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Id(l)es of April

The following threads will be archived for lack of activity on the 15th unless I hear from my co-authors

@themillslife

Fate Is A Bitch

As always, if my co-writers wish to resume a thread at a later date, they need only let me know. 

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reginaqueenmills:

Regina grinned and even chuckled at Emma’s words but it was more about just how adorable she was.  She licked her lips and looked for a few glasses.  A few doors opened and closed until she found what she was looking for and then she moved back to where Emma was seated on the couch.  “Actually, I meant glasses, but I found them alright,” she explained in her more soothing voice and came around the couch to sit down. “I think I might have just what you need.”  Regina lifted her hand and on it formed a bottle of red wine from a swirl of purple magic.  Her smile came as she looked to Emma.

Emma half turned her head, her eyes turning the rest of the way to give the bottle a once over and then her head turned a little more so that she could squint at Regina. “Just in case, you are Regina right? Not her other half in disguise as part of some nefarious plan to make my night worse that it already is? Because I really don’t have the strength to deal with any Evil Queens right now.”

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Emma pulled a face at Regina’s unfinished sentence -- not quite a wince but close enough to see that she wasn’t ready to talk it, even with Regina. 

“Over there.” she nodded towards a cabinet against the far wall as she sank back onto the couch, feet together, knees apart, and arms half folded across her chest. “And technically you’re my guest so I think it’s still supposed to be my job.” 

A small smile caught between bitter and sad briefly pulled at her lips. “Now if you brought something to drink, it might be the other way around.” Emma  untangled her arms as she reached for the remote control. The tv cracked to life and she began aimlessly flicking through the channels as she waited for Regina to join her. 

“Well, thank you,” she reply with a small nod of her head and then she walked in past Emma.  The blonde headed for the couch and Regina shrugged and followed her.  “Isn’t that mind job?  To offer you a drink?  After all, you are the one going through…”  Regina paused and looked into Emma’s face. Her shoulders fell with her out breath.  “Where do you keep your stuff?” Regina hoped that Emma would let her help, but, if she didn’t, it wouldn’t really surprise her.

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continued from here

reginaqueenmills

“Hi,” she said quickly while smiling in that lovely way that she did. Regina was far different than the night they had first met. Her eyes held a softness now. “I was worried about you. As a friend…” she added, “and as family. I heard what happened and I told Snow that it might be better if I came to check on you. There’s not same…well let’s put is it way, not as much sugar coated words.” Regina licked lips and her right eyebrow arched in that knowing way. “Do mind if I come in?”

@reginaqueenmills

So much had changed between them since the night they first met, the night she drove Henry back to Storybrooke after he’d show up outside her apartment, the night she’d gotten her first glance at the life her son had without her and the woman who’d adopted him. And somewhere in all of that change, they’d become friends. True, neither of them were they type to really open up but they had; at first from necessity but that two had changed over the years and now Regina was one of the few people -- maybe the only person -- she felt she could open up. And as evidenced by Regina’s comment about her mother’s saccharine speech impediment, Regina understood her even without Emma having to say anything. 

Which was why, as much as she wanted to be alone right now, Emma answered with a shrugged, “Yeah.”, the door left open for Regina as she turned and headed back to her couch. “You want anything to drink?”

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Regina knocked on Emma's door. She had heard of what had happened to Hook and she wanted to check on her.

Emma closed her eyes – not that she needed to stare at the ceiling anymore since she’d long since memorized every inch of it – and silently wished for whoever it was to just go away. Especially if it was her mother. The thought of having to deal with Snow’s overly hopeful demeanour draining away what little emotional strength remained after hours of trying to come to terms with Hook leaving her. 

But she also know that whoever it was wasn’t likely to leave without some sort of reply. And for all she knew this visitor had nothing to do with her love life at all. They might be seeking out the Sheriff or the saviour, or more likely both and that… that Emma could use. Something to distract herself even if it was likely to try to kill her. 

With a heavy sigh she rolled off the couch and onto her feet, pausing only long enough to take a quick stretch before she slouched over to the door. Another pause as she straightened her back and tried to martial her expression into something more welcoming than she felt like being. 

“Hel- Regina?”

