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hmm its like I crave some type of eternal and brutal punishment but I'm not exactly sure for what

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Hey you. remember this.

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Czeslaw Milosz, New and Collected Poems: 1931-2001

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the overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes when someone treats me with kindness

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I was, in fact, not being a little bitch - it was too much!! Quit my job and now doing trauma therapy after an almost 4 month long admission 🤙

not to be a lil bitch about it but fuck it's hard work having a full time job & also a head filled full time with trauma responses

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trying your best does not mean putting an unbearable amount of strain on yourself.

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i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

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I just think it’s important to understand that “you’re always going to be mentally ill” isn’t the same thing as “you’re always going to be unhappy”

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Another piece of diet culture to unlearn: that eating an "unhealthy" food negates the benefits of other nutritious things you've eaten. Put bacon and ranch on your salad? Congratulations, you still got a lot of fiber, that's great for your gut biome, and the veggies still contain nutrients. Finished up your dinner with a dessert? You still ate the dinner. You don't have to eat "pure" to take in nutrition from your meals.

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I wish eating disorder recovery didn't make me feel like such a little bitch.

Like sorry I'm so whiny, you see I intentionally broke my brain as a teenager for some sense of poetic meaning except unfortunately (fortunately) I didn't die and now I have break downs when I am denied snacks

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I'm starting to fuck everything up again and I can't stop myself

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Be proud of yourself for how hard you are trying.