexual orientation is not understood to the individual so confidently. Many time, for many individuals, there is a "discovery" process of trial and error to see where someone may be on the 'spectrum' of gender attraction and gender expression. It definitely is a spectrum. Orientation is not a decision. The teaching that it is in one of the most dangerous and damaging lies the world and the Church has boughten into. 

Maybe they were just playing around and knew a photo would get people talking and religious people into judgement. In the entertainment world, there's a saying that goes, "No press is bad press!" meaning as long as someone is talking about you, it's "good" and if no one is talking about you, it's only bad.

I don't know what was going on in this picture other than what is presented. Point is, we all have that freedom to figure out who we are and our place in this world. He should be entitled to that same journey, too. I love you @JustinBieber. I believe in you! Do you and be the wonderful man that God made you to be blessing people from all over the world with your gifts!#TeamJesus #Compassion #MercyTrumpsJudgement

I know religious people are going to think I am "advocating" sin. My heart goes out to them. I say, "let the first person who NEVER did something silly or irresponsible be the first to shake their head at this young man who is under more pressure in his youth than you will ever be in your lifetime.

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

God Gives Wisdom BEFORE You Have Made The Decision To Follow Him. I wasn't raised Christian. I remember very clearly being in my early 20's and hearing for the FIRST time ever that there were "religious" people out there that were trying to make marriage only for straight people. "Marriage is between a man and a woman!". I was like, "What?! Okay, nutso, you just totally made all that up! Marriage is when you commit to the one person that you love and want to be with for the rest of your life, period. Man and a woman? What if you're gay? Sucks to be them? That's not loving at all! Yeah, this whole 1 man and 1 woman thing will never stick!" Then I became a Christian. Thank God, I was right! It is not "sticking". Oppression doesn't stick around long. We are progressing to #Equality. Women can vote now, African Americans are no longer slaves, and LGBT people are actually PEOPLE too and are starting to be recognized as such. LGBT people can get married legally more than ever in the U.S! I love this country, and I love my God who will bring justice even if it means opposing those that claim to follow Him to do it! Hallelujah! A change is here, for the better. One day, I seriously believe we will look back with repentance and think, "Why was this even an issue? How much time did we waste doing the OPPOSITE of Evangelism when it came to the whole "gay" issue? 

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

                                         A "MIDAS" Moment

The "maintenance" light had come on in my car about a week ago. I noticed it every single time I got into my car and turned on the ignition.

"*Shrug* I'll get to it at some point, sooner or later." I told myself. 

Well, this morning, my back right tire blew out just as I was pulling into the Denny's parking lot in Hollywood to meet a friend, almost as if my car was trying to say, 

"You have avoided me long enough. I won't function correctly if you don't take care of this alert. There is a car service station right across the street, take care of this NOW!" 

Annoyed at the distraction this had caused my day, I walked into the waiting room and sat down next to a woman who seemed genuinely intrigued by my discouraged body language. She was delightfully kind and we entered conversation. She shared with me that she, too, was in a similar situation all because she also neglected to take care of things she had come to realize she had been taking for granted.

We also discussed the value of time and how precious each moment was that each one of us is given. We shared our understanding of how many times we overlook what matters most by being distracted chasing things that don't really matter. Often the things that prove to be most important and worthy of our commitments and efforts are the things and people God places directly in front of us... every single day, and yet, we ignore them. We don't need to "look" for purpose, our purpose is already all around us. Everything boils down to perspective, integrity, gratitude, humility, and remaining open for growth.. every single day... with every single person... exactly right where you currently are!