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reginaqueenmills:

Regina’s smile came easier when Emma told her to surprise her.  It was that familiar grin that would let the blonde know so much more.  “I can’t surprise when you know what you like and I make it for you,” she replied and pulled a loaf of bread from the counter tossing it at the blonde. “Butter the bread,” she told her with a smirk.  Regina turned and pulled out a flat skillet and turned on the stove top. She walked over to the other side of the kitchen and pulled out a bag of salt and vinegar chips. 

The knot in her gut eased slightly, not enough for her to ignore it, but enough for the faint grin on her lips to grow a little stronger as she got up to get a butter knife. 

Her eyes kept drifting to Regina as she set about buttering four slices of bread, partly to check for any sign that Regina wasn’t as okay with all of this as she made it seem, partly because Emma had always found it hard not to look at Regina, and partly to probe at her own feelings; imagining not just Regina in the kitchen with her but a child -- several in point of fact, ranging from a few months to the age Henry had been when he’d showed up at her apartment in Boston, male and female, blonde, brunette, and somewhere in between -- long after she’d completed the task Regina had given her.

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reginaqueenmills:

Regina blinked once and smiled a little.  “But I don’t mind making something.  I mean,” she paused and glanced over at the clock near the oven, shrugging.  “…it’s not that early in the morning for something to eat.  Henry is at Snow’s soo we won’t wake him.  Why don’t you just let me make you something.  It will help you and me, if you like…hmmm?”

Emma turned back around with a slow ease that wasn’t quite as nonchalant as it, or she, wanted it to appear. She wasn’t going to complain about Regina wanting to cook for her -- on the contrary, on any other day she’d be far more likely to protest the opposite -- but Emma felt her stomach knot at the thought of Regina going out of her way to take care of her after she’d all but shot down any hop Regina had for a future full of the pitter patter of little mills-swans. 

Guilt sucked. 

But that same knot kept Emma from protesting the offer; if it made Regina happy, who was she to say no.

“Sure.” A small smile bent her lips. “Surprise me?”

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themillslife:

♚ @sheriffsaviour​

The clear air hit her face and Regina inhaled, filling her lungs with the fresh air. Raising Henry made her close to someone outside of her family and whom she considered her whole world now. She couldn’t imagine her life without the boy, despite his tendency to run. She didn’t understand his need to see her biological mother and maybe it was because of her fear of losing him. Yes, that should be it. 

But showing him that Emma and she were in good speaking terms it might have the desired effect. Surely, if Emma was to just disappear Henry would follow her again. And maybe that dinner would show him just how better he is with Regina. 

“I think the dinner at the mansion is better idea. You are the outsider stepping into our home and it would be easier for him to understand that.” It was a bit harsh, she had to admit, but it should achieve its purpose. 

“Where would you like to be before dinner time?” The need to know and control everything was taking over again. Maybe the fresh air had destroyed the awkward tension between them.

♚ @themillslife​

Outsider.

Yeah, that was her alright. Always had been, always would be. How could she be anything else when even her own parents hadn’t wanted her around. When none of the families the system had ever stuck her with had wanted her -- not enough to actually keep her, anyway -- what more could she be than an outsider stepping into someone else’s home.

That had been her biggest fear when the thought of putting Henry up for adoption had first popped into her head all those years ago, that he’d end up just like her, an outsider with no family, no friends, no roots. If it hadn’t been for Ryan -- though she hadn’t know it at the time -- she might not have given Henry up after all but knowing there was a family out there, someone who wanted to look after her little boy, to make him a part of their family, to give him everything she’d never had... that made the choice easier. 

Not easy, never easy. But at least she could live with herself knowing her son would have a better life than she ever did, that he’d belong somewhere.

So if being an outsider was what it took to make the kid realize how much better off he was without her, it was a part she’d happily play. Even if it wasn’t the only part she’d ever known.

Of course non of that stopped Emma’s face from tightening at the word, or helped the smile she forced to her lips look any more natural. 

The follow up question had a noticeable, but different, effect on Emma’s expression as well; her brow wrinkled as she tried to work out why he cared where she spent her time between now and dinner. 

“Probably the B and B.” She replied with a shrug. “When’s dinner.”

