gracelessnight

[gracelessnight]

"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real ?"

–Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953).

[gracelessnight]

i suppose i’m simply a graveyard of unspoken words

[gracelessnight]

there is just something so volatile about mothers and their first-born daughters

[gracelessnight]

back on this little app, curled in my familiar corner because i am, once again, weary of the life i’ve been made to live

[gracelessnight]

Maybe all we ever wanted was to just express ourselves.

[gracelessnight]

Cast To Sea

To be alone.

To be alone and to be lone.

To be I who is made of stone,

I who was cast upon the sea by hands of common glow.

To be me yet not to roam,

But just to ebb along the darkened waves to lands unknown.

To forever wonder what life was like when water never flowed.

To forever wonder if I’ll find another in this land of sinking stones.

[gracelessnight]

“You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated so that people can say ‘Wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.” ― Warsan Shire

[gracelessnight]

you’re the echo i listen out for every day; i call and i pray that it’s you who answers

how strange it is, for someone to exist where they are, yet with you. how a certain scent reminds you of how a friend used to bake their cookies, how distant laughter sends your head instinctively turning. how my senses were taught to alert me of you even when you’re so far gone, like a dog sitting at a train station day after day, awaiting its owner who might never come home.

[gracelessnight]

Anne Sexton, from “Leaves That Talk,” in The Complete Poems

[text ID: Yes. / It’s May 20th and the leaves, / green, green, wearing their masks / and speaking, calling out their Sapphic loves, / are here — here — here —]

[gracelessnight]

aLMOST TWO ENTIRE YEARS OF THIS POST BEIN UP AND ONLY NOW IM FINDING OUT THAT I SPELT LIGHTHOUSE WRONG??😭😭😭

to finding;

hands reaching out towards each other in the depths of the sea, a lone lighthouse standing in the midst of the ocean, waves that roar and grow only taller, the sea spray and the salty breeze kissing your face, odd things washing up onto shore, letters written in cursive and effortless script, beholding the words of a lover.

[gracelessnight]

oh do excuse me, i have been overcome with an inescapable bout of yearning

[gracelessnight]

“the road which leads me to you is safe even when it runs into oceans.”

- edmond jabès

[gracelessnight]

thanks for tuning into existential brain spiral! previously, we had ‘i am yearning for escapism’! next up, we have ‘i despise physical touch but i crave affection’, ‘will i ever truly be loved’, and ‘can i and will i let myself be loved?’! tonight we have a special bonus episode: ‘will i ever be okay with vulnerability without cringing myself into a black hole’!

[gracelessnight]

how strange it is, for someone to exist where they are, yet with you. how a certain scent reminds you of how a friend used to bake their cookies, how distant laughter sends your head instinctively turning. how my senses were taught to alert me of you even when you’re so far gone, like a dog sitting at a train station day after day, awaiting its owner who might never come home.

[gracelessnight]

how funny it is that i romanticise love yet fear the vulnerability that entails it..

[gracelessnight]

there is something so beautiful about hearing people speak in their first language, their mother tongue. it’s as if you’re hearing them truly speak for the first time and suddenly you see rolling fields, cliffs and mountains, wind running through a forest. every day i wish that i could understand every language of the universe so that it can be more than music to my ears.

[gracelessnight]

“I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days. And thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.”

— Unknown