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

"Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important." -T.S. Elliot

When I was in the 6th grade, I read a quote in my counselor's office that changed my life, Above her desk, a sign simply said, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." It changed my perspective entirely and I have never forgotten it. At the time, even as an adolescent, I understood that there were some real "divas" in the world. I understood that some people's entire existence was about making others speak highly about them, and forcing all conversation topic into something "about them"! They wanted to feel "important" and "affirmed" and pursued it even at the cost of over-looking and stepping on others. To a certain extent, we all long to feel valued, accepted, and that our opinions matter, but I was aware that this need, misunderstood, was often applied dangerously to relationships and caused a great deal of ego in others and it made it very hard to get along with them.Ironically, my annoyance with "divas" ultimately turned me into one. I couldn't help but constantly talk about everyone that was wanting themselves to be talked about. I, too, started chasing my own glory and to the expense of my friends, I even obtained it, for a while. It nearly destroyed me. I was self centered, arrogant, and full of opinions that "I knew" people needed to hear. I wanted to be acknowledged for my talent, wisdom, knowledge, and gifts. It was about "ME! ME! ME!". I had become the monster I had always warned others about. "For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 23:12Jesus warns us that such attitudes will destroy us. We are warned not to think too "highly" of ourselves."For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." Romans 12:3Do this mean that we are not important to God? Absolutely not. He died on a cross for us and we're designed and created in His own image. He is HEAD OVER HEELS in love with every single one of us! Yes, and AMEN!.. however it is His responsibility alone to produce how that importance is to manifest in our lives, our relationships, and our careers. We are not supposed to chase those platforms and affirmations for ourselves. We will always eat humble pie when we attempt to. “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. 9 If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. 10 But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests." Luke 14: 8-10Take the humble route in all things, so then when it is time for you to be honored by someone else, you only have celebration and honor in your heart, knowing that someone else has witnessed your humility, integrity, consideration, and service to others. Chasing the place of honor makes us "self serving". Platforms are meant to be given, entrusted, and earned because of character, not obtained, taken, or stolen by force or entitlement. I wonder how many of us still feel that we "deserve" greatness. I wonder how many of us feel frustrated because we have such a great background, such great talent, such a great story of triumph, and yet we are totally frustrated because God has not yet elevated us to the level or platform that that we think we deserve. Can I be honest with you? The reality of the situation is often that we are "not ready" for what we want and feel like God wants to give us. The truth is, He is the one that put those desires for greatness in us, but our character still needs refinement. God is more concerned with our character than our comfort and He is not going to bless us even with the things He has promised us to have, if we are not ready, no matter how willing and able we believe we currently are. It's not about "our time", it's about His time and in the same way a responsible father won't give a child a bunch of "stuff" that will get him or her into trouble, God is not going to give you a platform, or the thing you desire most until you are ready to go out and be responsible with it. We need a change of perspective. Many times, it's not even that we're waiting on God. In actuality, He is waiting on us. God is and has been good and ready with all of the cataclysmic power in the universe (and beyond) to do His will in your life, but YOU are the one who still needs to "ace" a few life lessons. He's waiting for that "light bulb moment" to click in our heads so that we can start praying the right way, and get to work on what matters most to Him... our heart. After that has been prepared, the platform will rise and you will be fitted on it, to it. It already has your name and it has been promised by God to you.  In the mean time, get your mind off of yourself and feeling important, and being affirmed, and go serve God by genuinely serving someone else.. when you do this, the ironic system of God will end up coming into play and THEN you will be exalted. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 34:7

"The GREATEST among you will be a SERVANT." Matthew 23:11

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

GILBERT GONZALEZ JR MAKES THE NORTHERN CALIFORNIA NEWSPAPERS!

  Wow! Just got word that this is being sent into the newspapers in Northern California about my speaking engagement! Glory to God!

  Gilbert Gonzalez Jr is an up and coming Preacher/Minister currently residing in North Hollywood, CA. Originally born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area (Union City), Gilbert moved to Los Angeles 3 years ago after competing on season 5 of American Idol and then winning 5 silver medals in the World Championships of Performing Arts 2010; the olympics of the entertainment industry. On top of being an accomplished vocalist and actor, Gilbert currently works and serves as a certified Sign Language Interpreter both professionally and for his local Church: the Los Angeles Dream Center. 

    Last month Gilbert stepped into the call of his life and founded a non-profit organization known as Phoenix Ministry. His mission is to utilize not only his talents, but the talents of countless others to reach the hurting communities marginalized by the Christian Church: the LGBT community, Senior Citizens, the deaf, and many other precious, yet often forgotten minorities, that Gilbert believes are just as valid and important to God. With strong ties to the entertainment industry, the deaf, the LGBT community, and the Evangelical Church, Gilbert looks forward to sharing the Gospel's relatable message of hope, restoration, unconditional love, and empowerment to all of these groups he passionately affirms as well as anyone and everyone who has ever felt unloved, rejected, or outcasted. 

   On September 7th and 8th, 2013, Gilbert will be the guest speaker at Celebration of Faith Praise and Worship Center ushering in the anniversary of their 19th year as an LGBT affirming Church. This will be Gilbert's second time speaking at the Church since May of last year when he delivered his very first sermon: "Free To Be Me". 

    At the end of September, Gilbert will also join 49 other people for the inaugural conference of The Reformation Project held in Kansas City under the leadership of YouTube Sensation Matthew Vines. The conference is aimed at bridging the gap between the LGBT community and the global Church on the issue of homosexuality and it's relation to the Christian faith.