♚ fate is a bitch ♚

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reginaqueenmills:

By the time Emma came down to the kitchen, Regina had already started water for tea and had set out two mugs.  She heard the blonde’s steps and glanced over at her, even smiling a little.  Regina didn’t hate her and she wasn’t mad at her for being afraid.  What she hated was that she couldn’t stop from being disappointed.  She chided herself and bit her tongue because now, perhaps now just had not been the right time to ask or rather…throw it on the blonde.  Regina turned to the sink and stared down into it, pressing her lips together.  She was sorry, but she didn’t really know how to say it without sounded like she wasn’t.

Emotions were not her strong point and she knew that Emma knew that coming into all of this.  She hoped that she wouldn’t hold that against her or beat her own self up to much for Regina’s lack of emotional control.  “Did you want anything to eat?  I know it is late, but I don’t mind heating some leftovers up if that is what you wanted,” she said, turning around once she was able to smile a little easier.  God, why was this so hard?  She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck.  Were they going to get past this?  Regina met eyes face and internally worried.

She was starving even without taking into account the calories the two of them had burned off before their... conversation had killed the mood but Emma had been through enough foster homes were being hungry was the norm for her not to know how to hide that fact if she had to. 

The question was, did she have to. Was hiding anything from Regina -- especially something so simple and pointless -- a good idea or would it only lead to more trouble later, more hurt feelings? 

Emma ran her fingers through her hair.

“I could eat.” She turned towards the fridge. “But you don’t need to do anything.”

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ooc:

I know I’ve been a terrible Mun of late (and longer, apologies for both by the way) but as some of you may know I’ve been struggling with my Emma Muse for a while (my Regina, however, has never felt stronger) so I’m left with a choice to make; I can either continue on here, hoping that my Emma muse will come back sooner rather than later, or, I can put this account on hiatus (indefinitely) -- which isn’t my first choice as I’ve been fortunate enough to write with some truly amazing people through this account but is, perhaps, the fairest to those amazing writers I’m still, technically, writing with... in theory at least.

I hope to have a decision made one way or the other soon but for now I wanted to let anyone still following me here to know what’s going on and to thank (again) all the wonderful Muns I’ve written with and which, I hope, I will get to write with again, either through this Muse or another in the future. 

Thank you. 

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reginaqueenmills:

“Take your time,” she said as she was heading down the hall.  “The tea will take a few moments to make…”  There was a touch of sadness within Regina’s voice.  Regina hit the top landing to the stairs, pausing and glanced over her shoulder.  She could hear Emma moving around, so she wouldn’t notice her absence for a brief moment.  Regina disappeared in her purple cloud of smoke and reappeared in her study.  She walked to the farthest bookcase and pulled out one of the thickest books; a fake book.  She opened it and inside was a vile that she had made a while ago, in hopes that things would change and might be able to have a baby of her own.  

It was a backup plan and she knew only had a small percentage of working to reverse her own curse. Without any hesitation. she opened the small lid and brought the bottle to her lips.  Regina closed her eyes and swallowed.  It just had to work.

Emma paused in pushing herself off the mattress, her ears too familiar with Regina’s voice -- and too alert after her fuck up earlier -- to not pick up the dejection in the other woman’s voice. She let out a sigh as she looked over her shoulder at the mess of sheets and considered crawling back under them before she gave her head a shake and pushed herself to her feet. 

She would do anything to give Regina her happy ending, she’d dedicated herself to that goal long before she and Regina had become lovers, long before either of them had ever admitted they wanted to and her dedication was no less today than the day she’d first uttered the words through the closed door that separated them that night. At least she thought she was until tonight but as much as she wanted to give Regina her happily ever after, as much as she loved her, as much as she loved that Regina and Henry were her family the thought of having another kid -- especially with the parade of life and death situations that seemed to fill her life almost every week since she’d first crossed the town line -- scared her. Henry was amazing, yes, and she couldn’t ask for a better son but she knew that was all Regina. What if she wasn’t any good at being a mom. What if she screwed up so bad the kid spent the rest of his or her life hating her. What if she did that and Regina left her because she was such a disaster as a mom?

The worst part was she knew she was being stupid. If Regina could turn out a kid like Henry while she was still technically the Evil Queen, then there was no way the both of them together couldn’t do just as good. Not with how much they loved each other. And yet Emma couldn’t shake the fear off, just push it away. So on top of feeling scared, and feeling like an idiot for feeling scared, she felt like shit for failing Regina in keeping the biggest promise she’d ever made to her. 