    Unlike other ministries who have tried to "cure" homosexual orientation, Phoenix Ministry aims to educate LGBT youth as well as the Evangelical Church of the dangers of such practices and is determined to bring the LGBT community into revelation of their worth and value in God by empowering them with knowledge of the Bible. Out of the ashes, in Jesus Christ, anyone can rise and receive a new life; new hope... anyone!" 

  http://www.celebrationoffaith.org/

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

HAPPY 4th OF JULY!: INDEPENDENCE DAY 2013

Jul 4, 2013 | VIDEO BLOG: "The REAL HEROES of today!" Independence Day 2013 by gilbertgonzalezjr on Keek.com

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed."

- Thomas Jefferson,  (The opening of the United States Declaration of Independence) I have NEVER been more proud to be an American in my life! I can't believe I am watching history unfold in my lifetime. I truly was created and born for a time such as this and I can not afford to let God down! My work is FAR from over! Thank you Father, that my labor has not been in vain! I see now the reason that You have called me into Your Church when I so desperately wanted to stay far away because of the hurt I experienced by their accusing words. I see why you have brought to me gay youth and gay elders who were born and raised in the Church, as well as those who don't know You at all, witnessing how they have been inspired and attracted to my faith and boldness of character. My heart still breaks for them and it is my joy and honor to serve them. I also see now why romantically I have even been pulled to those with the deepest of identity issues. You want to charge me where it HURTS to keep going and never relent knowing that I can not allow myself to BE served until You decide that I have served ENOUGH! Thank You for clarity, God. It hurts, but I thank You for truth.

I am grateful that as a nation, we are truly on the path to justice, equality, and the freedom for all that our founding fathers intended when this country was born! I am humbled and honored that You have even called and allowed me to serve part in it! So proud to serve You, God! Thank You for this great, exciting country! My breath is taken away when witnessing everything we stand for! And most notably, Let us pay respect and give honor, never forgetting those that purchased our freedom with their own blood, TRULY following the direct example of Christ. The true heroes of America are those that have risked everything, and even giving their lives to protect and ensure the freedoms and rights that we all have and hold as protected today. May we never execute the injustice of forgetting that or taking it for granted. Thank you so much, God, for making sure of that which brings us all peace, freedom, and this reason to celebrate today.

*********************************** UPDATE ***********************************

God bless America!

#HEROES

Jul 4, 2013 | Video Update: Did u thank a Veteran yet? #IndependenceDay by gilbertgonzalezjr on Keek.com

"Also, I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me!"  - Isaiah 6:8

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

WHAT IS THE CHRISTIAN ROLE IN THE GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT? Answer: Approach with humility, eagerness to love, and deep prayer for wisdom and understanding on the subject and the people affected by this culture shift.  Q: How can our votes be of best use?

Answer: First we have to get in perspective what is good to vote on and what is unjust to vote on.   "The rights of the minority should never be voted on by the majority!" -Thomas Jefferson  When Christian Conservatives say things like, "The people are who should decide on what we institute as "marriage" in this country (meaning exclusivity to heterosexual couples, and not for homosexual couples). This only furthers the gap of misunderstanding and resentment that the two communities have towards each other. With use of language like that, opposers of same sex marriage are dangerously failing to realize that gay people are people, too! Gay people have families. Gay people have children. Gay people are living their lives in lifelong, committed, monogamous relationships and are not "aggressive activists" fighting so that they can be override the beliefs of conservatives. They are simply trying to survive from the oppression that the beliefs of conservatives have brought into their lives, affecting their lives and denying them of what is most valuable to them: Love, Family, Commitment, and equal (not privilege  EQUAL protection under the law. The gay community is a minority, yes, but still just as valid and loved by God as the heterosexual community. To insinuate that the vote of the majority should be able to vote on the rights of the minority really is bullying in it's most unjust form. There will always be more straight people than gay people on this Earth. Obviously God did that on purpose to ensure procreation and civilization, but that doesn't mean that gay people don't have their purpose and their "role" in God's plan. Because gay people will always be a minority, they will always be outnumbered in a "vote". I ask you heterosexual community, who's going to voice for the minority if not the people that are part of the majority willing take a stand for what is just? We have to be terribly careful that we are progressing away from an "us and them" mentality and moving closer to just an "US" way of thinking.  We all have to share this planet and co-exist together until Jesus comes back, including living amongst with those that don't even believe in Jesus at all. Christians, you want to "evangelize"? Show and LIVE love. That will get people's attention because right now many of us are giving Jesus some REALLY bad PR (Public Relation). We are slaughtering His reputation.

Many of you ironically believe you are doing a good thing! You speak in self-righteous pride making statements like, "I'm standing on God's unwavering truth even if the culture crashes down around me!"  No, my friend. You are WHY the culture is crashing down and you are the reason there is a culture war against you in the first place. YOU ARE the opposition to justice and peace. I still can't believe that "Christians" are the ones responsible for the Crusades, the enslavement of blacks, the second class citizenship of women, and now the creators of Prop 8 and DOMA. It breaks my heart that God's Church doesn't seem to learn from it's own oppressive history. And as the old saying goes, "Those that don't learn from history, are doomed to repeat it." 

"When justice is done, it is a joy to the godly, but it terrifies those that insist on iniquity." Proverbs 21:15

“How terrible it will be for those who make unfair laws, and those who write laws that make life hard for people. They are not fair to the oppressed and they rob my people of their rights.."(NCV) ISAIAH 10:1-2

When we make genitalia the foundation of what marriage is supposed to be.. I think we have a HUGE problem!  Christians, WAKE UP! So many of you are, and have been on, the WRONG side of this issue. The world needs you to renew your mind to think more like Christ! There's not a lot of time left, and you're wasting it.

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

I can't stop my tears from falling. I am SO joyful to be able to witness this historic mark in our Country's history... in the Church's history. But I have to admit, it's bitter sweet.

My heart still breaks for those that I care about who do not rejoice with me. I am more concerned for them than ever that they are still waiting for a "justice" that will never come because they were never on the right side of what GOD sees as "just". I wonder how many of them are still waiting for the courts to say, "We made a mistake! Blacks should still be slaves!" or.. "We made a mistake! Women should still NOT have the right to vote!". Christians that think it's a sin to be homosexual or for homosexual couples to get married are missing the joy that they can and should be experiencing/sharing with the rest of the world RIGHT NOW as God is moving, administering His justice! 

There are people I have encountered that I just know are going to come to me one day and say, "Gilbert. Forgive me! I did not see the error in my ways, my beliefs. I see now that my opposing homosexuality, gay marriage, and the rights of the gay community in general was so terribly damaging, and counter-productive to our society and even the will of God". That apology (for some) could and probably will take 30 years, It still won't make me happy when it comes even though I know now that it will come. God promised me that all the people that refuted me and called me rebellious and a false teacher will come to me in repentance and will ask me to forgive them! When those days come, It won't make me happy because I don't want to be "right"! I want them to see what they could RIGHT NOW be doing "RIGHT"!

I want to save them YEARS of their life. Many of them are gay themselves and have no idea how to accept that in themselves. I know (from experience) that kind of existence has no real peace or joy in the process of trying to figure it out! I want them to go from step 2 to 12 NOW!! Sadly, I know most of them won't do that and it hurts! It hurts SO bad! I wish they could see! I pray that they can see! Oh Father, hear my prayer and LET THEM SEE!! <3

I know that everyone has their journey and a lot of them have to work through the beliefs that they were raised with as children to even consider that the affirmation of the gay community is anything less than demonic.

Prayer: God, break these lies spread by a large part of Your Church, and bring healing and truth! Thank you for what you have already done! Black Pastors, Female Preachers, Schools and Careers for the Deaf, etc. And thank you for the legalization of gay marriage and anti-bullying laws for LGBT youth! We have come a long way, but we still have such a long way to go! I, and many others, are with You, every step of the way! Justice! In Jesus' name.. Amen! 

Gilbert

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

BREAKING NEWS: LOVE STILL CONQUERS ALL! Supreme Courts Rules On DOMA and Proposition 8!

I was blown away by all of the text messages I woke up to today!

"Did you hear?" 

"I can only imagine how proud and happy YOU feel, Gilbert! You are part of this progress!" 

"Call me! Are you watching the news"

"Let's go out to lunch to celebrate!"

DOMA (ironically titled "Defense of Marriage Act") and Proposition 8 were struck down as "unconstitutional" today by the Supreme Court because it denied equal rights and treatment to Americans. Pretty simple, right? Although we know that it should have been all along, you'd be surprised how much old fashion, bigoted thinking still plagues our world today. 

What I have re-learned: God is a God of justice, and He will administer that justice, even if it means opposing the "popular" view of His own Church. That's what happened this morning! Hallelujah!

"[No] for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame. And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded andtreated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are, So that no mortal man should [have pretense for glorying and] boast in the presence of God." 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 (AMPLIFIED)

I'm filled with joy standing on the right side of history, today, watching it all pan out. I can't tell you how many times I have cried, fasted, prayed, and served waiting to witness what God is doing currently in the Earth; in our culture! First, Exodus International, the worlds largest and oldest Ex-Gay organization, shutting down last week after 37 years to apologize for selling the lie that sexual orientation changes, and now this? I have endured SO MANY broken hearts (one just days ago) and this move of God’s hand really does make it all worth it. There is nothing more rewarding than God intervening and validating you, showing that you are on the right side.. nothing!  