“idiot.” She mumbled to herself as she picked through her clothes for a t shirt and a change of pants -- a pair of faded-from-use-jogging pants in this case. Once dressed she ducked into the bathroom to use the mirror as she finger-combed her hair into some semblance of order, ending with another sigh as she studied her reflection.

“You can do this Emma. You can do this because you’ll be doing it with her and you love her and she loves you back so stop being stupid and go tell her you’re all in.”

Her reflection did not seem as inspired by her speech as Emma had hoped and with one last pass of her fingers through her hair, she left to join Regina in the kitchen. 

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Emma considered a pout to try and change Regina’s mind but only for a moment before she discarded the idea; emotional blackmail, even for a sandwich, was the last thing either of them needed right now. “Fine. But I’m gonna need a minute to find something to wear that doesn’t involve me taking a shower first.”

Regina paused at the door and huffed a laugh.  “You come and get your own snacks.  I am most definitely not a delivery service.  Come with me,” she added, giving the blonde a face.  She smirked a little.  “Of course you don’t mind when I punish you…but get off that pretty ass of yours and come with me.  I am making tea, to relax.  You make can make yourself snacks…okay?”

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reginaqueenmills:

“Well, if it couldn’t…then what are we all working so hard for?” As much as she smiled, there was pain behind her eyes. There was guilt for asking and guilt for making Emma feel so bad. There was confusion and understanding and there was defeat. Regina shook her head and sighed to relax herself. She lifted her hands in the air. “Let’s just forget about it. I don’t want you to think on it for another moment and I won’t bring it up. I am…” Regina frowned and licked her lips. “…going to go make some tea. If you want some fine…of not, you can stay in bed and rest.” She smiled and leaned forward, placing a kiss upon Emma’s lips and then slipped from the bed. She found her robe and put it on, wrapping herself snuggly within it. Regina ran her fingers through her dark hair and paused at the door. She met the blonde’s eyes. “If you blame yourself for any of this, I will punish you. It won’t be pretty,” she warning with a smirk.

A small smile tugged at Emma’s mouth. “Please, as long as I’m involved it’ll be beautiful.” She teased back, partly to hide the very thoughts that Regina had just warned her against but mostly in the hope of shifting the mood between them. “Plus, you know I don’t mind when you punish me.” An eyebrow rose suggestively as her smile grew a little wider. “But... since you’re heading to the kitchen anyway, I wouldn’t say no to some snacks.”

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themillslife:

Regina swallowed hard. She didn’t remember taking so long to change few shirts but then again she wasn’t Emma. She had to admit that even as women they were completely different and couldn’t be compared. Even more so now when Regina was in man’s body. 

The positive thing about waiting was that she didn’t have to hide behind dressers anymore. She had taken back the control over her body that seemed to have a mind of its own whenever Emma was around. Maybe the idea of having her staying here for a little longer wasn’t such a great idea but it was for Henry’s best and Regina was ready to do anything about the boy. Even if that meant being in her company. 

Her thought were interrupted by the voice of the said woman. A smile graced the beard covered lips, once Regina took in the attire that Emma has chosen. It was simple, yet very form-fitting. But then again Emma’s body was athletic one and she knew that the clothes would always look good on the blonde. 

“Yeah…” She cleared her throat. “I just need to pay and we are out of here.” She moved towards the register and pulled out her wallet from the inside of her her jacket. Once everything was paid she turned to Emma. “Do you think dinner at the mansion is good idea? To show Henry that we are getting along and that he doesn’t need to run after you? Or should we go to a restaurant?” She wondered out loud while heading towards the door. Regina stopped just to open it for Emma.

@themillslife

“Uhm...” Emma subconsciously hugged her old outfit against her stomach as she tried to come up with an answer. The idea of sticking around in the town until dinner had never crossed her mind; the sooner she got back to her real life and away from the awkwardness that was being around her ex -- not that she and Ryan had been together long enough for him to really be an ex -- the better, right?

But... he had a point. The whole reason she was still here now and hadn’t put Storybrooke in her rearview mirror already was to make sure that Henry didn’t go chasing after her.

Then again... Dinner together, just the three of them, at home... that might be a bit too... domestic. Might give the kid ideas they were all better off not having. The last thing she or Ryan wanted was Henry thinking he could get his parents back together.

Right?