I imagine this is how people that were for the rights of women felt in the early 1900's and those that were for the equality of blacks during the civil rights movement. We are watching history unfold, guys! It's really exciting. The most ironic thing I am learning since becoming a Christian 5 years ago, is that this Christian culture is usually the oppressors that we have to fight to make change and equality possible. Shouldn't God's people be the ones GOING after social justice?... not the one's we have to oppose to ensure it. Heartbreaking! When will the world learn? 

I find it amazing when I see blacks and/or women in the Church AGAINST the gay community and their equal rights. I want to pull them to the side and say, "Wow. How soon you forget your own history!" When will the Church of Jesus Christ learn from their own oppressive past? 

"Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees" Isaiah 10:1

"Those who were not [called] my people I will call 'my people,'and her who was not beloved, I will call 'beloved.'And in the very place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,'there they will be called 'sons of the living God'" (Romans 9:25-26, Hos. 2:23).

LGBT Community, I don't care what the Church says, when it comes to God, YOU are not forgotten!

Glory to God. Happy is an understatement. I am JOYFUL!

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

Random Rant: Toilet Paper Commercials

Haha I hate watching toilet paper commercials! They leave TOO much to the imagination! I mean, when I watch a burger commercial... I want to watch someone eat that burger. I want to know what it will be like to smell it, eat it.. you know EXPERIENCE the burger. The same is true with my toilet paper! They need to quit with all the blue liquid stuff. I mean.. really... who pees or poops blue liquid? How can I trust that it will REALLY leave less lint behind? I wanna see Charmin IN ACTION! I think we should boycott toilet paper until they are more honest in their advertising! Those cartoon bears are cute, but i'm not buying ANYTHING til i see some real proof that it's more absorbent! lol

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

EXODUS INTERNATIONAL TO SHUT DOWN! (Covered on OWN Network "God & Gays" airing Thursday, June 20th, at 10/9c)

In the debate about whether gay people should be affirmed or not in the Church, little is left to the imagination from the Evangelical Christian "Right": "No! Gay people should try to CHANGE! They can change! They just need to seek God for their healing and they can be delivered from being "gay"!  For over 30 years, Exodus International has been at the front lines of the debate claiming that gay people "can change!"! Even though one of it's co-founders Michael Bussee and many other leaders have come forward apologizing trying to shut it down, the politics and finances pouring in has made it nearly impossible. 

Alan Chambers, current president of Exodus, expressed many of his views on homosexuality 3 years ago during an episode of Our America" Pray The Gay Away": "Change is possible. I stand by that phrase, and I live by it. The opposite of homosexuality isn't heterosexuality, It's holiness."

Clip from "Pray the Gay Away" (2010)

  Today, he has a new message... an apology! “For quite some time we’ve been imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical” -Alan Chambers.

In Chambers’ apology statement, he says for years he wasn’t honest about the feelings of same-sex attraction that never left him and for being dishonest about the real ability to change one’s sexual orientation.  Efforts to change sexual orientation or gender expression have been debunked for years as junk science, but the homophobic culture of the Church wanting to turn a blind eye to what they consider "outcast" has refused to see truth in this matter no matter how much it confronts them in the face, and it has for years. The teachings and beliefs that orientation can "change" through reparative therapy have also been proven harmful to children and adults. All major medical and mental health organizations have denounced the practice including: the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American School Counselor Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the American Psychoanalytic Association, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and the Pan American Health Organization. 

EXODUS INTERNATIONAL, the world's oldest and largest reparative "ex-gay" therapy organization just released last night that they are SHUTTING DOWN after 37 years of being the "MOTHER Ministry" on this issue! The reason? They can't go on anymore selling the lie that "gay people can become straight"! Orientation DOES NOT change! It really is the way GOD designed you!    “Exodus was the oldest and largest pseudo-religious organization telling vulnerable people there was something wrong with them, when in fact they are God’s children,” said Groves.  “But the truth remains there are other organizations out there perpetuating the same myths, telling young people they aren’t loved and "fearfully and wonderfully made" the way that they are, and causing grave harm in so many people.”  The truth continues to pour out through suicides, leader recants, deep psychological scarring, and constant attempts to "fix" that which was never "broken" in the first place.

Yes, without Christ we are ALL broken, but vilifying the way that someone will experience the deepest form of relationship and physical love is not godly and thus brings devastating consequences; many times irreversible. The idea that homosexual orientation is "ungodly" and can "change", "be fixed", or "cured" is finally being called out for the unbiblical lie that it is from it's largest, leading source.

Considering the amount of oppression against the gay community today, and the denying of their equal rights, it should feel "about time" to some, but for most, the damage has already been done and many feel that this apology is already too late.  After 37 years, finally, Exodus International is shutting down.. and WITH deep, passionate repentance!  The is a HUGE moment for the Church, It costs me SO many broken hearts but it is worth it! I rejoice with the Lord for this day! We are finally on the path to true community and fellowship with God with one another, regardless of being black, white, gay straight, man, woman, innersex, etc! I am so happy! God DOES bring justice and this is His proof! Love thy neighbor is going to become clear for SO many now and the walls are finally coming down!  We are in the middle or revival, reformation, awakening! Hallelujah!

Hang in there, LGBT Community, God AFFIRMS you and He is making change and restoration happen for you! There's just a few more people left stuck in legalistic flawed thinking that He has yet to BREAK, and trust me HE WILL before this whole issue is just a part of our past! Glory to God! I am SO joyful! 

LGBT Community, God is serving you His justice, He is honoring you and restoring what has been taken from you, and unfortunately, it's going to be at the expense of the ones who have oppressed you all these years... without excuse.. His own Church.

God is changing and restoring the LGBT community... but not the way the Church originally thought. It's happening by FIRE and the ones that will be refined by that fire is God's NON GAY-AFFIRMING believers... and there are A LOT of them. Oh, how they have hurt His LGBT children by using His own word against them when all they wanted was love. We serve a holy God, and therefore, there will be consequences. 

"How terrible it will be for those who make unfair laws, and those who write laws that make life hard for people. They are not fair to the oppressed and they rob my people of their rights.."(NCV) ISAIAH 10:1-2

"Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief]. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits." (AMP) Romans 12:15-18

"When justice is done, it is a joy to the godly, but it terrifies those that insist on iniquity." Proverbs 21:15

"To those who are ill treated, the Lord brings justice." Psalm 103:6

http://exodusinternational.org/2013/06/exodus-international-to-shut-down/

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

Christian Youth Groups! S.O.S! There's A "GAY" Among Us! (Gilbert's Story)

My first visit to a Protestant Christian (Assembly of God) Evangelical Church was in 1999. I was 18 years old. I remember being slightly offended and creeped out that there was “carpet” inside of a Church. The live band with drums, and the talkative atmosphere lead me to believe that this couldn’t seriously be a place of “worship”. I didn’t see a 50 foot Jesus statue anywhere like I was used to, or a life size marble replica of the Virgin Mary. Surely, these people are NOT giving honor to God in a genuine manner. And look at them... they were too happy! They should be more “respectful”. I also remember when the band began to sing and worship started, being blown away by the lyrics that appeared on the screens. Declarations like, “All I want is you!” and “Take my life, take all of me!” and “I forsake myself and lose myself in your service!” Wow! I remember genuinely thinking, “These people are HARD CORE! They must SO be getting into Heaven! Someone needs to call all the News stations and tell them that this group of people exist! Someone call the news about what is going on in this room right now! I thought, “I can’t wait to see how they live though (that should be the most interesting thing, right?)... and what are they like to talk to?” It didn’t even dawn on me that there was something that I now understand as “playing Church” that goes on in all of the Churches all over the world. This was all new to me. I mean, after all, why would someone throw their arms in the air and sing strong statements like that with their eyes closed in front of God... if they didn’t mean it? Boy, was I in for a culture shock...

I only needed a few visits to Protestant Church before I noticed how unaware I was of the cultural differences between people in my generation that were raised in the Church and those that were not, like myself. I was raised Roman Catholic, but I wasn’t that Catholic. I made my first communion (a Mexican-American right of passage), and went to occasional mass from time to time mostly for Easter and funerals, but I never really “WENT” to Church the way that many Protestant Teenagers my age did every Sunday. During the age of 18,  I was extremely obsessed with Britney Spears. I would sing her songs as I walked around the grocery store and would ask every new person that I met what they thought of her. I was eager to surround myself with people that enjoyed "Brit" and got her brilliance. 