Emma swallowed, then shook her head as she ducked past Ryan and out the open door. “I’m good with whatever. The important thing is that Henry gets the message that he can’t do something like this again.” She shrugged her shoulders as she waited for Ryan to join her on the sidewalk. “You know him better than I do so... whatever you think will work best.”

♚ fate is a bitch ♚

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reginaqueenmills:

Regina nodded and squeezed one of Emma’s shoulders.  She understood…of course, but the disappointment was hard to hide. She breathed out slowly and then pulled Emma in for a hug.  “I love you too and I know you are sorry.  We…will…just have to find…another way.  Right?  That’s what we do…” she calmly said against Emma’s shoulder as her own chin rested upon it.   Regina remained there for a time and then when she felt she could, parted and dropped her gaze.  “I guess I should have used a different approach, I don’t know. I am not good with anything relationship wise.  All I do know is that I know how to…keep going…”

A soft laugh tinged with sadness left Emma. “Ditto.” She reached out for Regina’s hand. “Guess that makes us perfect for each other, two damaged sides of the same coin.” It was meant as a joke but the moment the words left Emma’s mouth she regretted them.

“I mean-” she pushed herself up before reaching again for Regina’s hand. “I meant- I don’t think you’re damaged, Regina. You’re incredible and I want to give you everything that no one else ever did or tried to.” She dropped her chin to her chest, her free hand brushing her tangle of blonde locks back off her forehead before she looked up again. “Your approach wasn’t wrong. I just... wasn’t ready for it. And we will find a way, ‘Gina. I promise.” 

A half smile, as nervous as it was hopeful, pulled back the corners of Emma’s mouth. “True love can do anything, right?”

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themillslife:

♚ @sheriffsaviour

Regina saw the exchanged and frowned. What in the world was happening with Emma? Was she always like this when shopping? So not able to decide a simple thing? She seemed pretty easy to decide to sleep with her ten years ago. 

Was she making her nervous? 

Regina shook his head and looked down at the slacks before her. there was no way she was making the blonde feel anything other than hatred and irritation. Sadly, he had to accept the reality. Emma was just like her usual self when  shopping. There was nothing more. 

Swallowing hard she turn around towards the changing room where Emma headed to. She had no rights here. All Regina could do now is pay and then wait for Emma to leave the town. 

Emma didn’t consider herself shy, private, yes, reserved, sure, but not shy. But knowing that Ryan was just a few feet away and knowing that he knew that she was just a few feet away undressing herself, made Emma more self conscious than she could remember being for a very long time. And that made her nervous. And that made her fingers fumble with the various zippers and buttons she had to deal with in changing outfits which only made her more self conscious, setting up a vicious cycle that had her off balance -- literally -- and stumbling into the wall of the change room. 

At least it wasn’t the door. She wasn’t sure she’d survive Ryan catching her half naked.

Emma clamped down on that thought as quickly as she could but not soon enough to stop herself from catching  flush of pink spread across her cheeks in mirror bolted to one wall of the small room.

A heavy huff left Emma as she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her back to the mirror, her self imposed darkness enough to get her fingers working with her instead of against in getting the last of her new clothing secured in place. 

With hHer old clothes rolled into a ball tucked against her side, Emma stepped out of the change room and made her way over to Ryan. “We good here?” She asked while avoiding his eye.

♚ fate is a bitch ♚

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‘I’m not worried’ made it as far as Emma’s throat before she swallowed them. She wasn’t sure what she was right now other than relieved that Regina wasn’t throwing her out -- or worse, walking out -- and trying to convince either of them that she was anything more than confused wouldn’t do either of them any good. 

Regina was right about that much. 

A heavy sigh made its way past Emma’s lips as she put her hand over Regina’s and pulled Regina’s arm tighter. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “And I love you.”

“You can’t break it. Not like you think. I used magic on me, against me to hurt my mother and I am sure it is unbreakable. I am being very clear Emma. Listen, it’s ok. I am not upset with you, I am not going to leave you, and we should just get some rest. Okay? Talking about this further makes you uncomfortable and it just…I do not want that. I have lost so much in my long life.” Regina touched the blonde’s hair, then her cheek. She smiled to show that she meant every word. Emma was pressed to hee side as she closed her eyes. Her other hand rested on her stomach. “I guess I never had any idea that you would be so bothered by the idea. Not in a bad way but so worried, I guess.”