When a Bethel Church convention began to gear into motion the summer of 1999, my Sign Language teacher signed me up and sent me with a youth group from her neighboring Church to Redding, CA to attend. I was surrounded by Christians my own age for the very first time. Since making friends had always come easy to me, I not only got to know a lot of new people quickly, but began to open up about who I was and what my interests and hobbies were to a foreign culture. I was shocked at what I was about to learn. When the Christians heard that I was obsessed with Britney Spears, I immediately was met with concern. "Why do you listen to her?" I was asked. "We aren't allowed to listen to her!" "Her music is of the devil!" “That’s demonic!” "You should stop listening to her, Gilbert!" I was confused. Who wouldn't love the Britney? Now, usually in this kind of situation, I would have laughed it off as "strange, but excusable" and then proceed to tell them as "new friend potential" that not only was I gay but I would probably offer the name of the boy that I was currently crushing on, since I was ALWAYS a hopeless romantic and at that time a little boy crazy... but reveal that info.. I did NOT! See, I was openly gay in my own circle of friends, but because I knew what their "Christian take" on my being gay would be, i decided that I just didn't want to get into it. I had already learned from the media that "Christians" were under the belief that "gays" were sinful people that made a "choice" to live a certain kind of "lifestyle". Yes, “Christians” thought that people chose to be gay, therefore they could “choose” to be straight! Christians called homosexuality a “struggle” but then also an “illness”. Those are two incredibly different things! Which is it? When those theories fell through, understanding one’s self as ‘gay’ was considered an “attack on one’s identity from the enemy”! “Don’t accept that lie over yourself!” they would say. (Ironic, since it requires a great deal of bravery and honesty to admit to being gay in the first place). And finally, just plain, simple “confusion” is what it’s chalked up to in the end. I couldn’t keep up with all the contradicting theories and concepts (“rebellion”, “lack of male attention”, “product of molestation”, etc.) I already knew better, obviously. I mean, how long would you entertain a conversation with someone who is trying to convince you that the world is still flat? Very rarely am I in the mood to bring myself intellectually BACKWARDS! I didn't feel like entering this kind of conversation with people that my mentor had wanted me to get to know and connect with. I wanted to just love them and tried to understand them for where they were at and realized that anyone who was raised in such a sheltered life would naturally have so much left to learn about the real world and it wasn’t okay for me to hold that against them. I, too, knew the pain that came from someone trying to rush me on a journey to understanding. We are all on a journey and we need to allow the process of that journey to unfold for others on their own time... on God’s time. The worst thing you can do is try to rush someone to see something the way that you do, even if you know they will in the end. Be patient. The pace and process of growth in their wisdom is none of your business. I decided to keep my passions (at least on this topic) to myself. So.. unfortunately i did what any other terrified adolescent would have done.. I lied. I lied to their faces when they asked me if I had a girlfriend. "No. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm waiting to marry Britney Spears!" I told them! They laughed it off and changed the subject, but a disheartening thought entered my mind. I remember thinking  "Wow! Look at how much pressure is on a Christian adolescent to have a girlfriend, or boyfriend; someone of the OPPOSITE sex, and to have already come to the understanding that they are "straight" even if they aren't." The "hetero-normative" culture in today’s Church is crushing! If you don't have a girlfriend, as an adolescent male, then something must be wrong with you? What a terrible thing to believe. And this is what it means to be part of a culture that is GODLY? It leaves no room for youth that may still be trying to figure out how they identify with the world, with themselves... romantically, sexually. I was being empathetic on purpose, because selfishly, I had nothing to worry about. I didn't belong to this culture. I didn't consider myself a Christian. I was safe... so to speak. I knew who I was, but I was quickly learning that a lot of youth raised "Christian" didn't. I had open minded friends that supported me and my orientation... these Christian teenagers didn't. I had a close knit group of companions that I could go home to and openly discuss my emotions, my feelings and they would be affirming and understanding, but what about these kids that were RAISED in this culture? Who were THEIR "close group of friends"? Who were their mentors? I was so saddened to realize that there were so many MILLIONS of gay kids growing up that didn't have anyone to talk to about their high school crushes, who they really wanted to marry, who they were maybe even falling in love with. There are millions of gay youth growing up in the Church that aren’t allowed to be themselves.

I never felt comfortable in Church services when I would go with my former Sign Language Teacher and friend Cheryl Perez. I was always scared thinking “what would the people in this room think of me if they knew that I was gay?” It was a very valid question and one that I have learned today still carries a lot of relevance. I have noticed, for some reason, the topic of homosexuality in the Church around the world still brings out the worst in the Christian Church. For years the Bible has been misused to vilify the left handed, blacks, women, the deaf, Jews, and now the oppression against the LGBT community. The death dealt to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people of God is the current most powerful social injustice, ironically (once again) bred by the Church, propagated by the Church, and enforced by the Church. It is the biggest reason the world currently wants nothing to do with the Church, because on THIS issue... the world already knows better. May God show the Church the blood on Her hands that She may repent and be part of the solution instead of the problem.

"The greatest injustice in our world is how easy it would be for God's children to fix it and we haven't." - Caroline Barnett

[gilbertgonzalezjr]

The Easter Sunday morning of March 31, 2013 started off great! A group of us that belong to a Bible Study all decided to go visit some of our Home Churches for the Easter Sunday Celebration. We decided to attend 3 different services at 3 different Churches. CARAVAN!!!! 

The first stop? Gilbert’s home Church: The Los Angeles Dream Center at Angelus Temple. 

We packed in the car and arrived to an AWESOME Church set-up! The stage looked like the Pirates of Caribbean from Disneyland. The service had pirate actors, explosions, pyro-technics, and Matthew Barnett (dressed as a pirate complete with celebrity monkey and everything) took the pulpit and delivered one of the most amazing sermons ever about what REAL treasure is… Jesus! 

Next we were on our way to Ray and Joe’s home Church: Reality LA in Hollywood.

We met up with one of my associate Christian buddies Mitch Miller and had one of the most explosive heart sobbing worship experiences ever. I was crying so hard, I could barely breathe. The service was about the the BELIEF in the Resurrection. It was SO good. Ahh!! Goosebumps!

Next we had lunch at Birds in Hollywood. Of course, I had fish (because it’s Easter), but the restaurant lived up to it’s name since immediately after paying we found and fell in love with a parrot on the way to the car. A BIRD! Tika was her name!

It was then that we went to the last service of the night where the heartbreak happend. Aaron’s Church Oasis LA in Hollywood on Wilshire Blvd. 

The service started out ON FIRE! The worship was great! Then the Pastor took the pulpit and it just kind of came apart. He tried to refer to Scripture about why Easter was so important, only to follow with a story about his marriage and all it’s early problems. It wasn’t seeming to come together. He said that it was his 9th service of the day, so maybe he was tired. Even so, he asked the worship team to play when he then began to deliver “prophetic words” into the audience. 

A man called out and said that he had pain in his shoulder. Pastor Phillip responded and asked the man if he believed that Jesus could heal him. The man agreed and the whole congregation prayed over the man. The man would come to announce near the end of the night, that his arm and shoulder felt “much better’.

Pastor Phillip Wagner then pointed at my friend Aaron while Aaron was praying in the middle of the audience (on his knees) near the alter. Noticing Aaron’s lips moving, Pastor Wagner stopped what he was saying and told Aaron to immediately “stop praying”. It was very awkward as it was while the worship band was playing.

Pastor Phillip was walking around the stage still trying to give at least one “prophetic word”. The music was loud and his mic was even louder, yet the whispers of a gay man sitting in front of him praying seemed to be too much for Pastor Wagner to bear. It should be noted that Pastor Phillip wasn’t able to connect with anyone before this point on the night. He kept calling out names of people “God was giving him” that were supposedly out in the audience and yet, no one was responding. He kept making claims that somebody in the audience has a tumor that needs healing, or a someone just found out they have cancer and their healing is happening today. No one responded. You could almost hear crickets. He seemed frustrated and desperate to prove that he had prophetic power, but he was just maybe having an “off” day.

Now, it should be explained that there is a LOT of tension between Aaron and Pastor Phillip. Aaron is one of the most faithful members of the congregation and is totally in love with Jesus Christ. I know this because I happen to know Aaron personally. The pastor knows Aaron is gay and there lies the problem. The pastor does not approve of gay people. Pastor Philip, from the pulpit has made claims that gay people are actually just straight people who have something called “homosexual addiction” that needs to be and can be “cured”. I won’t even begin to get into the lack of logic there, but tonight, from the pulpit, he began to speak a “word” over Aaron saying that he was “sexually confused” and that Aaron was “sexually broken because he must have been molested by his father in the dark!” A ludicrous, untrue, and unwelcomed claim! Aaron didn’t ask for a “word”. In fact he didn’t even know that Pastor Phillip was speaking to him until he peeked up from where he was bowing; confused at what was coming out of the Pastor’s mouth.

My friend Aaron Crowley released this statement via his Facebook shortly after: 

It breaks my heart to need to apologize to my friends because of something my pastor says. Although I don't always agree with him, I still respect him - but if my friends are so offended that they have to walk out, and if I feel him calling me out from worshipping my God when I know the Holy Spirit is using me before him, that just sets a fire in my soul that God is igniting even hotter. Father, lead me as I know you have called me to lead them.

These are the kind of situations that go on all over the world and it makes my blood boil! So many Church leaders THEMSELVES are confused about what it actually means to be gay and then they spread these disgusting lies as if they are “God’s truth” on the subject. This is why so many Pastor’s kids and children that grow up in the Church are terrified to come to terms with their same sex orientations and either run from the Church or take their own lives or WORSE.. marry women hoping that they will change and try to “fake” a heterosexual existence. It’s layers and layers of denial and delusion and this is why the Church has no power. I know that helping to solve this is the call on my life, but man it’s hard even when I know it’s coming! We had brought a group of friends with us that wanted to check out our home Churches and NOW all of them are furious. One even walked out. For a few, this was their first (and last) time going to a Church like this. The world doesn’t want to hear about Jesus and it’s because of teachings like this. It’s not the devil or the world that is keeping people from wanting to know God, it is the fault of the Church herself. The Church is destroying the Gospel.